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The bottom line with bottoms/submissives (femininity & promiscuity): stick your responses in here

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September 2, 2015
3 upvotes

TL;DR Can a bottom be too loose for a guy's interest, or is it just paranoia and chin-stroking AltTRPing? Take my survey and be a 15 year old on livejournal again!

Objective: Sexual strategy for bottoms/subs; bottoms/subs knowing what practices/revelations/image works in their best favor in the sexual marketplace.

In this sub (lol pun) we inevitably come into conversation or light disputes about the nature of bottoms or whoever is subservient in a sexual/romantic relationship with another guy, whether it's about femininity turn-offs, sexual strategy, promiscuity etc. If gay tops can follow TRP and be relatively okay, is bottom game much like Red Pill Women, or is it more like TRP with a twist? Are gay bottoms for the most part much like women who want to secure a top in an LTR, or is variation from that pattern large and across the board? How does promiscuity come into play, whether the practice or revelation of it to potential top-partners fucks it all up? In my writings I usually write from what I feel in the moment with a guy or see, but for this post I'm interested in others' perceptions of bottom/submissive behavior, whether you're a top or bottom or neither or trans etc.

Survey below, I really want to hear all of your answers. This is a great opportunity for bottoms/subs to figure out their sexual strategy!

Questions are organized by "for tops" and "for bottoms" but I know some people like myself 'swing both ways' in terms of being dom/sub in a relationship and there is some agreement that we all have the potential for either depending on the other guy. Some questions are also just not applicable if you said yes/no to the previous. So if some questions don't apply to you, feel free to glaze over.

THE HEADIEST SURVEY STARTS HERE (use formatting to denote the question from your answer, or delete my text and answer in a complete sentence YOU GAYS)

Open with: sex/gender, relationship status, age, country if you're cool with it, what your face/body's like (with 1-10 ratings everyone thinks they're a 7/8 so meh but you can do those too), sexual/romantic experience, bottom/top/sub, rich or poor, are you often the initiator in your casual/non-casual relationships texting hotties on grindr or wait for them to come to you? plus any relevant stuff that would be interesting to know.

Optional vent: off the top of your head, your general thoughts on bottoms. If that's too frustratingly vague, what do you feel about the slutty ones? If you're a bottom how do you feel about your slutiness/non-slutiness? (This might answer the whole survey. It won't hurt my feelings if you just post this.)

In general in life are you looking for / interested in finding: LTR or casual sex? or what exactly?

The following 2 questions are turn-offs regarding: meeting at a club/bar

  1. You meet a guy at a club/bar. Do you automatically disqualify him from LTR / taking him seriously beyond a one night stand? Can you think of a time this situation played out?

  2. Hey tops You meet a bottom at a club/bar. Automatic disqualification from LTR / taking him seriously beyond a one night stand? Can you think of a time this situation played out?

Following 2 questions are turn-offs regarding: promiscuity

  1. Hey tops You are in an LTR as a top/dom with a bottom/sub and find out he has a high partner count. He wasn't keeping it a secret; it just hadn't been brought up until now. Does this turn you on/off/neutral? If you're turned off, is it jealousy, or him becoming less sexy in your eyes? If it turns you on or you don't care, why might that be?

  2. Hey tops You're a top dating a bottom. He has a low partner count, or you never asked and assume this. (If you would never assume this, then assume he lied or you are somehow convinced he has a low partner count.) Feel that feel. Ok. Secretly he has a high partner count. Do you think this would inevitably show in his behavior / your relationship? (Not counting inevitability of anecdotes from the past coming up.)

Rest of survey

  1. Hey tops True/false: You only want to date a bottom/sub if he is masculine, that is, if you can't necessarily tell he's gay by his behavior. (Gay club attendance doesn't count as behavior; speech/gestures and maybe clothes do.)

  2. Hey tops True/false: You only want to have sex with a bottom/sub if he is masculine, that is, if you can't necessarily tell he's gay by his behavior. (Gay club attendance doesn't count as behavior; speech/gestures and maybe clothes do.)

  3. Hey tops An attractive bottom has sex with you after some conversation at a bar/club/grindr. He wants a good time and is a good sport and doesn't seem to be clingy or seeking a relationship. Does him having sex with you the same night a) turn you off romantically, b) make you certain you wouldn't date him, c) make you lose respect for him / see less of him as a person? (Not in conversation but privately in your mind.) Mark all that apply, betch.

  4. Hey bottoms do you have dating/relationship-pursuit game? if so what is it? do you have in-a-relationship game? if so what is it? do you have casual sex game? if so what is it? HOW do you feel about hard to get?

  5. Hey tops how do you feel about hard to get, coming from you to a bottom or a bottom to you?

  6. Hey bottoms (guys who get fucked by dicks): are you promiscuous? If so do you think it's due to horniness, or a need for validation/love? Are there tops you have regular sex with (like plates)? Do you call them or do they call you or both? If you're not promiscuous how come and how's that turning out? Do you think a bottom with a low partner count is something to envy / an ideal, or a random decision, or sad self-deprivation? (I'm sure we're all in favor of everyone doing their own thing, but how do they strike you in your gut? Give me a redneck opinion.)

  7. Hey bottoms: are you feminine and if so how much and how does it show? Do you think it affects sex/relationships, either or neither? Do you think it's a statement, who you are, or habit? Are you masculine? Naturally or by practice? If by practice what were your methods? How masculine and how does it show? Do you think it affects sex/relationships, either or neither? Do you think it's a statement, who you are, or habit?

  8. Hey tops (bottom-daters/fuckers): describe an ideal bottom to date. an ideal bottom one night stand. an ideal bottom LTR (same as date? ~only u know~). (this question might answer everything. then you can leave gay sex class early! ohhh yeaaaaah....don't stop)

  9. Hey tops: you find out casually in conversation with a bottom-plate that said bottom who you're casually fucking on Thursdays is also getting fucked by another casual guy on Tuesdays. Insert your feelings: caring, not caring etc. Do you generally make clear you wanna be the only fucker in a bottom's life once you do it regularly? Do you have a system where you fuck a lot of bottoms but make sure none of them cuck you? (Please no keyboard fantasies.) Do you find that bottoms are generally thirsty for LTRs, with you or in general? Feelings on plating: do you only plate bottoms you are sure are sluts, or plate any hottie who will take the offer, but hold guys who refuse to be plated in higher esteem?

  10. Hey tops: What dating/sex advice would you give to bottoms that they don't know but that they would wanna hear? Is 'being seen as a slut' a big no-no for bottoms? If it's a big no-no, is it a no-no IN GENERAL for reputation/status or just if they want an LTR? If a bottom was getting fucked on the regularly by many dicks but kept it quiet, do you think a relationship down the line could work out for said bottom, or that they are emotionally ruined ass-flowers?

  11. Hey gays: did the question that started "hey bottoms" leave a bad taste in your mouth when you read the part about having a lot of sex or plates who are tops, and if so is it because of how you'd feel about sexing/dating such a bottom, or, imagining your status going down as a result of being a promiscuous bottom?

  12. General thoughts on shame of bottoming/subbing, promiscuity aside. "It's 2015!" is an acceptable answer.

  13. We're not talking about tops' promiscuity much in this survey. Does this drive you crazy? Is this unfair or right on? If unfair and we're missing opportunity for discussion, how's that?


Post Information
Title The bottom line with bottoms/submissives (femininity & promiscuity): stick your responses in here
Author should_
Upvotes 3
Comments 2
Date 02 September 2015 10:42 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit altTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/163375
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/altTRP/comments/3jcb0t/the_bottom_line_with_bottomssubmissives/
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Comments

[–]should_[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

male single 24 usa handsome slim putting on muscle, lots of sex partners one official relationship that was short and years ago, more bottom, classic post college poor but educated, i initiate and also get initiated.

general thoughts on bottoms. I like the feeling of submitting to a masc guy. I think as I grow muscle I'll appreciate being a top more. I like the feeling of horns growing on my head when I top or am about to top. I have to find guys I'm attracted to who I would top -- that's a paradox often.

looking for: mostly casual sex but am interested in LTRs after throwing them under the bus so much with TRP and "that's oneitis." Trying to see myself as more masculine though so I'm seeing my commitment as a boon and not something I just want to give away. But as a bottom I'm wondering if I 'should be' getting people's commitment like it's my job. I know I 'should be' doing whatever the fuck I want but maybe it'll satisfy me in a new way to be in a relationship.

Meet guy at club/bar* yes I can take him seriously, top or bottom

You are in an LTR as a top/dom with a bottom/sub and find out he has a high partner count, how u feel? I don't think I'm qualified enough to answer X-D maybe resent it a little but only as far as I'm insecure, unless he was literally everyone's bitch. then I'm just taking used goods.

You're a top dating a bottom. He has a low partner count, or you never asked and assume this. (If you would never assume this, then assume he lied or you are somehow convinced he has a low partner count.) Feel that feel. Ok. Secretly he has a high partner count. Do you think this would inevitably show in his behavior / your relationship? (Not counting inevitability of anecdotes from the past coming up.) I think it would only come up with hot sex and him clearly having options and not being that clingy, unless he's just naturally clingy.

true/false You only want to DATE a bottom/sub if he is masculine, that is, if you can't necessarily tell he's gay by his behavior. Actually I'm ok with feminine dudes, maybe because I'm not exactly a guy's guy mr masculine, but if he's hot and has nice skin and he's fun to dominate I can handle a little flaming. If it's at unreal levels then no.

You only want to HAVE SEX with a bottom/sub if he is masculine I'll have sex with anyone I find hot really; we'll figure it out. Unless I'm playing hard to get which I find I ACTUALLY do sometimes.

An attractive bottom has sex with you after some conversation at a bar/club/grindr. He wants a good time and is a good sport and doesn't seem to be clingy or seeking a relationship. Does him having sex with you the same night a) turn you off romantically, b) make you certain you wouldn't date him, c) make you lose respect for him / see less of him as a person? (Not in conversation but privately in your mind.) Mark all that apply, betch. I think he's fine. I might remember him as just that guy unless we connected. If there were no conversation then what am I supposed to think about him and who cares? If I see him in real life and there was no conversation I'll be like there goes that slut, sure.

Hey bottoms do you have dating/relationship-pursuit game? if so what is it? do you have in-a-relationship game? if so what is it? do you have casual sex game? if so what is it? relationship-pursuant: hard to get, especially if I don't know him so well or I suspect he would lose interest if I texted him out of the blue. I wonder if this is dumb though since 1) oneitis is bad! 2) you're gonna talk to him naturally eventually if it's a happy ending 3) i'm not doing my thing, i'm doing a thing.

Hey bottoms are you promiscuous? yes. i love sex. or rather i get horny and want sex, and the energy involved is interesting to me.

If so do you think it's due to horniness, or a need for validation/love? horniness makes me go for it, but i love feeling the big powerful guy over me; i don't think this is a validation/love thing but i could be wrong.

Are there tops you have regular sex with (like plates)? yeah we have respectful good relationships, i don't feel like a whore and don't want to necessarily date them since i would just have a wandering eye, but they are sexy muscular smart successful cool chill dudes.

Do you call them or do they call you or both? both.

Do you think a bottom with a low partner count is something to envy / an ideal, or a random decision, or sad self-deprivation? that would raise my eyebrows in surprise and make me question how i've played the game. a bottom-ish guy posted a status once that he would LOVE to date someone not on grindr. my guess is he just wants a classy dude with a polo and a good life that doesn't have a moment of horny boredom.

are you feminine and if so how much and how does it show? yeah people can tell i'm gay right away, except when they don't and just think i'm a slightly nerdy guy with a nice face. i am sweet but don't lisp and my voice has a range. weirdly i can still be masculine/dominant to some guys who are apparently even gayer than me.

Do you think your femininity affects sex/relationships, either or neither? I suspect my femininity is tolerable for sex, i'm sure it's not an SMV booster so it affects dating relationships, and societally of course it must give others a card to be an ass with me. guys who post "masc only" on grindr have never thrown me out of their house though, and i have been on more than one date with different guys who were masculine and interested in me, so i don't think it's a killer in itself. more masculinity for me would help; that's the best way for me to see it i think, than squashing feminine stuff i have trouble determining.

Do you think your femininity a statement, who you are, or habit? just a long term habit. i hear it's harder to change yourself as you get older, i'm scared!

Are you masculine? i don't think so really, but other guys would disagree, and not just polite, but because they like this dick you see.

Naturally or by practice? practice because i used to be a huge bitch boy.

If by practice what were your methods? I read something great on alttrp, someone said "being masculine / not gay acting is just holding frame." holy shit. i notice when i'm too sweet or caring-what-the-other-feels in conversation it's gay, anxiety is gay. gayness is pretty gay, man. so i notice and adjust that. i lift. i lower my voice and its inflections and am pleased when it's automatically low.

Do you think it affects sex/relationships, either or neither? good enough for some bottoms.

describe an ideal bottom to date. someone cute/handsome with a nice body and, right now, patience; i don't often top. someone who makes me feel like a man with smooth skin. oh right dating: someone i can relate to and talk with for hours about many things. if we can keep each other on track on our goals all the better.

an ideal bottom one night stand. see above

Hey tops: you find out casually in conversation with a bottom-plate that said bottom who you're casually fucking on Thursdays is also getting fucked by another casual guy on Tuesdays. Insert your feelings: caring, not caring etc. the fact it's regular sparks a feeling of competition and jealousy in me, but nothing that makes me upset. i'm still fucking him after all. if i found out he stopped with me and kept on with him then at worst i would have a hurt ego and sadness for half an hour max, or honestly not care at all. casual sex man.

Do you generally make clear you wanna be the only fucker in a bottom's life once you do it regularly? no need to impose like that unless we were close and i wanted to basically LTR him but be my own TRP wet dream.

Do you have a system where you fuck a lot of bottoms but make sure none of them cuck you? no. did i write this? lol

[–]should_[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

continued

Do you find that bottoms are generally thirsty for LTRs, with you or in general? no but i find that the bottom-y ones in particular that don't come from grindr - at least any more bottom-y than me - they like to play hard to get and like to steal time and delay sex. it's for their status so it doesn't kill me and i don't take it personally, i'll get off some other way, but of course i never go on another outing with them unless it's clearly sex. i should realize though that these same bottoms like to jump on chad dick immediately and say "i never do this" so i should be more wary for sure.

Feelings on plating: do you only plate bottoms you are sure are sluts, or plate any hottie who will take the offer, but hold guys who refuse to be plated in higher esteem? i have sex with sexy boys. plating is when we both wanna do it again, simple as that, whether i'm a top or bottom, regardless of slutiness. if a guy is like "I wanna be your only one" then it's too bad we can't keep having sex but i don't hold him in higher esteem; i see him as someone who oneitis'd me. if someone is just known for not being a whore ever and refuses to be a plate that's interesting to me and gets my competition mode on.

Hey tops: What dating/sex advice would you give to bottoms that they don't know but that they would wanna hear? Is 'being seen as a slut' a big no-no for bottoms? If it's a big no-no, is it a no-no IN GENERAL for reputation/status or just if they want an LTR? If a bottom was getting fucked on the regularly by many dicks but kept it quiet, do you think a relationship down the line could work out for said bottom, or that they are emotionally ruined ass-flowers? not a total top at all but i would say that a bottom having a reputation of not getting fucked by a million dicks -- not sure how that info would come out to begin with -- but that kind of vibe is an interesting one to throw that could get positive attention. i would tell a bottom to have safe sex, get on prep and take prep regularly, don't get fucked by everyone in your social circle but just because you only fuck people from out of college doesn't mean you'll be the coolest gay by any means. this is all the info available to me in my brain this instant.

Hey gays: did the question that started "hey bottoms" leave a bad taste in your mouth when you read the part about having a lot of sex or plates who are tops, and if so is it because of how you'd feel about sexing/dating such a bottom, or, imagining your status going down as a result of being a promiscuous bottom? yeah i was worried i was bad goods

General thoughts on shame of bottoming/subbing, promiscuity aside. I never felt shame being a bottom/sub but my interest in becoming more masculine grew with TRP and I became interested in studying 'homophobia' or shaming femininity among male peers. In many cultures being a gay top isn't seen as gay but being a bottom is being a bitch boy and is shameful. I can't see how enforcing that shame would be productive in today's society since bottoming as being a bitch is largely symbolic; you can be a productive/good/masculine member of society just fine etc. The only 'inconvenience' I see is that if you wanted to be taken seriously as a guy if you were to have a hairy-armed reunion with a bunch of men, your status may automatically be pushed under the guy who dominated you, but this is almost a cartoon-y image in my mind. However in matters of business or contracts this could be very serious; a man who topped you may feel they have the upper hand.

We're not talking about tops' promiscuity much in this survey. TRP gon' TRP. but seriously that's just how it is.



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