Admitting to myself that I am not straight - ashamed/can't get over it

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March 18, 2017

After a long few years of genuinely thinking about sexuality (and more years of ignoring it), I can say for sure that I am just simply not straight. I have sex with women and I'm definitely not gay, but there's an attraction to guys there. And I was too scared to admit it for a long time; I grew up pretty homophobic and in many ways I still am.

I'm young, 17, grew up in a somewhat homophobic environment and I have such feelings of shame over this issue, and really just don't know how to get over it; I can't stand the LGBT community, nor most gay men, and most people wouldn't peg me out to be one. I don't plan on telling people I meet, as I feel women would lose respect over it, but at the same time I can barely respect myself because of these feelings...

I genuinely feel alone on this issue, and although that often comforts me, I have no idea where to go from here.

Thanks to everyone on this sub who puts work into helping others

Post Information
Title Admitting to myself that I am not straight - ashamed/can't get over it
Author 1234whatsupduck1234
Upvotes 14
Comments 8
Date 18 March 2017 09:35 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit altTRP
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[–]Radithor16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't have to identify yourself with a stereotype, you can like guys and you can like girls, it's really more a spectrum than a direct identification. Some guys can be a little gay or a little straight. You're focusing too much on what to identify as instead of simply embracing whatever you're into and just going for it.

[–]SFesq9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're very young and still figuring out who you are and what the world is like. Try to get out of your homophobic environment. As you get older you'll discover that no one in the real world gives a shit what label you put on yourself. You're the only one to whom it should really matter. And you will find that others will respect you MORE when you're honest and live honestly. There are TONS of girls who find bi guys hot. If you enjoy both guys and girls, enjoy the hell out of them and make no apologies. I understand your family may not be supportive but, in the end, when you're an adult living on your own, you ultimately answer only to yourself. When I was 17 I was afraid and scared I could never be happy living life as a gay man. But now ten years later I fucking love it and wouldn't have it any other way. Good luck to you - the journey is different but it's awesome.

[–]1234whatsupduck1234[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you - that has been a huge reassurance.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I genuinely feel alone on this issue, and although that often comforts me, I have no idea where to go from here.

Work on your frame. You're a man, and you get to decide what you like.

And for what it's worth, there are a shitload of gay men who cannot stand the LGBT community.

There are also plenty of women who think it's really hot when a man is bisexual.

[–]Arroway23572 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're all good, man. Some of what we tell you here is really only a seed of an idea planted, because no matter what we say, you're still going to have to experience it for yourself to really and truly understand it. That having been said, keep the following in mind, and you'll be okay:

You can fuck whoever you want and still become a man in full. Being a man is about maintaining yourself as a whole - your body, the development of your mind, your mental frame, and your self-sufficiency. You truly can be both the sculptor and the stone, and the results will be an engine for confidence that will be more than enough for you.

Don't let others define you. Yes, you're still a part of society, and one's identity is still somewhat of a negotiation with others. That is, you can't singlehandedly decide what others think about you. But, if you cultivate genuinely good character, skill, intellect, and physical fitness, anyone who is worth anything will truly give zero fucks about who you sleep with.

I know from whence I speak: I am 100% gay, and have been 100% out since I was a teen in the 90s- and I grew up in South Alabama. I established that I was a regular man, and one who people wanted to know and be friends with, I can honestly say that it never mattered.

Also, here are two resources for you: Jack Donovan's Androphilia. It's available on Amazon. He presents an entirely different, well-reasoned and well-researched take on male homosexuality that is light years from the current anti-masculine, SJW bilge that makes up the "LGBT community". For what it's worth, Donovan has also written The Way of Men, a highly acclaimed treatise on the meaning of masculinity. The man ain't no sissy.

Also, check out psychologist Dr. Jordan Peterson's Self Authoring Suite. It is a set of writing exercises that helps clarify where you have been, where you are, and what you want your future to look like. It's not expensive, and the results are stellar.

Good luck, young duck!

[–]RPswallowingFag0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think this is the best place. this is not a coming out sub. It's a place for gb men who are attempting or have swallowed the red pill to discuss its ideologies from our unique perspective . Your sexual identity issues will be better answered by a self acceptance /coming out subreddit. Where feminised will flock to your self pity and curb your need for comfort.

[–]chinchillin880 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thankfully with the internet, you can do whatever you'd like anonymously.

You make the rules, not other men.

Also, don't waste years of your life dwelling on this. You're fucking gay. Go fuck some guys!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you're attracted to the female body sexually, but you're attracted to the attributes of males mentally, stuff like aggression, honour, respect, loyalty, deductive skills and non conformity are all very attractive qualities that are virtually non existent in most females, then ur not gay. You're just a young guy who wants what he doesn't have. Learn to generate those things in yourself if that's what you find attractive.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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