How do I cultivate masculinity from seemingly nothing?

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May 30, 2017

i hate being weak, im so tired of hating every single thing about myself, i just want the pain to stop, i just want someone to take it away because im not strong enough to do it myself, i want a bigger stronger man to hold and take care of me, i dont know who to be or what i should do with myself. being powerless has always been my natural default state, being ultra feminine, overly sensitive, kind of vain and manipulative, through no will of my own. i am alone, a weak pathetic victim. why should i do anything for myself if i feel im not worthy of it? i never wanted to be submissive. being feminine wasn't my choice and it was never an act, i was raised 100% by women alone and i never learned what being a man was, i rejected it., I resented and pushed away all men that ever tried to get for the longest time, i was disgusted and ashamed of my male body and anatomy. I have never had a single male friend in my entire life. but i can't even blame my family for my upbringing because ive been a feminine gay since birth. I hate fem gays and I hate being associated with them. I hate their whiny high pitched voices and their catty toxic personalities, i hate how I share a lot of their interests and how typically masculine things bore me no matter how hard i try to invest myself in them. I dont know sports or cars or anything that requires tools and frankly, i just can't force myself to care. I hate twinks and i love big masc guys with deep voices and masc personalities. I hate being a twink. I'm 5'4 with a babyface and a super petite and frail frame. I feel like I would look ugly and would fail as being anything but a real man's twink bottom bitch. I just want a real man to dominate me deep from my inner core, and i feel powerless to this desire. its the only thing i desire. and i hate myself for it. and I know no such "real man" coming to end my suffering will ever exist.

-end pathetic word vomitting poorly constructed vent rant-

I'm not looking for any kind of sympathy, even though my raw uncensored feelings kinda feel otherwise. Now I realize that the endless excuses, blame, and the victim mentality need to go. So my questions here are; How do I cultivate masculinity from seemingly nothing? Should I even try to change myself if I feel I can't force myself to become this certain way? Should I give into twinkdom and just, "be myself"? I feel like such a lost cause at this point, not gonna lie. I have problems referring to myself as a man. Masculinity feels like such a foreign concept to me and I can't relate with typical straight bros, but I also don't relate with women or other fem gays either in a way.

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Title How do I cultivate masculinity from seemingly nothing?
Upvotes 6
Comments 9
Date 30 May 2017 12:14 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit altTRP
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[–]hatessw7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Some things can't really be done. You may want to be a unicorn, but that doesn't mean we'll see the technology during our lives to make you into one. Until then, parts of your approach thus far may be wasted effort, which isn't motivating. So, pick your battles.

  • At least try to stop hating who you are.

  • Go to the gym, no matter how ineffective you think it is.

  • If you are able to, get your testosterone levels checked (I really don't think there's a medical issue, but if a medical professional feels otherwise you may get access to supplements).

  • Consider whether there are masculine interests that you could get into, if so, spend some time on those skills/hobbies/etc.

Beyond the cliche advice above, just try to accept who you are and find a guy who likes you for who you are, not for who you want to try to be. Cast a wide net by using dating apps and portray yourself honestly. I don't promise success, but I do promise you'll stand a better chance than not using them.

The only thing I'd really like you to man up about is referring to yourself as a man. You don't need to be masculine for that if you're a simple cis male. You just need to not be melodramatic on that one.

[–]SFesq3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

How old are you? I was in your shoes years ago, when I was in my late teens. I hated being "femme" and sought out ways to "improve" my perceived inadequecies. Some things that helped me were hitting the gym and dating guys more masc than I am. Believe it or not, tons of big, muscled masc guys are super into more femme twink types. When I was 18-22 I dated a guy in his 30s who was very masc...he taught me traditionally masculine things I never learned from my dad, like how to throw a football, how to grill, how to work on cars, how to lift weights better, how to dress better (fit of suits, shirts etc.), even how to shave and manscape properly lol. Being around him made me more comfortable experimenting with my own masculinity...I think that, up til then, I used my femme side as a kind of security blanket so I wouldn't have to put myself out there and try new things, "manly" things, that I thought I would fail at. Now I'm much more comfortable with both my masc and femme tendencies. Whether or not you do find a similar mentor, a lot of being a "man" IMO is putting yourself out there and trying new things until you develop a proficiency; with that proficiency comes confidence. Stop being so hard on yourself and good luck to you!

[–]Sbdaq3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Question on this. Would you say you became more masculine or were you always as masculine as you are now you just repressed it before? In other words can it be learned and changed or is it about finding whatever you have inside you and being okay with that? (Or a bit of both)

[–]SFesq2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I became more traditionally "masc" as I got older through a combo of concerted effort (changing my gait, voice, mannerisms that made me self-conscious, along with putting myself out there to try new things) plus the confidence that comes with experience. To a certain extent I am supressing the femme side that dominated my personality when I was a child and up through college. But I also discovered I didn't want to change some of my "femme" traits because I actually like them and they make me who I am. It's mostly about being comfortable in your own skin, no matter how masc or femme you are...for me, it took some changes to make me comfortable...whether those changes are suppressing my natural self, or are self-improvement, I'm not sure. It's still a work in progress.

[–]Sbdaq1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Hmm that's interesting.. Yeah I feel that. I'm gonna have to ask more questions if you don't mind though, I'm trying to figure myself out as much as possible, the uncertainty is debilitating. Would you say some days you feel more masc and some more femme? Or are you more integrated to the point where you have a very consistent self expression? Would you say you're mainly masc or femme? (I think of it in terms of energies and that shit, do you have a mainly masc or femme core?). Would you say you're overall happier and more comfortable with yourself now than before?-like the is the more natural true you?

Sorry again for the questions ~

[–]Sbdaq0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

And I want to add do you ever feel like you are monitoring yourself to not express your femme self? Did you perhaps used to feel that way and now it feels natural? Redundant question but rephrased

[–]Radithor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

First comment is right. Though my input is that you can be a masculine male and still do knitting as a hobby. It's not what you do as a man but how you think that sets you apart from the femboys. You are a male, a man. It's really instinctual and not something you can force either but there are a couple things to bring your masculine energy to a stronger state.

The main one is what's going on in your head. Women complain and expect things to get fixed. Men take action. It's always about taking action. You feel physically weak? Take action and join the gym as said a million times. You feel vulnerable, find activities that bring out a sense of being untouchable like martial arts, find classes.

I know you're a man because you took action already by posting here and seeking assistance after identifying a problem instead of bitching about it over a wine glass. You got it in you man.

[–]rabid_homosapien1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you feel you are weak and don't like it, do something about it. If you feel like you're a victim, think about why you feel that way and think about how you can change it if you want. I too found it strange to describe myself as a man. In retrospect, it's fucking weird to feel that way. The source is based on the supposed gender / orientation role crap going on in society.

Me personally, I had an epiphany last year. I was your typical SJW liberal soap-boxing faggot. I chose to start watching the opposite political viewpoint so I could argue against it with the one or two conservative friends I had. It was actually pretty life-changing, because I started questioning everything. Politically, I'm now centrist and realise that the supposed feminist fight for equality is a piece of shit.

You don't need to be a dominating top who treats everyone like shit. You can be an assertive man irrespective of your preferred emotional position in a relationship.

My advice is 'Don't take shit from people, don't be a disrespectful cunt, take care of yourself, think about you first and the rest will come'. The second point is the most important. Don't be a cunt and you'll do fine.

This is my first post in this sub, so feel free to ignore it. I just felt it was important to acknowledge that the feelings you're going through aren't unique. Others here have gone through it and that it's something that you can change if you want.

You'll hear things here about 'do this' or 'do that'. Do what you feel is right. Listen or don't listen. Make your own mistakes and own them.

[–]rezwell0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Take small steps. The road of masculinity is a journey, not a destination or an outcome that happens over night. You have to earn it.

Avoid the pity party mentality. I know its addictive, its comforting, but its incredibly pornographic addictive and socially manipulative. Don't underestimate the human capacity to overcome stresses. Our ancient ancestors had to deal with a wide range of bullshit, and those same genes are passed to you. If you don't feel like they are, you can be the catalyst to create that change in your family line.

Also, you are not your thoughts or your automatic reactions. They are not deliberately chosen. You must work enforce your self discipline over your untamed mind and ego.

I don't really have a list of advice, but my one main principle is be intentional about who you want to be and work to earn it. Be willing to sacrifice for it.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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