I'm referencing a Huff Post article in this post "The Epidemic of Gay Loneliness" If you'd like to check that out first. I wanted to link it here but you can only do text or link so i chose text - - -
This has probably been talked about already to death either on this subreddit or other more controversial ones, but this article hit home for me and probably for a lot of other gay men out there.
All my life I've always struggled with loneliness no matter how many people I was surrounded by. It took me until I was around 17 to come out. I started hooking up with a few guys when I was 19 and realized none of them wanted a lasting relationship. If they wanted to date me I wasn't interested and if I wanted to date them they just wanted to fuck me. I'm 22 now and can't claim to have seen as much of the world as the people who wrote this article or some of you on this subreddit but my experience and what I've read is all I have to go by. And I'm aware most of this will sound like whining and I apologize.
Is there really any way to achieve long-term happiness as a gay man? The world for me so far in terms of my sexuality and social life has felt so cruel. I've never been friendless and I'm not unpopular. But there is a deep seated loneliness that feels as if it will never go away. Growing up I was always attracted to straight men and straight men only. I'm aware this isn't an uncommon thing. But obviously it doesn't work. So I went looking for masculine gay men. It seems the more and more I looked, however masculine a man was I was with, they wanted someone even MORE masculine and MORE dominant MORE attractive, and dare I say "more straight acting" than themselves. If they were going to have sex with someone who was less masculine than themselves it was going to be a one time thing. I don't think most people would call me feminine and I don't try to put on something unnatural but I'd be lying if I wasn't insecure about it. Since those experiences I've gone to the gym religiously, changed my diet, lost weight, combatted my eating disorder (this one's a daily struggle) and tried my best to battle almost lifelong depression to better myself as much as I can. I have bettered myself a lot and am very proud, but it didn't yield the results I wanted. I'm in my last year of college now and I keep being told by people "you've seen so little of the world there are people out there for you" but every day that goes by I have less and less hope. I've had feelings for so many men in my life. More recently I've at least been talking to more bisexual men which I seem to be more attracted to. But they all eventually ghost me or get girlfriends as well. Even in a platonic sense I find my self-esteem mainly coming from the validation of straight men or men I'm attracted to. A lot of girl's struggle with this too but I believe it's a huge problem for gay men as well. I'm not self hating and I never would want to magically be straight either because I'm grateful for the different perspectives being gay has given me in life. But sometime I do think I would be so much happier if I just didn't have this androphilia. If I wasn't gay or just didn't have any sexual attraction at all and could derive all my self esteem from my work and accomplishments my life would be so much better I think. But that's impossible for me. I drink occasionally and don't do drugs, but I could see the appeal of gay men trying to escape their realities with them. I've even toyed with the idea of trans briefly but realized that it wasn't something I'd be willing to do ideologically.
I'm sorry for the wall of sappy text and I don't mean to start a debate but is there ways for gay men to achieve long term happiness? I just don't want to end up a bitter old queen paying hot prostitutes to make me feel less lonely. Even just knowing there's other people that are going through similar things would probably ease my conscience slightly. Feel free to leave your thought and opinions or call me a faggot in the comments.