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Alt trp on open relationships

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November 2, 2017
8 upvotes

I've been having a difficult time trying to understand how gay dating dynamics work with RP.

Many guys on here have said or at least implied that open relationships are the norm. Is that the general take away? Alt trp just seems to have a less coherent message in regards to relationships in comparison to the main rp page.

Is it just the natural way of things for gay male relationships to turn into either open relationship or for one or both parterners to begin cheating? Or can we take the knowledge posted on the original rp forum and better ourselves so we don't fall into the same vapid trappings of the majority of the gay community and become sex obsessed? Thoughts on this? (I would've posted this in the ask alt trp but it's basically dead).


Post Information
Title Alt trp on open relationships
Author vancityguy96
Upvotes 8
Comments 4
Date 02 November 2017 01:00 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit altTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/163417
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/altTRP/comments/7a83i8/alt_trp_on_open_relationships/
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Comments

[–]209509238505 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I've seen studies that show open relationships are not the norm in gay couples and that in fact they are decreasing in popularity with younger generations. This was unsurprising for me, as I've always noticed that those in open relationships tend to be quite stereotypically gay and show some obsession with sexual validation to the point of being pathological. I see it coming as a result of baggage from either their lack of masculinity (in society and the gay world that prizes the masculine ideal that they can never live up to and pretend they don't want to but secretly fuels their inferiority) or other difficulties coming to terms with their sexuality (i.e. years of toxic shame or staying in the closet and fear of abandonment).

These elements, which are common to most gay people I would say, tend to result in gay people becoming damaged. This is a reason why gay people have such higher incidences of many mental health problems. There is a reason why gay people are the largest sub-group that partake in illicit drugs. There is a reason why gay people tend to live hedonistic lives and avoid responsibility.

Therefore, as society gets more accepting of homosexuality and gay guys don't have to hide their sexuality as much, you get people who are less damaged and therefore less likely to support the idea of an open relationship. They don't need as much sexual validation as previous generations. But a lot still do.

I think sex is very important for the physical and emotional wellbeing of a man. I sympathise with straight males - just look at the posts on TRP. Some of the guys there expend so much effort trying to get laid. Meanwhile, in the gay world we open an app and after a few taps can have someone on your doorstep within minutes or hours.

Gay people however, in much the same way as heterosexual women, are obsessed with validation from others. If you're that type of person, what happens when you're in a relationship with the one guy after a year or two or three and you have sex? You get bored. You don't get the feeling of sexual validation. You have a hole inside of you that you fill with casual sex and you crave the high from sleeping with someone who you find attractive and who boosts your self-esteem.

Is this really the life you want to live?

Remember that for straight males in relationships, sex is controlled by the female. The man often gets starved of sex after cohabitation or marriage. That is one reason why TRP questions getting married in the first place - why be a provider to someone who will end up withholding sex? In gay relationships there is no transaction taking place between sex and commitment as there is in the male-female dynamic.

Therefore, I don't buy the proposition that open relationships are healthy or expected for gay men.

I say this as a masculine gay guy whose personal values are in complete misalignment with gay cultural values. And I say this as something who tried being in an open relationship because I thought monogamy was unrealistic. It caused more problems than it purported to solve. Now, if I ever meet someone who indicates a preference for open relationships or extreme sexual promiscuity, I stay well away. This kind of mindset is for me a proxy for a guy being too gay (cf: too feminine) and too damaged.

Further materials: 1. Jordan Peterson's view on this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NvUMU0V9CiA 2. Ayn Rand's view on casual sex: https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/4f8o4p/ayn_rands_philosophy_of_sex/

[–]AceofRains1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Men are A) promiscuous and B) have agency. I would think setting a boundary for a homosexual partner would drive them to cheat- after all, being single in the first place was far more sexually advantageous. Expectations of monogamy with another man is essentially a blue pill mindset. We men are romantics, so of course we ALL desire the loyalty of our partner. AMALT Sexual loyalty however, is separate from fellowship. Between men, sex is just an end, not a means. Improvement of our physical feature is the only means to this. The actual advantage of a homosexual relationship is the rapid climb that is possible through pooling your resources. There are no risks of childbirth, nor is sex used as a currency. The real risk is jealousy (and STDs) and are you able to quell it if your parter fucks other men a lot more than you?

[–]vancityguy96 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

That’s a really great answer. So basically the take away from this is that men are essentially an island unto ourselves? We might have someone in our life as a romantic partner but ultimately the idea of finding a true partner who you can rely on no matter what, is just a fallacy due to our biological need for sex with new partners?

[–]AceofRains0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bingo. You just gave voice to something I've been trying to word just right. 'An island in our selves'.



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