Do you drop or keep low value friends who have nothing going for in life?

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January 10, 2019
100 upvotes

My friend is always pissed off about something: always gotta be talking about politics, doesn't fix his hygiene, and has extreme oneitis with his high school sweetheart that has been riding the CC for years. A couple of years ago I caught him liking this image on facebook saying, "Even though we're no longer together, I'll always take you back" which I'm pretty sure alluded to his ex that he always talks to me about. He knows about RP principles but is so BP in his ways that it makes me cringe. I've tried helping him but he always comes out with excuses.

It's a new year so I'm really keen on making new friends and strengthening neglected ones. Should I just keep him around or cut him off completely? What do you do with low value friends that do nothing to change their life?


Post Information
Title Do you drop or keep low value friends who have nothing going for in life?
Author shittyjuice55
Upvotes 100
Comments 49
Date 10 January 2019 05:15 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/163506
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ael3lp/do_you_drop_or_keep_low_value_friends_who_have/
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Comments

[–]FemtoG151 points152 points  (13 children) | Copy

if you are a king, lift them up with you

if you are a boss, maintain great friendships but dont let them affect you

if you are average, they will undoubtedly affect you, and the saying "you are the average of your three closest friends" or whatever the fuck will be true

[–]BitingInsects53 points54 points  (7 children) | Copy

if you are a king, lift them up with you

'You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink'

[–]sorryforthelifestory 1 points [recovered]  (6 children) | Copy

Good thing people aren’t horses

[–]Jono_Drums9432 points33 points  (1 child) | Copy

actually this was some good advice a friend of mine gave me about a year ago.

The best you can do is to lead them to water, whether they drink or drown is down to them, and if they're drowning, you'd best believe they're going to try and grab onto whatever is closest, and if it's you? I hope you have a good dock to grab a hold of.

[–]livefreeofdie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Spoken like a true prodigy.

[–]SenorSwole1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You can try it if you want. Just a waste of time

[–]livefreeofdie0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Are they worse than horses or better?

[–]eccentricrealist10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

This how mafia work

[–]Endorsed ContributorFeralRed1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is the equivalent of a "feel good platitude".

Not redpill at all, you're not your brother's keeper.

You should read rule zero again.

[–]Aurora9210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is the only true answer. You have to realize that not all of your friends will be alpha or RP. In fact, most people are likely to be BP. Even some of my most RP friends settle down at some point. Therefore you have to accept that your friends and social circle are different from you and some will have a different 'sexual strategy', but that's not the only thing that matters in life. Focus on cutting out negativity/naysayers and people who detract you from your goals (eg. with drugs or too much drinking). I think you can only benefit from a big social circle!

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

2 is my modus operandi.

Distance yourself. But keep them around. Numbers are always useful but you can't save everyone.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFeralRed109 points110 points  (9 children) | Copy

One of the best indicators of your growth and ascension is becoming aware that the people you used to hang with start to fall away and look small as you continue to climb.

This is normal and natural. They stay on the same level, so you have to leave their company if you want to reach the top of the mountain.

[–]MMorte16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy

im in the same boat, but this is spot on, tho its rough shit to leave smth you valued so much behind, worlds harsh

[–]306westernfront8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

No dont just ditch your friends. Elevate them with you

[–]xgozax13 points14 points  (2 children) | Copy

You can’t make people change. You can try to put them on to the right things but there’s always a point with some where you realize they don’t want to elevate and you can’t force them too.

[–]306westernfront0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Okay valid point. Still dont ditch your friends cause you think youre better than them now, wgen they might catch on in "x" ammount of time and blow past you. I still hang out with my low smv friends.

Do you think i pull more tail going out with a friend who bitches about how little money he makes and how much he hates his job. Or a guy who brags about making 150 a year and has been fighting mma sports since he was 6?

[–]openoids3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree. You can hone yourself and be machiavellian about fnding "love," but don't lose your basic humanity because of it. Now...if the guy's such a blob and slacker that you find his presence off putting just due to his basic spirit, I can understand that. Bottom line- You have to live with your decisions at the end of the day.

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Right.

[–]Jay-G23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

Law #10 of the 48 Laws of power: "Infection: Avoid the Unhappy and the Unlucky". I see a lot of condescending comments, some say try to help and some say leave him. I say leave him, from analyzing your question I do not get a sense that you're an alpha. You are making the right choices to get there, but not yet. This means your friend will hold you back. Let your friend be and work on yourself. Find new more high smv friends, alpha friends if possible. You are the average of your 5 closest friends, you want to be the weakest link in your friend group so you are constantly on your game to improve. If your friend isn't listening to you now then move on, later when you're an alpha try to show him some more ways and see if he will make the adjustments, if not he's not good to be around. You don't see the homeless donating to the salvation army, people who have enough to go around make the donations. Don't weaken yourself to try to help someone that isn't willing to try.

[–]totallyAlphaguy15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus is funny how I am in the exact same situation. Stay in touch but find new friends to spend most of your time with. It's always a good reminder of how you used to be and maybe one day they want to improve and you can be there to help them

[–]Tiway2215 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

Only surround yourself with positive, uplifting friends who are successful, or have a mission and goals.

No need to maintain friendships with people who will bring you down or be a burden.

[–]autopsyzombie11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just watch out for the "crabs in a bucket" mentality when you have others of lower value around you.

[–]lighthouse14321 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

If they are a positive influence and add value to your life, keep them. However, when the opposite is happening the answer should be obvious

[–]dtyler867 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I ask myself the same a lot. I drink too much, occasionally fuck with coke, etc. I have come to the conclusion that most people don’t have a fiery drive to accomplish much. One of my closest friends has basically said that he’s perfectly happy with the way his life is and doesn’t feel up for the challenge of building anything huge. My other really good friend is a part time server and trying to get into selling insurance. Just because we don’t necessarily share the same drive beyond just our normal day-to-day lives doesn’t really affect me and I don’t think it should. They are good people and I love being with them and it has become increasingly clear to me that really hungry people sometimes are really unpleasant to be friends with. Unavailable, self obsessed, often materialistic, etc. some friends have a particular purpose. I have some friends that I only see when we go to the same bars and every time I’m hung over I wonder why I am friends with them and then before I do it again every time we meet up I think to myself, because I want to go out and get annihilated tonight it’s not them it’s me.

TL;DR - each friend has a role in your life. Don’t let their lifestyles dictate your mission, but maybe spend less time if their attitudes are toxic

[–]thesquarerootof110 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know if this is relevant to your post, but I use to be a major stoner and hung out exclusively with stoners. Ever since I started going to school for a lucrative degree and quit smoking, it made me realize that most of my stoner "friends" literally have nothing going on in their lives and they're losers. Most of them work at a pizza place or some dead end job and then complain how they are not making enough money and blah blah blah. These people have no motivation to better their lives in someway and I really don't respect that.

[–]Peter_B_Long4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best you can do is lead by example. Eventually after being blue balled for months (or years) and finding out that his oneitis who he's been sending "good morning beautiful" texts to every day just raw fucked some stranger last night in a porta-potty, he might approach you for some advice and be a little more open minded.

If he's causing you negative emotions and you aren't gaining value from him then there's not reason to completely keep him around. Maybe catch up with him every few months.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ive been trying to convert my closest friends to redpill. They are all 25. One is in a ultra bluepill relationship with his girlfriend trying to fuck me (he still believes in her). The second one doesn't know why he has no success with women, meanwhile he still maintains 260lbs of weight (like 5'10 height, so imagine...). The third one is just retarded. He just doesn't give a fuck to he point he misses many opportunities. I want him to succeed because he's a very good looking dude, like 6'3, big bodybuilding frame also strong background in maths. He's drown in alcohol though. Imagine he's still a virgin...

Is it weird that I care about those 3 fucks I've known for years, while the rest of population can just vanish for me?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m in a similar boat. I realized the only reason I have angst is because I don’t have enough high value friends to replace them with or I would have done it subconsciously a long time ago.

I kept the ones who were improving but had their priorities slightly misaligned - chasing girls excessively etc because at least they were improving. Even if you have one of those then you are better off ditching the the rest.

[–]Aggressive_Beta2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Does hanging out with him help improve your SMV? It's always been hard for me to be close friends with guys who don't. There are only so many hours in a day, and I spend most of them on my status-boosting hobbies, lifting, eating, sleeping, my LTR, and making money. I don't have time to waste hanging out with guys who don't entertain me or add value to my life.

I wouldn't hard next him, I reserve that for people who do something shitty to me. In fact, I had to hard next one of my close alpha friends. He doesn't sound like he's necessarily a shitty person, he just sounds annoying. But you don't have to force hanging out with him either.

Soft next if he doesn't add value to your life.

[–]_Tactleneck_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fill your time pursuing things you want and that make you better. You will eventually see him fall out of your life, for the better. It’s not your responsibility to bring him out of the swamp he’s built for himself. If you’re feeling extra kind, you can extend a few book or idea recommendations, but sounds like you’ll be wasting your time.

[–]icecruzader1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you've know him long, i.e. You can trust him, keep in touch, try helping him by less direct methods. You can do a lot for someone subconsciously.

If not, drop him, soft next. If he looks for you only go out if its mutually beneficial.

When I was BP friends left me behind and I was butt hurt but it was for the better. I've gotten people out of living like shit by helping them directly, but that usually happens when they hit rock bottom, for people who are complacent and happy in living like shit trying to help them fucks with who they think they are. They can't get out of their egos to see how what they do is not who they are or always will be.

After. I got my shit together and hung out with these people again. Much better for both parties at parties. If he gets his shit together be there for him. Don't let him bring you down.

[–]JustSatan1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Idk how often you see this friend. If it is very often, then you might reduce the frequency. See them occasionally. But there's no reason to be sitting around listening to a dumb person's bull shit. For instance, I'm about to turn 27 and I've had a couple of friends for more than twenty years at this point. These two friends pretty much suck at life, whereas I'm a Phd student (i.e., I just suck at life in a different way); and, therefore, we don't have much to talk about. Rather than wasting my time and allowing them to bring me down to their level, I've created distance. Easy as that.

[–]sadshark1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I had a group of 6 friends and we were pretty much inseparable for a decade or so. We were the typical nerds, zero interaction with women.

At 21 i decided that i want to live my life and my youth more than just through a computer screen. Before TRP there was PUA. I absorbed that shit like a sponge and started applying what I learned, badly at first of course. They were teasing about my rejections, which was perfectly fine. Afterall thats what guys do, plus it didnt stop me from continuing to approach.

Eventually I got better and better. I started to see results. And the worse part is that my friends also started to see my results. And that's when envy kicked it. They were envious on my success and playful teasing between friends became passive aggressiveness due to their insecurities.

In my mind there was only 2 ways to fix this. 1. stop trying to live a fullfiling life. 2. Try and teach them how to approach and also life s fulfilling life with me.

Of course, i chose the second option. Every advice i gave them was met with comments like "thats never gonna work on girls" or "only whores fall for that crap" or "the smart sexy girl im looking for cant be picked up like that".

The paradox is that they were seeing my results in front of their eyes but when i told them EXACTLT how I was doing it they refused to believe me.

Eventually i had to gradually cut them off one by one. I didnt have any conversations with them, i just stopped interacting with them and they just fell out of my life one by one... ecxept one guy.

I still have mad respect for this one guy. He wanted SO BAD to get a gf, to hold a girls hand, to fuck something. So he listened to everything i was telling him. He was approaching, getting rejected but kept pushing and trying.

Everytime we would go out I would see him getting more and more disappointed when I was closing and he was being rejected for the hundred time... until he had a complete breakdown.

We were on a train back from a party in a different city and hr started crying like someone in his family died. He kept repeating 'i cant do this, this life is not for me, im not good enough' and so on. Of course, i tried to reassure him in every way possible but his mind was set.

After that breakdown he refused all my invitations and faded out of my life.

Moral of the story: no matter how hard you try and open doors, if they dont wanna follow you cant push them through the door. That's all fine until they start dragging you down and hindering you from going through the door yourself. And thats when you have to cut them loose.

It sucks, it's painful, in a sense youre leaving part if your life behind. But if you truly want to succeed you need to become a new you. And becoming a new you means letting parts of old you die. That includes friends and social circles.

[–]Freedom__Fighter0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Drop!

[–]ainihon0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

People don’t change perspective unless they find out and decide for themselves. No matter how much you show them the truth. They’re their own stumbling block.

[–]koldkillah830 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You should sleep with the girl he has oneitis for using RP tactics. Then tell him how you did it as proof that it RP really works.

[–]ZippyOwl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't spend major time on minor things - Jim Rohn

[–]Herdsengineers0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'd say don't just ditch him, but next time he's bitching just ask him what his oneitis, complaining, etc. is getting him in life? Ask him when he's gonna man up and start building himself? Maybe share what self improvement has done for you.

Basically, invite him to start climbing the mountain with you, but make it clear that you won't stay at the lower levels with him. And keep climbing, if he won't join you, then that's the way it is. Then it's not ditching a friend, it's growing out of an old friendship that's holding you back.

[–]AshyLarry270 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You slowly drift away. Stop initiating text. Act busy. Because if you don't, well then you're more likely to be another victim of "Crab Bucket Theory"

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” - Jim Rohn

Then you start making new friends. Really simple as that. People get the hint when you can't be around, and it becomes nothing personal. They end up finding other people to fill the vacuum you leave. Misery loves company

[–]csquestionboy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Mediocre people are infectious. If he can't rise with you or he rejects a better life, he'll do no good for you in the future.

[–]icy_ghost950 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Turning your back on friends that aren’t in a good place in their life at the moment won’t make you alpha, it will make you a untrustworthy self serving piece of shit that nobody should be associated with in the first place.

A man should have honor and values. Give him your hand. Now, if your friend starts to be a burden for you and won’t change no matter what you do or say, let the hand go.

[–]dogsrneat270 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would say that he should cut you off, if a friend is nothing but something of value to help you "get more women" you don't deserve that friend. Try posting this sort of thing in a real thread with people who actually have social skills instead of in the redpill circle jerk and maybe you won't have the social issues that keep you reading through this sub. Just a thought.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Drop

[–]no_condoments0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

People think to hard about this type of stuff. Do you enjoy hanging out with him? Would you rather go out this Friday night with him or do something else? If you want to hang with him, then do it. Don't get bogged down with his crap, just enjoy your life and the time you spend with a friend.

[–]CaptainBW0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Then stop helping him? You have been a good friend so far, but you can only show a person so much...ultimately they are responsible for fixing themselves. If he's bringing you down, drop him.

But beware, if this dude is a true friend and has your back and you believe in that...you might come to regret dropping him. People are imperfect and struggle with their own battles and sufferings, it is up to us individually to choose how much of a degree to help...which in itself is a struggle. The continual battle between selfishness and meta patience...a tale as old as Time.

[–]_LT2_-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Do their goals and aspirations align with yours? Ask yourself that!

[–]Endorsed Contributorleftajar-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. I can remember the exact moment I dropped a friend.

I ran into him at a mutual friend's house party, and I hadn't seen him in a few months, during which time I'd started a business and was actually earning revenue.

Feeling pretty good about my own thing, I asked him, "hey, how's work?" His smile disappeared, and he said, "dude, I don't even want to talk about it."

In that moment, I realized: this guy hates his job, has nothing exciting happening professionally, and is probably about to engage in rampant hedonism to make himself feel better.

I said, "bummer," and found someone else to talk to. Haven't hung out with him since -- I don't need an unmotivated loser injecting negativity into my life. I want to spend time with people who will be happy to hear about my success because they're not jealous haters.

[–]WIPAlpha-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Tell him to watch some Jordan Peterson videos. Show him the video about gender pronouns which will intrigue him (politics) then show him videos on life. Helped me a bunch to accept the redpill and use it to my advantage.

[–]Vouch33r-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Drop. Plebs are friends with plebs, middle class with middle class, and hollywood stars are friends with hollywood stars. See the pattern already?



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