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LTR of 5 years about to dump me. How to react?

Reddit View
January 13, 2019
72 upvotes

GF says she isn’t feeling it anymore. We’re meeting to get coffee tomorrow. Need advice


Post Information
Title LTR of 5 years about to dump me. How to react?
Author SpellingCzech
Upvotes 72
Comments 82
Date 13 January 2019 03:01 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/163882
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/aff1j0/ltr_of_5_years_about_to_dump_me_how_to_react/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationship
Comments

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev374 points375 points  (11 children) | Copy

She wants “closure”. Fuck her shit up by saying that the LTR you had was nice, but now it’s over and there is no need to meet up to discuss it. Then hard next.

[–]good-look82 points83 points  (7 children) | Copy

lmao endorsed contributors are endorsed for a reason

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev28 points29 points  (0 children) | Copy

Indubitably.

[–]WeddingCrasher919 points10 points  (5 children) | Copy

Where's the endorsed tag?

[–]alphaperfect 1 points [recovered]  (3 children) | Copy

in your momma

[–]WeddingCrasher91-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wohoho original

[–]RedHoodhandles4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's what she said.

[–]ModTheRedPike1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What browser are you using?

[–]Ricky4694 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Vasily always gives great advice.

[–]jackandjill220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep.

[–]Endorsed ContributorFeralRed217 points218 points  (17 children) | Copy

Take the reins.

1 - Realize it's over.

2 - Fix why you became a boring fuck.

3 - That takes time, so cancel your date and tell her you need some time apart to process....then never call her again. You dump her, don't let her continue to slice at you for the sake of her "closure" or any other bullshit.

4 - Use your newly acquired free time to unfuck yourself and go find women who actually want to fuck you without a three hour conversation about whose needs are not being met anymore first.

[–]Furrealyo89 points90 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is a great response, but I would add “never engage with her again on any level”.

No calls, no texts, no emails. If you bump into her at the grocery or something, don’t duck her. Smile, nod, and get on with your life.

She was never yours, it was just your turn.

[–]antiMensch19552 points53 points  (0 children) | Copy

These steps may sound rude but you cant think straight in your cloud of emotions. in 2 months you will look back to this post and wish you followed these steps. good luck anyways.

[–]cuztrp8 points9 points  (7 children) | Copy

Thanks for the advice. This is what I did. And guess what I realized? For all TRP I studied, all my SMV and everything in between, I was still a nice guy. As the relationship progressed, I've become nicer and nicer as in being a fucking pathetic piece of shit Nice Guy.

My mistakeS basically revolved around forgetting myself. Entirely. Last time I went to the gym was 2 months ago. Not to mention the rest, like gaining weight and all that bullshit...

I made her a priority. Like top priority. Was hitting her up all the time, taking her out, planning out things even under the pressure of time. I remember, we had an exam the next week, and I was like let's learn a new song on guitar and piano, smth we did all the time. She said she doesn't really know if she can make it because she fucking can't. Neither could I, for the matter. Yet still blamed her for "not making my needs met".

I've given her too fucking much AND expected her to give me back in return AS MUCH OR MORE. She couldn't reciprocate anymore. I did to her many many things. She honestly tried her best to give me back but she just could not...

How can I not fall in this trap anymore man? I'm very glad that I've become conscious of them. Now I need to figure out a way to never get swayed from myself and who I am...

[–]BPasFuck11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

Here's a simple rule to avoid this kind of thing, until you're a little better at this shit:

Don't see a chick more than twice a week. Period.

Even if you have nothing happening-- you tell her you've got some other shit doing and you can't see her tonight.

You see too much of a girl, you stop thinking, and now look at what happened to you.

[–]cuztrp1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

That's a really good exercise to get into the mindset. How often should I text?

[–]BPasFuck0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Can't really tell you chief, except to say that if you're not sure, you probably shouldn't be texting except for logistics.

Older guys have an easier time with this, as their generations aren't expected to be texting away like little monkeys.

Younger guys report frequently that there's an expectation to text freely and they're regarded as 'weird' if they don't.

It sounds like a frame issue and a bullshit excuse to me, but perhaps they're right and I'm wrong.

Nonetheless, My advice is don't text except for logistics, period. If a chick pressures you for more texting-- just tell her your family was old fashioned growing up, you don't like texting, it leads to too much misunderstandings and hurt feelings and you just won't do it.

If she keeps whining about it, use one of my favorite magic words: "OK."

OK could mean, 'Alright I will." Or it could mean, 'I hear you, but I won't.' You don't have to expand on it, and you've sidestepped the issue, allowing you to progress things. She'll either get used to your texting ways or she won't, who gives a shit-- don't overthink this stuff.

K? K.

[–]BACONisKEWLEST0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It’s a frame issue, girls often heckle me at first for not txting at all. I just shrug, tell them I have shit to do. Never a problem again.

[–]cuztrp0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

yeah man got it, so hit her up twice a week max and use text only for logistics, so that's lso texting twice a week. It's something I defintely have to work on cuz I'd consider myself from the younger generations who think not texting back or having a conversation over text is weird. But that's about to change.

Thanks for the advice.

[–]Needimprovenentguy0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Perhaps it is TRP stuff that you have been applying that she doesn’t like.

Anyway if you want to keep this chick I would act as per the following. When she inevitably says she wants to break up don’t get upset, say something along the lines of - okay I felt it wasn’t working as well it’s a pity because we could have been great but that’s just how it goes sometimes. See how she reacts and allow her the chance to change her mind but do not chase her. Then get your shit together otherwise further down the line this will happen again. If it doesn’t work then sorry bro it looks as though it is time to move on.

P.s there is nothing wrong with being a nice guy so long as you’re strong and not needy and she meets your needs as much as the other way around. Perhaps next time just be a bit more of a bad ass. Be a little bit mysterious and blow hot and cold to keep her intrigued.

Anyway I hope it goes well and it will be interesting to hear how tomorrow goes for you.

Further to this is it even in your best interests to be in a relationship that is unstable? If she changes her mind she will need to convince you of this.

[–]BigDong90009 points10 points  (3 children) | Copy

Fantastic Answer! This dude pretty much beat the rest of us to it.

#3 is gold.....but that call / text is going to cost you a few seconds of your precious life.

Personally I'd ghost. Hopefully she left some of her things around you can sell.

[–]ngyuhnang-5 points-4 points  (2 children) | Copy

These steps may sound rude but you cant think straight in your cloud of emotions. in 2 months you will look back to this post and wish you followed these steps. good luck anyways.

call / text is fine, ghosting without saying anything sounds a little sociopathic to me imo

[–]dani0983 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

“.....sounds a little sociopathic...” Welcome to TRP

[–]Leaves4Good2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have a feeling he won't do it and she will dump him :/

[–]anal_coke82 points83 points  (0 children) | Copy

You've already been dumped. Move on

[–]20029004369 points70 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s already over don’t waste you gas or time.

[–]TopOccasion2953 points54 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's already over. Don't meet up. You'll just be wasting time.

[–]WeddingCrasher9110 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

And giving her closure

[–]TopOccasion297 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yup closure is bullshit. She's already dumped OP a long time ago and wants to meetup so she can say she's dumped OP. OP you should dump her first by text then block her of everything. Her hamster will go into overdrive. She will attempt to rekindle the fire by pretending to want you back so she can be the one to dump you.

Just text her "no need to meet up its over". If she asks why just say you're not feeling it anymore and then ghost, then block.

[–]TheStrand2344 points45 points  (3 children) | Copy

When one door closes another door opens.

Have to look at it that way, and only that way. Was married 27 years just had divorce finalized on Nov 15th.

The Stars look very different today.... In such a good way

[–]finally_a_free_man15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

Amen bro. I'm honestly not 100% with the extreme side of TRP, but this state of mind has helped me moved on from a 7 year LTR where I ended it. There's really no other way. You live with your choices and move forward... once the rose colored tint starts fading everything looks so much clearer... There's a sense of excitement and freedom that we completely lose once we fade into a LTR.

[–]markinsinz70 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Damn 27 years gone just like that. I guess people change a lot and it'd just too hard to be mongamous

[–]ohRyZze19 points20 points  (0 children) | Copy

Same sotuation as you, 3 months ago. The difference is I gave her a second chance. Well look at me now being dumped again 3 months later. Biggest mistake of my life.

If she is thinking about dumping you, she already dumped you. Hard next and focus on yourself for a while

[–]Bleu_Cheese_Pursuits9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm really liking the hard next advice being given.

[–]3chazthundergut17 points18 points  (4 children) | Copy

Pop a bottle of champaign!

Sweet sweet freedom. Just make sure you fix the thing that's making her lose interest. Otherwise the same thing will keep happening.

[–]Furrealyo18 points19 points  (3 children) | Copy

I dunno, sometimes I actively beta a LTR until they leave. Honestly it really cuts WAAAAY down on the crazy if they are the ones to leave. Gotta be careful with false accusations of abuse or rape. Never happens when you let them think they have the high road.

I laugh inside every time they sit me down “to talk” thinking I’m going to be crushed. ;)

Bitch! This was MY plan!

[–]Pascolino 1 points [recovered]  (2 children) | Copy

That is a lot of work and makes you look weak. Why not be a real man, put your pants on and not waste both yours and hers time by ending it swiftly and decisively? Seriously man. Super weak method. Making yourself a little bitch to avoid conflict makes you, well, a little bitch.

[–]Furrealyo3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I said sometimes.

I am also pretty well off financially, which makes me a great target for a #metoo moment. I need to be VERY careful in exiting a relationship and so far this is the best way I’ve found.

[–]throwawaylike_shit15 points16 points  (1 child) | Copy

Dont meet up

[–]Jsieijejeieokkd2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ghost, Ghost, Ghost! Block her number, the story you dumped her.

Or maybe she’s pregnant?

[–]californicatorz5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't go

[–]TheTrenTrannyTrain6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–]SteveStJohn1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is SoFuGood.

[–]light-----------dark22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don’t react. Frame, dude

[–]lostbuthopefull11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

this is what you say. “I’m gonna pass on coffee, I’m kinda busy during that time. I respect your decision and I wish you the best”

I know your bitch ass wants to see her (cause I’ve been in your shoes) but it isn’t worth it. Also showing her that you aren’t interested in closure will raise any sort of value you have left. Just play the part even though you truly don’t want 2. That’s life

[–]Rkingpin13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Show no emotions

Start looking for new women and channel any negative emotions into lifting and bettering yourself

[–]Crailberry9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just don't show up.....what's the point of going if you already know the outcome? Just to get beat up/get told you can't fulfill her needs?

[–]CainPrice9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Two options.

First option. Don't show up. Just stand her up. But block her on everything so you don't receive any of her complaining about it. Never see her again. Deny her closure.

Second option. When she breaks up with you, shrug like it doesn't matter and never did, like you've been fucking three other girls this past week anyway. Then tell her you'd be down to keep the casual thing going. Say that like you expect her to say yes. Like you you've always thought she's a slut who would do things like that. When she refuses, say okay like it doesn't matter to you at all, like you've been fucking other girls anyway, then leave immediately.

[–]ArnoldBateman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If anyone actually does this you’re a God

[–]cheesewindow5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's found someone else already. AWALT.

Hard fucking next. It doesn't bother you. Don't even plate her. She's no-one anymore. You fucked up (we all do at some stage bro) Her hamster will spin and you'll improve your frame and standing with her simply by doing fuck all.

You can't fuck up doing fuck all.

[–]civilizedfrog7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Be like Even Steven. Don't cry like a bitch and/or beg her to come back. Don't stay shut in your house. Lifting and getting new hobbies will help in easing the pain. Find someone hotter and let her regret the decision she made. More importantly, don't get back with her.

[–]SteveStJohn1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be like Even Steven.

That is the ultimate how to get dumped video.

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is no point in having this conversation. You know the outcome. Don't bother showing up. Ghost.

Get on with your life.

Meet women who want to fuck you.

[–]BiscottiGeneral2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Gotta come off like you’re breaking up with her somehow. I’d say don’t show up and send a message saying something like “I thought about what we talked about and realized we aren’t the best fit for each other.”

Sounds counter intuitive but she will very likely be pursuing you for months after that. I learned the hard way, and was made an absolute fool when I met up after the initial breakup.

[–]Prysefighter2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is going to suck. Really no way around it. You probably won't be able to for a long time but eventually you'll move on. You can help that process by focusing on you and doing everything possible to have a clean break. Don't ask to work on it or see therapy or bring up good times, it will never work. Even if you temporarily make them happy or they start to miss you, they will eventually feel that the relationship isn't right at some point again. I.e. you treated the symptoms but the problem is still there. Lean into it. Seperate as much as possible as soon as possible.

[–]RedHoodhandles2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck! Closure!

[–]takobozu4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your ex girlfriend is already fucking someone else, probably she has been doing it for several months already. Anyway, good riddance. Plenty of bitches thirsty for cock out there, fuck them all.

[–]EPGMDAWG2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I dont know you stage in life so this may not be relatable and this reply is on the fly but hope it helps

Honestly react however you want cos i cant make you do anything, only advise.

Dont react negatively or blame. Dont apologise or say sorry for anything. Hold frame and leave it and move on. Shell start spraying words or try get you to react so she can feel good and guves her a excuse to put blame on you as woman cant see themselves being accountable for their faults. Its up to you to not be baited.

Probably going down the rabbit hole but also:

Yes emotionally it going to be shit. You can sit in your oneitis ex and use it as a excuse to be miserable and stuff and call her a bitch and try get her back

Or

You can use your time and energy to make yourself a better man for yourself. Get fitter, work harder at your job, more time into your hobbys, more time to go out socially and meet new people, you get the picture.

Theres a few good trp threads about this i have stumbled across and on the sidebar.

[–]CharlesChadworth1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Going to be hard af, but if you can keep composure and make it seem like the relationship was nothing at all that would be the best response. Laugh it off and be like yea I haven't been feeling it as well (while smiling) and be like I have to go (Input something here) blah blah.

Her response "can I still call you/can we be friends?"

To which you say while smiling " thanks for the offer but I have enough friends"

If you act indifferent her hamster is going to spin so fast the bearings will break and cause the hamster to fly across the room.

Note: if you bitch out and cry or get aggressive she will then have ammo in her mind to be like "omg I dodged a bullet, thank god I left" etc. Dont do this....

[–]Nergaal1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She wants closure. You have nothing to gain. Cancel or just don't show up.

[–]MisterRoid1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't go. Why would you give her the satisfaction? She has already dumped you, so it would just be silly to pre-emptiveiy dump her as another poster suggested, but there's no point meeting her and listening to her bullshit.

[–]flatox1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She already fucked other dudes, dont give her closure.

[–]TheUnsteadyDonut0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't meet, don't give her closure mate

[–]jakethesnake50000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Break up with her first. It will be the best decision you ever made, trust me on this. It demonstrates that you are higher value than her plus, she will eventually change her mind and chase you. Then you can plate her

[–]throwitdownman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hell. No. To. Closure.

You know how to feel better? Delete her off your phone contacts, off your social media, and block on everything. You can send a message as well, up to you, but you have to hard next.

Doing so is therapeutic. You actually become in a much healthier state of mind. Hanging on is too stressful on any person’s mind, especially if it’s been 5 years.

Even if she reaches out to you again, mentally you would have moved on, and you would be much more rational in evaluating her (she’s an ex, nothing more). If you find her now, you’ll have all kinds of doubts, negative energy, and sadness which is unnecessary.

[–]Ricky4690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Break up with her like Vasily said. Then enjoy like, just have fun, go out with any woman you want. Take a trip you put off. Enjoy hobbies. You're free.

[–]ProFriendZoner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

How to react?

Like Martin Luther King: "Free at last, Free at last, GOOD GOD ALMIGHTY FREE AT LAST!!!"

[–]It_just_got_Worse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Let me just NOT put it lightly. Radio-fucking-Silence, it's over. Done. End of this chapter. Walk away, you're gonna go and meet up with her for what? It's not gonna change anything she's literally having you go meet her up so she can break up with you in person. You don't owe her anything, no explanation, zip. It's fucking done and the moment you swallow this pill the better you'll feel. It's just advice

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well?

[–]0io--4 points-3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I always think you should have sex one last time, then propose being friends with benefits, and then hook up with her friends. It's never failed me.

[–]Intivel6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is definitely a no no, if it’s a plate sure go for it, but in a LTR of 5 years OP would be making it harder for himself. Just Next, never contact her again.

[–]0io-0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Move to "injured reserve" list. I guess my LTRs were really more like OLTRs and I was never all that oneitis-y... I would just demote to plate and use it as guilt-free chance to openly date or hook-up with whoever's on the wait-list. Girlfriends are always stirring up drama. I'd say there's at least a 10% chance that OP's gf is just trying to get him to propose or see if he breaks down crying or something.

[–]kkhos16-5 points-4 points  (9 children) | Copy

You guys dated for five years and she must have been a big part of your life. Go hear what she has to say, even though it might crush you. Accept what happened, self reflect and try not to resent her for anything. Just thank her for the good times and wish her the best. Trust me, you will feel lot better just being positive and respectful about this. It’s time to introspect for you either way. Go on a small solo vacation, spend some time with yourself.

Young TRP Chodes here who’ve never opened themselves up to another person will obviously take the cowardly road of not meeting. You need closure too.

[–]Just15153 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

Nothing cowardly about it. The red pill is an unpleasant truth. What do you misunderstand about it...

Grab ahold of yourself.

If op genuinely wants anything to do with her again without being disrepsected and eventually thrown to the wayside, his only chance is to completely blow her off straight away. Any value he has left will be raised instantly and she is very likely to start chasing him again and come back crying weeks or months later from which op will have one more chance not to slip into betadom(or if she was just a ho, not make same Mistake).

Meeting will do nothing good apart from satisfy her feelings and validate her hamster trying to justify her discisions(maybe she cheated)

[–]backgroundmusic95-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

It seems like skipping the closure is the most "beta" things to do. You're essentially saying that you are so entranced by her that you'll skip treating her like another human being, and instead that you're willing to manipulate her emotions so that she'll come back into your lap (essentially being a piece of shit human for a girl, clearly no sense of outcome indepedence here). Going in for closure would be the more "alpha" move, as long as you don't whine and bitch. It's signalling that you acknowledge an official end, and you're good with that, and you're ready for the next chapter.

The option of blowing her off just makes you look like a dick and she may miss you in 3 weeks, but then long term, she'll be happy she never cared about you either. If you've been fucking her well, respecting her, and doing whatever you want to do for yourself (see chasing your mission) she'll miss you in 3 weeks, and then experience deep seated regret over red wine at her family room table for a lifetime... Not that that's a good thing. You all seem pretty motivated by it though so here. Remember, you can be RedPilled and a genuinely good human being.

[–]kkhos16-3 points-2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I respectfully disagree. Meeting is also a chance for him to get closure. And obviously if you’ve been with someone for 5 years you obviously care. It’s easy to say, but if he doesn’t meet now, he will want to later, it will catch up. We don’t know much about them, if they were friends before, if they planned on settling down together. Etc. You can meet at your own convenience, listen to her shit and not react much as I said, wish her the best and move on. I don’t understand why people are so afraid of getting hurt. There’s always a lesson to learn and I’m sure a significant other of 5 years knows your demons and is a good critique of you. It’s time now for him to reflect and introspect and evolve.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why should a man listen to her shit??? Why? That's beta and needy. Why does he need to be her emotional tampon one last time? Certainly it is not for him. But for her. After you even red pilled? You sound like feminist soy boy

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Further, she'll probably want to make it 'for coffee', etc... i.e., at his expense.

In all of this, she is summoning him to hear his sentence, and expecting him to obey her, cancelling his plans, taking up his valuable time for no benefit, and training him to obey people that do not have his interests in mind. I say 'Fuck that'.

[–]TopOccasion290 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

OP has all the closure he needs. She's already dumped OP a long time ago and meeting her is pointless.

It’s easy to say, but if he doesn’t meet now, he will want to later

That's where OP's strength comes in. His ability to let go and move on without meeting her.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can meet at your own convenience, listen to her shit and not react much as I said, wish her the best and move on. I don’t understand why people are so afraid of getting hurt. There’s always a lesson to learn and I’m sure a significant other of 5 years knows your demons and is a good critique of you

This is a phenomenal amount of shit, and I can't believe that a male is writing this.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She wants closure. A man should never wish for it. If bitch is leaving it is her problem. Tons of other bitches out there. Closure is for women that's why they crave for last coffee dates. It is the last nail in the coffin. They need to break up first. When a man doesn't show up he shows that the doesn't give a fuck either way and has abundance of other options.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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