Hi guys,

This is my first post. I've been red pill aware for a few years but haven't been an active reader for a while. I do believe red pill tenets to be a beacon of truth, though. No doubt about that. And in my downward spiral of blind subjectivity, I'm really hoping for a bit of objective advice.

Here's my bio in a nutshell:

  • 35 year old South African male
  • Living and working as an English teacher in Korea for the last 5 years
  • Don't own any property and not much savings to my name
  • Married to a Korean girl
  • We have a daughter (14 months old)
  • Wife acts like a complete fucking cunt and refuses to take even 0.000001% responsibility for her disrespectful attitude
  • We have had a few roof raising meltdowns (today included) that very regrettably have resulted in me getting physical aggressive toward her
  • I try my absolute best to STFU and ignore her disrespectful attitude, and actually manage to bottle it up 99% of the time
  • The meltdowns and physical attacks almost always follow on from the measly 1% percent of the time that I call her out on her bullshit

Typically it goes like this (I'll pretty much just describe today's situation verbatim, and I'll stick to the bullet points as it's probably easier to read. Sorry, I know it's weird):

  • I'll typically say something or make a suggestion (our daughter has been sick with a series of colds lately, so today being Saturday, we agreed it'd be a good opportunity to take her to the doctor to get a fresh prescription of cold meds)
  • Daughter usually takes her first nap around 1 pm, but today she fell asleep earlier than usual, at about 11am, just as we were getting ready to go to the pediatrician's office
  • The pediatricians office closes at 1pm on Saturdays
  • The clinic is never very busy (we've never had to wait longer than a few minutes, it's a 5 minute drive from our apartment, and in Korea it's customary to simply visit a doctor's office unannounced (they don't call in advance to make appointments like we do in the west)
  • Waking our daughter up wasn't an option as she clearly needed the sleep
  • So I ran a quick mental calculation and suggested we let her sleep till 12.30 then scoot over to the doctor (please note: my suggestions are just that, suggestions, I'm completely flexible on matters like this. Who the hell wouldn't be?)
  • Then the tipping point:
  • Wife responds in her usual cunty snarky tone: "Baby, that's obviously too late"
  • (In isolation this seems like a seriously minor/trivial thing. But when it's a daily occurrence it all builds up, trust me)
  • And then, in broad strokes:
  • Immediately I feel belittled and stupid for making that suggestion
  • I remind her that I've asked her many times lately to be mindful of the way she speaks to me because it makes me feel dumb
  • She flat out rejects the notion that she's done anything wrong and escalates her cuntiness to level 1000 and pretty much tells me to go fuck myself, the only problem in our relationship is me. Salt enters the wounds
  • I escalate and start accusing her of being emotionally abusive (my point is that by constantly rendering my feelings invalid she is in fact abusing me emotionally)
  • Cuntiness level 1000000. More salt
  • By this stage my temper is flaring, I can't fathom how someone can be so blatantly deluded with themselves
  • I point out (rather passionately) that, among other things, the whole situation could be so easily avoided if she could just show one iota of understanding, one tiny shred of validation of the way she makes me feel (God I sound like a pussy), I tell her she has zero ability to humble herself and think self-reflexively for even one fucking second)
  • Cuntiness level 1000000000
  • My tempers getting higher, I'm trying to express myself and provide her with a real-time analysis of the situation with extreme eloquence (it's a message a toddler could easily understand, so why the hell can't she)
  • ZERO validation of anything I'm saying, keeps trying to turn the tables on me, salt keeps pouring in
  • The passionate and animated way in which I'm delivering my speech has caused her to start calling me crazy
  • Clearly my passion is escalating in proportion to her willful ignorance of the fact that I'm looking for something, ANYTHING, from her. I tell her that I'd even be satisfied if she just PRETENDS she understands where I'm coming from
  • No way jose. I'll just keep pushing your buttons till the cows come home. You're crazy, I did nothing wrong.
  • She remains stoically defiant and uncompromisingly bratty despite my impressively clear and articulate assessment of, not only the current altercation, but also how it fits into the greater context of our relationship
  • Clearly I'm not some incomprehensible drunkard flying off the handle for no reason. I'm a goddamn human being trying to negotiate a bit of goddamn basic human respect from someone he could potentially be spending the rest of his life with. That's a long ass barrel to be staring down, and we both know it
  • Finally the extreme frustration of me not being able to draw so much as an 'I hear you', or 'Okay, I kind of see what you're saying, I'll give it some thought' takes me to breaking point
  • I warn her that if she doesn't back down I'm afraid I'll start getting physical, because when my words fail me despite a genuine and sustained effort to articulate myself as honestly and clearly as possible, well... we looks for other means of communication
  • Before I know it my hands are around her neck, tears are streaming down her face, we're both screaming, our daughter wakes up and is scared shitless by the commotion, I see her and go to pick her up/sooth her because I know how damaging domestic violence can be for a child. I desperately want to protect her psychological state so she doesn't grow up with mental issues or anything resembling her grade A bitch of a mother. Wife keeps screaming, crying, throwing things around, telling me she's had it, I'm disgusting, and she's going to leave me the first chance she gets etc. etc. etc. Daughter's crying hysterically. I hold her head into my chest as I comprehend how completely and utterly fucked I am. Why? Because of her..... my daughter. I love her so incredibly much and I just know that when the divorce finally happens my wife will do everything she can to hurt me, financially and emotionally. She will use my love of my daughter to hurt me in any way she can regardless of what this means for our daughter or her mental well-being. Her and I operate on completely different levels. All I want is to cling to the truth as far as our own individual subjectivities and desires will allow and try to find a situation that suits everybody. I have no doubt that she will do everything in her power to make things as humanly difficult and unpleasant for me as possible. I see her vindictiveness and spiteful malice manifest almost every day, not only towards me, but other people as well. When her ego feels slighted she makes it her personal mission to make the other person suffer. How the fuck did I marry this psycho.

And more importantly, how can I maintain a healthy relationship with my daughter while trying to stay afloat financially and knowing her mother is behind the scenes plotting up ways to make my life difficult and keep me poor. I'd give anything to just run away with my daughter and start fresh somewhere, but I'm aware there are laws against that (not to mention basic moral objections).

And speaking of laws, the Korean legal system is famous for siding with Koreans. No way in hell the courts will hear my side of things (as a foreigner), especially when she tells them about the times I've gotten physical.

Please help me...