Wife is having an affair with a former patient of hers, we have kids so I have just been taking it.

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August 6, 2017


Post Information
Title Wife is having an affair with a former patient of hers, we have kids so I have just been taking it.
Author throwawayrfee
Upvotes 74
Comments 60
Date 06 August 2017 07:41 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/179659
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/6s0g3n/wife_is_having_an_affair_with_a_former_patient_of/
Similar Posts

[–]Westernhagen168 points169 points  (11 children) | Copy

I have threatened divorce and she has told me that she can't believe that I would want that for our family.

SHE is the one who did that to the family, not you.

I could never be a weekend dad

Why would you have to be? Fight for 50/50 custody and you will get it. You'll only be a weekend dad if you don't fight.

On the plus side, this may not even be up to you. She'll probably pull the divorce trigger on your pathetic spineless ass anyway.

Minimum required action: you lawyer up and find out the EXACT consequences of divorce. You obtain ironclad proof of the affair and keep that proof somewhere offsite (e.g., safe deposit box).

Any of your kids boys? You want them to learn the lesson that they have to accept being cucked? That's the future you want for them? And oh by the way, paternity testing for them is a good idea too.

[–]The-Devilz-Advocate43 points44 points  (6 children) | Copy

Also close off shared financial accounts, including credit cards, bank, paypal etc. When closing up your shared accounts get official bank statements that have undeniable proof of the money you had there. Take out all the money and give her half.

Also cut her off the cellphone plans if it is shared, make a new one with your kids (if they have one) but her's off.

Also if she has a car that you are paying off (even though it's in her name) cut her off.

Also PLEASE PLEASE don't inform her workplace until AFTER you deal with child custody in court, if she gets fired you can get fucked harder than what you can now. After the custody you can send all the evidence to her direct supervisor with a forward email to the supervisor's superior. That way he/she is forced by the superior to deal with your cheating wife.

[–]NeDictu 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Take out all the money and give her half.

yeah and don't document it so the quarts still think you have it all.

After the custody you can send all the evidence to her direct supervisor with a forward email to the supervisor's superior. That way he/she is forced by the superior to deal with your cheating wife.

What? why? so if they end up back in court for something she can play the sob story about how he's trying to ruin her life? just get as many assets you can get and as much of the kids in the divorce and move on with your life.

[–]The-Devilz-Advocate8 points9 points  (4 children) | Copy

The first part was implied that he should also document that he gave her half.

Second one if he feels the moral obligation to report an indecent relationship of a medical professional and a patient then he should do it in those steps anonymously.

[–]NeDictu 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

petty, not smart. this guy is not obliged to correct every injustice he comes across, especially not those pertaining to people he's playing legal chess with. fucking move on.

[–]trpanak1n-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

he's not doing it to correct moral justice he's doing it because he was cucked

[–]NeDictu 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

move. the fuck. on.

[–]trpanak1n-5 points-4 points  (0 children) | Copy

oh damn you got mad bc you realised you were wrong lol

[–]obama_loves_nsa4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Be a stealthy and silent as possible while lawyering up and prepping for the big move

[–]throwawayghl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This sick guy stole my post from /r confessions. I would appreciate if if it was removed since he stole it. I have read all the advice here regardless and am preparing my case. And yes, I have one young son.

[–]Red-45559 points60 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have threatened divorce and she has told me that she can't believe that I would want that for our family

How fucking dare she, acting like she gives a shit about the well being of "the family".

"Yes kids, me and daddy are getting a divorce, but it's his fault for signing the papers, not mine for fucking someone I'm not married to."

The guy is a typical loser but it has only brought down my self worth worse knowing that she is choosing him at the moment

I wouldn't be so sure, addicts can be extremely charasmatic and intelligent people. I have seen several steady-headed individuals be seduced by confident and charismatic text-book "losers".

She's already checked out of the relationship. She's divorced in her head. Don't feel selfish, because she doesn't give a fuck about your "family". Now it's your turn to decide if you want to check out as well.

Start keeping records and gathering proof of her unfaithfulness, it could get you more rights with your kids. Proof proof proof. Text messages are great, hiring a private investigator is better. Contact a lawyer and start speaking to him under the table, do not tell her you are doing this until the lawyer says it's final!!

[–]Scheme0011 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great advice here

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Are you in early 20's?

When you're married, many of the shit tests are about "doing something for the kids" or "thinking about the children".

Your second quote sums it up well: women are solipsistic.

I hope this doesn't anger you because OP's story is regular and expected at this point in Western society, and TRP has a huge recent influx of guys in the anger phase.

[–]Borsao6630 points31 points  (2 children) | Copy

Most states have ethical guidelines that prohibit that sort of relationship. It could be a powerful tool to get full custody if she was...ahem... unemployed.

[–]creating_my_life16 points17 points  (1 child) | Copy

He should establish alimony and support first to secure her financial obligation to him; THEN chase down ethical repercussions to fuck up her career.

[–]Nodeal_reddit2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Evil genius level stuff

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev52 points53 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have threatened divorce and she has told me that she can't believe that I would want that for our family.

Cough-Cough...like fucking other guys is what's 'best' for our family...Cough-Cough!

Dude. Listen to yourself. Go see a divorce lawyer like Right.Fucking.NOW. Get shit set up, because either she's going to dump you for Joe Alchy or you are going to grow some self-respect. And where is the $ coming from to buy him a TV? Get some incontrovertible proof, like screen shots of shit. I don't care what she has 'admitted', words disappear into the air.

Oh, and DREAD the FUCK out of this bitch. Get thee to the gym, and start banging other broads. Turnabout is fair play.

And you young guys? Think about this story before you get married. And yes, this shit CAN happen to you.

[–]zboo1h21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

Either you're stupid or this is a LARP cuckpost. Talk to your children about it, put it on her. Get around behind her back and arrange for a clean departure with minimal to zero conversation involving her. Break it off as cleanly as possible with her while maintaining communication with your children.

Then after all that find your fucking testicles and re-attach them.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

this is a LARP cuckpost

Yeah, thought about that. But it's a Life Lesson for the young guys.

[–]DistantWinter11 points12 points  (2 children) | Copy

Consult a divorce lawyer first. Adultery doesn't matter in many US states. All of this advice varies from state to state.

Stop working. You've somehow just gotten laid off. This will help you when they calculate child support and alimony. Continue the facade that you're looking for work and in the meantime become a stay at home dad.

Cash out your retirement funds and keep it in cash outside a financial institution. This can be explained that it was done since you lost your employment. She'll have rights to up to half of your SS and any pension. Oh yeah start sleeping on the couch more.

Slowly siphon funds out of any shared accounts and withdraw/close any joint credit accounts. Monitor your credit reports religiously in case any new lines of credit are opened in your name and shut them down asap.

That's the quick and dirty but you can look the rest up on the net.

DO NOT EVER leave your house. Even if you walk in on the local AA meeting running a train on your wife. It's called abandonment of family and you'll lose your house and children. DO NOT EVER escalate an argument simply agree and leave into the other room. Shut down emotionally and start setting up a camera system. Domestic violence charges come fast followed by protection orders and that gets looped right back to abandoned family.

You have more to lose than you can even wrap your head around right now. Things that are going to impact your grandchildren. On top of this you are going to be walking into a system that is so heavily set against you that you'll be lucky to get what you get when they stamp the agreements.

On top of all this stop feeling sorry for this trash. It's over the only thing you can do now is to protect yourself as the cyclone hits. Your children will be collateral damage.

This is all her fault.

[–]CptNemo562 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

holy crap this is good advice. listen to this man

[–]redeye_banana0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good advice here. Also download an app on your phone that will record in the background. things are gonna get heated between you, and she may accuse you of violence to get you out of the house.

The marriage is over (her doing) divorce rape is imminent.

Life is going to be hard for a while but you can start a new life and be a great dad. It's going to be a tough road to walk down , but she did the dirty not you.

[–]TheDreadnought17 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, listen to yourself. It will be MUCH worse for your kids to live with parents that don't like each other, a fucking cheating bitch as mom and a cuck as dad. GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS MARRIAGE. Do what the other dudes are saying, contact your lawyer under the table, get as much proof as humanly possible, and you can an will get 50/50 custody or even more than that. Nail your fucking balls into the middle of your legs again and GTFO of this shithole. Once your kids can understand the impact of her attitude, they will be disgusted at her and will respect you. But not if you accept the cuck. Don't do this to yourself and to them

[–]Guipouet8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm so new here but I'll allow myself in.

Don't get out of the house. From where I am (France) it is considered abandon of the family, I don't know how to translate it. Surely there's a similar thing where you are.

Get a lawyer, get a PI, pictures, traces of everything she bought with your money and offered to the guy.

She fucked your mind up, man, fuel your change to red pill with a divorce in which you win.

One question: In this marriage, what's your investment? Because this is your return on it. Don't let the past hold on to you.

[–]FlyingSexistPig7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

Don't fight for 50/50 custody. Fight for 100% custody. Have hard evidence of what she's done. Show how you're the better parent.

[–]beginner_1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

This. You will never get 50&50 if you fight for it. You might get it if you go for full custody. Might. If you are lucky with the judge and get a good lawyer.

[–]FuckinStopSayingThis0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]FlyingSexistPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you fight and lose, you will learn something from the process. You can fight again every 2 years.

Fighting shows the judge and court that you genuinely do care about your kids, and want to be the father. If you're taking care of business, then the court might be swayed that the kids would be better off if they spent more time with you.

If you don't fight (knowing that you're probably going to lose), then you're showing that you don't care about your kids.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is why I'm never getting married and getting a vasectomy

[–]ReadyForChange870 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My thoughts exactly. Marriage is a trap. I don't need kids to be happy or to have a purpose in my life.

[–]daveofmars4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Divorce, as soon as you can. Yeah, you might only see your kids on the weekend. Yeah, you will have to pay child support, but it is the better path.

She has already lost respect for you, if she has an affair, and you know, and she hasn't stopped it. She will continue losing respect for you the longer you hold out, and soon your kids will lose respect for you. It's just a downward spiral that you cannot fix.

You need to get out of there. The divorce might be a total disaster, but you can handle disaster. You cannot handle betrayal. The constant betrayal is going to be far, far worse for you if you stick it out.

[–]shamy1135 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mate there is a lot of advice flying around here but really you need to consider your life. This woman has access to your money and to your life and will be using both to fuel her affair.

She doesn't care about you, your kids or your family environment and she is doing her utmost to get her kicks. Destroy her and take back your family, win your children over by dedicating your time to them and learning with them but absolutely DO NOT stay in this marriage.

I don't know how old you are but you still have your whole life and if your priorities are your kids then you better cut out the cancer of the family and focus on making sure you attend every football game, play rehersal, hockey match. Don't be one of those dads that sits with their kids in KFC, for fuck sake grow a spine, kick that cheating cunt out of your life and take back your children!

If you don't then you will regret every year and moment you stay married. Life is short and do you really want your kids to have the image of their broken dad with a cheating wife? Get to the gym, but a f***ing nutribullet and start organising your finances to accommodate for your children and a better lifestyle.

Hope you get some clarity and realise that the advice your getting here is for you and that the people commenting here have an objective view and probably experience with your situation.

All the best brother.

[–]Scheme0033 points34 points  (4 children) | Copy

GET THE FUCK OUT. You are not acting like a man. GET THE FUCK OUT NOW. Tell your kids you love them but their mom has done things and you can not be together with her anymore. GET THE FUCK OUT NOW IMMEDIATELY. You or her need to pack your shit and be out by 9 am tomorrow.

[–]flam3srock17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

This is terrible advice. If you leave the residence you stand to lose more in a divorce. Consult lawyers before anything else.

[–]KaleBrecht5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed, not to mention informing the kids that "their mom has done things". It's just an open invitation for drama. She's going to start talking shit to those poor kids about what a "loser" their dad is the minute he's out the door - using them as tools for emotional leverage and a means for other hurtful motivations.

OP, please do NOT escalate the situation with more immature drama. Things are going to suck for awhile, but it's important you keep your head about this and act like an adult. What you choose to do today will decide what tomorrow brings. Here are the three options I'm seeing:

  1. Divorce. Be civil, respectful, consult an attorney immediately and keep your mouth shut about what's discussed between the two of you. No Failbook drama, no high school soap opera, no dragging your kids into it.

  2. You stick it out and work on your relationship - not the way I'd play it - but hey, marriage counseling is an option for a lot of people. I personally have no patience for it, but you may value your wife's company despite her transgressions, I don't know. Your call.

  3. You stick around - for the kids - and use this tragedy as a gateway to a few of your own girlfriends. If she doesn't respect your marriage, who says you can't have some fun too? Maybe play the dread game and casually throw it back in her face. Downplay it like it's nothing to you. "Just some girlfriends, get over it, babe."

[–]Scheme00-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

My post has 30 upvotes. Clearly the exact communication may need to be different but the general idea is the same. He needs to get out immediately.

[–]creating_my_life7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'd cheat on you too with your spineless view of the world and low value of yourself.

get over to mrp/askmrp and get beaten up over there.

what's your height, weight, bodyfat, and squat anyways?

[–]FilthMonger852 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

No wonder she drifted, you're pathetic.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Seriously. I hardly care about OP's wife being so "evil". Men like OP will accelerate the decline (unless OP wises up and takes the advice posted)

[–]varrr2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That sucks so bad man... I would suggest you to get the fuck out of there at the speed of light but I understand that you don't want to loose your kids.

Very few people on this subreddit have kids/know what they are talking about.

Can you get a separation and still live under the same roof unti the kids grow up and then get a divorce? Split up, you get your room she get hers. You both live your separate lives under the same roof for the kid's sake. Maybe 4 or 5 years of that to ease the kids into the reality of divorce.

In the meantime you can go back on the market, make new friends and work on your game, get laid... All this while still mantaining the current lifestyle and avoiding any harm to the kids.

I mean... your wife is already doing it. She fucks a dude but she come back home every time just to mantain the facade. You can do it too.

[–]BestSC861 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you posted this in the wrong reddit...

This a lame cuck fantasy post which for some reason you fucks get a kick out hearing men lambast your ass for being a puss.

Take that shit to r\cucks and get mental help for your issues.

Sadly because of most of the responses this sad case is rubbing one out reading the post blasting him for being a submissive pussy....these people really have some serious problems.

[–]Thizzlebot1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

she can't believe that I would want that for our family.

Holy shit she is sick in the head. You should just go for the divorce and try to get full custody. Talk to a lawyer and save any messages you can.

[–]moontripper12461 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start seeing other women. I mean, hey, if you love her then you're fucked, but if your REALLY in this just for your kids then she should also be cool with you seeing other women (obviously not at home).

Just saying. And yeah, I get that you wanna be around your kids but.....they're growing up in this kind of household.....how well are they really gonna turn out when everyone's lying to each other?

I mean, my parents divorced when i was 12(ish) and they couldn't be in the same room for a few years, but my dad stuck around (and I knew it killed him to be so distant from us by law). But now, we spend SO MUCH time together. Like, it's an odd week when he isn't over 4 days out of the week. So, I'm trying to demonstrate that divorce isn't necessarily the worst option. I can guarantee everyone would be much less happy and much more fucked in the head if they stayed together. (in my household)

Whereas.....when I look at my friends who's parent stayed together literally right up until they finished high school then split.....they're okay but none have love between their family like I do, and not surprisingly they all have fucked up relationships themselves (ie. they cheat a lot). and i really feel that it's been borne out of the difference in honesty in our households.

By no means should you read this and suddenly decide you need a divorce, Im just a product of one, never had to go through my own. But I hope this adds some perspective.

Because.....if neither of you love each other, and you really are just staying together "for the kids" (and I get that you truly do love them) personally, I strongly believe its always best to be truthful with your offspring. They will one day wake up and realize that life is real, and that the two people who are supposed to be there guiding them can't be trusted.....that's going to fuck them up FAR more than having to understand that relationships aren't always perfect.

Because....speaking as a child of divorce they definitely notice that your relationship isn't all it's cracked up to be. I mean, it's hysterical how much my parents think my siblings and I didn't see or hear what was going on. They're your kids man, they watch you intensely, they know something isn't right.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

Quit being a bitch and take massive action right now.

You're not a victim. Your wife cheating on you is a direct result of your pussy ass inability to be assertive and lead your own life. She cheated because she wasn't satisfied and also because she knew you wouldn't do anything about it. Continuing to do nothing and accept it is why all of this is happening.

Get fucking mad. Not at anyone else but yourself. Use that anger and focus it into drive to take control of your life.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

@OP, please listen to this. I was in the same situation, wife of 16 years had an affair. You need to alpha up, and study everything in the side bar. Kiss some ass, specifically go beat that guy up. What ever it takes. If you do this you will get over it and be happy it happened. If not you will remain a beta.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm not one to advocate anything illegal, but I am one to remind everyone that turning into a ruthless savage is your God given right. And in certain situations where being a soft pussy has gone on far too long, op owes it to himself to dust off his testicles and get stone age.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Exactly. Remember, he is fucking your wife. There is not much sympathy for him even in the courts.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It really is the same perspective that leads someone to suicide. They've built this prison in their mind where, even though they've been slighted and want to act, they hold themselves back. Blue pill conditioning. I guarantee anyone who has come close to or has killed themselves desperately wanted to take some kind of action but wouldn't because they so thoroughly convinced themselves it wasn't acceptable. What's more acceptable to you, hating or killing yourself, or pissing someone else off in the short term? No question in my mind. All it takes is courage.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She wants to suck the dude of some alcoholic. That's her choice. She can live with the consequences of what she did and those consequences include her children and her extended family knowing that she is an alcoholic dick sucker.

Look I can't promise that you are going to come out of this well financially. Probably arnt that's 2017 for you.

But bro you got fucked. That's the truth. Eventually your children will know the truth and that's all the revenge you need really.

[–]beginner_1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy


Also be prepared. This will be your hardest time ever to come. Ever. It will be hard it will be tough and it will test you like nothing else can. You need to get selfish NOW and see her as the enemy. Loose any empathy towards her. She for sure has done that for you.

Get divorced now. Don't tell her yet but get a lawyer ready. usually it's also good to go to several of them, the best in town. AFAIK due to a law if you already went there she can't choose them anymore.

Secondly stop spending any money now. Buy everything on debt on a shared credit card! She will have to foot half of the debt on divorce. Even if you buy yourself a new car with it (I would not but just to drive home the point) Eg. Use the law to your advantage.

Start documenting everything. Install a voice recorder app on you phone and have it running all the time. Keep the interesting stuff. Also document what you and her spend on the kids in money and time. Good to show you are more invested in your kids than her. Be nice, always be there to watch after the kids when she goes out with her lover. But document everything on paper and with the voice recorder. Before she leaves always ask when she will be back. Show she is irresponsible and you were already raising them and she spent barley any time with them. Doesn't need to be 100% true, it's the picture you need to paint. She will have no evidence against your documentation.

Also go for full custody. then you might get a 50/50 split as a compromise. Might. If you only go for 50/50 you will very likely get 0.

And don't move out. Better document that she was basically not living there anymore (always with her lover) hence you need to keep the house and with that the kids.

Also stop putting any money in joint accounts. Let them run dry if it so happens. If not be an asshole for once and just before serving her the divorce papers, drain the accounts. if you don't, she will.

[–]anusbleach111112 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You should be ashamed of yourself.

[–]flam3srock0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The fact that she is having an affair with a former patient is a violation of ethics. Not saying you should nuke her career, but get proof so you have an ace in the hole if every you need 'leverage' for equal custody. Be ethical yourrself. Set an example for the kids to look back on. Don't let her under your skin, and don't let her fuck you in the ass.

Good chance she will try to spin this as being your fault when she files for divorce.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oh man.

You don't have to be a weekend dad. You can get half or full custody, especially given her behavior.

You can't put up with this. Your wife knows you know that she is going to see a loser and is fucking him and in love with him and you are at home when she gets back. Have some self respect.

You are worried about your kids. What kind of example are you setting for them as far as the way to live their life?

If any of your kids were in this same situation, what would you want them to do?

And it's a hoot that she is throwing anything back in your face. Most good people find it hard to believe that some people aren't good, especially the people that they brought into their life. Your wife is a bad person.

[–]supersonic-turtle0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get hard copied proof and lawyer up man. Can't believe "you would do that to your family" man... fuck her she sucks.

[–]evilkenevil0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to get a lawyer right now. You need not speak of it. You need to follow the precise directions from your attorney.

Damage is done. You need to be prepared. Even if you are remaining married (for now) you need to have specific direction from legal counsel. Do not wait on this.

[–]ViennaBlood0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

try to get proofs of her cheating!!

[–]Rares55550 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The community begs you, get your shit together, fight for your kids and as many assets like the captain that you are, fuck this disgusting whore, and for God’s sake, never fucking get married again.

[–]Mudpielol0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Stand up for yourself, no one will do it for you. And that's something you should teach the kids as well.

[–]BullshittingNonsense0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus, this world. How is it that the wife chooses this bum over you? Stop being a sad man and kick her immediately out of the house. She's the one who made this awful decision. She's got no grounds to still be in that house.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm a nurse. Sleeping with patients is a big no no.

She can lose her license over that, pending the Nurse's College discretion.

Let her supervisors know. Would be a huge reals over feels wakeup call.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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