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Girlfriend was raped, what do I do?

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[deleted]
February 3, 2016
57 upvotes

[deleted]


Post Information
Title Girlfriend was raped, what do I do?
Author
Upvotes 57
Comments 21
Date 03 February 2016 10:11 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/187042
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/4426st/girlfriend_was_raped_what_do_i_do/
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Comments

[–]youcantdenythat57 points58 points  (2 children) | Copy

We can't give you the right answer. You will have to decide at some point. I suggest you don't decide right now, give it a little time first.

For now I suggest hitting the gym hard with all the emotions you must be going through. At least your muscles will benefit from it and it might help you get some frustration out.

[–][deleted] 7 points7 points | Copy

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[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even if you eventually have to leave her, it won't be your fault or hers. If you got raped by a man in prison, would she still look at you the same? If you got beaten up in front of her, would she still look at you the same?

Go with your feelings - if you really think she would be with you and support you instead of feeling disgust, then she's a keeper.

Also, keep an eye out for erratic behavior. There was a thread on /r/relationships a couple of months ago where a girl was raped and then the counselor and her family both conspired to keep her away from her boyfriend, and she was also complicit - this went on for a year. They also hid the fact that she began an affair with a guy who didn't know she was raped, and wasn't willing to end it.

Since it was that sub and not this, he stuck with her. Who knows what state their relationship is in at this point, but don't be that guy.

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger29 points30 points  (3 children) | Copy

Rape is a pretty hanus experience. You don't really get better from it. The very, very best women out there can learn to live with it. The traumatic experience just becomes a thing that happened to them in the past, and they move on. It's still there and haunts them, but doesn't destroy their future.

The worst of women just can't cope with the realization that they're actually powerless in the real world, and that all of the safety, power, comfort -- everything -- is just a house of cards society has constructed, and any minute, someone could say fuck that and do whatever he wants to her. Even if a guy like that gets caught later, she still gets raped. And there are more of him out there.

Accept that it's unlikely your relationship will survive this, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't be there for her if you want to. Also, however, recognize that you aren't obligated to try to fix this or be there or deal with her baggage and her recovery either. You're still you. This doesn't permanently tie you to her if you don't want to be.

[–]Modbsutansalt4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

And then there's the women who latch on to the victim label/mentality because they derive immense status and special treatment from it. Karen Straughan had the best outlook I've heard on the subject when she talked about her own assault some years back, which pretty much echoed what you were saying about accepting that it happened and moving on with her life, not allowing that moment to define her. Everyone has had bad shit happen to them, and latching on to it and wallowing it in is unhealthy to say the least. But women are encouraged to do this these days by the left, so it just fucks women up even more.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

My wife had this experience. Due to her incident, she was encouraged to attend a support group. She made it to three meetings before she had to stop, because the women there all fed off of being victims. And she couldn't believe that these women were trying to one-up each other on how bad their personal stories were. She couldn't do it.

[–]nrjk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

these women were trying to one-up each other on how bad their personal stories were.

Hahaha, this is the opposite of what men do when we one-up each other. Instead of victimhood one-upping, we brag about how awesone we are and how cool our possesions are.

I'm happy to be a man. I really don't like telling people I have a cold.

[–]long-lostfriend29 points30 points  (0 children) | Copy

Where were her friends when this went down?

[–]notmyusualreddit28 points29 points  (2 children) | Copy

I've always told myself that if a girlfriend of mine goes out when deep down I know it's a bad idea, and I have expressed its a bad idea, then I will not stick around afterwards.

When you are with someone there is more at stake than just 'trust' and not cheating on each other. There's the part about not ruining the others persons investment in the relationship.

It would be like a man and woman that decide the dude should give up cliff base jumping if they're going to have a kid. If he then goes and jumps off a cliff, or even something slightly safer that all his friends are doing and its the safest cliff around, the woman would easily have grounds to feel 'cheated' out of the shared commitment they made.

Nothing good happens after midnight is a common saying. It's sad it happened to a good person, but they were doing risky things and got unlucky. I personally wouldn't stay with someone that goes out without me for exactly this reason, and ESPECIALLY not if they did it AND got damaged by it.

[–]FunkyMonkeyAssassin25 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm going with this. Every action has a consequence. You can't blame someone else for your own ignorance when analysing a sitaution.

[–]ItsTheHomeWrecker3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]Wel10827 points28 points  (3 children) | Copy

Former LEO here. Be there for her, but make sure you take of you first. You can't take care of her and be an emotional wreck. You're priority number 1 here. As others have mentioned, stay objective and be open to new information. Try to realize she didn't enjoy this, she didn't give herself to someone else, so drop every insecurity you might be feeling right now and realize this is a tragedy, and I think you will regret it whole heartedly if you handled yourself poorly in this trying time.

[–][deleted] 34 points34 points | Copy

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[–][deleted] 46 points46 points | Copy

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[–]WisdomModifier7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the healthiest advice here.

[–][deleted] 16 points16 points | Copy

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[–]plenkton1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women seem to be better than men at healing from certain types of wounds.

Women never recover from this, ti will always haunt her.

Men recover to the extent that they understand their emotions. Women, they lack this ability.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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