Me [25M] with my wife [29F] of six years, is not sexually adventurous with me like she was in her college years before me.

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September 16, 2015
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Title Me [25M] with my wife [29F] of six years, is not sexually adventurous with me like she was in her college years before me.
Author
Upvotes 72
Comments 134
Date 16 September 2015 05:28 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/188997
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/3l71x8/me_25m_with_my_wife_29f_of_six_years_is_not/
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[–]TRP VanguardWhisper84 points85 points  (8 children) | Copy

Most people who come to askTRP are already carrying the answers to their question with them.

You are no exception. And you know it.

You know perfectly well that you are not her first choice. You know perfectly well that you do not inspire the same passion as the randoms she banged. You have come to me not because you need answers, but because you need help facing the answers you already have.

You know perfectly well that you face a choice between blowing up your marriage, and spending your life as a slut's plan B. You're just hoping against hope that this awful news can somehow not be. Well, it is.

There's no way of talking her into feeling passion for you like she did for them. Desire is not under the control of the conscious mind. No matter how you reason with her, or threaten to leave, she will not change, even if she agrees with what you say. Because she cannot control the part of herself where sexual desire lives.

This means she hasn't wronged you by denying you passionate sex. That's your fault. You failed to inspire that passion.

Instead, she wronged you by agreeing to marry you when she knew full well that the best of her was reserved for others. This deprived you of a chance to find someone who felt that way about you, and marry her instead.

The good news is that you are 25, and have plenty of time left to find that someone, if you start right now.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hey OP, this guy /u/Whisper is awesome. After I finished reading the sidebar, I started reading just the "TRP Vanguard" writers. This is one of my favourites. I also recommend /u/IllimitableMan. Now go read!

[–]CastratedBetaOrbiter9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

The truth hurts OP, but this guy laid it out for you.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Magnificient reply!

I still can't wonder wth "Vanguard" is supposed to mean though....

[–]Gawernator1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

the forefront of an action or movement

[–]Ronin11A1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

This means she hasn't wronged you by denying you passionate sex. That's your fault. You failed to inspire that passion.

Instead, she wronged you by agreeing to marry you when she knew full well that the best of her was reserved for others. This deprived you of a chance to find someone who felt that way about you, and marry her instead.

That, right there, is the reason /u/Whisper is a RP Vanguard.

[–]4Stayinghereforreal57 points58 points  (25 children) | Copy

Just imagine what that relationships sub would say if you had previously jetted GFs around the world for exotic trips, provided them with superb housing, entertained them and their friends with exciting social opportunities, and provided monogamous commitment when asked. But now you had no interest in providing your wife with such benefits, since you now feel yourself to be a different person. DO you think that sub would endorse you withholding all those relationship benefits from your wife, after having provided them to other women? Ah, hell no.

But when it comes to sex and women in marriage, boy, do those rules change for the guys and their expectations.

Anyway, the rest of your concerns are relatively immaterial compared to this:

I'm not satisfied sexually

If you were stupid-happy with your sex life, I would tell you to STFU and stop worrying about things. But based on what you say here, she is not interested in doing things to change what you see as a crappy sex life.

That is where her prior conduct becomes relevant. Because for other guys, oh yeah, she was plenty interested in doing things to make sure they were satisfied, from what it sounds like.

I don't care what her partner count it, or what her prior actions were. What is crucial is she was willing to do things with and for men who had not given her the title of wife, but her husband is refused those same things, and she apparently seems unwilling to expend efforts to address his dissatisfaction.

If ever a situation was AFBB, this sounds like that situation.

Do not continue in this marriage unless and until she takes very seriously your requests for a more satisfying sex life, immediately.

Until and unless she is your sexual dream girl in terms of her enthusiasm and availability, no kids.

Anyone saying to you that you cannot use her relative disinterest in sex with you, as compared to other men in her past, as a means for deciding whether to marry or stay married to a woman is full of shit. That is a crucial component to giving any woman any commitment of any type.

[–]Dacorrector3 38 points38 points [recovered] | Copy

Thank you! I just want equal consideration as a random hookup. I couldn't believe the hypocrisy over at r/relationships.

[–][deleted] 48 points48 points | Copy

[permanently deleted]

[–]slurmfactory2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

post saved- love it

[–]W_O_M_B_A_T0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would like to upvote this as many times as possible. Some solid wisdom here. Cheers, mate.

[–]bonerpotpie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great advice here

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

holy shit. What is this guy doing without an EC label next to this username?

[–]ProspectiveQuant0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I disagree, I think women are far more psychotic and malicious than you are making it out here. Absolving them of all agency is ridiculous.

[–]PIGamer8615 points16 points  (5 children) | Copy

Haha. Hey man! It didn't take long for the mods to delete everything once we specifically pointed out the clear double standard when searching "lied about past" in r/relationships. Fuck those guys.

[–]Dacorrector3 15 points15 points [recovered] | Copy

Right. If you're not on board with their manhating circle jerk, banned!

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

That sub isn't worth the data it uses. Total garbage. Reading that hateful diatribe they threw at you, they just kept calling you insecure and petty.

For example, if I had a wife who gave bjs to all of Alpha Chad Omega, I'd be a little pissed I didn't get the same treatment after putting a ring on it.

Don't buy their garbage, it's like asking a middle aged divorcee for relationship advice.

[–]Dacorrector3 2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy

Yeah. Regular sex can be hard to come by, so bjs forget about it

[–]dandar46000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Regular sex can be hard to come by, so bjs forget about it

You really need to go on self improvement spree. In MRP read the sidebar, it's called a MAP. Basically you lose weight, hit the gym, start dressing better, recognize and pass shit and comfort tests and become more independent. Those are basically the first 5 or 6 stages of 12 stages of dread. Look that up.

What it does is two things. It makes you a more attractive person. This makes you attractive to other women, but most importantly it makes you more attractive to your own wife.

The second thing it does it makes your wife insecure (it's called dread for a reason) because now she sees you could easily cheat on her and get a prettier woman than her to have sex with. It will make her think about you and put in more effort into the relationship. The fact is also that she does want to have sex with an attractive male. Attractive male is not about looks alone. You could look like Chad but if you're acting like a supplicating beta you will be treated as one. You are simply not that attractive right now.

I had roughly 5-10 blowjobs and only few of those to completion through the first 12 years of my marriage. Since I swallowed the pill and implemented the knowledge from the sidebar along with the gym, I've had more blowjobs in the last 6 months than I've had through the first 12 years of marriage and they all have ended with me cumming in her mouth. Fuck I've had 5 or 6 this month alone while she is all achy and pregnant. Think about it for a second. My wife couldn't be bothered to blow me when she felt good cause I looked like shit, but now when I look good and pass shit tests even if she feels achy and bloated she still gets on her knees and takes my load in her mouth.

It's easy to blame her, but realistically you have to change yourself and become a more high value person. Someone that has options. I have a good job, look good, dress well. I would absolutely have no problem getting chicks off Tinder or casually dating if I chose to do that. My wife knows it and behaves appropriately. Before I was a fatass and my wife behaved like a fatass would deserve his wife to behave. Food for thought.

[–]Freddy_Fedora0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That is not the kind of marriage you want to be in.

[–]4Stayinghereforreal17 points18 points  (3 children) | Copy

Equal consideration?! To a random guy she banged?!

To give some woman the title of wife, and only expect equal consideration to some guy she had a one night stand with, strikes me as selling a Ferrari for the price of some half-chewed chewing gum.

A woman that wants to be your wife better treat you with so much more consideration, care, and attention than she did anyone else. And yes, that includes sexual adventurousness. If she was good to go with something for someone else, but not you? Big, big red flag.

If she tried something, and was sincerely just not into it, well, okay, whatever. But if she had literally years of wild sex with other people, it is not a matter of "tried anal once--hated it. No more anal." or "tried a threesome once. Relationship blew up instantly. Needed counseling afterwards. Huge mistake. No more threesomes."

I dunno, you tell me, but it sounds like she was into what she did, she just is not doing it with you.

Nothing wrong with her having a wild time. Good for her. But to suddenly go relatively prude on the guy who married her? A guy who wants to do what she already did, and presumably liked well enough to keep doing for 5 years?

/whistlethroughteeth

Hello Beta Bux...

[–]Dacorrector3 11 points11 points [recovered] | Copy

If she just hated it, fine. I understand. I just feel like she just doesn't want to with me. That's the difference.

[–]1BrunoOh25 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

You hit the nail there. She wants to do those things, just not with you.

[–]0kool740 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You hit the nail there. She wants to do those things, just not with you

The lament of many a dude that married a CC slut!!!

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not lack of consideration. It's lack of attraction.

You're a provider.

Please read the sidebar.

[–]ImTryingToHelp001-2 points-1 points  (5 children) | Copy

It's not exactly the same, right? I mean there's probably a reason she's not doing certain sexual things; she probably didn't like them. I mean it's like if you tried anal x many years ago and hated it, but now your wife says she wants to fuck you in the ass, because she's never done it and you did it before... It's not really the same. It's also not fair for her to be completely closed off to your wants, but that's a normal problem in relationships. It takes compromising

[–]Dacorrector3 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

And I understand that point of view. I just feel like it has less to due with her enjoyment of them and more to due with her attraction to me. She would never say that so I don't really know for sure.

[–]ImTryingToHelp0010 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I don't want to make assumptions, but maybe you have a low view of yourself/self worth? It sounds like your sex life isn't nonexistent, which signals to me that she still enjoys sleeping with you and finds you attractive. I'm not sure how direct you have been with her about your concerns, but maybe you can give you some reassurance that her attraction for you hasn't lessened.

[–]Dacorrector3 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Well honestly, we are in once a month range. If I'm open she gets defensive.

When I met her, I was a quiet chubby kid who had been physically and mentally abused for years and desperate to hang on to anything

[–]ImTryingToHelp0010 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like she may have insecurities surrounding her more exploratory time. Has she mentioned any super negative experiences? Are you finding yourself not interested in her now, presumably that you're feeling more capable?

[–]vorverk0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wtf are you talking about? Don't listen to this guy. And go read the sidebar.

[–][deleted] 53 points54 points  (24 children) | Copy

Poster child for what we talk about here pretty often. She rode the CC hard and then saddled up on the ole beta buck express courtesy of you.

[–]Dacorrector3 13 points13 points [recovered] | Copy

What's a CC?

[–][deleted] 32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy

CC stands for "Cock Carousel" aka she spent some time riding from dick to dick.

Short and sweet, you fucked up man. You should probably ditch her. As they say, lawyer up and hit the gym. Welcome to the Red Pill.

[–]TRP VanguardJP_Whoregan15 points16 points  (7 children) | Copy

You need to spend a whole lotta time reading the /r/theredpill sidebar.

She doesn't see you in the same sexual way that she saw those men in college. You don't "do it for her" the same way those other guys did, and that's precisely why she married you. You are the safe option to protect her from her inner desires to have strong, brooding men shove their cocks down her throat and blow loads in her ass.

"I'm not like that anymore" is a mantra parroted here so often it should be trademarked. Fact of the matter is, she is still "like that", she's just not "like that" with you. What usually happens with these women is that after about 10 years of safe, boring sex with a safe, boring guy that doesn't make her tingle, is that they try to get back out on the carousel.

Not saying she's cheating, just saying the potential is there. Stay vigilant. A woman who spends her college years having meaningless sex with randoms doesn't automatically flip a "meaningful sex" switch, if you know what I mean.

And just an FYI, /r/marriedredpill is not a sanctioned subreddit in TRP network of subs. Take that for what its worth.

Welcome, and read and digest as much as you can. You aren't alone, and women like your wife are the precise reason TRP exists.

[–]Gawernator4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Still don't know why it isn't sanctioned ....

[–]TRP VanguardJP_Whoregan2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

There's some politics behind it, but it basically boils down to 2 core reasons:

  • they willfully discard vital parts of RP theory and ideas
  • they have banned prominent moderators and ECs from TRP for calling them out on those distortions

Banning is not a way to make friends or inroads.

[–]Gawernator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That sucks

[–]Dacorrector3 4 points4 points [recovered] | Copy

As with anything, I'll read it and find the best bits for my case. Thanks for the advice.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Don't fall into the trap of hearing what you want to hear and discarding the things that make you uncomfortable.

[–]BFMCBeaner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No Son, Read all of it and internalize the whole dirty rotten truth. Not just for your case but for everything.

[–]Squeezymypenisy29 points30 points  (8 children) | Copy

Means she had a lot of casual sex in her young years with random men. Few longterm relationships. Then after shes gotten 30 or more cocks, she wants to settle down and have a kid on someones dime. Its all in the sidebar. Good luck. I would post this in the married redpill subreddit.

[–]Dacorrector3 22 points22 points [recovered] | Copy

That's pretty spot on actually.

[–]Dzuari 19 points19 points [recovered] | Copy

Ya there is usually 3+ posts a day with this exact scenario in the main sub. It doesn't have it's own nickname for no reason. You're actually going through something that pretty much 90% of men, If not more, go through in today's society.

[–]Dacorrector3 12 points12 points [recovered] | Copy

At least I'm not alone lol

[–]ItsYourHandInMine3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Can I ask why you married a girl older than you?

Even the biggest chumps won't consider an older girl for a LTR let alone marriage. Statistically, relationships where the guy is younger are the most likely to break down, for a multitude of reasons

[–]cheeky_throwaway1010 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That is interesting, it does strike me strange that a woman would go out with a man younger than him. My last LTR(F28) branch swung to a M24, and I always thought it was a bit of a strange thing to do. He was fucking loaded though. Ha ha.

[–]Gawernator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You married the wrong woman man. It's not the end though. You can still start new. Read all the sidebar and work on improving yourself and find a marriage worthy woman.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

You married a whore.

[–]Dacorrector3 15 points15 points [recovered] | Copy

Well,I already mentioned she was a woman in the title.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nice one. See, you're getting the hang of it already!

[–]RPAlternate422 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cock Carousel.

[–]HellhoundsOnMyTrail11 points12 points  (5 children) | Copy

Tale as old as time..

read TRP sidebar and everything on therationalmale.com

[–]Dacorrector3 7 points7 points [recovered] | Copy

Thanks for the tip, I'll check it out.

[–]Robin_Hoodrat13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm really glad you took the PM seriously, some people jump to conclusions about the sub based on what they've heard. Trust me when I say this sub is sympathetic to a lot of the confusion and anger you feel in the first few months but you will see the world in a different light afterward. Good luck bud

[–]Dacorrector3 7 points7 points [recovered] | Copy

I hadn't heard of it. I am a fairly recent convert to the reddit world.

[–]Robin_Hoodrat6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

Find a comfortable chair and read the sidebar. Read and learn as much as you can as fast as you can. It will make everything click for you faster.

[–]cheeky_throwaway1017 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

I've only been on the red pill myself for one month after I was screwed over by my ex. But is it normal to feel so great to be witness to the moment when a new recruit opens his eyes for the first time, and realises how wrong (like all of us) he's been living his life?

Welcome to the common sense group bud.

[–]Dacorrector3 9 points9 points [recovered] | Copy

Yeah. No personal attacks and hypocrisy here fortunately.

[–]cheeky_throwaway1018 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Man, you are going to go through hell for a good couple of months (I'm still going through it now). But at the end of the day, it will all be worth it, to start living life in reality, rather than the prison you have been living in.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here guys honestly try to help each other.

People hate TRP because is full of generalisations and exaggerations. It's men venting and talking shit without fear of PC censorship and moral judgement.

Another thing people hate is hard work. And TRP is a lot of hard work.

Besides Rollo, I also recommend everything the user Archwinger writes. He is by far my favourite TRP writer (and he's married).

/u/archwinger (did I do this right? I'm bad at Reddit)

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (7 children) | Copy

Do you have any kids? If not, divorce her now.

If you do, then it's more... complicated.

EDIT: Perhaps you need a more fulsome response.

Read those below. Explains it pretty well.

She's not attracted to you; or at least is not as attracted to you as the men she had sex with before you.

She's probably said things to you like "I want to do it the right way this time" and "I'm not like that anymore" and "I wanted it to be special with you".

You, sir, are her Beta Bux, the man who will finance the things she wants, the man who will pay for it all; the man who will give her the "respectability" of being a wife.

I'll be gentle here.

It's really not about you. I'm sorry, but you got used. She married you because she wanted to be a wife. She was getting older, time was running out, and she needed to consolidate your relationship into a marriage, so she could be "respectable" and have the honored position of "wife".

If you have no children, divorce her now.

[–]Dacorrector3 7 points7 points [recovered] | Copy

Yeah. No kids at the moment :)

[–][deleted] 15 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy

I'd seriously consider ending it. I've been where you are, with kids in the mix. It will take YEARS to work through this. The only way to do it is hard Dread, which you're nowhere near ready for. The best you get from it is a Cold War détente sort of relationship, where both parties get what they want and are cordial; but there is a deep, deep well of distrust. The basis of the relationship becomes "trust but verify". There is no repose; no relaxation. Everything must be checked, rechecked, second-guessed, and evaluated.

EDIT: And for the love of Mike, DO NOT GET HER PREGNANT until you make a decision either way. You absolutely MUST avoid getting her pregnant.

--What's she doing at home while I'm at work all day?

--What's on her phone?

--Where is she going on her girls' night out?

In your position it's not worth it. End it NOW.

[–]trancedj11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

End it dude. Seriously. No kids means you got off easy bro. Trust me. Research divorce laws for your area/state and start making moves. Say nothing. Trust no one. Look out for you. Hell, you could even give her ALL your shit and still walk away in a better position than most dudes who find this out way too late. You can rebuild. The first stage is the "anger phase" and its talked about a lot here. It will pass. Channel that negative energy to lift heavy weights and improve your SMV. Good luck man. I know exactly how you feel. Run while you can.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bottom line is, the older the marriage, the more to lose in the split, because of a gradual increase in "marital assets" and a gradual decrease of "premarital assets".

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

There is a serious chance she will end up pregnant soon regardless. Better to bail ASAP.

[–]trancedj1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly! That's why I was sure to add that OP should keep his intentions a secret. Don't trust her. She will use whatever means necessary to secure her BB. Pregnancy is a tried and true method. And women have no problem using it for that purpose. Women will also use sex as a way to try and keep their BB on lock.

[–]jsalathe0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I am in a similar circumstance, but with two kids. Trying to make it work, but it is hard. I went with this girl because she was very strong and I was a psychological and emotional disaster. Now that I am doing better I find myself in a very difficult situation. Always thinking about compliant exes that I passed up for this ungrateful harpy I bred with.

Leave before breeding!

Edit:autocorrect errors

[–]Ronin11A15 points16 points  (10 children) | Copy

She says she is not the same girl who did those things in college.

Huge, HUGE red flag. Like, run the other way flag.

If there are no kids involved, I would honestly consider divorce. If she truly respected and adored you, she'd leap at the opportunity to be a part of something that made you happy. Instead, she acts like a defensive slut and pretends she's prude now, and it'll only get worse once kids are involved because now she's a "mother."

Read the Rational Male essay, "Saving the Best." Then get out.

[–]Dacorrector3 2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy

If it's not me, what would have provoked that change?

[–]AskTRP Endorsed Contributorbicepsblastingstud16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy

It's not a change, and it is you. I'm sorry.

This is going to be hard for you to hear, but if she were to come across a man that she was very attracted to, you can bet that she would get freaky again. She doesn't do that with you because she doesn't want to.

I think that you know this, deep down, else you wouldn't be so hurt.

[–]Dacorrector3 14 points14 points [recovered] | Copy

Yeah. It's a hard truth to swallow.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

As Rollo said, and I repeat, you can't negotiate attraction. But you can become more attractive. That's the only way. Now you know it.

[–]Ronin11A6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, it is you. That's the point.

I'm sure you're a genuine, upstanding guy. But you don't make her wet. If you made her wet and tingly, she'd go down on another woman every Friday night to keep you happy. When women want sex, they will raise hell or cross burning water to get it. It's why women will tolerate supposedly "awful" treatment from "bad boys."

For you, honestly, your best bet is to step back and try again. To this one, you're nothing more than a provider.

[–]slurmfactory1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

The only thing I can relate to is her not wanting a 3some, as there is a lot more to watching your husband fuck a girl then being with 2 random guys.

[–]Dacorrector3 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

And I understand that, believe me. But that is like 1% of the issue.

[–]slurmfactory2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

well welcome to TRP. Where we understand what women truly want and react positively to. And dont say "this post makes me queasy, truly toxic caring about your wife's number" (from your /relationships post)

Youll only get judged here for being a pussy, were all here to better ourselves and become better men. Hit up the married red pill like everyone says and you can get some good advice on how to make her WANT to do those things with you. I saw a great post there the other day very similar to yours with great results... let me find it.

[–]slurmfactory0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3l1odc/fr_former_cheating_wife_update/ read this shit and talk to this guy/ that sub about how to get what you want. He felt the same way and then worked on himself til she begged him for it. You can make that happen by upping your game, or you can move on. Either way work on yourself and you will find your path.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's you. She isn't attracted to you anymore. Simple as that.

Imagine marrying a girl thin and in shape and then gradually becoming fat through your marriage. Your original passion would just go down the drain until it becomes a chore to have sex with her.

Same thing happened here except that a woman's attraction for a man is more subtle than simply physique. It involves adventure, social dominance, status, options etc. by reading trp you'll figure out how to build those and get your wife to be attracted again (or get others it's simpler to start from a scratch than recover from a dead bedroom)

[–]eccentricrealist8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

19 year old you must have been truly fucking happy. I would say either man up, let your balls grow and take control again, things which /r/theredpill can help you do, but only as guidance, or just dump her and start anew, which is difficult because you married.

[–]Dacorrector3 6 points6 points [recovered] | Copy

I don't know honestly. I was naive I think.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome to the real world.

[–]noobforlife 8 points8 points [recovered] | Copy

The following quote is apt for your situation, forgive me as I am paraphrasing:

I am so lucky to have married a slut that fucks like a prude.

Unfortunately for you, negotiating your desire for these sexual acts with your wife will get you nowhere. TRP does a great job of ramming it into your skull that you should never explicate what can be demonstrated. Instead what is most productive is to work on increasing your sexual value (game, muscles, hobbies, social status, finances, etc.) to the point where it won't matter if your wife will try to please you as there will be plenty of hotter and younger women who would be absolutely ecstatic to even get some of your time.

As for those fools in relationshits that said your wife is not obligated to do anything with you even things that you both did before, they are wrong. In a marriage a wife is breaking her vows if she does not fuck you, simple as that. I don't think you are in a deadbedroom but the quote above is definitely applicable to your situation.

Good luck and realize that this is a long process that is never ending. You can inform your wife that you are not happy with the sex life but beyond that never beg or try to negotiate sex with her.

[–]Dacorrector3 3 points3 points [recovered] | Copy

Was the quote from an article?

[–][deleted] 8 points8 points | Copy

[permanently deleted]

[–]fnordsnord 23 points23 points [recovered] | Copy

It's worth considering leaving her.

What's she's saying is that she's not attracted enough to you to want to please you in this way. Those other guys, sure. But not. You. If she was attracted to you enough, she'd do those things for/with you.

[–]Dacorrector3 9 points9 points [recovered] | Copy

That's exactly what it feels like and it drives me crazy.

[–]fnordsnord 22 points22 points [recovered] | Copy

To make it worse: if you persist and she caves, she will RESENT being "forced" to do those things with a less attractive man, just to hang onto him, and the resentment will grow.

[–]Dacorrector3 12 points12 points [recovered] | Copy

Yeah. God forbid she try to treat her husband as well as a random hookup.

[–][deleted] 21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can't negotiate attraction.

Read The Rational Male.

[–]shurk1275 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You, my friend, are in the perfect position to have your eyes opened to the realities of TRP.

Hit the sidebar of the main TRP sub HARD, absorb some of the information, try not to stay in what we call "The Anger Phase" for too long while you digest it. TRP is all about learning to care for and improve yourself.

You'll likely decide you want to leave your wife. You CAN turn things around within the relationship, MMSL and the married TRP sub can help you here – but it is NOT easy, and once you start seeing the results here, you'll wonder if you truly want to.

Godspeed, my man. We're on your side.

[–]pdtrading1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here you go Friend! I feel bad for you, simply because I (like others and yourself) have gone through this shit. They get anal, you dont. Fuck em. Leave. Shes older, she'll deteriorate quicker then you. Plus your a a man. I got this from a article yesterday. Read it! I wish you luck on your TRP journey man.

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3kw43o/female_duties_vs_male_duties_in_committed/

Leadership, dominance, security (economic, physical, emotional), entertainment, commitment. Of course there are qualities both men and women find attractive, such as health (i.e. don't be fat, don't have obvious genetic flaws, etc.). But all in all, this is about it. But beware, these qualities are to be provided constantly, and if you take a break, hypergamy kicks in and she's out. Very, very often adventurous sex is used to lock down a man, and women will withhold it once their goal is achieved.

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

You should read the book The Rational Male, it deals exactly with your problem, in a comprehensive intelligent way.

[–]slurmfactory1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

oh gay lube oil ive missed you

[–]someboringdude0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Where the fuck have you been?

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Um? On TRP making posts that get 700 upvotes

[–]MiguelForte4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Jesus, I just read those r/relationships posts. Disgusting.

As for OP, I agree with what others have said. I think you should read the sidebar and digest the content. I would also divorce her. "She wants to do those things, just not with you.", as another trpiller said, and that's a ridiculously huge red flag. Get out, you deserve better than this bullshit.

[–]Dacorrector3 2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy

So much venom.

[–]TRP VanguardArchwinger4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Here's option 1: You were deceived into marriage by a woman who concealed her sexual history from you, fully knowing that had you known her sexual history, you may not have married her and you certainly wouldn't have settled for a subpar sex life.

While honestly, a lot of people try things out and decide they don't like them, in your wife's case, there are things she doesn't like with you that she liked just fine with others. Because in her mind, you are a certain kind of guy and she is a certain kind of girl, and you and she have a certain kind of relationship.

If your wife is not eagerly and enthusiastically fucking your brains out, and getting off at the idea of pleasing you, then there are respect and attraction issues in play. She likes what you do for her and probably feels affection for you as a companion, but she doesn't lust for you the way she lusted for others. She'll do her duty with you to keep the wheels greased and the paychecks coming, but that's it.

If you don't have any kids, you should seriously consider getting out.

If you do have kids, or if for some stupid reason, you love this woman that you don't actually know, or if there's some kind of personal or financial reason you can't cut her loose, here's option 2:

Stop harassing her about her past. Pretend you don't care. Stop talking about sex, stop asking about sex, shut your damn mouth. Sex isn't something you talk about or ask for or discuss. Sex is something that just happens. As a by-product of being awesome.

Hit the gym. Get on a training program. Eat clean. Get buff and healthy. Get so hot that heads turn when you walk by if you're up to it.

Focus on your career. Make shittons of money and save it. Handle your family's finances -- don't let your wife handle them. Aim to retire early instead of buying stupid shit. Advance professionally and become successful. Maybe even start your own business if you're in a position to do so.

Up your social skills. Start talking to people everywhere you go, networking, making friends, even flirting (lightly) with women. Become confident and socially apt. Join groups and go out and do shit.

Spend your spare time learning useful skills and interesting hobbies. Something broken around the house? Read up on how to fix it and do so. Do it without your wife saying anything, and after it's done, don't mention it like you're seeking your wife's approval and a cookie. Just start taking care of shit like a man.

Plan spontaneous fun stuff. Women get off on essentially having other people plan their lives for them, like a cruise director.

Initiate sex, every night. She's going to reject you most of the time, but shrug, act like it's not a big deal, and go do something else, since you have so much shit to take care of. Keep doing your own thing and withdrawing emotionally from your wife. She's going to notice you getting hotter, dressing better, being gone more often, doing your own thing more often, and she'll get on board - or she won't and you'll be in a good position to find someone better.

While initiating all of that sex, be commanding. You want a blowjob? Pull her head down and tell her to suck it. If she doesn't follow your lead in bed and insists on something vanilla that's not very good for you, just pull out. Tell her it's not doing it for you, go shower, and head out for a few hours.

You can't talk your wife into being attracted to you, respecting you, and wanting to fuck you like a champion. The only way you get that is by actually being an attractive guy she wants to please. Keep your damn mouth shut. Act, don't talk.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey, /u/Dacorrector3, this is the guy I told you about. This guy /u/Archwinger knows shit. Follow his advice. When I don't have time to read the all those posts on the main sub, I just click on his username and read whatever he writes, like I'm following some blogger.

He wrote something cool on the main sub on the lines of "the key is to communicate less". Read that.

As I said, it's a lot of hard work.

[–]princenotsocharming0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is what I love about you.

A lot of people on the internet claim that its simple and easy to do X but go on to write 100's of articles about how to do X bearing little semblance to one another.

But with you its the same old advice, the one which works: lift heavy things and put them down, make lots of dough, talk to strangers, learn interesting stuff and learn game.

Thank you so much and please don't leave this sub, ever.

[–]dandar46003 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Married Red Pill will tell you to improve yourself before you start making waves unless you just want to next her. So read the married red pill sidebar, start lifting religiously, improve your wardrobe and introduce dread. She will then up her game to satisfy you or you will have no issues replacing her with a younger model. At your age you should have no problem banging 20 years olds.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have nothing else to add other than this post should be stickied. It's the typical situation that leads most men to TRP along with all the best advice we can give.

[–]dabayer2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Many good points metioned here. I'm on mobile so cannot add much text or links. Find out about dread game and read through the Rational Male article "The best of her" (or sth like that)

Also look for mistakes that you did when dealing with her. The book No more mr nice guy might help there. You can find the pdf somewhere on google.

[–]prodigy2throw2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You'll be surprised as to how well the people here can predict your situation to a T.

[–]WardlyHasted 3 points3 points [recovered] | Copy

Good God... The responses to your original post on relationships are fucking disgusting. Whenever I read through a comment section like that one, I just shake my head and tell myself that the average person can't truly believe that shit.

Anyways, welcome to TRP -- where men aren't shamed for having standards, preferences and desires.

[–]Ezreal33 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Oh good God....

[–]tempusers1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Unfortunately, this is rather common.
It is important to be "equally yoked" sexually. Meaning you should have relatively the same amount of partners and types of experiences before setting down into LTR (or even further marriage).
What we see here however, a lot in Western society, is that many more women have more experiences than men. As there are just more good guys who actually are kinder, more tender about relationships, sensitive, or just plain traditional, whatever you want to call it.
Girls conversely are liberated and expected to have more sex in college, and most do.
Really the only way to fix it is to realign society with modesty in girls again, or start teaching boys to have as much sex as possible in college too.
There are too many young men growing up being asked to cherish it by their mother's, aunts, Churches, the powers that be et cetera, while girls are not.
Or somehow, in the very least, girls are finding an easier way not to feel any shame or guilt for just doing what they do easier.

[–]ProspectiveQuant0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You think men aren't encouraged to have sex as much as possible in college?

[–]tempusers0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe not discouraged, but not encouraged either.

[–]ProspectiveQuant0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It sure seemed to me like most every guy in college was trying to have as much sex as possible... just not a very viable thing to do.

[–]lionofthejungle1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

12 steps of dread if you want to have sex with this broad.

[–]StarDestinyGuy1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Welcome - you'll find that this is a much more useful, kind, and welcoming place to men than /r/relationships.

I dug through the post to try and see it but all of your comments have been deleted. I'm not really surprised. Even without seeing those, it's apparent how much unwarranted vitrol and hate there is against you in your topic.

The motto of that sub might as well be "women can do no wrong, men can do no right."

How did you first end up there anyways? That was your first ever topic it looks like, what led you there?

[–]Dacorrector3 2 points2 points [recovered] | Copy

It was brutal to say the least. I'm not using my first choice reddit handle that I may discuss sports or politics on. I've reddited for about half a year and never really ventured into the advice sections.

Out of frustration, I sought help on relationships. I didn't know the kind of people that frequented there. You call them on the bs and hypocrisy and get banned.

[–]StarDestinyGuy1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Out of frustration, I sought help on relationships. I didn't know the kind of people that frequented there. You call them on the bs and hypocrisy and get banned.

Basically, yes. Very brutally biased with the genders over there.

Well again, welcome!

I do also recommend, as some others have, /r/marriedredpill.

[–]Endorsed Contributorbalalasaurus1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Oh boy. You've got a lot learn. Honestly read the sidebar. Read the rational male especially. There are a bunch of articles Rollo has for you.

Also your account is 10 days old. I don't know if this is a troll post, as we get a lot of those here, but giving you the benefit of the doubt, I expect you to be very angry, very soon.

Come back when you need/ are ready to vent. We'll be waiting.

[–]Dacorrector3 1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy

Already angry. Definitely not a troll post. The people here have been awesome. They aren't afraid to tell you the problem is you, but they do it without attacking you. I have appreciated all the support and advice I've gotten.

[–]Kyrile0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I dont believe the problem is you. I believe the problem is feminism has decreased male value to the point many male are not attractive as anything other than BB. Women take the gold of mens lives and give back so little because feminism has biased the market to value females over males. This was not how it used to be. Women wee always hypergamous but male value was so high that even low value males were much more valuable than most females so much so that female infants would be killed at birth they were so worthless compared to the male.

This high value of all males is how things are meant to be. In such a market wives would always be attracted to their husbands and you wouldnt be having the problems your having.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

All of what you say is true, but that ship sailed long ago.

[–]thenarrrowpath1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome, welcome, you came to the right place. You got a lot of reading to do.

Just remember its not the 20th century anymore, 25 isn't old and so long as you don't breed with this woman you will have a better chance of splitting (but do it quick). Divorce her ass before the end of the year.

[–]Kyrile1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Older than you? Thats disgusting. Leave her immediately.

[–]CryptoManbeard1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My ex-wife "wasn't like that" with me. Till she ended up fucking half the town. Funny how that works.

Since then I've heard a variant of the story hundreds of times. Mine ended up being quite normal in comparison.

At first it's a difficult thing to accept. Eventually you will be happy to understand how it works. Good luck on your journey. Your fate is in your hands.

[–]Freddy_Fedora1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just read the original thread. Gross.

Notice how emotional they get? Like your thread was a personal attack on them?

Not a single one offered you any real advice.

R/relationships: "leave your wife she deserves better"

R/theredpill: "leave your wife you deserve better"

[–]Red_Invictus3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

You've got a ways to go man, but you're in the right place. The only real answers I have for you are it's going to take you a lot of time to work through this - the reading we have here, the harsh truths, and how it all pertains to you and your situation.

I glanced over at /r/relationshits and had myself a very good laugh at how quick everyone was to blame you, and just in general, their toxicity.

If I have one big suggestion for you, it's the book No More Mr Nice Guy - it flies in the face of everything that thread you made is saying to you. Basically the whole thread and everything those holier than thou jerkoffs are saying to you is "how you feel (regarding sex/etc) is not important". Or they write you off as immature.

I'm here to tell you, yes it fucking is. You are the ultimate judge in your life that decides whether your needs are fulfilled or not. How you go about meeting those later on is up to you, but the first thing you need to tell yourself is that you come first, from here on out and forever.

I'd also advise you to head over to /r/marriedredpill - the advice is more focused on couples and LTR's and geared towards men in LTRs in general.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The first thing you should do is read the sidebar.

Everyone should read it. NO EXCEPTIONS!

By the time you've done that most of your questions will have been answered and you will be on your way to fucking the snot out of your old lady on the reg.

At that point you can ask questions to fine tune things.

See you then.

[–]drqxx0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Congratulations you're the beta.

Wait wait wait. Thats a good thing cause now you can divorce the cunt and go be a free roaming man. So gym up lawyer up and be ready most of all to

MAN THE FUCK UP!

or you can live the rest of your days in your wife's giant cock shadow.

[–]wont_tell_i_refuse0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Classic Beta husband story. Do what you can do to protect your assets.

[–]TRP VanguardJP_Whoregan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

One other sign to watch out for, now that I think about it; if she suddenly becomes fiercely sexual out of nowhere, she's cheated on you and gotten pregnant by another man. The rationale is that if she's fucking another dude behind your back, and gets preggs from it, she will want to give you plausible probability that the baby is yours. "OMG honey, we're pregnant, isn't this great?!?!"

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You're 25, try to secure your money and get a divorce, it's not a matter of who's right and who's wrong here, the mere fact that you're not satisfied with your partner is enough reason to get the fuck out, I much rather do that while I'm in my prime than when I'm old and cannot even fuck, specially if we're talking about unfulfilled sexual desires.

[–]ManNoob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You've gotten a lot of good advice here. Just make sure that you focus on fixing yourself. If you don't, you will repeat this pattern again with another woman.

I get the feeling that you may have Nice Guy syndrome. Read "No More Mr. Nice Guy". It's easy to blame her, but in the end you are responsible for this situation. If you don't fix yourself, this will happen to you again.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I suggest you ignore her. Go lift, get hobbies that involve being active outside the house. Talk to more people.. men and women alike. Create some soft dread by just being around other women. I'm not saying sleep with them or any of that. Just have more female friends.

When she realizes that you have a social life outside being around her, and she sees that other girls are starting to notice you, almost institutionally she will wanna fend them off... including upping how often (and how kinky) sex is.

[–]tautologicoxymoron0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you're sexually unhappy and that's not about to change easily, I'd say divorce her; of course take your local divorce law into consideration! You can gain experience in the bedroom and make yourself a better man, so that you can marry (if you still wanna marry at that point that is ;)) a 25 year old girl when you are, say, 35. This time on your terms with your newfound refined sexual preferences from having explored them instead of staying in your unwanted marriage.



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