Before I start I'll say that I'm a long time reader but a new poster here and I'm not sure of the rules of where to post this, I just want to get something off my chest.

When I was around 13 I entered a "relationship" with a girl, now this girl had my wrapped around her little finger, like seriously I treated her like a GOD for 4 years of my life, and yes I know that I was young, but I thought this girl would be the one I would end up marrying. Now before we got into our relationship, she had 2 previous ones, that weren't really proper relationships but non the less were classified as relationships, one of which was with my best friend. Now as my feelings for her developed, I of course asked my best friend if everything was cool with me and her dating, you know as friends should, everything was A-okay seeing as their relationship wasn't anything major and they were young through it.

Now as for my "relationship" with her. I did ask her out, to which she said no, due to a lot of family things going on with her life. HOWEVER she treated my like her boyfriend and we did act as if we were going out, all of our friends knew but she would tell people there was nothing going on between us. During these 4-5 years over text and the internet we acted like we were inseparable, and I would do anything for her. However this didn't translate into real life, in real life she would flirt with many many guys and treat me like I was no one to her. My best friends used to tell me she was just leading me on, just using me to help her through the tough times she has with her family right now, and that I was nothing more than her plaything. Me being blinded by love would always deny this, they didn't know her like I did, or so I thought. Throughout the whole "relationship" I would ask her if we could make us official, and every time she refused me. She would come to me with every problem she had and every time I would help her as much as I could, (A little background: CENSORED CAUSE WHO CARES ABOUT THE REST OF THIS? http://i.imgur.com/6CFf0M6.jpg ) which I was completely fine with seeing as it was important and she was important to me. But when I went to her with something close to my heart, it would be dead replies and she would turn the conversation around to be about her, but still I loved her and couldn't see any of these faults. Her best friend at the time and me had many arguments, mainly started by my "girlfriend" and they would be about her too. They always ended with me and her best friend trying to make it up to her by sucking up to her. She was constantly fishing for compliments and could not take any criticism at all no matter what it was about.

In around the fifth year of this "relationship" we started to argue much more, because I started to call her out on some of the things she would do ie, deny me a relationship, acting different in person, flirting, it was around this time when she finally ended it, put me out of my misery saying she didn't feel the same about me anymore. I showed my best friend all the messages all the arguments throughout those years and on my 17th birthday when I broke down in tears my best friend helped me pick up the pieces and she gave me some hope. My "girlfriend" always promised me that in the future when she had her life sorted out there would be us together, but until University was over (Age:24-25) she wouldn't be looking for someone.

Now as this "break up" happened, I felt some what liberated, for the first time in a long time I had some breathing space, of course I still loved her but as we weren't talking for a few months, I felt happy. I remember going into work one time and speaking to my older colleagues who I was pretty close with, and I said "I've happy man, this is the happiest I've been in a long time."

Fast forward three months, and we end up in the same Sixth Form (Age:17-18 Current times.) Every time I see her my heart sinks into the pit of my stomach because this was the girl I still loved, and at this time in my life, I still didn't think that she had done anything wrong, and that her feelings just kind of disappeared, like I couldn't see all the harm she was doing. Even though she broke my heart, I still always had that hope in me that maybe one day I can win her back like she said. One day after our three months summer of not speaking she approached me and asked if we could still be friends. Even though I was the happiest I'd ever been in those three months, I put my feelings of not wanting to speak to her on hold, so I could make her happy, and at this time I still loved her so for that first year of Sixth Form, all I did was try to win her back, and it felt like the start years again when we were 13, when she flirted with me in person and actually treated me like a human being. This whole year she would flirt with me and I seriously thought there was another chance we could be together again.

That year comes and goes without much happening, however this year, she kind of stopped what we were doing, just all of a sudden acted cold for a few weeks at the start of the year, this was when I relalised that every day when I see her my heart just breaks and I might need to cut ties once more, but every time I tried, I felt like the biggest dick in the world, for cutting ties when she didn't want to, and every time I tried to make myself happy, by letting her go, I would stop that to make her happy at the cost of my happiness.

Throughout this year though there has been constant on off flirting with me while flirting with others in front of me, and this irrational jealousy by her towards me and be best friend, who is just that, my best friend.

Now this leads me to last Sunday. Me and two of my friends, were in a car just chilling out, having a good time, relaxing, laughing, telling stories, now one of these stories I told had one of my best friends in it who we shall call "Tom". Now the two friends I was with at the time hardly know Tom and one of them especially has no idea who he was, however when I mentioned his name the one who knew nothing of him said: "Isn't he the one going out with (The girl)?" Immediately the other friend who barely knew Tom looked at me and his face dropped and turned to the other friend and shook his head minorly, in a "He wasn't meant to know" type way. Now my first reaction was what the fuck!? How can one of my friends do that to me, with not even a single message or anything, and how do two people who know nothing about "Tom" know this and I don't? How can she lead me on like this and not tell me either? As the night went on I thought about it more and more... Like the was she refused me a thousand times to go out with me but in one month has more with Tom than she ever had with me? I was hurt, I deleted them both of everything I had, Phone numbers, Instagram, Snapchat, Twitter, I was ready to say fuck it and cut ties with both of them for good, they both had a thousand times to tell me what was going on and both said nothing. Now I'm not going to lie and say that I wasn't jealous, I am, Insanely jealous of this but don't think that OP is mad cause he can't get the girl and she's moved on. Cause that is only about 10% of why I was so pissed off. If she can lie about this to me, I stated to realise that for 6-7 years all she did was string me along and manipulate me into thinking she loved me, it was like this one thing I found out opened my eyes to the past, and how the past was different to how I remember it. The past 7 years of my life have basically been a lie, I changed my life for her, went to a different school than my choosing, took different subjects than what I wanted to (In hindsight that was pretty stupid of me) but I built my life around the lies she was feeding me. That night I spoke to my bestfriend, all through text, really let out what I was thinking and spoke on the past, and why I was so angry with her and at this time both the girl and Tom knew that I had found out and was raging more than I have ever before in my life, and still not a single message from either them. That night I lay in bed all night and all morning before sunrise just thinking on things and this may sound very irrational, but even contemplating suicide. That night was I was saying to my best friend was all about how the girl hurt me and I really laid out all my emotions. My best friend was talking to the girl at the same time and relaying SOME of the messages, the girl kept saying how she didn't mean for it to happen and it apologising, I kept asking questions through my best friend, and she ducked every single one of them, just turned it about herself, by saying that she didn't mean it and she didn't know that her happiness would cause me to be like this. That made me rage beyond belief, THE FACT THAT SHE WAS HAPPY WAS NOT THE REASON I WAS UPSET, I was upset because, this opened my eyes to how the past wasn't real and how she manipulated me. She said to my bestfriend, "It's a shame you can't be mature about this and try and work it out." Were you fucking mature about it? I kept telling my bestfriend that the girl "never gave a single fuck about me" to which the girl kepy replying "She does and still cares" My last message to her I sent through my bestfriend which read something a long the lines of: "I never want to speak to you again, if you TRULY care about me you will read the conversation I had with my bestfriend because I lay out everything on the line, every word is all written by me, and represents how I feel." In response to this she just asked my bestfriend to paraphrase, and kept telling me that she really did care, over the course of the night she kept telling my BFF that she did care and all those times when I gave her the ultimatum: "Read it word for word or GTFO my life." Everytime she didn't read it.

In the morning I felt one iota better at myself, with the knowledge that I didn't have to deal with her anymore. In the morning, I get a text from the girl. "Hey its (Girl's Name) I'm here if you want to talk" That iota of feeling better, disappeared, and I felt so much worse, not only did she not read the convo I had with my BFF she didn't even stay out of my life. Disregarding both choices of my ultimatum and doing what she wanted to do, like she always does.

This day we spoke on text and phone for many hours, even though I decided that I didn't want to speak to her. She said she could see it from my view and that she was completely understanding of how I feel, but I should really see it from her view, that Tom makes her happy, every time I hear that I feel sick, just because her view is different, it doesn't make it right. I told her if she can lie about this and manipulate me like this then how do I know that any of the past was real, she didn't care about me and even though she swore that she did, how could I trust her, she made it about herself again, "If I didn't care, would I be crying down the phone to you know /u/TaranK?" No bitch, your scared of losing me as a "friend" and that's why your upset. You had no fucking intention of telling me and would of strung me a long for a long time if I didn't find this out. I said a lot of rude things to her, called them cunts, called her a selfish bitch, because that's how I felt about it, guess what happens, she turns it around on me again: "How do you think I feel with someone that you loved has been swearing down the phone at you all day" Big surprise there right? I asked her so many questions like, howcome you didn't go out with me in five years but in two months you have more that what we had with Tom? Is he just that much more of a better man than me or did you not give a shit about me? It's either one or the other? To which she replied: "I did care about you"... So he is a better man than me? Silence. So why didn't you tell me? Last month you told me you were in a relationship, when I said I knew it you quickly added on; "with my bed" you could of just told me... Last fucking week I said to you that your boyfriend will be a very lucky man... Why didn't you tell me then. Her reply as to why she didn't tell me: "Because I was scared of how you would react" It was at this point off phone were I puked... She was literally making me physically sick. When I came back on the phone I said amongst many other things: "Your a fake friend, if you were TRULY my friend and truly CARED about me, you would of told me, because that's what friends do, they don't care if it could land them in some sort of trouble, they always stick they're neck out to do whats right by their friends. Now how can I trust whatever you ever have said to me, it could all be a lie"

There was plenty of tears. It ended with, I need to focus on myself, and I quoted something I saw on /r/TRP and posted to my instagram because it struck home so hard: http://instagram.com/p/mhcQ4Yle3o/ "I need to be great for me, not for her..." and that this is really the end because I can't deal with this any longer, every time I see you I feel like my heart breaks and the only thing that really kept me going was that tiny bit of hope... do you know what that feels like (girl's name)? Do you know how it feels to have your heart ripped out and stepped on but for the last two years that only thing that's keeping you from snapping is the tiny tiny bit of hope that you have that someday maybe it will be much better, and then having even that tiny shred of hope you had crushed right in front of your eyes? Do you know that feeling? So for once I'm going to do what will make me happy, and that means cutting you out of my life for good. To which she replied: "So your going to let one of my silly mistakes ruin our friendship?" You never were my friend, you proved this by doing what you did I'm barely 18 and this shit here, makes me never want to fall in love again.

I'm missing some shit that was said out, I can't really remember it all, but after I told her that this was our last ever conversation said bye and hung up, I have had this gut wrenching feeling of whether or not I made the right decision, and one thing I'm still not sure about is: Am I just a jealous "Ex-Boyfriend" or are my feelings of being manipulated and lied to genuine? Do I speak to her or not? Because I hate her so much right now, but at the same time I'll never stop loving her, but when I talk to her it just brings me so much pain... I tried talking to her for a year as just her friend on her wishes, thinking that it can't get any worse than it already is... Boy was I wrong.

SUPER SORRY FOR THE LONG POST :(