First thing's first. yes. My title has a she focused statement in it.

But the she perspective is not the point. However, it is the question worth posing to yourself.

Why? Because leadership is the essence of building faith.

Every everlasting figure of leadership is at it's core a belief that the leader has their subordinates in their sight and if they might not know the path, they know that the leader they believe in does. It is the relegation of this faith in knowing the way, that your hopes of domestic bliss and satisfaction rest upon. Because unlike us men, most women have an innate sense that it is their due that they should expect this level of faith for any man they would marry. That in the truest of sense, even if she does not, she can at least rest easy in the faith that he knows the way. Even if she should fall upon a moment where she does not, she can fall back on her faith in you to reassure themselves. That they should be relieved of the burden of doubt in your presence is the proof that this is of the most perfect of unions.

This is often the canonical hero archetype we emboss as the epitome of chad. Often in cruder form, but in truth, our archetypal chad knows *HIS* way. He has the irrational confidence and belief that others should place such belief in himself. For he knows the way he wants.

This is the draw of a self actualized man. Based on his own directives, goals and measures, he has achieved what he set the bar for. It doesn't matter what his wife thinks, what his daughter thinks, what his son thinks, what his peers think... He has reached the goals he set to himself and fuck all else or others think that matters. He has achieved what he defined.

This is a reminder to all of you out there reading this that might be in a state of uncertainty of your own path, that ultimately, what you need to ask yourself is whether others *should* be putting their faith in you. If you can reach a point of being where you can say, with stark self assessment and honesty, that *yes* she should be putting her faith in you, you have probably reached a point of being your own your true point of origin.

They want your belief in yourself. They want to know that no matter their doubts, in you, they know that their doubts mean little. If your belief in yourself rest on nothing else other than your own thoughts, then they know too that their own doubts mean little. And in that belief is reassurance.

I went out to a bar tonight because I just couldn't stand to be sitting at home any longer after watching our 3 yr old daughter all day. We are in the midst of divorce, preparing for the wife to move out, selling her car this weekend to get her in a cheaper vehicle, a process I have been leading and managing throughout. My wife (soon to be ex-wife?) has grown comfortable with me leading the process, everything from the selling of her car, to finding a school for our daughter and a new apartment she will love, she has faith that I will fulfill those responsibilities. So there is no drama. There is no contention or histrionics based on fear of the unknown because she doesn't have to worry about it. She still will of course, but she doesn't HAVE to.

In fact, she appears to still be desiring to date post moving out. We're divorcing, but there is no drama because she believes in my ability to "find the way" even though she would prefer we stayed living together.

At the bar, I sat drinking my drink privately, reading a book on kindle on my phone, expecting little in the way of conversation. But there was a boisterous woman to my right, clearly the alpha of the relationship, and somehow, she seemed to grow more interested in me even though I offered little more than a single sentence their way. At some point, I became distracted by their conversation and smiled in a knowing manner, hearing enough of the interactions to get the gist of their dynamic, as helped made clear from the readings here, and after that, she couldn't help but try to get my attention. At times, she became self conscious of how much attention she paid me when her boyfriend of 8 months was right by her side, she would run to the bathroom or make some other kind of gesture to appease the ego of her bf, but it was clear, to him as well, that much of her energy and focus was instead upon me. The first bar closed and they both invited me to the next bar with them, he of less enthusiasm but still following his GF's wishes.

She *literally* kicked her dude in the balls at one point and openly made statements indicating she ruled this relationship to which he agreed with a rather passive "don't kick me in the balls" statement. But as had become clear by now, she wanted us both to fuck her hard and unceremoniously, but they weren't eye to eye on this, nor practiced I could tell, so I bailed once that became clear.

In the end, why was she focused on me? There was nothing all that special about me at first glance. Yes I lift and look good in my clothes, but that wasn't where the draw was. The draw was in my look that perceived more than she let on, my non-judgmental nature that led them to open up more than they intended and the way I would hold her eyes when she looked at me. My uncompromising assumption that MY reality, IS reality was a challenge she wanted to attack, but always brought herself back to decorum whenever she felt like she started to cross a line.

If her BF weren't there, I can tell you we'd be fucking without any doubt. As it was, she could barely keep herself on her side of the table.

The point? Who the fuck cares what your woman thinks you *should* do. You cannot focus on that and expect to succeed. Rather, decide for yourself what measures of success are applicable and resolve yourself to meet them. Share your vision of what you want to accomplish, be beholden to it by doing so. But the idea of what constitutes greatness is only valid if it is born from your own imagination. So start imagining and find in yourself the knowledge of *your* way, and you will be on the long path of self actualization. DO NOT DEVIATE. Your mission in this regard is more important than any other aspect of your life, including your children.

Never lose sight of the way. Know your way and know that your way is the best way for your wife and children and if you should yet have neither of these, know that your way supersedes the romanticized tale of what marriage looks like. The only question you need to ask yourself is whether you have yet identified your way and whether it is a way others can follow. If not, it's upon you decide whether they should stay in your life at the level they currently are.

Ultimately, no matter the specifics and sexual strategy that might be discussed here, this is the state of mind you must aspire to if you want the stability marriage has to offer while also retaining the ball draining enthusiasm of your wife. Your balls will only be drained to your satisfaction once she feels like she can legitimately let go of her fear and anxiety. But in order to do so, and drop her fears and self limitations, she must have faith that you *know the way.*

KNOW YOUR WAY. AND BELIEVE IT. She will follow. And if she doesn't, you know what to do.