I'm a first-time poster and longtime reader. RP and MRP have bettered my life immeasurably in the past year or so. However, my story of becoming RP'd had taken place in May of 2015, before I discovered these ideas. Looking back on those days, I realize that something extremely powerful happened. I regained frame within days, hours, and possibly minutes. Of course, long-term it wasn't that simple but here's the story. In 2015, I was 11 years and 3 kids into marriage. Not DB or a bad marriage but lots of beta flags. I jumped at my wife's command. I always went on the defensive when anything bothered her, small or large. I was not a pushover completely but certainly wasn't a sober captain. I spent as much time as possible playing video games outside of my job. I was generally unambitious. Deep down, she was frustrated with me as well. She married a good looking confident army vet. Now I was spending my evenings drinking, playing video games, and hiding from the fact that if I wanted to make it in my city, I needed to do more. We fought a lot. Petty things and not so petty things. However, a breeze had started to blow. I was unhappy with myself. I knew deep down I could do better and needed to do better.
In May of 2015, I learned that I was not being rehired at my job. It was a huge blow. I wasn’t prepared for this. What happened internally to me is a longer story, but in short, something within me decided that I was going to fight. I was going to fuck the world in the ass. I was going to take everything I wanted. I started reading voraciously, going to start-up networking events, meeting anyone and everyone for coffee. In short, I figured out my immediate plan to not go broke. I was going to start a small consulting business based on my Master’s in education. Beyond that though, I was thinking and planning something much bigger. For several nights, my wife and I sat in our living room planning and talking. She was excited by my enthusiasm. She could see in my eyes that I had woken up. The fighter she married had come back into the fight.
But it wasn’t all roses. Her mood would shift suddenly when, because of the loss of my job, my whole schedule shifted, and I started spending a lot more time out of the house, she would snap at me. Also, her uncertainty and fear would creep in and she would urge me to forget about starting a business and go try and find another similar job like the one I lost. These fights were particularly nasty and her old scorecard would come out and all sorts of old shit would be dredged up.
My eyes were opened though, and my mind was made. I was going to win. No one was going to stop me, least of all my own wife. One night, her fears and complaining reached a crescendo. She snapped at me and found some way to provoke me. She knew that certain triggers would set me off, I’d yell, she’d cry and dredge up the scorecard. But it didn’t happen this time. Instead, something that had never happened during our relationship took place. I did not respond to her provocations. At all. Within me, there was fire and calm. I burned to build my future and her bullshit had zero effect on me. I responded to her calmly, without yelling. I cannot recollect my exact words but they were something like: “Right now, I am going to do anything and everything I need to do to support my family. I am not going to be playing the same role I’ve played in this family at this time. I will be working as late as I need. I will meet with people when I need and I will not be home for dinners, or on Sundays, or any other time. I will do everything I can for the kids but right now your job is to take care of them, while I figure out how to support my family. I don’t care what you think about that. If you don’t like it you can leave. I am not going to negotiate with you or argue with you about this. This is what is happening.”

My wife went to bed unhappy but she towed the line. She did not provoke me anymore. She saw in my eyes how serious I was. Eventually, after a few weeks of her seeing how quickly I built up my small consulting practice, she was fully on board. She was talking about quitting her job and joining up with me.
Over the past three years, we’ve reached homeostasis. My business has thrived. I’ve mellowed out and come back to take a more active role in family life to the degree I am able. But the frame has changed. She sees I am the captain. Yes, the story is longer and more complicated but I still look back at that moment and know that my frame took control of hers then and there. It wasn’t a skill I learned, or dread game, or an article I read that changed my frame. It was a deep primal instinct within me that awakened in the face of a threat. I changed myself internally. I was centered only on me and winning this fight. Nothing else mattered. Only me. I was selfish and outrageously overconfident, but it was genuine. The take away though is that my frame came only from me finding a mission and dedicating myself to it fully. Everything else fell in line, lockstep with that.