Comfort Tests (The Simplistic View)

There is often confusion on the topics of Comfort tests and fitness test... aka shit tests. The most common way I see guys try to break it down to the newcomer is to simply say "comfort tests usually begin with her saying "I" and shit tests usually start with her starting with "you." For example: She may say "I feel like I'm sad lately." The "I" beginning signals that she is talking about her feelings and she is in need of comfort. How and when one goes about giving comfort is based on many different factors, such as the wife's personality, the husband's personality, the severity of the situation, the overall relationship... among many other factors.

Shit Tests (The Simplistic View)

An example of a shit test might be the wife saying "you only want me for sex." The "You" at the beginning signifies she is fitness testing "you" and seeing how you react under the stress of her accusations. She wants to know that she married a man with a solid frame who can withstand the storms of life. She wants to know that you are her "rock" as she may be, at times, the ocean crashing in on you, the rock. She wants you to crush these tests.

Shit Tests Vs. Bitchiness

Don't get shit tests and bitchiness mixed up. Shit tests are good - they are a sign that she is continually testing your fitness as a man, thus she is still interested in you. Crush those. Bitchiness is a sign that your leadership is lacking.... not always, but as a general rule. Sometimes she just might be bitchy for other reasons. Don't react in any case. Learn to recognize the difference between these 2 - very important.

The Real Issue; Leadership

While these are rather simplistic views on how to decipher a shit test and a comfort test, often the point is missed if the commenter is merely identifying what it is and not looking at the bigger picture. The bigger picture is leadership. That being said, leadership is brought up, leadership is (Owning Your shit) OYS or not. In other words, instead of merely identifying what type of test is being thrown out, when these tests arrive, it should be an opportunity to look at your leadership as the captain, and it is often an indicator of whether or not you are OYS.

Reinforce the Positive Behaviors

Then, the question becomes, are you a captain who rewards desirable behaviors and doesn't reward undesirable behaviors of the oldest teenager in the house, or are you just a shipmate who is reactive and scared to the needs, whims, emotions, and tides of the ocean, your wife. This is where the BP guys in the real world emasculate their self, and talk about how they have to ask "boss." The "boss" or their wife is an ocean of emotions that they are terrifyingly reacting instead of taking control of the helm and navigating the ship. It is a result of their BP conditioning.

So, when the wife comes to you with serious bitchiness, and you decide that giving her a hug is the right answer, you are only reinforcing the negative behaviors that you are trying to avoid. You are not being a captain. When you can learn how to withdraw your presence when she is being harpy (in a non butt hurt manner), you are not rewarding the harpy behaviors anymore. Instead, you are removing a valuable asset that a man has in a relationship: your time and presence.

Comfort Tests, Leadership, and Vulnerability

On the flip side of the coin, as you learn to not reward undesirable behaviors and instead treat them with amused mastery because it is silly when she tries to get a reaction from you, you genuinely find it amusing. Guys get confused by thinking AM is an action. It is an internalized attitude. Its called amused mastery because you are genuinely amused once your frame internalizes from a position of strength.

Then, when a real comfort test comes along when your wife has just had a week from hell, and she comes to you with her head hanging, she might say "I've had such a rough week, and I'm so emotionally drained," that is a metric that your leadership might be on the right course. In other words, instead of coming at you bitchy because she's had a horrible week, she comes to you humbly because she knows that she can be vulnerable with the captain, and the captain will comfort her. Vulnerability shown by your wife is a sign of trust and a sign that she is accepting your leadership. If she doesn't trust entering your frame because you have no frame and you are a weak ass bitch who is just going to make the situation worse, then she will come at you bitchy instead of vulnerably. When this happens, it is a revelation in the RP man's life.

Be the Container

Bottom line is when you have done the work and you become the best man that you can be, then, and only then will you have a strong container that can fill the water from the waves crashing into you, the rock. This is genuine frame that only comes with hard consistent work. Turn that water into wine.

Don't get all hung up in terms of comfort, fitness, bitchiness, A&A, AM... etc. Look at the bigger picture. Look at your leadership and the continued development of your leadership. Search and find your own barometers for your leadership as the captain. Know your first mate. Have fun. Enjoy your life. It's yours to enjoy.

Vision: Big Picture Perspective

Look at the forest (lifting, diet, OYS, leadership, frame, dread.. Etc.. Don't stand there and stare at 2 or 3 trees (identifying tests) and dissect the hell out of them. Don't be autistic and look for the magic wand solution like a dime store magician . Be the best man you can be, and the leadership will come naturally, and your life will start to become much more fulfilling because it won't be filled with bitchiness. Your life will be filled with internal satisfaction, and that will give you the leadership to comfort and make life better for your family and friends. It will give you the vital shift in perspective and consciousness that symbolizes the road back to masculinity and being the best man you can be.