In an open marriage and getting tired of it

RubyWooToo · 2017-05-12T13:12:04+00:00

You'd don't deserve shit. You haven't done the least little bit of work and you have no idea what you're doing in your own life. I pity your wife and your child.

You're really fucked up this relationship and there is no going back now. You're broken her with your infidelity and childish actions. She's found happiness with someone else that you can now never give her because of your own behavior. Now that she knows she can be happy with someone besides you, she will never let you in like she's going to let all the guys that follow in. In fact, your behavior ensures that she's going to be more compliment and more open with all the other guys AFTER you.

Instead of dealing with the problems you had with her directly, you acted out like a baby by burning the entire relationship to the fucking ground. This open relationship shit isn't a cure and never works. You're not headed in the right direction. You've fucked up so badly that you've given all your power over to her, and now that you realize it, you'll crawling back begging for a rule change.

She doesn't want to lose you not because she loves you somehow but because change is scary and she still needs that sweet, sweet paycheck to keep rolling in while she rides the cock carousel. While she might be a little jealous of you dating, she's slowing getting over that by having her own romantic life WITHOUT YOU. The more you try to make her jealous the more she's going to move away from you. You made her jealous by looking around on dating sites and she escalated by staying out until 4AM. Who fucking won that round, slugger? Not fucking you...

Her thing on the side is amazing fun because she can be with another guy or guys without any of the stress or hassle or parenting or the boredom of a long term relationship. I'm sure the guys she is seeing are totally wound around her little finger just to get a little attention.

You fucked this up and no amount of help from this forum or in real life is going to be able to put that genie back in the bottle. What you should be working on a how to have a good relationship with your ex-wife. Get yourself to therapy and work on divorcing her and finding out what the fuck you want in life.

I hope you kid is young enough to not fully understand what a fuck up his dad is yet.

A_Rex · 2017-05-12T13:14:26+00:00

This is the fucking gayest open marriage I've ever heard of.

creating_my_life · 2017-05-12T15:27:10+00:00

I'll be a little kinder than most of the other guys. But only a little.

1) Your wife is sleeping with her "romantic connection" boyfriend. She is lying to you when she says she isn't.

2) Your wife is probably sleeping with other guys too.

3) I don't blame her one bit for 1) and 2), nor for lying about it. First, because you deserve to be lied to about it. Second, because sleeping with guys and lying about it is what women do. That doesn't change just because they get married.

4) When your wife was out til 4 am with her boyfriend, she was sleeping with him.

5) You might as well get divorced, because you and your wife both (mostly you, because you initiated it) have destroyed this marriage to the point where it can't be repaired. That's what you wanted from the beginning - you wanted to treat her so badly that she left you; then after she left you you could blame her for ending the marriage. You wanted to be free from the marriage and put the blame on her for its demise.

6) You're staying with her because you're afraid to be alone. She's staying with you because she needs your money and the security. She also doesn't want to be judged for being a divorced woman and for sleeping with men other than her husband.

CatPosingAsUnixadm · 2017-05-12T12:24:03+00:00

You have to be troll... how could a man be so stupid and weak.

First of all did you want other women or just want her to desire you more? What is your own true desire and goals in your life?

You obviously have not read much of RP, because this whole post is so gynocentric.

Archwinger · 2017-05-12T15:58:45+00:00

Nothing says awesome leader like a guy who flops around with no direction, can't stick to his guns regarding any major decisions, capitulates like a little bitch any time someone says no to him over something major, but thinks that saying no when someone asks him to fetch a glass of water counts as taking the power back.

IVIaskerade · 2017-05-12T18:56:19+00:00

A suggestion.

Aim your vitriol at the actions, just laying out insults without a way ahead is not how we fix men, it's only there to soapbox some moral victory over strangers.

OP is being a faggot because of [x] and should [y] for [z] reasons

vs

OP is a faggot, full stop.

Now I haven't gone through my posting history enough to say 100%, so I'm sure if you search, you'll see me not heeding my own advice, but it's the aspiration. End of the day, fuck up or not, we are here to pull our brothers outta the mud (except /u/weakansensitive he is here to make them cry and leave)

RubyWooToo · 2017-05-12T19:59:25+00:00

Unfortunately, this is what's happened when a pair-bond has been destroyed. While you're still her husband on paper, her boyfriend has assumed your role as captain.

She's a house wife and not really wanting to work despite having a nursing license.

I've tried giving her an ultimatum, saying end your relationship and we go back to being monogamous or we are getting a divorce and you are moving out (the house is in my name and she wouldn't be able to afford it).

Sorry to break this news to you, but if you're in the United States, you can't just kick you wife out in the event of a divorce. Since she's a stay-at-home Mom, you're likely to find yourself on the hook for spousal support and child support. Depending on the state, she might be entitled to a share of the marital home, even if it's in your name. A lot of men make the mistake of thinking that a wife who doesn't work is more needy and vulnerable, not realizing what an advantageous position the wife is in when she heads to court.

I have had conversations with her about boundaries.....she stayed out till 4am the other night with her boyfriend when I had told her she needs to come home every night. She hadn't planned on coming home at all but I had texted her telling her I needed our son's car seat.

I feel so sorry for your son! He's young enough to still need a car seat, and yet he's being treated as an afterthought while his parents argue, play petty games of jealousy with one another, and demand to stay out all night like teenagers.

If you can't manage to be decent spouses to each other, then at least step up and prioritize your son.

CatPosingAsUnixadm · 2017-05-12T12:46:03+00:00

Own your shit weekly, finish the sidebar.

This story is neither unique, or special.

So my goal is to have the best possible relationship with my wife

No it's not, we don't do bullshitting in here. By your actions, your goal was to be shitty enough for her to divorce you. Why? Probably for the same reason most guys do, conflict is scary, and being passive like a woman is comfortable.

Then, out of guilt, you gave her a free pass, she used it, and now you are butthurt over it. Again, because you're bullshitting yourself. Add a few weak ultimatums, and you are where you are.

I'm sure all that depression stuff is important, but I don't care, it reads like excuses to me. I'll bet you're glad you're depressed, because having your shitty life thrust upon you is preferable to the realization that you actively sabotaged your life, and somewhere in that grey matter there, you probably know why.

First thing is to finish the sidebar readings (and I am positive you haven't started, I don't see any of it in your writing)

Second step is to be honest with yourself. I mean honest honest. Relax, we don't do shame and tone policing in here. If you're the kind of guy who just needs more pussy, thats you, and there are strategies for you to maximize your happiness, and those in your tribe.

If you're here for the validation of being desired, we got something for that too. In fact, the boys here are damned good at turning off that womanly trait

And if you're here to get a pat on the head and told you're still a good person, fuck off. We don't do attaboys here.

2017-05-12T14:44:01+00:00

In an open marriage and getting tired of it

hahahahah. this is so predictable i didn't even bother wasting time reading the body.

you should offer to let you wife peg you physically since she's already doing it metaphorically.

how do you think this is going to end? your incessant nagging is going to magically convince her she should change her behavior and go back to you, jealousy billy loser beta? l. o. l.

Redpillbrigade17 · 2017-05-12T14:33:10+00:00

Mods: I say we run a poll on whether this is troll or not. My money is on troll.

crimson_chris · 2017-05-12T23:10:57+00:00

How the fuck did this post get any upvotes?

2017-05-12T13:06:52+00:00

I couldn't finish it. You're a big gaping vagina.

drty_pr · 2017-05-12T13:31:44+00:00

Have you ever heard of the term "Gas Lighting"?

ReddJive · 2017-05-12T16:21:35+00:00

She was insistent that neither of us have sex with anyone so I had been trying to comply with that.

I got this far and stopped. I don't even know where to being to pull this thread. Just start at the very beginning. A very good place to start.

I will say that every open marriage guy that comes in here has the same story. Why do they think this works?

bogeyd6 · 2017-05-12T17:10:18+00:00

You are a fool to think she isn't giving that guy the best sex she knows how to do. You continue to play the fool by staying.

2017-05-14T14:37:12+00:00

You have no frame. You have no leverage. You have no plan. You fucked up and cucked yourself. It's 100% your fault and the odds of you fixing it are 0%. Call a spade a spade. Wish her well with her new lover and go bang three 18-21 year olds in the next three months. Try not to Oneitis one of them. Field Report after.

2017-05-12T15:55:14+00:00

you have the "I want my cake and eat it too" complex. Its really really beta. Either patch things up with her (unlikely at this point because u already opened pandoras box) or end it.

CatPosingAsUnixadm · 2017-05-12T17:42:38+00:00

If troll, I have to say quality bait.

If not, have you considered suicide?

SteelToeShitKicker · 2017-05-12T17:51:22+00:00

LOL, your wife is fucking at least one other dude. The sad part is, she is lying to you because she thinks you are too much of a pussy to take the truth. She is probably right.

2017-05-13T06:19:32+00:00

This thread is a lot like that scene from Flying High where everyone lines up to slap the shit out of someone, and rightfully so. Just end this messed up relationship right now. You can't put Humpty Dumpty back together again. Oh and you need a lot of therapy.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-05-12T22:48:03+00:00

Then she fell for him and she's been acting different.

You don't say.

I'm well aware that she ~~could be~~ IS fucking him

The chances she is not fucking a man who she is in "love" with are about 0.

she stayed out till 4am the other night with her boyfriend

Yep.

SHE has not had sex with anyone

God damn lying whores lie to your face without a shred of regret. Try to kiss her after one of her dates next time. Notice the tangy flavor on your tongue? Yep, that's him. Even better, go down on her before she has a chance to take a shower. She will recoil like you hit her with a tazer.

the same way I was trusting her.

You are retarded.

Try /r/redpillnonmonogamy

plein_old · 2017-05-12T18:15:59+00:00

So we talked about that and I told her we could do away with that boundary

I think you should minimize having discussions and trying to impose boundaries on your wife.

Just deal with your own jealousy issues, rather than expecting your wife to save you from yourself and your issues.

told her I think we should get a divorce because I'm attracted to other women

That's nuts. Everyone is attracted to other people; that doesn't mean relationships can't be valuable for people who choose them.

To simply leave a person every time a stranger turns us on could lead us to insanity after a while. There are mental health disorders where people live like that. Every time they see something shiny they wander off and drop whatever they are doing, going from one relationship to the next, leaving a wake of destruction and misery in their path.

But I mean, whatever works for you, right?

I could still use advice

If you want your wife to love and respect you, you may have to respect and love yourself first. This means different things to different people, but I'll stop here.

Code_Combo_Breaker · 2017-05-12T20:41:39+00:00

OP you need to own your shit immediately.

Take responsibility in the bedroom. That's your job as a husband. You placed sexual responsibility in the hands of folks outside your marriage.

You can't change the past, but if you want to save your marriage you must be the most interesting sexual experience your wife has available. Hopefully you haven't screwed that up too badly so you can recover that title.

brotherpotatos · 2017-05-13T03:50:31+00:00

Uy. I give you a for effort, but f everywhere else. OI. OI. OI. Stop what you are doing and cultivate a sense of YOU. What you want, what you need. Ive been there where removing the comforts of expectancy seems impossible, but you have to realize that by doing quazi everything you are not gaining anything. Do you have it in your power to affect a split living situation, to regain frame and control, develop OI, and look at things afresh?

All_Ads_Deceive · 2017-05-13T04:46:14+00:00

The only way to end this bullshit is divorce. There's no way a woman will ever regain respect for a cuck.

Divorce, improve yourself and prepare for single life.

Also, make sure your Test E isn't bunk. Idk how someone with that much testosterone could be such a pussy cuck

fatalbinoninja · 2017-05-13T19:05:15+00:00

Grow a spine and strengthen your frame. Figure out what the hell you want and do everything to make it possible with no excuses. This wishy washy behavior is what women do.

You obviously wanted out of your marriage so you cheated and hoped she'd walk but she didn't. Now you're stuck here just bitching about little things when you have no control over anything. She has your balls in a vice and can wreck your life with a court order.

Right now you need to get your shit together. Get a pen and paper and just start outlining every possible scenario and how much it'll hurt you. Figure out how much she can take from you in court and what you're willing to fight for. Don't give her anything just because you want to make this easy. You already fucked things up ten ways from sunday and now you need to unfuck your mess.

I wish you the best in all this but odds are your marriage is dead for good and it's entirely at your feet. So figure out what you want to make of it now and make it happen.

anotherswingingdick · 2017-05-15T09:33:29+00:00

wants tattoos, piercings, concert tickets, and other shit

not worth holding on to. Just divorce her.

and since SHE has not had sex with anyone

she's lying to you

BobbyPeru · 2017-05-12T22:50:09+00:00

So you're saying she wanted to hang out under your roof until she found a branch.

K, sure thing boss

Redpillbrigade17 · 2017-05-12T14:31:33+00:00

You're beta Bucks. She's getting railed by her "boyfriend" while you provide for her. The longer she stays as SAHM the longer your alimony payments will be once your marriage unravels. Which it will - it's just a matter of time. You're spinning your wheels like a little boy trying to fit this relationship to your dreamed reality. Meanwhile go back to 2nd sentence above: she's getting hard cock from Chad, lifestyle paid by you, time goes in her favor.

Time to wake up brother.

ReddJive · 2017-05-12T18:06:46+00:00

The irony.

Cross post from /r/TRP

iloveairplane · 2017-05-12T23:29:41+00:00

There are a lot of inconsistencies in your post. Time for you to define what you want in a marriage and re-communicate that with your wife. You started marriage with vows, then you changed them around apparently....what is sacred to you? What should your marriage look like? Decide, Communicate/Set Boundaries, Accept nothing less.

Oldpuka · 2017-05-13T14:30:51+00:00

She didn't come home until 4:00AM and didn't intend to come home at all? Dude, she is totally fucking him. My best advice, don't make this mistake with your next wife/girlfriend.

Aechzen · 2017-05-15T11:21:10+00:00

Congrats on getting laid... once? If you didn't get a return invitation to that lady's pussy, you must not have done very well. If you did it right, that other woman will be calling you, texting you, and inviting you back.

You fucked up lots of ways:

Some would say by cheating at all rather than going straight to divorce. I think the cheating was okay if it was warranted... by her never complying with your sexual requests that are reasonable and warranted. Don't have enough detail in this post to judge this, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
by telling her about the affair. She rightfully wanted the deal you gave yourself. After all, fair is fair. Or affair is affair. Next time zap yourself with the Men in Black memory eraser, or tell your best male friend, or blast it all over r/Adultery.
You both suck balls at Open Relationships. Read a book or two, figure out which kind you want if you're going to keep this woman. Stop reading NMMNG. You're not ready for it. Read Opening Up by TT, and hammer out an agreement and some boundaries. Then go back to NMMNG.
Do you remember any of the reasons you married her to begin with? Is she that woman anymore? If not, you can be done. All of the other bullshit is a distraction.
One of the things missing from this entire post is your lifting and what you're doing to be hotter than your wife. What you're doing to be attractive. Making good money means a little something, but not without the context of where you live, and I don't need to know. Don't dox yourself. All I'm saying is $100k is a lot in rural Kentucky, and not very much in midtown Manhattan.
The biggest problem is you don't know what you want, you don't have a frame at all, and you're affected by every little thing your wife does. One of the points of getting another girl is to kill your oneitis. You completely failed at that. Pull your head out of her ass, write down what you want, make a goal to get there, and start executing your plan. One really great goal would be for your wife to have a job. There are nursing jobs everywhere; full time, part time, even work from home. You really don't want to be paying the bills by yourself while she's out jumping on Chad's dick. You fucked up. That should have been near the top of your goals.

2017-05-16T07:53:56+00:00

You dumb shit.

atlhart · 2017-05-12T20:28:30+00:00

Dude.

Every time you set a boundary, you're wife breaks it, and then you move the boundary.

You ARE NOT heading in the right direction. You're wife is steam rolling you. You aren't leading, you are following. You aren't acting. You are talking.

You need to get your chemicals and your mind right. I don't know how to tell you to do that, but you shouldn't really trust anything until you're confident it's not the crazy talking. I suggest you just STFU until that time. Lift. Read. STFU. For like 6 months. Seriously.

I also suggest you document conversations with your wife. When you set boundaries, when she breaks them. When she stays out all night. Right now, YOU are the cheater, but even without proof you can even things out in a court with enough documentation.

Prepare yourself. You're a cheating husband of an stay at home wife. She's gonna reem you in court.

Title	In an open marriage and getting tired of it
Author	CatPosingAsUnixadm
Upvotes	31
Comments	94
Date	May 12, 2017 11:56 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/6aque4/in_an_open_marriage_and_getting_tired_of_it/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/in-an-open-marriage-and-getting-tired-of-it.198831 https://theredarchive.com/post/198831