Fellow MRP u/Persaeus suggested I create a post based on my comment to this askMRP post.

Basically, some guys are having trouble distinguishing between whether their wife's denial of sex is a hard no or a soft no. This creates confusion, because if you've done the reading, you know how to respond to each of these, but might fuck up the response if you can't tell what type of No you're getting.

Here's the thing, and the reason for my title to this post. This is not a situation where you can lay down hard and fast parameters and follow a flowchart to arrive at the correct answer. This is where you need to not be a fucking autist and grasp the nuance of the situation in light of your immediate circumstances (location, time of day, etc), where you are in SMV and sexual frequency with the wife (are you getting it once a day or once a month), and your wife in general.

So instead, I'll lay out a bunch of examples and what the "no" falls into, so you can see the patterns and apply it to each situation as it arises in your life. You can then proceed accordingly. However, if you can't figure out what kind of "no" it is pretty quickly on the spot, then my advice is to treat it as a soft no and move on with your day as normal. Reflect on it later if you must, but don't go withdrawing if you can't tell, and for the love of Brodin do not sit there silently for 30 seconds after she says "no" like a fucking retard trying to analyze it on the spot. Being autistic is unattractive. Don't be unattractive. Fuck it up the other way and piss her off before you act like an autist if you must.

Definitions

• a Hard No is when your wife says No to your sexual advances and escalation, and actually means "I'm NOT fucking you".

• a Soft No is when your wife says No, but actually means "Not Right Now", "Not Right Here", "Not Tonight because Reasons, but I'll fuck you tomorrow, and I mean it", or "Get me hornier".

Helpful, but not really right? Because to figure out what she means, you need social awareness of the context. The medium is the message. How did she say it, and in what context? Are the reasons valid? Are you hot enough for a woman to fuck without wanting to vomit? Let's look at some examples and scenarios so you can figure it out IRL.


Example 1: Husband Chad

So HC is a man with his shit together. He's "hawt". He's got game. His wife fucks him almost daily, and he could be balls deep in strange by this time next week, probably sooner, if he wanted. He rarely hears no from wife, but she will sometimes turn him down, because women get sick, tired, stressed about other shit in life, or just aren't down for it 24/7 like men are. Even if he is Chad.

Example 2: Improving Dude

ID has been following MRP for 6 months to a year or so. Puts in the work, did the reading. Getting there, but not Husband Chad yet. Looks good but not top 10%, fucks up shit tests sometimes, frame is OK but needs work. Gets laid a couple times a week, mostly good quality, wants more, but better than the dead bedroom.

Example 3: Noob

Noob is either new to RP or has been half-assing it for a while. Still has shit frame, is still fat, is not jacked yet, gets laid only a few times a month.

Figure out which of these best applies to you, tweak it to more acurately reflect you in the following scenarios, and look at the following scenarios below to see if what you got was likely a hard no or a soft no.

Scenarios

A. Middle of the day, small logistical window of opportunity, but you decide to get frisky and think a quickie would be fun. You escalate. She responds, but then pulls back and says with a giggle and smile "stop it!". As to all 3 archetypes, treat this as a Soft No. This is likely not "I'm not fucking you", this is "not right now". Either go back to whatever you were doing with zero butthurtedness, or try to escalate again. If you escalate again and get another No or "Cut it Out, I mean it!" sense the context. Even if she shouts it or says it angrily, I still wouldn't consider this a hard no. Again, you have a limited window logistically (kids will be home soon, someone needs to leave for something in 30 minutes, etc.). She could be stressed and dried up about that, and not even Chad can get her panties wet enough right now. Go back to something else, try again later. The only time I'd consider this a Hard No is if her initial response is an angry "Back off, creep" or something to that effect, where she has resorted to overtly telling you that she will not be fucking YOU. Act accordingly.

B. It's night. You're at home, kids asleep. You try flirt/game a bit, then head up to bed. You try to initiate. She says "not tonight, because sick/tired/stressed". This is where you need to have some social awareness. You should know your wife. Can you see that she's exhausted? I know when my wife is legit tired. I can see it in her face just looking at her. I don't even try gaming at that point, because it's a wasted effort. Or is she full of shit, because she's playing Candy Crush instead of going to sleep? If her excuse is plausible, treat it as a soft no under "I'll fuck you another time". If it's bullshit, it's a hard no. Husband Chad won't get many of these, but the other two might. All three should treat bullshit excuses as a hard no.

C. Same as B, but in response to initiating, she says "Sorry, I really don't feel like it tonight, but we'll have sex tomorrow, I promise". Husband Chad should treat this as a soft no. Either keep trying to escalate, which may succeed, or may get another no. I'd treat the second no as a soft no here. I do, and (not humble at all brag) I'm basically in HC's shoes. I get it almost every time I try, so if she wants a night off, fine. Most of these times I did a half-ass to piss poor job flirting and gaming at the outset, so I have no right to complain if she's not DTF. This is also a display of abundance mentality. I will get laid tomorrow if I want. And if not, and not again the next night even after I pull my best game, then maybe it's time to outsource. And she knows that I could, without me ever saying so.

ID should treat this as a soft no - this time. If you're working your magic, get this response, work your magic tomorrow and get No'd again, treat second No as a hard no. Don't feed this bullshit anymore, and at this point bullshit is what it is. Noob needs to know his history. If this has happened a lot, treat it as a hard no. If sex hasn't started improving, treat it as hard no. Be prepared to hold frame against an epic shitstorm right then and there, or the next day. But hold frame and give zero fucks. Shouldn't be hard, since you aren't getting any fucks. Maybe she'll notice the backbone you've started growing.


You should see what I'm getting at now. Judge the context, not the words or even her tone. Trying to fuck her in the middle of a party and get no'd? Treat it as a soft no. Try again later. Trying to fuck her at her parents house while they are downstairs and you know she hates the very idea of having sex in that house? It's a soft no, and frankly one you should have seen coming (this was yesterday's OP). Flirt/Game/Escalate all day, get told not right now, try to seal the deal later at home and get shot down for no legit reason? Treat it as a hard no. She doesn't want to be fucking YOU (right now). Withdraw the affection, increase dread, etc. Did you set up a covert contract and she gives you a no? Treat it as a soft no and cut that shit out. Remember what I said last time - no game = no pussy = all your fault.

Disclaimer 1 this is for dealing with no's from wives/LTRs. This is not how you deal with LMR from strange bitches and plates. Go to TRP for that advice.

Disclaimer 2 some guys may be thinking "fuck that, this is LMR from a wife, push through or withdraw". Look, you do you. If you want to try and push through multiple no's, go for it. I'll usually stop after the first no, unless (context again) I think she's challenging me to get her hornier or try harder. If the latter, I'll try some other tricks. If I get no'd again, I stop. If it's Tuesday and she fucked me on Monday, Sunday and twice Saturday, I'll treat it as a soft no and just go on and try tomorrow. If it's been a week of no's, then treat it as a hard no.

Hope this helps. Also, any other scenarios you've seen pop up enough to dissect, please feel free to add them in the comments. This is not meant to be an exhaustive list.