I'm sitting in bed reading and my wife walks in and say, "have a look at this picture, I'm thinking of getting a hair cut"
Two things:
She knows I like her hair long. She knows I think Charlize Theron is attractive.
It's a picture of, you guessed it, Charlize Theron with, another guess, short hair.
"She's really pretty"
"Do you like her haircut?"
"Yeah, it looks great on her"
"Are you saying it wouldn't look great on me?"
"You look better with long hair"
"So you're saying I'm too ugly to have short hair?"
smirk, raise eyebrows, go back to reading
"you're an fucking asshole, you know that?"
continue reading.
She left. Came back 15 minutes later happily humming and started a conversation about something else. It was almost like the previous conversation was with someone else. The rest of the night went perfectly.
Here's what I learned. My wife knows she's not ugly. She also knows I don't think she's ugly. She knows I'm shallow and wouldn't have married an ugly woman.
I spoke on this topic of her choosing for less than 5 seconds and it resulted in exactly zero seconds of tension, anxiety, upset or anger. She was reminded that I think other women are attractive.
Very few words and it came quite naturally because I wasn't trying to win the moment. I was just 100% honest and used as few words as I could to communicate that honesty. Felt fucking great.
I'm coming to realize that it's these little changes that are bringing me far more happiness than the large scale stuff I once tried to implement through initial MRP . I used to think I had to be this rapier sharp guy with a witty reply for everything and it would result in copious amounts of sex. I've now embraced the fact that treating every part of my marriage with Outcome Indepence and suddenly the sexual dry spells are far easier to deal with. It's not all about getting laid. It's about being a better, happier me.
Two Field Reports in a week is enough. Back to the Field.
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