This is a long story that I originally wrote for r/deadbedrooms. Turns out they don't have any interest in success stories if they involve The Red Pill and filtered my post. I spent a lot of time here over the course of this relationship and perhaps the story would be more appreciated here.

The Dead Bedroom

I started dating my SO about 6 years ago in my mid 20s. I'm slightly below average height, above average attractiveness and fitness, and was just finishing school with a very good job on the horizon. I've always dated attractive, smart women and she was no exception. In the beginning the relationship was awesome. She was fun to talk to, had a lot going on in life, was very kind, cared about her family, beautiful, and the sex was amazing. I had a particularly good feeling about this girl and we moved in together after about a year.

Living with this girl was really easy. She was always fun, in a good mood, and easy to please. That being said, I noticed the sex started to slow down. Whereas we were usually 3-4x a week, it was dipping down to every other week. She was stressed with the move and some work shit. She ended up getting promoted and we got settled in our apartment, but our sex dipped down to once every month or so. Over time, she started gaining weight and insecurity about her body became the new reason we didn't have sex. We joined a gym and started going. I always stayed in decent but not great shape, but I think she was eating a little poorly and her weight fluctuated for a while. She stopped going after a while. I continued on my own for a time but she became more demanding at home. Like a good boyfriend, I stopped going to the gym to give her attention and help with whatever would be going on at the time. Sex dipped down to once every 2 months.

I started to get concerned and we started talking about it. She claimed work was stressful and she was having a lot of difficulty keeping up. After this, I devoted myself to helping out more. I started cooking all of the meals, typically healthy, and over time was doing the vast majority of cleaning and laundry. I spent a lot of time on r/deadbedrooms and tried just about everything under the sun that was recommended to fix my problem. We tried scheduled sex, upping the romance, changing BC, stopping BC, counseling, the talk. Although every little thing usually resulted in a little uptick in sex, it would soon go back down to once every 1-2 months.

I was pretty torn as I loved everything about this girl, but missed the intimacy I had had with previous women in my life. I began to miss other little things like snuggling, holding hands, or passionate kissing. We didn't do that anymore. There was always some mental barrier or excuse for why she didn't want sex. I was also made to feel bad about it. I was "pressuring her" with my sexuality. I was too horny. I was a dog, a dirty animal whenever I brought it up. We started talking about our future and how everything else was perfect. She fed me some bullshit about how her insecurity kept her from feeling sexy and if we were married she wouldn't feel that way. With encouragement from family and friends who also thought she was great, we started having the marriage talk. I'm embarassed to type it. I proposed, but under the condition that it would be a long engagement.

So shortly into our engagment, I noticed that nothing had changed with our intimacy problems. She wasn't any more affectionate, the sex was just as boring and infrequent as ever, and to top it off, she was getting increasingly bitchy about little things. I realized that we had slowly reached a point in our relationship where I did 80% of the work and somehow did nothing right. I realized that I wasn't being treated the way a fiance should be treated.

The Fix

At a certain point, I snapped. We got in a big fight and I told her things would be changing. I had been reading r/deadbedrooms pretty religiously for a while and as a last ditch effort before ending this engagement, I tried something I never saw before. It was Married Man Sex Life by Athol Kay. I tore through the book in a few days. It was scary how much some of the details described my life. I continued to read MMSL forums and delved into the red pill. I came in with the mindset that if this last thing didn't work, I was backing out.

The first part of the strategy was to make sure I wasn't contributing to the problem so she couldn't blame external factors for our intimacy problems. At this point I was doing virtually all the housework and cooking so nothing needed to be done there. I started lifting again. As predicted, she fought me on it. She would tell me things like, "You don't need to do that. You're already in good shape", and "Come watch a movie with me instead!" I ignored her and continued lifting. I started getting pretty jacked again and after about a month, she started exercising on her own, something I could never get her to do by asking or suggesting. I gradually started ignoring her to enjoy some of my hobbies. I started playing guitar again and going out with friends without her. She would ask me to spend quality time with her and I would ignore her for video games. I remember multiple times seeing the look on her face and preparing for the worst. I remember the physical reaction I would have of bracing myself when she'd be about to bitch at me. I realized this was a learned reaction. I started conditioning myself not to care about her emotional state. I also kept waiting for the backlash to come. At first she would flip out when I ignored her or told her I wanted to do MY things. After a while, she kind of just got used to it and the backlash became less and less.

While this was happening, I started asking her to do things for me that I would normally do for myself: cook for me, buy me shit. I'm pretty self sufficient but started delegating tasks to her . To my surprise, she happily obliged. It gave me little moments to reward her for a job well done with some validation and attention. She gradually lost almost all the weight she had gained over the course of our relationship. The amount of shit she gave me was becoming less and less. I was slowly injecting sexuality into our every day life as well, including her tasks. For a simple example, I'd have her grab me a coke out of the fridge. When she hands it to me I would kiss her and grab her ass.

I started groping her more frequently, slapping her ass, and calling her dirty names. At first, she resisted or ignored, but her refusing sex was no longer rewarded with affection and me just kind of hanging out twiddling my thumbs. VERY IMPORTANT: When she refused sex, I never punished her or made her feel bad, but just went to do things that I cared about. Outcome independence is very important. It isn't about sex, it's about improving my life and if she isn't going to please me at the moment, I will do something to make myself happy. It started becoming normal business for me to unabashedly be sexual with her. She knew she wouldn't be punished ever for saying "no" and learned that her responses did not dictate my behavior.

To be clear: I was sexual with her whether she wanted me to be or not. I was sexual with her whether she said yes or no. I never got butthurt and kept the same state of mind and energy level whether she said yes or no. Sexuality was becoming the new normal for me and if she wanted to be a part of that, she just had to hop on board my life train for a little ride.

She started coming to me to enjoy what I was doing instead of the other way around. The bitching that was so pervasive had completely stopped. Over this period of time, frequency increased to 1-2 times a week and the sex got kinkier. I started getting dominant with her in bed. I started dressing her up in the clothes I wanted and treating her like a slut. She started calling me her "king". In one conversation after a particularly good bang, she had this to say, "The thing that makes me so attracted to you is you don't take shit from anyone, including me." I really couldn't believe the shit that I was hearing. The red pill fixed my dead bedroom of years in about 4 months. Even more shocking, she almost verbatim said some shit I read off a forum I used to make fun of.

TLDR: "Perfect" relationship except for sex life and intimacy in general. Tried eliminating her stress, cooking, cleaning, gym memberships, scheduled sex, counseling, BC changes, upping the romance and eventually was talked into an engagement to prove my commitment or some dumb shit. Nothing worked and she eventually started to become nasty to me. Read MMSLP. Started dread game. Proceeded to lift weights, ignore her in favor or my own hobbies and friends, ask her for favors, and unabashedly sexualize her. She responded by becoming less bitchy, getting into shape, putting a LOT more effort into sex, and stroking my ego.

A RP Postscript: We are humans and have our own threshold below which we will not fuck. I got lazy, complacent, and became a people pleaser because that's what she said she wanted. I got excellent at working and being domestic. At our lowest, we were both getting ugly, were unhappy, and super stressed out. After RP I focused on myself and having fun. I improved my situation greatly and she couldn't help but notice. What surprised me the most was how she responded to my ignoring her to take care of myself by taking care of herself. When we weren't ugly anymore and I stopped participating in her idea of fun (junk tv like Judge Judy), she came to me for fun as she saw me having a blast without her. The sex was just a nice side effect.

But that's only half the story because life got a lot better. Hope you guys enjoyed. If this is well received, I will write the rest when I'm feeling motivated.