On the Reddit home page I came across this post. This guy makes an incredible wooden unlocking storybook to propose to his girl (with a platinum ring he also made himself). Looking at the detail, part-count and pictures of early prototypes, it is clear that he spent an immense amount of effort on making this. This guy is clearly intelligent, motivated, and trying to show her he loves her the best way he knows.
Now, not to take anything away from their relationship (which may be fantastic), but I highly doubt that you will be able to find many women who would put forth that level of effort and thoughtfulness. Additionally, I can guarantee that she will not appreciate it as much as she should. AWALT.
So, what is the point? It would be easy to say "don't try so hard, they won't appreciate it anyway." But, I believe this guy did an awesome thing, as many a man has done something special for a woman. We need to be careful not to become jaded and slip into a drunk captain role, waiting for appreciation that never comes. Instead, we need to be internally satisfied with ourselves and the things that we do. The leader doesn't need his subjects to tell him how awesome he is, he knows. But he does need them to follow him and perform their roles to the best of their ability. The concept of covert contract can be difficult to grasp for those just seeing the light. Don't do something "special" so she will have sex with you. Instead, do something "special" if you feel like it, period. Her fully fulfilling her roles in your relationship is her responsibility, which she should see demonstrated in your behavior. She doesn't have to (and likely won't) appreciate the things that you do, but she does need to fulfill her role to the full extent.
In effect, there is a contract, but it shouldn't be covert, it should be right out in the open as clear as day. "If we are to be married, I am going to be an awesome husband/father, and you are going to be an awesome wife/mother." Doing occasional special things for your wife is part of being an awesome husband, but not the only part. Being respectful and sexually available is part of being an awesome wife, but not the only part.
TLDR: That special thing you did for your wife once won't keep her from being a shitty wife. Only your leadership can do this. Doing something extraordinary for a woman just because you are awesome increases your value. Doing something extraordinary for a woman hoping that she will give you more sex/be nicer/etc. decreases your value.
[–]ImSteveMcQueen13 points14 points15 points (8 children) | Copy Link
[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED13 points14 points15 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED[S] 5 points6 points7 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aaren_Augustine1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ex_addict_broDivorced - MRP APPROVED0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sunthas1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Seoul_Brother0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]alphabeta49MRP APPROVED1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]bogeyd6MRP MODERATOR[M] 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Aaren_Augustine2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED[S] 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]470_2_700_nm2 points3 points4 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED[S] 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]sunthas0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]postscript11140 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]InChargeManMRP APPROVED[S] 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]postscript11141 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Thomaskingo 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Flathatter45 1 points1 points1 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Air4ce10 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link