I'm always posting on r/askMRP cause I'm too scared to play with the big boys in this forum. But I clued into something yesterday, and wanted to share. Maybe it will help someone.

I see so many posts with questions like "she wants to go girls night out. What do I do!!?" Or "Major shit test! How do I respond!?" And "she is angry and won't talk to me, what do I do?"(I used to pull this one) To me, these are last minute panick attacks that can't be solved in a simple post. They are also noob indicators that patience and gains are needed. You can't solve those questions in one move or one big confrontation. You have to slowly establish barriers and consistently demonstrate your beliefs and expectations clearly so that everyone knows what you feel is acceptable and what is not. Your actions and behaviors will bring everyone on the same page.

Examples are always expected here, so let me take a deep breath and testify.

Things have been damn good with the wife lately(why did I just jinx it?). Sure, I slip up here&there and am constantly making small error corrections, or readjusting my path as I grow stronger and develop my RP dexterity. But remarkably, there have been no outbursts. No major confrontations. We have our moments, but I've not been challenged in any big way for months now. And yes, you better believe there have been plenty of opportunities.

The thought was triggered by a friend who was bitching cause he was in the "dog house" or "sleeping on the couch" again or something similar (Shrug). But it got me to thinking. That shit ain't playing out in my life these days.

Here's what I think. (... And please challenge me if you think I'm way out in left field) It's because I'm more assertive on the little things. Like choosing a restaurant or picking the adventure for the day.

  • Here's one: I'll do the gym at lunch at work. But when she loses her motivation to go herself, I'll advertise that I'm going again that evening. I may be burnt out or tired, but I know it motivates her. It startles her each time, but she is quick to pick her ass off the couch to follow. A couple times she called my bluff. I really didn't wanna go, I had already done mine- well I went without her cause I had opened my big mouth. Had a good jog on the machine. I could see the regret in her eyes the next morning both times. Hehe.
    -Here's another: I'm proactive with the kids on homework and they are very engaged and excited about school lately, because of my direct involvement. She jumps in to help now, so she can be part of the fun.
    -One more: I'll help do some of her jobs like if the dishes were skipped. She asked me to bring the load of laundry into the basement cause it was too heavy, just the other day. I responded that it had already been done the night before. I'm loving the look on her face. She wants to find stuff to bite into me with or nag about, but there just isn't any ammo. And if there is, it's small, therefore petty and makes her look silly. So shit tests are really just playful banter now and we are more fun about it than combative.
    -Oh! Here's a big one. She now asks if it's okay to make certain purchases. By requesting permission, it frees her of responsibility or guilt if it's a luxury purchase or guilty pleasure. I got burned once. After I let her buy something, money was tight for a couple days because I have a buffer I like to maintain. She threw it in my face, that I had not managed our money properly when the constraint impeded a more practical expense. So when she asked for another big purchase for Xmas two weeks ago, I warned her that it would be tight for two weeks. Explained it to her as a choice. When she started freaking out about a missed opportunity on another xmas sale lasr week, I gave her a look and she backed down straight away. Didn't even have to explain. Her shoulders dropped immediately and her tone grew soft. She was disappointed, not angry. I patted her butt saying "Just gotta get through this week babe". She perked up and it felt more like a shared challenge rather than me being a mean old grump husband. And things were fine. I was startled by that one. It was so organic, I didn't clue into its machinations until just now, while writing this post.

So there you have it. Work on the little things. Express your attitude and beliefs through action on all the everyday shit that fills your life, and the big stuff will solve itself.

Keep in mind, this has taken a few years to achieve. And yes, despite this all sounding like a humbleBrag, I didn't mention all the crap that still dumbfounds me. I still trip up and have my Angerphase moments, as well as my covert contacts. I catch my bluepill programing slip out when her face looks grossed out and I realize I've been taking too much, sharing my feels and being her girlfriend. So I shut my trap and kick myself for going lax. I still disappoint myself by not being the man I want to be. But that's because I build myself to higher standards. I'm on the right track. The growth never ends. Once you start lifting, prepare to be forever small...

Phew. Ok... I'm ready for it. Hit me guys.