First, my life's story in a few paragraphs:

I've always been high alpha. Not super alpha, not some aggressive asshole, but high alpha. I've always lifted, been into martial arts much of my life, ex-soldier, I've started and run several companies. I had good success with the girls in my early years, but frankly I'm more of an LTR kind of guy.

In my mid-20s I settled down with my wife. Stupid as I was I thought that my wife was on my team. I listened to and respected her requests - in most other areas of life, with your good relationships you you say what you mean, you only ask what you need, when people help you it strengthens your relationship and favors are generally returned. Of course, it is different with women and listening to them only makes them lose attraction, which is exactly what happened.

Our relationship was good at first, then ok, then we had kids and it went into dead bedroom. Four years later I found TRP/MRP and I turned my marriage around completely. It became fucking awesome, lots of kinky sex, lots of love, lots of respect.

On top of the usual main event etc., there where a few outbursts from my wife along the way. My wife is very insecure and this manifests as extreme jealousy at times. We're talking days of threatening to leave in front of the kids, breaking stuff, attacking me physically (I've got almost 80lbs on her and I've done MMA for 6 years so I'm ok, though she's done crazy shit like throwing hot tea at my face).

It didn't help when she found my writings on MRP and read about dread. At that point I was long past active dread because our relationship was great, but it still made her freak out. It worked out in the end and she went RPW and began seeing a therapist to work out some of her issues.

But her jealousy keeps popping up. It has 100% nothing to with me playing active dread because I don't; it's just passive, I assume it is her insecurities that simply get triggered by high SMV or too much intimacy.

Since her outbursts are fairly long and extreme, the last month I've been experimenting to see if they can be avoided by dialing down my alpha. I'm not talking about going full beta, just reigning in myself a bit.

Each time the result has been an immediate loss of attraction. Some shit testing returned, she became less affectionate, there was still plenty of sex and blowjobs whenever I wanted, but the kinkyness and submissiveness disappeared. That wasn't fun for me at all, and during those times I can only be bothered having sex with her 1-2 times per week, it's just such a turn off when you've tried the real thing. It also triggers some anger phase-like emotions in me. It is one thing knowing abstractively how women are, but it doesn't really feel that way when your wife is affectionate, kinky and submissive. It's a grim reminder when you experience first hand just how fleeting those emotions and behaviors are.

Once I up the alpha again our relationship quickly becomes as good as it was, but it seems that then it is just a matter of time before her insecurities flare up again, no matter how much attention I pay to comfort tests. And again, I'm not doing any active dread, I'm just being me but she gets so jealous anyway.

During these times of average sex I've told her it wasn't good enough (both during and after), but of course to no avail; you need SMV and alpha to back up your requests. I even had a talk with her about all of this where she told me that she is perfectly capable of faking it and being good in bed but when I ask her why she didn't do that then, she didn't have any answer. We know the answer: she doesn't care about me, she only cares about how I make her feel.

It's been quite a rollercoaster during these experiments. There's been awesome sex, there's been bland sex, she's been affectionate, she's been cold, she's been screaming and breaking stuff in jealous rage and she's been crying and begging for a third child.

After a few iterations of dialing the alpha down and back up the conclusion is clear: keeping my masculinity in check doesn't feel right and it leads to less satisfying sex, and I can't live like that.

Her jealous outbursts are beyond fucking annoying, but it is something I will have to risk and in all likelihood live with. I assume her threats to leave are just bluffs, or at least just an emotional outburst that she will never go through with. At her best she's a great girl and I'd hate for my kids to through a divorce and see them less.

So, I'm back on MRP, and any comments or suggestions on my situation are welcome. Except the "leave her" stuff, I know my wife is a bit crazy and I know her behavior is unacceptable and disrespectful, I've heard it before. It is not so bad I'm willing to leave her over it and when she's freaking out she's unable to control herself so even honest ultimatums won't work.