The problem comes down to this. Every single post I've seen in /r/deadbedrooms is a poster trying to control someone else's behavior - namely their significant other's.

Obviously, you can't control another person's behavior. That's crazy. So by trying to force another person to fuck/love/want them, those posters are already fighting a losing battle.

The question then becomes -

  1. What actions can I control?
  2. What are the costs I'm willing to pay?

For example. If a person wanted to be rich - they could

  1. rob a bank, but they'd probably end up in jail or shot.
  2. work a day job, but that'd take a lot of time.
  3. gamble, but they'd probably lose money and end up broke.

More relevantly, if a person wanted to be loved by their wife - they could

  1. become a person their wife wants love
  2. find a new wife who loves them
  3. hypnosis/psychological manipulation (debatable whether this would actually work)

Again, each of these three things have their own cost.

As most of you know, the psychology behind love, affection, and respect is ultimately about the value you add and the cost + effort to maintain the value you add.

If you add no value, then no one's going to want to pay a high cost or effort. If you add a lot of value, but have a low cost, then you're going to get what you deserve. If you add a lot of value, then maybe you can start charging a lot more to retain those efforts - or find a replacement who's willing to pay.

You control exactly one person - yourself. Figure out how you're going to do you.