Read the entire post here: http://thefamilyalpha.com/2016/03/24/the-man-in-the-mirror-oconus-ponderings-part-1/

I’ve recently been afforded the opportunity to travel outside the United States for my job. Last month was my first real ‘business trip’ and first time leaving the country not on deployment. I took my journal with me and wrote a few posts and I’ll warn you now – some are from a sober mind, others (such as this one) were fueled by some fine liquors. I’ve decided to make all of these posts a series of sorts as I feel time away from the family and outside the ‘normal society’ I am used to will lead to some insight I wouldn’t otherwise have had.

This is the first post from my journal.

It is 0223 and I am in a foreign country, sitting awake in my hotel room, sipping on the last glass of single barrel Jim Beam I picked up earlier in the night. I tried sleeping but the mind was racing, I also have the spins so it’s best I keep my eyes open. I’ve been sitting facing a mirror and thinking hard about the man in the mirror – the guy looking back at me. Then, as is usually the case, I turned my mind to the subject of masculinity.

You see, there have been several times throughout my existence in the manosphere that I have had to remind guys that all of the flaws they were finding in their girlfriends, wives, and children were results of a lack of leadership. These people, the ones you hold closest – are your reflection. Your wife is your mirror. Just like I am able to look at myself right now and see the result of my gym time, looking at your kids or wife shows you how well you have led them – and just like the iron in your gym – the mirror doesn’t lie.

Don’t be so quick to judge your woman’s excess weight. Look inside, have you led her towards healthier eating? Have you ever offered to lead her in weightlifting or subliminally send the message that she needs to improve her strength? You’d be surprised how much you can accomplish without saying exactly what you mean. A conversation on the importance of remaining flexible and having strong bones when you’re old could, if delivered correctly, tell a woman that you want her to lift weights and start stretching. Your woman is your responsibility. If you want her to fix a certain aspect of her ‘self’ then you need to let her know that.

The same goes for the kids and wives that drive their husbands crazy for spending so much energy on time vampires such as Facebook, TV, and video games. These are all distractions, they distract individuals from their ‘real’ lives and provide comfort and validation for people who have not developed a life that can provide this same feeling. Neither my wife nor I have facebook and I truly believe we are both better off because of it. I was becoming the angry veteran mad at the world for bitching about the smallest of things and my wife would get disheartened when she didn’t get any ‘likes’ on a picture she put up of the kids. We didn’t realize it but this shit bothered us and it was completely preventable.

I recognized the issue and over time was able to help her realize that her life was passing by and that if she wanted to get the most of it, she would have to start living in the moments and no longer trying to capture them. It’s about living an awesome life, not projecting one for validation from others. My wife is now the most hard core Anti Facebook chick there is – she fucking hates it and has told me on several occasions that she will never go back and is so glad I was able to help her break free from it. When people are on their phones when we go out or they are ‘Scrolling’ –she calls them out on it and it turns me.

This woman is my wife, it is my job to ensure that I am not only setting myself up for success and working towards continuous improvement, but also that I am helping her do the same. The men who are bitching about the poor quality of their spouse and kids are often times guys who have just unplugged and think they now see ‘reality’. This is false, while they do see reality, they fail to see it as a result of their actions. It didn’t have to be this way – it is the result of weaksauce men who have not led their clan for months and likely years.

Read the entire post at TheFamilyAlpha: http://thefamilyalpha.com/2016/03/24/the-man-in-the-mirror-oconus-ponderings-part-1/