Wife has begun apologizing. Give me some of your good responses

bogeyd6 · 2015-11-13T11:50:18+00:00

Kiss on the forehead, Pat on the butt.

She's apologizing because she wants to feel Better. She's being a good wife, so reward good behaviour

[deleted] · 2015-11-13T13:40:27+00:00

You've identified the problem - she's stressed about work and it's spilling over into the home. She's apologizing, which suggests that she's aware of how her stress level has affected her behavior. That's why it didn't feel right to turn it into something sexual. Your earlier response of being strong for her was the right one. Any prospect for a different kind of stress release for the two of you together? Like a workout, walk, night at a hotel room or something?

RPSigmaStigma · 2015-11-13T13:11:50+00:00

Next time you're fucking her, dirty talk about what a bad girl she is. Tell her to say "I'm sorry for being such a bad girl daddy, please don't punish me." And then punish her.

BluepillProfessor · 2015-11-13T16:30:01+00:00

"ok and then I expect some understanding of what I'm dealing with in return"

What she means by that is different than what a man would mean. She wants you to shut up and listen to her vent about whatever it is she is dealing with for a few minutes, acknowledge her pain, tell her it is going to be all right, and then redirect her emotions to a better place.

She does NOT want you to "solve" the problem she is complaining about (work stress). She wants you to idenfity the underlying cause (she is stressed and needs a good long massage and a manhandling fucking by an Alpha).

I know karate.

As for apologizing: I think a nonverbal response might be best. Deep eye contact, a hug and a kiss with perhaps an "Awww."

Rasalom72 · 2015-11-13T14:39:12+00:00

ok and then I expect some understanding of what I'm dealing with in return"

Huge covert contract... you get sex in exchange for understanding (putting up with shit behaviour)... uh, no.

Be the OAK. Just give her a hug, squeeze her ass and hold her... you don't actually have to SAY anything.... your actions will tell her everything is okay. And don't fucking text, tell her you can talk about it later.

FearDearg2015 · 2015-11-13T10:48:07+00:00

She is recognising that she behaved in a shitty way to you, and she is trying to make that right for herself. Since you are well on your way to unplugging, you might not think that an apology was even necessary, but I think it's fair to say that it's a good thing that your wife is starting to pay more attention to the ways in which her behaviours might not be appropriate. She can see the direction you are trying to establish and lead, and she is recognising the times where she's been fighting against you rather than working with you. It's understandable that as you make massive strides in your journey, she'll be inspired to make some changes to herself also. As the captain of the ship, you appreciate that she's taken the time to reflect on her shittiness (or at least what she perceives to be shittiness) and she's being proactive about seeking a reconciliation with you (even if you don't think one was necessary). In that moment, she was feeling bad about something, which you can recognise as HER feelz, not yours.

With all that being said, how would you advise yourself to handle the situation?

[deleted] · 2015-11-13T16:13:32+00:00

I wouldn't want to offer you suggestions on what to text. You know the intracacies of your relationship better than a bunch of anonymous guys.

I would offer one suggestion, one that I give myself when in this situation. If I'm not sure what to "say" or "text", I don't say anything at all. Silence is always better than stepping in it.

strategos_autokrator · 2015-11-16T10:55:46+00:00

I wrote a post about this.

Don't focus on blame, just on solving the problem so it doesn't happen again. Besides that, be nice about it, as it rewards her owning up her shit, which makes things easier for all.

[deleted] · 2015-11-13T16:39:21+00:00

Watch what they do, not say.

A mans apology has the potential to be meaningful. A womans is likely a maniipulative tactic

RPcoyote · 2015-11-13T12:50:21+00:00

Smile, "it's ok sweetie and I appreciate you acknowledging and realizing that was inappropriate. It means a lot to me." Then move on to happier topics and your frame again. Don't get softened by her apologetic sweetness.

raxical · 2015-11-13T15:14:50+00:00

I don't care about apologies... at all, and I rarely , very rarely apologize. All I care about is if it's going to happen again, whether the other person recognizes they fucked up, and what they're going to do in the future to prevent it from happening again. This applies to myself aswell.

Sepean · 2015-11-13T21:16:26+00:00

Wait, are raisins in cereal a bad thing now?

RedCML · 2015-11-14T06:42:16+00:00

ok and then I expect some understanding of what I'm dealing with in return

This is the main problem and we've all been pointing it out. She never apologized. This wasn't an apology at all.

Keep this in mind: Sex should be its own reward. Say to yourself, "I would rather have sex with someone who wants to do it for mutual satisfaction rather than an exchange for something else." The moment she says this, it should be a turn off.

bogeyd6 · 2015-11-16T01:17:58+00:00

She replies "ok and then I expect some understanding of what I'm dealing with in return"

I often believe that you reward her with what she thinks is a reward. With my wife its as simple as cuddling after awesome sex. Sometimes, its finally clearing the patio deck of furniture. She is apologizing because she sees you as at least mediocre if not high value. She needs leadership that you are failing to provide. Right now she is wildly guessing at what you want and apologizing when she thinks she missed. I don't think you were negotiating desire. I think she is flapping in the wind, because she doesnt know what is expected of her.

Sepean · 2015-11-13T16:29:03+00:00

Wait. I read the post 3 times, I'm not sure why all the comments are about dirty talk. I've had my coffee today. What gives? Maybe I need more vitamins.

She replies "ok and then I expect some understanding of what I'm dealing with in return"

Is that an apology? She muddied that up with some compliance contract over understanding her bad behavior is due to stress? It's ok to kick the dog.

IMO when you have mud, clear it up.

Respond to sincere apologies with acceptance, and yet the understanding something wont happen again.

Mock apologies with a.a.

Work dirty talk into other activities and keep the apology/bad girl-daddy game separate.

alphabeta49 · 2015-11-13T16:44:11+00:00

She's genuinely stressed. Comfort all the way, with sexualization sprinkled in. If you like her apologizing, thank her. If you don't, tell her so. However, I would have responded more sternly to

and then I expect some understanding

especially if the tone was how I'm reading it in my head - i.e., bossy. She doesn't get to expect anything from her captain except what her captain graciously bestows. I wouldn't take that any more than a brief humoring. You did well not to reply.

Its a tough spot, because it sounds like she really does need the comfort, but she's going about getting it in a disrespectful way.

Title	Wife has begun apologizing. Give me some of your good responses
Author	Sepean
Upvotes	15
Comments	46
Date	November 13, 2015 10:15 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3snbqm/wife_has_begun_apologizing_give_me_some_of_your/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/wife-has-begun-apologizing-give-me-some-of-your.200719 https://theredarchive.com/post/200719