FR Girls Night Out

mrpCamper · 2015-09-29T19:11:39+00:00

The fact that she's opting out is a good sign.

Beyond that, all you can really do is increase your SMV, and enforce your boundries. You have to trust she will not fuck her life up if it's going well.

usually the red flags are obvious when you don't lie to yourself in order to ignore them

cholomite · 2015-09-29T19:45:28+00:00

Read the situation. If she's wearing a sweater and some mom jeans I wouldn't worry about it. If she's wearing stiletos and a skin tight mini dress then it's time to enforce your boundries. The variable is what her motivations are. Is she interested in spending time with friends, or is she going out with the intent of getting attention from other men. Sometimes it's hard to tell, so I choose to not even worry about it. The biggest mistake you can make before a GNO is showing any kind of concern for what she will be doing. It's very important to give zero shits about what she's doing. I usually try to plan my own night on the same day, casually of course, not like a "well if you're doing x I'm going to do y". I've planned to grab a beer with a friend during a GNO only to have my gf and her friend come to where we were because we were having more fun. If your wife or gf is going out to get attention and validation about her body from other men, it means that she does not respect you and your validation means nothing.

My gf doesn't go on many GNO's anymore but here was my typical attitude when one was coming up.

-As stated before, don't give a shit. My gf hyped up a GNO to this Mexican bar for a few weeks trying to get a reaction out of me. I definitely knew about it the whole time and was trying to make other plans for myself, but when the night came and she said "ok, I'm leaving" I acted like I totally forgot and just said "bye". She looked at me for a minute while her hamster spun then spent the rest of the night texting me.

-don't be blowing her phone up all night. Don't even text or call. If she calls or texts don't answer because whatever you're doing is more fun.

-don't get jealous or butthurt when she talks about all the guys that were talking to her, or bought her a drink or whatever. A&A until there's steam coming from her ears.

-don't ask anything other than "did you have fun"? Then don't give a shit about whatever she says. This is usually followed by the step above.

My attitude is basically, if she wants to cheat on me she will. The only thing I can do is not be some sucker who lets his wife or gf slut it up around town while he's at home texting her every 15 minutes. Establish your boundries and stick to them.

marriedrpguy · 2015-09-29T21:00:05+00:00

If my wife wants to go out with her friends usually it is for dinner and drinks. Her friends are low SMV and all married, generally overweight and not attractive at all, my wife is by far the highest SMV among them. When she gets home inevitably she tells me about some guy flirting with them or a really friendly waiter, etc.

The thing is, it makes her feel good about herself and I consider it almost a comfort test. I make sure she knows how hot she still is because I'm secure in the fact that she would never step outside of our marriage because I'm simply better than anyone she's going to meet. And, inevitably after I tell her how hot she still is I tear her slightly dressy clothes off and fuck her brains out.

Don't see GNO as a threat unless you're insecure in your relationship and actually need to work on yourself more.

turbosympathique · 2015-09-29T19:00:11+00:00

There was talk among my wife and some of her friends about a GNO trip to NY City and she tried to present it to me like some kind of fait accompli. I told her no. She was shocked and goes, "what?" I said, "No fucking way." Then she says, "You can't tell me what I can and can't do," expecting me to back down. I said, "Nope, you can do whatever you want, but if you go on that trip the locks on the house will be changed when you get back," and then I just stared at her until she walked away. She didn't go on the trip.

dandar4600 · 2015-09-29T18:44:22+00:00

My opinion is that when guys go out, they usually go to their buddies' house or to a small bar to watch sports and play some pool. They don't go out to dance with single ladies or married ones pretending they are single. If a married woman wants a GNO, it can be at a friend's house etc. Not at a place crawling with thirsty guys looking for a wet hole to park their dick in.

If she badly wants to go out and dance, she can do that with her husband, not go out pretend she's single and get attention from bunch of dudes. Call me insecure, whatever. I don't go out to bars to dance with girls and I expect the same from my wife.

In 13 years of marriage, 18 years together, I don't remember my wife ever going on a GNO. She once went to a casino with her sister and came back around 10-11PM. That is the extent of it.

mrpCamper · 2015-09-29T19:27:39+00:00

How to handle the GNO? Depends on where you are and where she is and what kind of GNO it is.

If it's a GNO where girls are going to get together at a house, OK.

If it's a GNO at a bar, probably will be what you describe. If it's a GNO at a wedding reception she goes to alone, probably the same.

If you're at your best or improving, the GNOs will probably decrease. If you're not at your best or she isn't having a lot of sex with you, there will likely be more GNOs.

Mrs. PemBayliss hasn't been on a GNO since about year 2 of our marriage. I wouldn't tell her "no you can't go". I'd just explain the consequences if she did, much like u/enskip did.

If you get a shit test of "don't you trust me" when you ask where the GNO is, you'll know something's up.

Out of town GNOs, like trips to Vegas or NYC? Nope.

Also, you go to wedding receptions and high school reunions together, or you don't go. You both go, or no one goes.

Anon-Dutch · 2015-09-29T20:09:35+00:00

I drew this boundary early and hard. Bars are human meat markets, period. Going "out" without your partner is not appropriate, period. A girls' night in at a girlfriend's house, I fully support. A girls' night out, is not acceptable behavior.

A little success story. My LTR recently came back from a bridal brunch and told me they were planning a trip to a caribbean island for the Bachelorette party. I just laughed and told her that was absolutely ridiculous. She immediately agreed and said of couse she did not want to go. I was proud, of her, and myself.

dandar4600 · 2015-09-30T02:35:32+00:00

Im fortunate that my wife is not really a GNO type of gal. However knowing AWALT should the day ever come where she wants GNO to some bar or a GNO weekend getaway - my response will be as follows: "Sure and my buddy and I will be headed up to the strip clubs in Montreal that night/weekend"

On another note: I was out this past weekend for a drink with a buddy of mine at a brew pub. We sit down and directly across from us are two 40ish women - clearly enjoying a GNO. One is decent looking and clearly had a wedding ring on. Outside of observing this neither of us paid them much attention. We sere there to shoot the shit and not pick up women. As the time elapses, her friend leaves and the decent looking one joins a huge group way down at the end of the bar. As my buddy and I sit there continuing to talk, I notice her come back up the bar, make a beeline for us, stop next to us and look at her phone - stalling for time. We ignored her and shortly thereafter left the bar for home. As we got in the truck I turn to my buddy and say " Did you notice that?" He's like " oh yeah - horny as hell" I then say " To think that's some guys wife" He laughs and says" That poor guy"
Moral of the story: A woman without a man in her life who can put up boundaries will soon become feral.

Venge97RI · 2015-09-30T13:44:51+00:00

So I'm not done swallowing the pill here ( or some will say I haven't started) , but I have to share the story of what GNO's became with an ex-gf of mine

I'll admit to being super beta back then. and didn't fight the fact that over a few months she turned GNO from a once a year kind of thing , to " Friday night is girls night , every week" , to top it off , we lived together . So I remember one of these GNO's that had been going on for a few weeks , I was at home, had her middle teen son there. was angry and all that , but she was all dressed up( I have to mention Bra-less with her Enhancements displayed) and out the door for the night.

occasional texts back and forth about how she's having a horrible time , 2 am rolls around ( bar closing time around here) and about 30 mins later I get a phone call , asking me to pick her up , so being the good little beta , I drive down to where she is (a park that overlooks the water and city) she's out talking to some dude , while her married friend is in her car bouncing on some other dude in the back seat.. it was just a total shit-show. the friend begging me not to tell her husband , and my then GF looking like she struck out for the night or something.

so yea.. AWALT for sure.. and just know it can end up this way , I let it happen then.. Happy to say my current LTR, hasn't been on a girls night in 5+ years.

spexer · 2015-09-29T18:52:07+00:00

I have tried to tell a buddy of mine what his wife's "girl's getaways" were really about, but he didnt believe me until he finally saw some dick pics she got from some of the women going on the next one, with the tagline "get ready ladies!"

KyfhoMyoba · 2015-09-29T23:40:52+00:00

The biggest mistake you can make before a GNO is showing any kind of concern for what she will be doing. It's very important to give zero shits about what she's doing

I beg to differ. The biggest mistake you can make before a GNO is to not enforce the boundary of no GNOs - and I'm talking about the mini dress with stilettos kind. EDIT: Any kind that isn't in somebody's home with no men present.

Guys, any time a woman dresses up (usually nicer than when she does for you), goes to a venue with alcohol and single men she's basically saying "Let me see how close I can get to cheating on my husband. If I go over the line I probably won't get caught, and if I do, well, 'It just happened.'" All you guys that do not enforce boundaries on this issue are, IMO, still plugged in. A woman's ability to cheat is so much greater than a man's, it's not even close, and I don't think that you can really call yourself RP if you don't get that.

OP is pointing out that his wife's GNOs were "low key", or at least marketed as such, and they were in actuality whore-fests.

OP, I didn't see much in the way of advice, so I will second /u/enskip. Set the boundary. Enforce the boundary. Demand respect. Remember, women talk, men do. Demonstrate, don't explicate. If you've been unplugged for a while, and your wife is still going on GNOs, it (probably/almost certainly) means that she's still cheating.

Marriedwithkidz · 2015-09-29T18:54:13+00:00

I don't do GNO simply because I am a homebody, if I were going it would be at someone's house, I don't do bars and places like that. I'd rather be home with my husband and chill watching a movie or something else entirely :p

edit: spelling

bmunny1963 · 2015-09-30T14:27:38+00:00

A lot of these responses seem like insecure mate guarding tactics. If my wife wants to go on an occasional GNO (whether it's at the local night club or Vegas, wearing a mini dress or mom jeans), my attitude is, "have fun, use them thirsty betas for all you can, and bring that wet, untainted pussy home to papa." In fact, I'll even give her advice on what looks sexy (after all, she's representing me). If she's gonna slut around, she'll do it regardless of my attitude about a GNO. My focus is keeping my frame and game so tight that a wild night with Chad is a horrible trade off for what she would lose by fucking around on me.

Rasalom72 · 2015-09-29T19:09:47+00:00

If it actually is a Girls Night Out, just ask if she minds if you show up randomly to make sure she and her friends are okay, and make sure she tells you where and when they will be there. (You don't actually have to go, just let the hamster know that there is the possibility of you showing up).

If she says no problem, and gives you the green light, then you probably don't have to worry. If she starts a shit test, then that's all the red flags you need.

Current_Extreme4558 · 2021-10-28T03:22:08+00:00

Listen … get a backbone and be tough on this Bullsh*t

I know too many men reconciling from affairs after GNO’s. That is a terrible place to be, horny young men and drunken wives looking for a fun night are terrible combinations. I’ve heard all the WW excuses of how it happened , was drunk, he was persistent, got caught up in the moment, was “just some kissing and petting, a BJ, a hand job, reciprocal oral” . Marriages and trust are destroyed forever. AND studies show the husband only finds out about 15% of the time and that 40% of women doing GNO cheat.

So man up and say H*LL NO TO , bars, clubs, strippers bar hopping etc.

Be the ALPHA male and not the doormat.

Nice will land 40% of you in a world of pain, shock, hurt and years of H*LL.

Be a dam man, ALPHA man, respected man, marriage boundary man!!!!

PostAdvise · 2022-08-14T01:47:55+00:00

Personally, I find mature women in boring sweaters and jeans very sexy.

Title	FR Girls Night Out
Author	mrpCamper
Upvotes	17
Comments	67
Date	September 29, 2015 6:06 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/3mv1cc/fr_girls_night_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/fr-girls-night-out.200942 https://theredarchive.com/post/200942