The 12 Step Plan of Dread: Book excerpt from my work in progress: "A Man's Guide To Turning Around a Low Sex Marriage (X-Post from TRP)

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November 8, 2014

Edit 1- Warning: Use of even mild Dread during pregnancy has been reported to be fatal to a marriage.

Edit 2- Dread Levels 1 and 2 can and should be done together. Level 1 is to START dealing with Shit Tests. This takes a lifetime to master.

PLEASE don't accelerate through to levels 9 and 10 and start making demands 2, 3, or 12 weeks after you have begun following this plan. Pretty please. Seriously take at least a year to build up to Level 10 or Athol Kay's Option A or Option B. We have had MANY reports of guys exploding their marriages by ignoring this. Don't do it.

Also, understand this is boilerplate stuff. The details are for you and you alone to decide.

For example, I don't know if you need to lose a lot of weight, but Level 2- get your life in order and go lift weights addresses it directly. step 3 can include more of that- join a martial art, get busy, lose weight. Start biking, lose weight. All of this is connected and is for you to decide how and when it is best to implement each of these levels.

Edit 2 TLDR: Go slow with this and don't be a dumbass.

I am especially interested in your thoughts on what works and what doesn't work to revive a low sex marriage. Basically, my research suggests that passive Dread (a/k/a 'self improvement) along with showing DHV's and internalizing Abundance are the way to revive a low sex marriage. If that doesn't work, then you need to learn Game and use it on your wife. If that doesn't work, you need to go to hard Dread and ultimately escalate to "Option A or Option B" (i.e. a final demand that she behave as you need her to behave before you file for divorce or "cheat").

I am very interested in discussing if there are other things that I need to add or change to make this plan more effective and I really want to avoid doing more harm than good.

“Dread” is putting the fear or ‘dread’ in your wife that you have other opportunities and other options rather than being chained to her whims. They HATE it- or at least they will TELL you they hate it- but women are irresistibly attracted to men who have options. This is well known as "Secondary Selection" or "Pre-selection Bias."

I conceptualize Dread as a continuum with level 5 being the baseline "Dread" for a good or excellent relationship. In other words, for most guys, Level 1-5 are personal and social self improvement so that your "Dread" is at the level that it should be. After level 5, however, Dread takes on a different tenor, that rapidly escalates to a better relationship- with either your wife or with somebody else.

To clarify, these are sequential. You don't go past level 5 if you are happy in the relationship. You don't "cheat" until you have tried everything else and the marriage is already over. You move up these levels one at a time, slowly, and carefully, taking approximately 1 month for each level.

The 12 Levels of Dread

Dread Level 1: Learn to recognize and start passing Shit Tests. Begin building a strong, indefatigable frame where you are not affected by her sexual denials. Your readings will inform you about the basics of Pickup Artistry and seduction. Begin leading your wife more and begin seducing her. . Read the sidebar on The Red Pill, Married Man's Sex Life by Athol Kay, No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover, and the Book of Pook by the enigmatic manosphere blogger of the same name.

Dread Level 2: Develop an action plan to improve the major areas of your life. Develop the physical, spiritual, psychological, financial and personal areas of your life. Your journey begins at the gym where you need to lift heavy weights to exhaustion 3-4 times a week, working each muscle group at least 2 times a week. Read The Mindful Attraction Plan by Athol Kay.

Dread Level 3: Begin to build a life apart from your wife. Join a club. Take up a cause, discipline, or calling. Get busy. You are going places, with or without her. Read the Way of the Superior Male by David Dieda and the Art of Seduction by Robert Green.

Dread Level 4: Begin conditioning your availability to your wife with her treatment of you. Your are busy now. You don't have time for a sexually disinterested, annoying, or angry wife. Take up another cause if you need to. This is a great time to join a martial arts club. Read The Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves by Ian Ironwood.

Dread Level 5: Upgrade your clothes and start dressing ‘up’ more of the time. Top off your solid, masculine, strong, indefatigable frame. You should be acting like the Captain of your Ship and leading your relationship. You should be actively using Kino and seducing your wife. Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomossi.

Dread Level 6: Begin to study pickup artistry. Before you do anything stupid, use your newfound knowledge about the stages of seduction and pickup artistry on your wife. Give it some time and apply this knowledge to seducing your wife. Use pickup game first to try and save your marriage. Read Bang, and Day Bang by Roosh.

Dread level 7: Begin to practice pickup artistry and learn how to approach pretty women and hold an attractive conversation. Read The Natural by Richard Ruina.

Dread Level 8: SHOW your wife that you are capable of talking to pretty girls in public. Start with waitresses. If you are with your wife and it has been 20-30 days since she gave you the 'favor' of her body, and you strike up a conversation with a pretty young thing right in front of her 1 or 2 things will happen- probably both. First she will lose her shit and accuse you of all kinds of things. MAINTAIN FRAME/Amused Mastery. You are finally getting your wife to respond. That is the important thing- there is hope for the relationship. Second, shortly after you get home she will probably fuck you with more passion than your honeymoon. Read Models: Attracting Women through honesty by Mark Manson and at least one other book among many choices on pickup artistry.

Dread Level 9: This is the lynchpin. It is time to speak plainly but don’t start issuing ultimatums. Instead, Dread at this level is an implied and credible, but still as yet unspoken threat. If it has not worked before now and you are approaching Athol Kay's "Option A" or "Option B" point (i.e. start fucking me like I need or I am filing for divorce). Note this is the END of a LONG process. Give the first 7 steps about 1 month for every year of your marriage where you have been a Beta toe stub pushover BUT, it is finally time to start speaking in masculine language- directly and up front. After yet another sexual denial just look her in the eye and say something like: "You know I need to have sex with you to have a relationship. You understand this is a biological need for men, right?" Don't argue, don't get into emotional blackmail. Leave it hanging in the air and then disappear for several hours. I recommend you continue doing this a couple more times in different contexts. Avoid getting into drama or an argument. Your goal at this level is to inform her in no uncertain terms about your expectations WITHOUT getting drawn into a battle. When you are getting along pretty well, ask her what you can do together to get to the requirements that you have for the marriage. This stage can last only a couple of weeks but may last longer. Writers recommend that you not let this hang for very long or you risk going all the way back to the beginning. If it becomes clear that your wife is not going to meet your demands, there is only one thing you can do after you read your Bible and pray.

Dread Level 10: TELL her how it is going to be- or else you are leaving and filing for divorce. I got to this point in my marriage before it turned around. I told my wife: "You have a simple choice to make. Fuck me...or fuck you." If you make it to this point you must be mentally checked out enough and pissed off enough to actually move out and file for divorce if things don't improve. Your IDGAF is no longer an act. Read The Art of War and The 48 Laws of Power.

Edit: To be clear: "Dread" 11 and 12 is extreme and perhaps almost to a comical level. However, there is no doubt it is STILL dread: This is nothing more than "Plate Theory" applied to your marriage. I am suggesting that before you blow it up and get divorced and demote your wife to "Ex-Wife" why not demote her to "Plate" first? You have nothing to lose! The legal issues could potentially get sticky but very rarely do courts give a rip about infidelity. There is a better chance of them caring if there are young kids. If this final tactic works, then you can restore your marriage. If it doesn't, your marriage was already over, you just didn't get the memo. Some think the moral thing to do is file for divorce first but there is no doubt that marriages survive affairs and this is the very last attempt by you after a long, long battle that is either the final solution to your marriage, or a path to an entirely new life.

Dread Level 11: Get a GF or mistress and start having sex like you were meant to have. Read The Joy of Sex.

Dread Level 12: Thermonuclear: TELL your wife that you have a GF so you won't be bothering her for sex any longer unless she wants it (because you would never deny your wife something that she wants and needs). Then when she blows up leave for the entire night. Come back next day (if you want) or file for divorce. By this time you would probably welcome the loss of this shrewish, frigid woman.


We have had reports recently about men using Dread during the wife's pregnancy AND IT CREATES A SHIT STORM.

DREAD is off limits during a pregnancy from what I have seen. They freak out even with soft dread. Anything new, even things like deciding to get in shape and leaving for the gym needs to be handled carefully because it is enough to create an existential crisis in some marriages.

However, the essence of MRP is to be the masculine, rational, logical, leader of your life, your wife, and your marriage and that is even more important with pregnant women. You just can't suddenly become the leader if you were not before. Any major changes are verboten BUT you can roll it out sloooowly and begin to pick up your balls and assert yourself as the man as the natural course of things while still providing lots of comfort.

EDIT 2: Take your time- a month for each level:

Edit 2- Take note Merpers! We have had several posts recently to the effect: "I told my wife X, Y, Z and that is how it was going to be or else..."



if you make demands or even state your ultimate needs before you have improved the result is predictable.

We say STFU and don't talk about this shit, don't make ultimatums, don't bitch and whine and complain FOR A VERY GOOD REASON: It is not attractive and UNLESS YOUR SMV IS HIGHER THAN HERS IT WILL MAKE HER COME 'UNGLUED.'.



DO NOT TALK TO YOUR WIFE ABOUT THIS. DO NOT LET HER TALK ABOUT IT OR ACCUSE YOU. Go forward, LIFT WEIGHTS, read the books, improve yourself. Start completely over. Reboot. Follow the 12 steps of Dread beginning with reading up on Shit Tests and lifting weights HARD. Build a positive, affirming frame. Get busy, start making the availability of your positive affirming frame conditional on her sexual availability to you.

After you have improved like this (Dread levels 1-4) upgrade your wardrobe and start dressing like the man.

ONLY if that does not get the results you want to you proceed to level 6- begin to learn PUA, level 7- begin seducing your wife using PUA tactics, level 8- begin practicing PUA on random girls during the day.

The soft ultimatums come at level 9:

To be clear, Level 9 is:

AFTER you get 10-20 number closes (Level 8),

AFTER you seduced your wife for a month or more (Level 7),

AFTER you have studied PUA for at least a month (Level 6),

AFTER you have upgraded your wardrobe (Level 5),

AFTER you have begun conditioning your availability to her with her treatment and (sexual) availability to her (Level 4),

AFTER you have built a busy, full life with recreational options and friends (Level 3),

AFTER you have developed a plan to improve your physical, emotional, psychological and financial life, lifted weights for enough time you noticeably improve and are getting attention from other women (Level 2),

AFTER you have learned how to handle Shit Tests (Level 1) and are blowing them away regularly WITHOUT the anger (Unknown Level but pretty high up there).

Edit 3: Don't forget your vows

We have several reports of problems when men increase the levels of Dread when they begin pulling the attention of other women and realize- hey, I am good looking, I know game, I could spin plates. Forget this frigid, harpy, sex denying, nasty, bitchy, shit testing bitch, I am going to replace my 36 y/o wife with 2 18 y/o babes. As Athol Kay writes: That may seem like the lamest warning ever but you will lose all your progress if you fail...THE TEST. There will ALWAYS be a "Test."

When you start to improve you are improving for yourself. However, it is assumed you are beginning this path because you have a marriage that is not living up to your expectations. So you should enter this path with the eye focused in self improvement BUT ALSO with some intention and eventual expectation of improving your marriage.

Let me just remind you guys that you made vows. You made some promises. Men keep their promises. It is up to you to decide how much you can take of HER broken promises, but don't forget the promises that you made as you journey along the Dread.


  1. In most cases you should NOT use Dread during pregnancy. In some cases it may be the only thing that works- but BE CAREFUL. Start slow and continue slow.


Post Information
Title The 12 Step Plan of Dread: Book excerpt from my work in progress: "A Man's Guide To Turning Around a Low Sex Marriage (X-Post from TRP)
Author BluepillProfessor
Upvotes 27
Comments 49
Date 08 November 2014 08:30 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit MarriedRedPill
Original Link
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Red Pill terms found in post:

[–]fasterpussycatdie5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

If after 10, which all steps until then seem pretty solid you're still not having success it's time to start planning an exit strategy. If you have to 'go there' (11&12) it is just not worth it to be married to this woman any way.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

If she withholds sex for no good reason for a very long period of time, I would consider that to be a breach of marital faith. But don't become an adulterer. End the marriage as a last resort, but don't lower yourself to cheating. Be better than that.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think of Dread level 11 and 12 as shit you do during the "legal separation" phase. Papers are filed, but nothing is concrete, legally; you are still married.

Filing the proceedings is saying, "We're basically divorced... it's just not legal yet. You have 1 year (more or less) to turn your shit around."

From a moral standpoint, I don't consider it cheating if papers were filed. paper filing is a cathartic moment in a marriage that signifies that shit is basically over. The final pin is signing the documents.

[–]RedPill8080 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Is it "cheating" if she's deliberately broken the contract?

Would it be cheating if she got a job after you unilateral decided work wasn't for you anymore?

[–]troubleonwheelsMarried2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You have my complete support in this writing. I agree with the others' criticism of Level 11 - plus it could seriously mess with the divorce proceedings that are bound to happen and swing it wildly in her favor. But excellent work. I'll be saving it.

[–]isolosMarried- MRP MODERATOR5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

Not sure if I agree with level 11. I would like to have some faith in humanity that men are moral and would not knowingly cheat on their wives. If things go FUBAR, by all means leave her, but having a mistress on the side is simply being dishonest, to say the least.

[–]Moldy_Gecko2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

TRP is amoral.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think a better concept is, make and stick to your own morals. Have integrity and don't be a hypocrite.

[–]SorcererKingMRP SAGE - MRP MODERATOR5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I with isolos on this one. The effect on one's self-concept would be bad -- one would be destroying his own integrity with that move. It seems like if one makes it to 11 then one is already basically at 12. Just get the divorce and move on, then spin plates until the end of the world.

[Edit] Forgot to say: nice work!

[–]RedPill8081 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree that it is, but my greatest regret isn't being dishonest with her, it was not keeping my dignity by ending it sooner.

I throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I think about how I tried to cajole her to have sex.

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points | Copy

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[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR[S] 5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

with regards to #11 & #12 I see as backfiring galore.

The entire point is by the time you get there you don't care if it backfires. It is OVER in your mind. She can still 'save' it at that point (before or after you "cheat") by changing her attitude and behavior. However, you are done changing yourself for her by this point and she either accepts the "new" you as her "Alpha" who she respects and fucks at least at a tolerable level or it is loooong gone.

I understand the opposition to this radical notion of "cheating" but Dread depends on a true abundance mentality. Unless you are REALLY prepared to pull the trigger- and unless that option is part of the overall plan- then your Dread is likely to fall flat.

Who exactly is "cheating?" You both took a marriage vows.

---To have and to hold from this day forth

---Forsaking all others so long as you live

I am only advocating "breaking" the marital contract after your wife has long been in breach of her responsibilities ('have and hold' refers to SEX- what else could it be) while you have been chained by your honor to 'forsake all others') and at the same time you have done everything possible to 'save' the marriage.

I am a believing Christian and I think even Jesus would have approved. His admonition to not put away your wife except for adultery was about not throwing your wife onto the streets and upgrading with a younger model unless she cheated on you. What we have today with women denying sex and lording it over the Husband to control him with full authority of the law was unknown in Jesus' time. A man could always take ANOTHER wife. He just couldn't abandon his OTHER wife and throw her into the street. I think Christianity and the culture have been completely coopted by the feminine imperative.

[–]KyfhoMyobaMRP APPROVED2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

With no-fault divorce, there is no legal/moral high ground.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're right, but the court may see your behavior as morally grey when it comes to kids. Once you have kids, everything changes. This is why it's best to use a mediator. Mediators tend to keep things tangible and don't let behaviors that don't hurt anyone interfere.

Example: if you cheated, and she divorced, the mediator just hashes out equity in assets. However, if you cheated, got your girlfriend pregnant and the wife divorced, the mediator may see your new coupling (with child) as a way to strengthen your asset margin. read: you could be seen as having more to pay out to your wife in gifts and prizes.

[–]RedPill8080 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Some states require mediation before litigation in divorce. The state doesn't want to tie up the court with hearings if things can be settled before hand.

My case never went to litigation, but the mediation session was an all day meat grinder. We were down to a couple of final contentious issues and threatening to walk out when the mediator said: Your paying me $150 an hour to get you to an agreement. Litigation via your attorneys is $250/hour,a piece and will last much longer. Are you sure you want to die on these particular hills? In the end we reached a compromise that was mutually unsatisfying.

Mediator was a retired family court judge who knew what he was talking about.

[–][deleted] 2 points2 points | Copy

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[–]alpha_n3rdMarried1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus after only two years? I'm sorry, brother.

[–]Jessie_JamesMarried2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Like I said the last time you posted this, I think you would be wise to analyze the marriage and determine if it's worth saving from the start.

And cheating is not alpha, it's sociopathic in the current state of divorce laws. That's how you lose everything to the court system.

[–]jimicus2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

In many countries, "no-fault" divorce means that when dividing assets, no account is taken for whose fault the divorce is. Assets are divided according to contribution within the marriage and need post-marriage, to hell with whose actions precipitated the divorce.

Having said that, it's hard to imagine that a judge (who, lest we forget, is still human) would have much sympathy for a man who was out fucking any bit of skirt he could find.

[–]FollowThisAdviceBlue Pill Troll0 points1 point  (12 children) | Copy

Top tip - if you want this book to appeal to ANYONE outside the TRP/PUA community, you need to replace the word "Dread" with something with less negative connotations. "Dread" is not something most people want to instil. Maybe something like "High Value Man - Level 1"

Also a book that tells you to read 4 other books on the same subject just to get to "level 1" is an inherent flop. Having each level require further self-help book reading? Whats the point of having your book at all?

And making cheating level 11? If your marriage is dead, why cheat? Why not separate? Only douchebags cheat.

Overall it seems like you've limited your audience to a subset of married, childless people from TRP who dont give a fuck about anyone but themselves, who wont need yet another book on stuff they already know.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR[S] 2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

These are good suggestions and well thought out ideas for a mass market book.

--"High Value Man" instead of "Dread."
--"Sexually Attractive" instead of "Alpha." --"Truth" instead of "The Red Pill"

and so on.

However I am not trying to sell thousands of books, just provide an outline to help the people who want to be helped. The question is can I help more men by changing a few terms and hiding the Red Pill? I will think about this. My gut reaction is why not just write a book targeted specifically at women and try to write best seller because they read most of these books anyway. Who cares about the men anyway!

You misunderstand the scope of the audience and you misunderstand how Dread works. If the dude reading the book 'doesn't give a fuck about anyone' then chances are his wife is already sexually attracted to him. In the cases you describe the problem is not lack of sex or /r/deadbedrooms. The problem is not that he is a whimpering, optionless Beta. He is a strong IDGAF Alpha, and if he is having problems in the marriage the solution is the opposite of the book- be less of an asshole, rather than improve yourself and 'man up' the Alpha.

[–]FollowThisAdviceBlue Pill Troll0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

The problem is you're preaching to the choir. The people who are sufficiently enlodged into the community to appreciate the perspective you are offering are already sufficiently knowledgeable of its tenets to not need your book.

If your target audience is a TRP newbie, you need to cut out the circlejerk and self-referencing.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

I appreciate your input so...

I am not banning you even though your very next post following this one advocated breaking up based on I'm not haaapppy.

I am not banning you even though this is /r/Marriedredpill, NOT purplepill debate.

I am not banning you even though your post history is full of Feminist theory bullcrap.

I am not banning you even though your main focus in your extensive posting history appears to be to criticize Red Pill Theory.

I am not even banning you because you claim that only people with horrible relationships and parental issues could possibly think the Red Pill works.

I probably will have reason soon, however. Or maybe we just need some flair for the identified BP Fems? They really are amusing to read once you know what they are.

[–]FollowThisAdviceBlue Pill Troll-1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

Thanks. I am happy to have flair identifying me as a BP fem, as I am a BP fem and not trying to pretend not to be. I am more interested in engaging and have considerably more appetite and interest for gleaning actual useful information/observation from TRP than 99% of anyone on /TBP. For the record though, I very much still think most of you guys are damaged goods and your attitudes towards women and relationships are largely reactions to that damage.

I understand what will get me banned here, and what I can post here is not the same as what I can post on PPD. Your tolerance is appreciated.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

I very much still think most of you guys are damaged goods and your attitudes towards women and relationships are largely reactions to that damage.

I like to quote scripture when I can but in this case Nancy Botwin- (Mary Louise Paker) and her last words to her husband (in the TV show Weeds, before having him put in prison and killed) comes to mind:

"We are all damaged."

[–]FollowThisAdviceBlue Pill Troll-3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Sure, but recongising when your view of something comes from empirical evidence or rational analysis and when it comes from damage-induced bias is the key.

[–]slimcoatMarried3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

FTA, I imagine your presence is tolerated only to advise the rest of us what NOT to be and do. As such, I'll be looking forward to hearing more from you as an exercise in embracing forewarning.

[–]FollowThisAdviceBlue Pill Troll-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for letting me know bro.

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

As long as you follow the Guidelines. In particular:

What if I don’t like TRP?

If you don’t like the look or methods of bodybuilders, don’t go to /r/bodybuilding. You have nothing of value to contribute there. Similarly, if you are not interested in our kind of self-improvement, you don’t belong here. If you want to debate TRP, go to /r/purplepilldebate.

I enforce this very strictly and without warning. I don't tolerate ban evaders, as that is trolling by definition.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

If your target audience is a TRP newbie, you need to cut out the circlejerk and self-referencing.

Yes, that is my target audience. I consider it almost missionary work. Can you be specific what you mean by circle jerk and self-referencing?

[–]FollowThisAdviceBlue Pill Troll-3 points-2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I havent read the draft so I'm not sure this will hold up in the full length book, but I would guess from what you've written so far that you overuse terminology and state axioms or TRP's view of behaviours without necessarily explaining it all from first principles.

[–]Moldy_Gecko0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

People keep going back to this cheating thing like MRP isn't a subset of TRP. TRP is amoral, therefore cheating is okay. Cheating is amoral. Now, if younger are christian, then you follow another subset.

[–]RPSigmaStigmaMarried- MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was just reading through this again for shits and grins, and noticed your recommendation of Models. Personally I found Models to be relatively purple pill. Sure there have been a lot of discussions about how it's really red pill on the main sub, but honestly it only looks red pill when you squint hearts enough and interpret it in a specific way that isn't obvious from the book itself.

I would suggest replacing RSD Tyler's The Blueprint in place of models. I think it's much more compatible with TRP for pick up purposes.

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Professor, this is interesting. I do agree with the others on the Dread 11 stuff, mostly because it just rationalizing bad things, instead of being honest, cutting it off, and then getting the things. The rest is gold though.

I'm reading now MMSLP, and I'm loving it. Where do you feel your book will fit in with respect to MMSLP? What are its strengths, and what does it do differently?

Please, share more parts, because I'm interested in what you have to say.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Where do you feel your book will fit in with respect to MMSLP?

I see my book as a supplement, certainly not a replacement or substitute for the epic MMSL and MAP. I write it as a Red Pill primer and use Red Pill language freely through the book, unlike the other works which obfuscate the real intent. The strength is in a clear (if necessarily generic) plan forward and in the reconceptualization of "Dread" as something that is good and necessary to a good relationship in the right measure. I also am more of a natural Alpha than Athol Kay (who has been like so many thoroughly Beta-ized by marriage to a high 6-figure earning, ball busting lawyer) so I have a slightly different perspective. For example, as you point out, Athol Kay would never advocate Dread Level 11 but I note there are MANY marriages where the woman accepts this dynamic as normal and Hamsters it par-excellence. If it saves the marriage, and gets you both what you want I am for it. Finally, I am not interested in appealing to the female audience except insofar as I can help women be more submissive in order to help their man become more dominant. As such my writing style is plain, direct, and much more blunt than Athol Kay.

[–]strategos_autokratorMan, Married, Mod0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I understand. In a way, the MAP isn't fully fleshed, and you are expanding the dread parts of it. They are there, but only between the lines. You have identified this weakness, and are writing to address it.

[–]slimcoatMarried0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for posting this. My marriage is passionless and on the edge of a dead bedroom. I'll be taking some of these steps and see how they play out. I already hit the gym regularly, but admittedly not as intensely as I could/should. That will change. Shit tests from my wife are rare, but when I spot them I handle them with ease.

She claims to have a low libido and is always too stressed/tired to put out. She does work a lot and goes to the gym a lot. Still, the excuses are bullshit, right?

I can feel the anger and frustration boiling inside me. If I stay busy enough and get involved in some things like a martial arts, will that help me keep my "zen"?

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I stay busy enough and get involved in some things like a martial arts, will that help me keep my "zen"?

Physical activity is the tonic for sexual frustration and at the same time, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

[–]RedPill8080 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

During my DBR/Beta phase, I didn't know it, but I went through many of these levels. Level 11 is where she finally paid attention. Ironically, in the middle of the affair, she suddenly wanted sex from me again. When she found out, she was 'devastated', but I had no fucks left to give. I was hanging on "for the kids".

Complete & utter waste of time. Turns out, she was a closet prescription pill/opiate addict. Found that out just prior to the divorce when she got sloppy. She said it was because "I had hurt her so badly" with the affair that she turned to pills. A long overdue criminal background check said otherwise. I divorced her and I am glad I did.

In my personal experience & opinion, Dread levels above 8 are going to be a waste of your time & energy. She knows exactly what she's doing to your happiness long before that point. Cut your losses and just get out.

TL;DR: Dead bedroom due to drug addicted wife. Dread to 11 barely penetrated. Divorced. Happy guy now.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Thanks for the story. However it doesn't look very generalizable as it represents the other side of NAWALT- or perhaps NAWADA: Not All Women Are Drug Addicts.

[–]RedPill8080 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

My advice to DBR people is to look for hidden substance abuse as a rule-out potential cause.

My advice to everyone is to get a full credit & criminal background check before entering any LTR.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Rule out physical problems is often the first step to restoring a low sex marriage and that would certainly include substance abuse.

[–]phoenix_mdMarried Man -MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Thank you for working on this material. It's a noble thing to want to improve your fellow man.

I am about 4 weeks into my RP transition. The RP knowledge to me was like a jailor coming to my jail cell, unlocking the door and simply saying "You're free to go". I was already good looking, fit, highly successful, great dad. My main flaw was allowing my natural alpha nature to be betaized by fatherhood.

With rapidly improving, but in hindsight very little, knowledge of RP strategy I embarked on changing my marriage with Dread level 10. This threw our relationship for a spiral for a weekend, but by Monday (week 2) the sex was better than ever. By Friday I was trying to figure out how to avoid sex (my natural sex drive is 3-4x per week). At the end of week 2 she was becoming upset (not Fitness tests). Came to figure out my switch to pure alpha was a bit much so have infused some good beta with good effect. At this point (week 4) my wife is putty, speaks with a completely submissive mindset, and enjoys sex like never before.

I can't imagine going through the many months of dread your outline implies. Like ripping off a bandaid rather than slowly peeling it off (though I admit either way works).

Also, something you haven't addressed is when or if to stop fapping. I stopped week 1 which helped me have an awesome boner and durability by the time sex came at week 2. I don't think I could have held out much farther than 2 weeks, yet I think no fapping is extremely important to get the benefits of higher testosterone that improves the alpha frame and also helps avoid erectile dysfunction and early ejaculation, things that many deadbedroom men (myself included) have dealt with.

Hope my experience helps with your studies. It's obviously not played out for a long period, but have been very successful so far.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

something you haven't addressed is when or if to stop fapping

I DID avoid this in my entire writing! I am sure it was an entirely subconscious thing but you are right, I definitely need to address it.

You say you started with Level 10? You mean you started cheating right away when the sex died down?

At what Level of Dread do YOU think you should start no-FAP. I am leaning towards LATER rather than sooner. What do all of you say?

[–]alpha_n3rdMarried1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think there's really a reason to go nofap unless it's affecting your performance in bed. If you're having issues, then give nofap a shot. When I was 18 I could fuck my woman 3 times a day and still rub one out now and then. Now many years later I've pretty much given up fapping b/c otherwise I can't nail my woman properly.

[–]phoenix_mdMarried Man -MRP APPROVED0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bluepillprofessor, please don't take my comments as harsh criticism. Just trying to provide another case for you.

I understand your level 10 to be the time that you give an ultimatum "fuck me or fuck you". She choose the right path so never had to cheat (and never would have because I am truly hopeless in love with my wife and mother of my children; that's not RP but simply true).

Don't know the best time for no fap. But I know it helped tremendously in my case.

Again, hope my experiences help.

[–]throwafap990 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Step 9.5: Start hiding your assets from your wife's divorce lawyer.

[–]BluepillProfessorMarried-MRP MODERATOR[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

I definitely will have some legal advice about prepping the divorce. I also think you can do some final-final Dread moves before you go the cheating route. For example, Athol Kay (MPBUH) suggests his "Option A or Option B" be accompanied by some hard hitting moves- separate bank accounts, take off your ring, move into separate bedrooms, and so on. Hiding assets from a lawyer is not recommended. Legal discovery trumps all and perjury will get you sent to prison.

[–]fiddel_fabulous-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

ill give you 5 for the pdf version, keep on it man you might have something for the dead bed crowd

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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