Edit 1- Warning: Use of even mild Dread during pregnancy has been reported to be fatal to a marriage.
Edit 2- Dread Levels 1 and 2 can and should be done together. Level 1 is to START dealing with Shit Tests. This takes a lifetime to master.
PLEASE don't accelerate through to levels 9 and 10 and start making demands 2, 3, or 12 weeks after you have begun following this plan. Pretty please. Seriously take at least a year to build up to Level 10 or Athol Kay's Option A or Option B. We have had MANY reports of guys exploding their marriages by ignoring this. Don't do it.
Also, understand this is boilerplate stuff. The details are for you and you alone to decide.
For example, I don't know if you need to lose a lot of weight, but Level 2- get your life in order and go lift weights addresses it directly. step 3 can include more of that- join a martial art, get busy, lose weight. Start biking, lose weight. All of this is connected and is for you to decide how and when it is best to implement each of these levels.
Edit 2 TLDR: Go slow with this and don't be a dumbass.
I am especially interested in your thoughts on what works and what doesn't work to revive a low sex marriage. Basically, my research suggests that passive Dread (a/k/a 'self improvement) along with showing DHV's and internalizing Abundance are the way to revive a low sex marriage. If that doesn't work, then you need to learn Game and use it on your wife. If that doesn't work, you need to go to hard Dread and ultimately escalate to "Option A or Option B" (i.e. a final demand that she behave as you need her to behave before you file for divorce or "cheat").
I am very interested in discussing if there are other things that I need to add or change to make this plan more effective and I really want to avoid doing more harm than good.
“Dread” is putting the fear or ‘dread’ in your wife that you have other opportunities and other options rather than being chained to her whims. They HATE it- or at least they will TELL you they hate it- but women are irresistibly attracted to men who have options. This is well known as "Secondary Selection" or "Pre-selection Bias."
I conceptualize Dread as a continuum with level 5 being the baseline "Dread" for a good or excellent relationship. In other words, for most guys, Level 1-5 are personal and social self improvement so that your "Dread" is at the level that it should be. After level 5, however, Dread takes on a different tenor, that rapidly escalates to a better relationship- with either your wife or with somebody else.
To clarify, these are sequential. You don't go past level 5 if you are happy in the relationship. You don't "cheat" until you have tried everything else and the marriage is already over. You move up these levels one at a time, slowly, and carefully, taking approximately 1 month for each level.
The 12 Levels of Dread
Dread Level 1: Learn to recognize and start passing Shit Tests. Begin building a strong, indefatigable frame where you are not affected by her sexual denials. Your readings will inform you about the basics of Pickup Artistry and seduction. Begin leading your wife more and begin seducing her. . Read the sidebar on The Red Pill, Married Man's Sex Life by Athol Kay, No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover, and the Book of Pook by the enigmatic manosphere blogger of the same name.
Dread Level 2: Develop an action plan to improve the major areas of your life. Develop the physical, spiritual, psychological, financial and personal areas of your life. Your journey begins at the gym where you need to lift heavy weights to exhaustion 3-4 times a week, working each muscle group at least 2 times a week. Read The Mindful Attraction Plan by Athol Kay.
Dread Level 3: Begin to build a life apart from your wife. Join a club. Take up a cause, discipline, or calling. Get busy. You are going places, with or without her. Read the Way of the Superior Male by David Dieda and the Art of Seduction by Robert Green.
Dread Level 4: Begin conditioning your availability to your wife with her treatment of you. Your are busy now. You don't have time for a sexually disinterested, annoying, or angry wife. Take up another cause if you need to. This is a great time to join a martial arts club. Read The Ironwood Collection of Alpha Moves by Ian Ironwood.
Dread Level 5: Upgrade your clothes and start dressing ‘up’ more of the time. Top off your solid, masculine, strong, indefatigable frame. You should be acting like the Captain of your Ship and leading your relationship. You should be actively using Kino and seducing your wife. Read The Rational Male by Rollo Tomossi.
Dread Level 6: Begin to study pickup artistry. Before you do anything stupid, use your newfound knowledge about the stages of seduction and pickup artistry on your wife. Give it some time and apply this knowledge to seducing your wife. Use pickup game first to try and save your marriage. Read Bang, and Day Bang by Roosh.
Dread level 7: Begin to practice pickup artistry and learn how to approach pretty women and hold an attractive conversation. Read The Natural by Richard Ruina.
Dread Level 8: SHOW your wife that you are capable of talking to pretty girls in public. Start with waitresses. If you are with your wife and it has been 20-30 days since she gave you the 'favor' of her body, and you strike up a conversation with a pretty young thing right in front of her 1 or 2 things will happen- probably both. First she will lose her shit and accuse you of all kinds of things. MAINTAIN FRAME/Amused Mastery. You are finally getting your wife to respond. That is the important thing- there is hope for the relationship. Second, shortly after you get home she will probably fuck you with more passion than your honeymoon. Read Models: Attracting Women through honesty by Mark Manson and at least one other book among many choices on pickup artistry.
Dread Level 9: This is the lynchpin. It is time to speak plainly but don’t start issuing ultimatums. Instead, Dread at this level is an implied and credible, but still as yet unspoken threat. If it has not worked before now and you are approaching Athol Kay's "Option A" or "Option B" point (i.e. start fucking me like I need or I am filing for divorce). Note this is the END of a LONG process. Give the first 7 steps about 1 month for every year of your marriage where you have been a Beta toe stub pushover BUT, it is finally time to start speaking in masculine language- directly and up front. After yet another sexual denial just look her in the eye and say something like: "You know I need to have sex with you to have a relationship. You understand this is a biological need for men, right?" Don't argue, don't get into emotional blackmail. Leave it hanging in the air and then disappear for several hours. I recommend you continue doing this a couple more times in different contexts. Avoid getting into drama or an argument. Your goal at this level is to inform her in no uncertain terms about your expectations WITHOUT getting drawn into a battle. When you are getting along pretty well, ask her what you can do together to get to the requirements that you have for the marriage. This stage can last only a couple of weeks but may last longer. Writers recommend that you not let this hang for very long or you risk going all the way back to the beginning. If it becomes clear that your wife is not going to meet your demands, there is only one thing you can do after you read your Bible and pray.
Dread Level 10: TELL her how it is going to be- or else you are leaving and filing for divorce. I got to this point in my marriage before it turned around. I told my wife: "You have a simple choice to make. Fuck me...or fuck you." If you make it to this point you must be mentally checked out enough and pissed off enough to actually move out and file for divorce if things don't improve. Your IDGAF is no longer an act. Read The Art of War and The 48 Laws of Power.
Edit: To be clear: "Dread" 11 and 12 is extreme and perhaps almost to a comical level. However, there is no doubt it is STILL dread: This is nothing more than "Plate Theory" applied to your marriage. I am suggesting that before you blow it up and get divorced and demote your wife to "Ex-Wife" why not demote her to "Plate" first? You have nothing to lose! The legal issues could potentially get sticky but very rarely do courts give a rip about infidelity. There is a better chance of them caring if there are young kids. If this final tactic works, then you can restore your marriage. If it doesn't, your marriage was already over, you just didn't get the memo. Some think the moral thing to do is file for divorce first but there is no doubt that marriages survive affairs and this is the very last attempt by you after a long, long battle that is either the final solution to your marriage, or a path to an entirely new life.
Dread Level 11: Get a GF or mistress and start having sex like you were meant to have. Read The Joy of Sex.
Dread Level 12: Thermonuclear: TELL your wife that you have a GF so you won't be bothering her for sex any longer unless she wants it (because you would never deny your wife something that she wants and needs). Then when she blows up leave for the entire night. Come back next day (if you want) or file for divorce. By this time you would probably welcome the loss of this shrewish, frigid woman.
Edit 1: THE USE OF EVEN MINOR FORMS OF DREAD IS NOT SUGGESTED DURING PREGNANCY
We have had reports recently about men using Dread during the wife's pregnancy AND IT CREATES A SHIT STORM.
DREAD is off limits during a pregnancy from what I have seen. They freak out even with soft dread. Anything new, even things like deciding to get in shape and leaving for the gym needs to be handled carefully because it is enough to create an existential crisis in some marriages.
However, the essence of MRP is to be the masculine, rational, logical, leader of your life, your wife, and your marriage and that is even more important with pregnant women. You just can't suddenly become the leader if you were not before. Any major changes are verboten BUT you can roll it out sloooowly and begin to pick up your balls and assert yourself as the man as the natural course of things while still providing lots of comfort.
EDIT 2: Take your time- a month for each level:
Edit 2- Take note Merpers! We have had several posts recently to the effect: "I told my wife X, Y, Z and that is how it was going to be or else..."
The problem is that you CANNOT MAKE DEMANDS OR ULTIMATUMS UNTIL YOUR SMV IS HIGHER THAN HERS, ACCORDING TO HER.
THE LEVELS OF DREAD ARE SEQUENTIAL AND YOU NEED TO TAKE A MONTH OR MORE AT EACH LEVEL (EXCEPT LEVELS 1-2 WHICH CAN AND SHOULD BE IMPLEMENTED IMMEDIATELY).
if you make demands or even state your ultimate needs before you have improved the result is predictable.
We say STFU and don't talk about this shit, don't make ultimatums, don't bitch and whine and complain FOR A VERY GOOD REASON: It is not attractive and UNLESS YOUR SMV IS HIGHER THAN HERS IT WILL MAKE HER COME 'UNGLUED.'.
**MEN DO; WOMEN TALK.
THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB.....**
DO NOT TALK TO YOUR WIFE ABOUT THIS. DO NOT LET HER TALK ABOUT IT OR ACCUSE YOU. Go forward, LIFT WEIGHTS, read the books, improve yourself. Start completely over. Reboot. Follow the 12 steps of Dread beginning with reading up on Shit Tests and lifting weights HARD. Build a positive, affirming frame. Get busy, start making the availability of your positive affirming frame conditional on her sexual availability to you.
After you have improved like this (Dread levels 1-4) upgrade your wardrobe and start dressing like the man.
ONLY if that does not get the results you want to you proceed to level 6- begin to learn PUA, level 7- begin seducing your wife using PUA tactics, level 8- begin practicing PUA on random girls during the day.
The soft ultimatums come at level 9:
To be clear, Level 9 is:
AFTER you get 10-20 number closes (Level 8),
AFTER you seduced your wife for a month or more (Level 7),
AFTER you have studied PUA for at least a month (Level 6),
AFTER you have upgraded your wardrobe (Level 5),
AFTER you have begun conditioning your availability to her with her treatment and (sexual) availability to her (Level 4),
AFTER you have built a busy, full life with recreational options and friends (Level 3),
AFTER you have developed a plan to improve your physical, emotional, psychological and financial life, lifted weights for enough time you noticeably improve and are getting attention from other women (Level 2),
AFTER you have learned how to handle Shit Tests (Level 1) and are blowing them away regularly WITHOUT the anger (Unknown Level but pretty high up there).
Edit 3: Don't forget your vows
We have several reports of problems when men increase the levels of Dread when they begin pulling the attention of other women and realize- hey, I am good looking, I know game, I could spin plates. Forget this frigid, harpy, sex denying, nasty, bitchy, shit testing bitch, I am going to replace my 36 y/o wife with 2 18 y/o babes. As Athol Kay writes: That may seem like the lamest warning ever but you will lose all your progress if you fail...THE TEST. There will ALWAYS be a "Test."
When you start to improve you are improving for yourself. However, it is assumed you are beginning this path because you have a marriage that is not living up to your expectations. So you should enter this path with the eye focused in self improvement BUT ALSO with some intention and eventual expectation of improving your marriage.
Let me just remind you guys that you made vows. You made some promises. Men keep their promises. It is up to you to decide how much you can take of HER broken promises, but don't forget the promises that you made as you journey along the Dread.
In most cases you should NOT use Dread during pregnancy. In some cases it may be the only thing that works- but BE CAREFUL. Start slow and continue slow.
FOLLOW THE LEVELS OF DREAD SEQUENTIALLY. DON'T START MAKING DEMANDS UNTIL YOU REACH LEVEL 9. TAKE AT LEAST 1 MONTH FOR EACH LEVEL (EXCEPT LEVELS 1-2 WHICH YOU SHOULD DO THE SAME DAY YOU FIND MRP/TRP.).