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Do gay males date people of similar height?

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December 12, 2014

What are your thoughts on the height difference between gay couples? For me personally, there is absolutely no way in hell I would ever be comfortable dating someone taller than 6'1. I'm 5'11 and feel as though I'm much more comfortable being a top / playing "alpha". If the guy is too tall...I feel like I would need to submit to him and I have not done that yet.

Secretly, I think that's what I really want but I haven't met a guy that I think could fill that role. Being topped by anyone less masculine than I am just feels weird.

I'm also not crazy about people significantly shorter. It's "feminine" to me in some sort of way, and even though they're bottoming, I can't help but feel like I can do better and find someone closer to my height.

Dating people of a similar height feels more "comfortable". He can submit sexually to me, because that is the frame I am comfortable in, but it is not immediately obvious to society...because that would be feminine.

How tall are the guys you're attracted to?

Post Information
Title Do gay males date people of similar height?
Upvotes 8
Comments 8
Date 12 December 2014 03:24 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit altTRP
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[–]ct2k72 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm mostly attracted to people close to my height, but the shortest difference in height is 9 inches.

A lot of my exes and my current boyfriend have told me that they feel safe with me.

I'm comfortable with people of all heights, I'm 5'2" however.

Maybe due to my background having wrestled , but I don't see height as a dominant thing in gay relationships, more how we interact with each other.

We tend to equally participate in the relationship.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

According to one study height dimorphism in gay relationships is a real thing. Shorter people prefer taller partners and taller people prefer shorter. And their findings suggest that height difference is associated with dominance roles. It makes sense that it would.

Relative height is just another physical characteristic that displays masculinity. Gay or straight men are on average taller than women and thus height is associated with maleness. So when two men fall into the masc/fem dynamic height differences can be a factor. Having an age gap is similar. These external factors aren't necessary for there to be a dynamic, but if they are present they help reinforce it.

Some people - on both sides of the fence - don't prefer shorter partners, and I'll just have to put that down to preference. I can see a real reason not to want a partner to be too 'fem', so that might come out as a dislike for significant height differences.

As for my personal experience, I think height/age dictate fairly strongly who is going to do what between two guys. For that reason I've tended towards shorter younger men, which isn't hard considering that Short men tend to be gay.

[–]raredare3591 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Although I'm a firm believer in the idea that people are born homosexual, the study you linked to regarding short men being gay more often is very interesting.

I think a guy shorter than 5'5 would have a very hard time wooing women, even if he were a man of means. Girls aren't exactly secretive about height being important: "e.g. what do you call a man shorter than 5'7? a friend."

I wonder if this increased difficulty leads them to being more open minded about other "options". Or, on the other hand, is it possible that it has something to do with development in their mothers womb. Perhaps lack of testosterone leads to shorter height & then subsequently being gay? Or something along those lines...

[–]ProudOppressor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My boyfriend and I are the same height. I could never date a guy taller than myself, and I prefer guys to be about 3-4 inches shorter.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think this is more of a grab bag than other dating dynamics, but usually shorter guys prefer taller guys and vice versa. All the guys I've slept with, except one, were shorter than me (I'm 6'7" btw). I do prefer taller guys (5'8"+) because it's surprisingly harder to communicate with shorter guys, since they don't know how to project to my level.

[–]KenshinX901 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm a masculine top and I'm attracted to shorter men,but I'm also attracted to femininity and I'm bisexual,so i guess that makes sense.

[–][deleted] 1 points1 points | Copy

[permanently deleted]

[–]raredare3592 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's hard to say for sure but I could definitely see that being a factor. For me personally - I am very masculine and have very few, if any, feminine mannerisms. I'm attracted to equally masculine men who are submissive behind closed doors. They can't be too feminine AND a bottom because I find that anti-male and if I'm going to entertain that I might as well date a girl.

Maybe if your boyfriend dominates you TOO much, it could actually turn him off?

It could also just be who he is though. Granted, your boyfriend is 6'4 and everyone naturally assumes they'll take a dominant/alpha role. At the end of the day, though, he is still gay and it's possible that type of behavior doesn't come natural to him.

I think genuine alpha behavior and being gay is very rare. I consider myself as being very dominant, but I'm not sure if that's because it's who I am or if I've been reading too much "pick up artist" and "red pill" material over the years.

You could possibly try asking him yourself? It's tricky though...asking him why he doesn't dominate you more could sound very feminine/unattractive to him. It's a catch 22.

I find gay mindsets harder to analyze and that's why I'm glad I found this forum hah.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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