20M. I don't have a strong father figure. My parents (mom and dad), treat me like a snowflake and have spoiled me . How do i become more disciplined, masculine and tough?

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January 25, 2019
111 upvotes

My parents completely treat me like a snowflake. We are broke but my parents never made me work for anything. From my childhood, i got everything i wanted without having to ask twice. I never had to worry during my childhood days but this is becoming a problem for me now.

I cannot confront anyone. I am very very soft. I feel bad about very small things. I am the definition of a nice guy. When someone roast me in my group i don't have anything to say. And even if i say something they say something even better. I am underconfident, insecure, indisciplined, lazy. From age 10, i failed on every of my exam(except board exams), still my parents never told me anything. And this is ruining my life.

How do i change myself? I have tried with changing everything at once but i usually quit after day 2 or 3. I want to become a man. I want to become someone like Jocko Willink, Jason Statham, Vladmir Putin. Can you guys guide me, please?


Post Information
Title 20M. I don't have a strong father figure. My parents (mom and dad), treat me like a snowflake and have spoiled me . How do i become more disciplined, masculine and tough?
Author RM_Slays
Upvotes 111
Comments 48
Date 25 January 2019 02:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203407
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/ajpob3/20m_i_dont_have_a_strong_father_figure_my_parents/
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snowflake
Comments

[–]horuspill122 points123 points  (3 children) | Copy

Become independent. It's one of the hardest things to do, and you will almost certainly go through some hard times. But in time you will build character. There is no "safe" way of becoming "manly", because most of the time, the success someone has is directly influenced by their suffering.

[–]mseand33 points34 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yup, move the fuck out and away from home to a big city

[–]when_in_rhone6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ding ding ding. Go find your life.

[–]vitorbquecada15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

This.

[–][deleted] 33 points34 points  (3 children) | Copy

What you're describing is a very real problem for our generation. I had to learn the hard way to find my masculinity. As Lorna Michaels says, there are no men anymore. His generation had to go from the wilderness to civilization, but his son has to go from civilization to the wilderness.

First, don't do anything crazy. I did. It might be tempting to make a big grand gesture and burn all your ships, jump without a bungee cord into the world, but you'll just end up hurting your future and wasting time. This is going to be a slow, and boring, process. You'll need to think of it like a challenge. The real challenge is continuity.

Becoming a man from a snowflake has two steps: 1. Take action 2. Take small steps. You need to stop talking and start doing, changing your behaviour to change your thoughts, otherwise you'll never change. But 2. Do it in small steps. There's a reason cumulative interest is the 8th wonder of the wonder. Be patient, be consistent and time will be your biggest ally. It won't feel great now, but even a few weeks from now, it'll feel better. So start small. Addicted to your phone? Use it for 5 less minutes a day, each day. Build resistance and discipline. Dependant on parents money? Start saving, one unit a day, adding a bit more everyday. Need to learn to read long work? Read read and read. Don't stop. You can do it!

[–]kristuhfur0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This is really good advice as I somewhat have the same problem. I’ve actually confronted and talked to my parents about this issue, and I told them that I believe one of the solutions is to move out and try to become independent, figure things out on my own.

I finally got a job that I plan on keeping so I should be able to live on my own.

My question is, would you consider moving out something “crazy” or too extreme? Should I just stay at home and try to improve myself from there? The only problem is that the environment (i.e. my dad) I live in always brings me down and unmotivated.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

I did the same thing. It may or may not work for you. It definitely did for me for a while. But I also saw in the long run, I'd be hurting my earning potential and potential to be independent just because I "felt" like I needed a new scene. Really want to show how independent you are? Make smart money moves. Keep your job, and if it's cheaper, live with your parents and save. Do your own laundry while living at home. Treat your parents with the respect of co-equal adults living in a shared space. My point is, you don't have to be out on your own to be an adult, and to be independent. The much more adult thing to do is do the thing that's practical, boring but necessary.

[–]Orfeu_da_Conceicao0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great advice, thanks bro!

[–]lacaguana68 points69 points  (2 children) | Copy

First step, stop blaming everyone except yourself, sure they did stuff that made you who you are but you are responsible for your present, own it and act on it, you'll see changes.

[–]mickey__2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe it’s their fault that they made you like that OP, but be sure it’s yours for keeping yourself like that

[–]Endorsed Contributor: "The Court Jester"GayLubeOil56 points57 points  (2 children) | Copy

Join a Mexican Boxing gym and wear Trump gear when you spar with Pedro.

[–]renzo_00784 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hahahahahahaha

[–]NotoriousSnake1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Legit

[–]Endorsed Contributormonsieurhire212 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

I had similar issues growing up, and am still reaping the consequences.

  1. Take responsibility for the "situation." Sure, society and your parents share SOME of the blame, but you are here, so you have an idea that something is wrong. The main thing that is wrong is what you are doing to yourself. You have to take control and start doing things that benefit you.

  2. Take inventory of all the things you are doing and NOT doing;

Hint: It's probably a whole lot of nothing. Sitting around, worrying, moping, not studying, not exercising, thinking about how you are a victim.

  1. Take inventory of what successful people do;

Hint: lift, study, work, plan, sleep, meditate, socialize, recreate. It's not that difficult. There's a reason they call it the "straight and narrow." It's a relatively small group of activities that require overcoming some element of physical or psychological discomfort. This discomfort acts as a gate-keeper for the weak.

  1. Resolve to do the things successful people do;

You make a list, you make a schedule, then you do the things. You will do them badly at first, so it's best to start simple, and build from there. It's easier when you are younger. Harder when you are older.

  1. Do them.

Once you have the list of things, you do them. You don't make excuses.

[–]Orfeu_da_Conceicao0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great advice.

[–]scanfan202210 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, you mentioned a fear of confrontation. I'm sure this results in timidness, not being able to assert yourself, and make decisions. You gotta exposure yourself to social discomfort gradually.

It may help you to get a job that involves interaction with people, problem solving, and conflict resolution. These skills will build your self confidence and you'll learn how to deal with different personality types.

Also, hit the gym if you haven't started already.

[–]BurntYams8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

read “No More Mr. Nice Guy” by Glover, really helped me. It comes w “activities” designed to help you bring out your “inner asshole” (which essentially is just being yourself and standing up for your own beliefs and values)

[–]SalporinRP8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start a combat sport like boxing or MMA.

Valuable skill, builds discipline, builds toughness, and fighting another guy is one of the most masculine things you can do.

Plus it's just fun.

[–]Don_Draper2718 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

You sound like you have low testosterone levels based on how emotional and low driven you are. Fix this.

Fix your body and your mind first. Eat better.

Start taking vitamins and supplements like ZMA, Vitamin D3, Omega 3. Stop eating like shit. Stop ALL sugar. Stop ALL fried foods and definitely stop ALL processed foods.

Stop putting toxins and junk into your body. If you smoke or binge drink, stop this now.

After this, start fucking lifting.

Next, be more independent like others have said. Depend as little as you can on others. Do your own laundry. Wash your own dishes. Clean your own room. Wipe your own ass. When at home, assume that you live alone and that everything house related needs to be done by you.

Being more independent means being more alone. Let go of these friends that abuse you. They do not respect you and THEY NEVER WILL. To them, you're a bitch ass pussy FOR LIFE. Cut them off and make new friends who give a shit about you.

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K1816 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

If only there was a sidebar, and recommended reading...

Don't worry kid, 90% of males don't know what it takes to be a man.

Read the sidebar No More Mr Nice Guy Rational Male Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck

[–]chumjetze3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

start one step at a time:
day 1: 15 second cold shower upon waking up
day 2: 30 second cold shower upon waking up
day 3: 45 second cold shower upon waking up
etc.
Up to 2 minutes. Once you got in on lock, you've established one habit that you will keep on doing.

Next:
day x: wake up 15 minutes earlier
day x+1: wake up 15 minutes earlier than the day before
day x+2: wake up 15 minutes earlier than the day before

Up to whatever makes sense for you but is still challenging (suggestion: 5am). Now, you got two amazing habits on lock.

This is how you build discipline. One step at a time. Trying to change everything at once will only lead to frustration. Taking one step at a time will transform you. I might not look like it for you, since it's 'only' baby steps every day. But in a month, five months, ten months, the cumulative transformation will be amazing.

[–]3chazthundergut2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Step one: start taking responsibility for your own life.

No more mommy and daddy didnt raise me to be _____ enough. Stop blaming your parents for what a pussy you turned out to be

Step two: what time do you wake up? Whatever time that is, set your alarm for 1 hour before that. When it goes off, get out of bed and lift some weights. You sound like the type to make excuses I dont have any weights/ I dont have a gym membership if that is the case then do burpees and bodyweight lunges until you puke. This is how you build discipline. Wake up early every morning and work out consistently every day

Start with that. Do it for 30 days straight and come back on here I'll give you step three

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You realize you have these problems because of your childhood, be a man and fix these issues by reading books and slowly become the person you want to be.

[–]Camp_KillYourself2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why would someone roast you in your group? Idk I’m not used to that maybe bc I look like I’d slit their throats but regardless you really haven’t had to fight for anything in your life, once you have - whether it’s keeping a high quality job fighting for a promotion or defending yourself from attacks you need to be exposed to those situations and see how it goes. Don’t be a dick but just be firm. And sweating the small stuff is something we all do. I would be much more worried if you didn’t give a fuck and just sat at home all day playing video games

[–]shady_nasty_mf2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Iron sharpens iron. You need to challenge, push yourself, and compete with and against other men. Take up a sport like martial arts, wrestling, soccer. Do fun things that challenge and scare you.

Don't spend all day smoking weed, jacking off to porn, and playing video games.

[–]tefllifestyle1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Start watching coach red pill on youtube he has great advice

[–]latinasonly1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"becoming a man means making your life harder" - Jack Donovan - The Way of Men is a Choice

i highly recommend the video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z8WITcoMcUk

successfully overcoming difficult situations will make you a strong person

[–]judethedude1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go tree plant or firefight for a summer.

[–]TrumpChooChooTrain1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

A lot of people in your position have really been helped by simply watching Jordan Peterson videos and reading his books. Reddit is going to have 100 different opinions of him because they want to make him a political hero or enemy, but he's nothing of that sort.

[–]BluBlac591 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Clean your room. Join the Marines. Don't tell anybody.

[–]dtyler861 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

As hard as my life has been, I had three other male roommates in college, all being sooo fed money, clothes (!!!) and gifts from their families. I was the only self-sufficient one. Whenever anyone else’s parents came to town all of the bonds, Playboi’s, beer bottles and paraphernalia went under my sink. When my parents came to visit I told them it was like it was because they respected and understood that it was my own path and my mission. As much as I’m still paying off student loans and wish it wasn’t like that, of the four of us despite my friends being relatively successful, they are all still children I have not a seriously masculine bone in their body as much as I’m still paying off student loans and wish it wasn’t like that, of the four of us despite my friends being relatively successful, they are all still pretty unprepared for life and have not a seriously masculine bone in their bodies. None of them lift, get laid, are respected by other men, have much to show for their lives or determination

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get a tent, sleeping bag, and good knife and go sleep in the wilderness...it will scare the shit out of you and you won’t want to do it...keep doing it. Force yourself to go for night walks in the woods....

Or just get into powerlifting and go for a 400lb deadlift

[–]Hellsteelz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get a job and move out.

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

By choosing to.

[–]honorocagan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get and keep a job.

[–]GS600Life0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Start boxing. Teachers you discipline, gets you in shape and helps you be kore confident due to also knowing how to fight.

[–]doctorlw0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Start small. Little victories. Get used to being successful even if what you are successful it is something tiny like waking up on time to make yourself a healthy breakfast. Make goals and meet them. You'll get to where you need to be with time.

[–]ronswanson33220 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Start boxing/mma/jiu jitsu. That’ll put some chest hair on ya.

[–]Sakarabru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Take some time for yourself-take a walk and just let the thoughts flow. Know yourself! Find out who you are, what your strengths are as well as your weaknesses, what needs changing and what needs honing. Build upon that. Plus you get the exercise.

[–]BurnieSlander0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You know what all your problems are. That’s half the battle. Be happy about that.

Go travel for a year or go to college.

[–]strengthenics0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I highly recommend checking out David Goggins book Cant Hurt Me. He also has a ton of interviews on youtube that you can check out that will definitely point you in the right direction. Start with this one https://youtu.be/5tSTk1083VY

I didn't have a strong father figure either and what really helped me become more masculine and disciplined was reading/listening to men who I wanted to be like and then putting their teachings into practice. You got this!

[–]RuzzT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Enlist. Marine Corps if you're U.S. Pick an MOS and make them agree in writing to train you in that, unless you enjoy infantry. That will shake the timid bullshit right out of ya. You'll learn discipline, teamwork, leadership. You'll build your mind as well as your body. I saw some of the weakest, scrawniest, quietest boys get transformed into respectable men. You will never be the same and you will never be prouder.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Knowing you have a problem is the first step.

Hopefully you can find some local peers around you, seek out people that are how you want to be and make friends with them. Tell them about your problems and ask if you can hang around so that you can improve.

It's that easy. The older you get the wider availability you have. Get a job working construction and befriend some hard ass dudes.

[–]SwoleyMoleyFrijoley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you're not a troll, start with lifting, and reading No More Mr. Nice Guy.

[–]Opioidus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Join the army.

[–]AtlasCuckd0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Repeat after me:

I am responsible for my own rescue.

[–]TheTrenTrannyTrain-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Blaming your parents for their affection, you're retarded.

[–]Eagle-513-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Step one: Listen to Jordan Peterson Step two: read the way of men Step three: do boxing or BJJ Step four: go to gym



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