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Discovered wife has had an affair, have kids, she doesn't know that i know

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January 24, 2019
39 upvotes

Hi Guys, advise needed.

My wife gave me a version of the i love you but im not in love with you speech 5 month ago, up until then relationship have been ok but not great.

After the speech I immediately got reading on here, reading sidebar material, started concentrating on passing shit tests, started lifting and dressing a little better. Things between wife an I started getting better, less harpy, generally happier, started touching me more etc, still very little sex though.

Thought I had saved things just in time and vowed to continue improving, but she had a few subtle signs she was cheating. Athol Kay says the speech usually means someone else is on the scene, she was very protective of her phone sometimes when i wanted to use the camera, wanted anal sex for first time ever randomly, was getting her vagina waxed for first time ever and getting lots of eyebrow/nail treatments done, more than usual and she worded a few thing funny on a couple of occasions during normal conversion. She said would i sleep with other girls if she said i could once (Of course so i would let her do the same.)

I put these things to the back of my mind until i sneaked her phone at night the other day and exported all the SMS messages from it, read through and she had an affair starting just before the speech and it ended 2 weeks ago, the other guy said he wouldn't leave his wife and kids for her. She caught me putting the phone back as she woke up, asked me what i was doing, got very mad that i violated her privacy but I said i was just copying the family photos to back them up as i have done in the past, i have never looked at her phone like that though. She got very suspicious but now believes i dont know anything as i didn't confront her.

What should i do?

Im sure most will say hard next, confront her, arrange looking after the kids between her and move on. Trouble is my kids are everything to me and i cant stand the though of not liking under the same roof as them 7 days a week. If I hard next it would be 3.5 days at best, with her potentially making thing difficult in future.

I think a better option is to not let her know I know, concentrate on the kids, be happy that i can be fully part of there life and live with them when there young, and in a few years confront her and end it when the kids are a little older. Whilst doing this i can see other women without her knowing and keep improving and hopefully find a nice girl to hop to once i end it in a few years time.

I understand its over and she will probably do it again, giving her a second chance is out of the question as its 6 month affair, not just a drunken mistake, she probably would have left me if the other guy would have left his wife. My dilemma revolves around the kids being the world to me, so should i stay with her for them or is this a bad idea for other reasons.

Any thoughts, I dont know what to do?


Post Information
Title Discovered wife has had an affair, have kids, she doesn't know that i know
Author fruitylad
Upvotes 39
Comments 124
Date 24 January 2019 03:18 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203650
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ajdelx/discovered_wife_has_had_an_affair_have_kids_she/
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Comments

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret73 points74 points  (11 children) | Copy

Keep your mouth shut! You just found out. Whatever your next move is needs to be calculated and not in an emotional torrent.

Think, prepare, read about divorce and coparenting. The more you learn and know the less uncertainty there will be.

Make you next decision from a clearer place.

You know what's going on here. You know the dynamics at play. You know how she really feels.

If you choose to end this you want it at smooth as possible. Let her hamster run, accept her bullshit analysis. It will be all your fault, they always say that. Just take it and make the break as easy as possible. For your kids.

Think, plan, execute.

[–]fruitylad[S] 22 points23 points  (7 children) | Copy

Yeah, im just staying silent until i calm down and can think logically about all this.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret18 points19 points  (0 children) | Copy

Keep your mouth shut! You just found out. Whatever your next move is needs to be calculated and not in an emotional torrent.

If she is a SAHM, she needs to get a job, etc. Talk to an attorney.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah, im just staying silent until i calm down and can think logically about all this.

It takes some serious frame to pull this off. She will start suspecting you know something and push your buttons. Be careful that you don’t spill it out when she pisses you off... and she will.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

He didn't even make it through the first night. This could be a case study into the importance of frame and STFU.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fairly predictable....

But, yes frame and STFU takes a lot more time than many realize

[–]FFDGTDS5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're not doing your kids any favours by staying with a woman for whom you have negative feelings.

Your kids might not know what's going on, but they will emulate what they believe is a 'normal' relationship as exhibited by you and your wife.

Plan out your exit strategy and implement it as soon as your ducks are in a row.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

What state?

[–]friendandadvisor7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Extreme anger and shock.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

/u/redpill-blacklotus <—-I vote to flair this man

[–]470_2_700_nm2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Amazing what a name change can do lol

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret[M] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. Done.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat35 points36 points  (30 children) | Copy

You got one life. Are you really going to waste it living and supporting some slut that takes if up ass for this other guy? You need to very clearly imagine her sucking off this dude, swollowing his load then coming back to stay under your roof. Make no mistake, she would leave you for him, but she’s not good enough for him to leave his wife. You’re getting his seconds. You deserve better. Your kids deserve to be in a loving house. It will NEVER be what you wish it was.

[–]fruitylad[S] 12 points13 points  (29 children) | Copy

It will NEVER be what you wish it was.

This is what kills me inside, i just want back the family as it was, but no matter what happens, it can never be that way again.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret23 points24 points  (0 children) | Copy

The bitter taste of the red pill.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bro, I told you that out of respect. I’ve been there. Dragged that shit out for two fucking years. My life sucked, her life sucked, and worse of all my kids life sucked. When I finally pulled the trigger and killed the puppy....holy shit... my life improved. First I was lifting (you are right?) so my SMV was much higher then I realized once I started looking. I had girls that got excited to see me. I was greated with smiles, kisses and hugs on sight. My children could come over to a happy home without stress, and my ex could also move on which kept her out of my hair. Life is good.

[–]SeamusAwl14 points15 points  (26 children) | Copy

I just want back the family as it was

The family as it was, was nothing but a lie. The truth is you ARE her Plan B in case Plan A only wanted to get his dick wet. She gave zero fucks about her family.

What your MAP should look like:

1) Consult Lawyer and get an immediate separation agreement drawn up

2) Print out the SMS messages (keep a copy of backup and paper in safe location outside the house)

3) Buy new locks for the house

4) Take her out and have a sitter for the whole night

5) Have a friend pack her clothes and change your locks

6) Bring her home. She should have her things outside and a friend or 5 with go pros on. Staying calm the entire time, hand her the Separation Agreement and tell her that you know she was fucking another man. Tell her only that she is all his. (do not let on that you know he is married and do not give her any info on how you know).

7) Find his wife and blow up his life.

[–]470_2_700_nm17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

This is terrible advice. Your life will be intertwined with this woman one way or the other.

The best way to approach things: what will be best for YOU long term. Ask yourself these questions.

This advice is one option, and MAY be your best bet. However it quite possibly could be a terrible move.

Stay mum to the situation and don’t confront her. Don’t show your cards. Consult attorney. Get your shit in order.

Evaluate, plan, then execute decisively.

Best

[–]SeamusAwl0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Stay mum to the situation and don’t confront her. Don’t show your cards. Consult attorney. Get your shit in order.

Evaluate, plan, then execute decisively.

You do realize that is what I advocate. But I am including burning both the wife and her walking dildo to the ground when you do execute.

[–]470_2_700_nm3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah sure that might be a good move. I just think you need t slow your role with this guy he could compromise his situation by getting a little nuts. Everything he does needs to be measured.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret5 points6 points  (19 children) | Copy

Number 7 is some weak ass shit.

[–]SeamusAwl9 points10 points  (16 children) | Copy

Law 15 - Totally crush your enemy.

You want her to totally regret her decision to fuck another man. Nothing says that like letting everyone know she is a whore. If they are co-workers, then inform their HR as they have policies against that. Tell her family (the sister already knows), tell your family, and if the kids are old enough tell them straight out. Telling his wife will blow up his life and he will turn his anger on your wife (This is because he only wanted her ass and not her, otherwise he would not have told her he wasn't going to blow up his family for her).

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret21 points22 points  (11 children) | Copy

The other man isn't his enemy and shes still the mother of his children.

Want you wrote sounds like an emotional response and I think that's a mistake.

Her being crushed and pumped and dumped on the modern dating scene as a single mom is perfect revenge. Like she is ever going to find anyone as invested in her and the kids as he was.

Live well. That's the best revenge.

I feel your anger. I have it to sometimes.

[–]mabden6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

best case scenario, expose affair to posom's wife, she divorce rapes him, now he is free to pick back up with your stbxw paving the way for a smooth divorce since she will be so happy to get her "walking dildo" back.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Oooooooooh! This guy!

I'm lovin' it!

[–]SeamusAwl6 points7 points  (4 children) | Copy

It isn't emotional and quite rational. She flipped your world inside out without a single care. You crush her and then leave. Who cares that she is the mother of your children, she didn't give a rats ass about turning their lives inside out either. As for the other man not being your enemy, that depends. If it was a one night hookup, then I agree. But she had a relationship with him and there was no doubt he knew she was married. At that point he became the enemy who intentionally hurt your family. In my opinion, Alpha's aggressively protect their family. He intentionally caused harm to you and your children, blow his life up.

I feel your anger. I have it to sometimes.

I am not angry, I have no doubt my wife has been faithful and loyal.

[–]hack3geRed Beret9 points10 points  (2 children) | Copy

What you are saying is 100% emotional - it’s like saying go kick the guys ass and end up in jail.

If you truly have swallowed the pill your response to this would be a shoulder shrug and a barely audible awalt.

As for your wife - AWALT - the guy that says never is a fool.

[–]SeamusAwl-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

As for your wife - AWALT - the guy that says never is a fool.

I didn't say never. As for what you feel is emotional. Guess what, fuck with my kids and I will aggressively defend them. That is called being a father. I don't give a shit if that is "redpilled" or not. I am not going to shrug my shoulders to that. This guy did that to the OP and his kids. He should tell that guy's wife and leave him with the fallout. My question is why so many care about the well being of that douchebag?

[–]DJiamuzak2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I get what you're saying about defending your kids.

Don't care about the douchebag but is he? Does OP communicate the circumstances of the affair? Maybe she was pursuing him? Maybe he didn't know she was married until later in the relationship. In any case, the wife is responsible for the continuation of the relationship. The fact she was primping herself confirms. #7 is emotional revenge. Acid destroys the vessel which contains it.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This here.

[–]thatboyjeff2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sounds like some shit a chick would do.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

The other man isn't his enemy and shes still the mother of his children.

Wrong, the other man fucked his wife, knowing that she was married. That is about as pure a definition of 'enemy' as one can find.

Her being the mother of his children is irrelevant, and is a BP slice of shit that OP doesn't need to eat. She is a whore mother. She is a womb that carried his children, that has NO regard for him, or for the father of her children. She would poison him if she could get away with it; she is being supported by him to fuck other men, and she is doing it secretly, so, she knows that if she were found out, it would hurt him.

Her being crushed and pumped and dumped on the modern dating scene as a single mom is perfect revenge.

Wrong. She'll find another BB to marry, and she'll continue playing the whore.

Besides, it needn't be revenge. It's Elliot Ness throwing Frank Nitti's ass off of the courthouse roof in "The Untouchables". Just a bit of pleasure. OP owes it to himself to get some amusement out of the situation.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sluts will do things that slut do. If wasnt this guy, it would be another.

So you found out your wife cheated on you with 18 other men, you are gonna go after all of them cause its their fault they fucked a married woman? Its her fault she fucked the other man, unless she was forced to. If anything, he should thank this guy for showing him that his wife is a cheating wore, so he can move on with his life and not spend years/decades married to a whore.

> Wrong. She'll find another BB to marry, and she'll continue playing the whore.

Yep, but then its not OPs problem anymore, as he can only control what he does. He CANT stop her from being a whore, but he CAN choose to not remain commited to one.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Its her fault she fucked the other man, unless she was forced to. If anything, he should thank this guy for showing him that his wife is a cheating wore, so he can move on with his life and not spend years/decades married to a whore.

You are not paying attention.

Nobody said that it wasn't the whore's fault that she fucked the other dudes. BUT, the other dudes, unless they were totally stupid, KNEW that she was married. They cucked the OP.

You can debate good/bad etc...till eternity, but, the guys that fuck OP's wife, knowingly, are malefactors. One does not thank an invader/trespasser/interloper for their wrongdoings. To say that the OP should thank one is like saying that one should thank a thief for stealing his stuff, because he let the OP know that his doors were unlocked.

The OP was wronged by the Chad. If OP punishes Chad, Chad has no moral standing to complain.

So you found out your wife cheated on you with 18 other men, you are gonna go after all of them cause its their fault they fucked a married woman?

If I feel like it. What, I'm going to get revenge on some, then say that the others didn't do me wrong? The numbers have nothing to do with whether or not they did ME wrong.

BTW, who gives a shit if they 'fuck a married woman'???? I give a shit if they fucked me over. If you can't understand why, there's nothing I can tell you.

[–]drty_prRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

For sure. His children's peers surely wouldn't make fun of them cause their mom is a tramp.

You wanting other people to know is petty as fuck. Also, you look like the loser who's wife was fucking around. Nothing gets a girls wetter than a guy who couldn't satisfy his wife.

[–]470_2_700_nm5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Seamus - You are essentially acting autistic here.

Lots of MRP members have been through this. What you are advocating for here is not inline with the best playbook guys WHO HAVE BEEN THROUGH IT.

Stop running your mouth.

OP: Evaluate. Plan. Execute. You likely need to dump this bitch from your life, just remember, you’ll need to do it keeping in mind you will need to parent with her going forward, albeit in a separate house. Keep it together bud.

[–]SeamusAwl4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I am advocating being calm, cold, and calculating. There is a time and a scenario to just walk away, and a time and scenario to burn that shit to the ground. The OP needs to burn it to the ground and just walk away. No talking to the wife except for logistics regarding his kids.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well this didn’t end like I thought it should lol.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Used correctly, it can add to your reputation. She may try to spin it as it never happened. She needs to be exposed so that she doesn't sully your reputation. Our hero can even use it as a saving the marriage technique, only to decide "it was too little too late"

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, it is some strong ass shit.

He will achieve what he wants, at no cost to himself. Win/win.

A man cucked him. Shall he thank him? His home has been violated-sure, his wife played the whore, but, the bf is just as guilty. To let it go without punishment is telling the interloper that he can do it again, and get away with it. It is also telling the world that OP is a faggot and anybody, anytime, can just jump on his wife, at their leisure.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

ONE THING: In re #7-Wait until after the divorce to tell the wife. Till then, let everything play out as being "well, even though we are divorcing, we can still be friends". That way, wife MAY be caught off guard, and be a little less ruthless during proceedings.

[–]SeamusAwl0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Perhaps, but I prefer to do it all at once when you first confront. It is far more cold and calculated.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Sure, but, OTOH, there's nothing like a little surprise "fuck you"...months after the whore and the bf thinks that everything is over!

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret40 points41 points  (0 children) | Copy

Imagine your kid is grown, comes to you for advice with a similar situation, what's your advice... do that.

[–]csawyer8627 points28 points  (1 child) | Copy

I just did the same thing she was doing until I decided to leave . It sucks not living with my kids 7 days a week but it is better than being with someone who doesn’t love you. That shit will eat away at your soul man.

[–]fruitylad[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the main reason why staying for a while might not work, its having that in the back of your head all the time, and whether you can let it go for the time being enough to live normally until a time in the future.

[–]WesternhagenWinner24 points25 points  (6 children) | Copy

You are deluded if you think she doesn't know that you know. She saw you with her phone (smooth move, ex lax). She will certainly be able to tell from your behavior that you know. And needless to say, her already low level of respect for you will not increase now that she knows that you know. At any rate, you'd better assume that she thinks you know, and plan accordingly. In particular, you'd better prepare for divorce, whether you want to or not, because she also gets a vote about whether or not it happens.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret25 points26 points  (3 children) | Copy

it ended 2 weeks ago, the other guy said he wouldn't leave his wife and kids for her

her branch swing failed. just know their most likely not done fucking. give it a few more weeks, she'll rationalize one more time and he'll string her along for that ass. i don't think you need to ask me how i know.

[–]fruitylad[S] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

She text her sister saying its officially over, but your right doesnt mean it actually is. Damn, didn't think of that.

[–]Cam_Winston2112 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, in the future, when you’re not in a fog & thinking more clearly (one day, you’ll look at your posts here and cringe) and you decide to kick your cheating whore of a wife to the curb, be sure to do what you can to keep that lying/toxic aunt away from your children as much as possible.

She’s an accomplice.

But, that’s for when you wake up.....

[–]friendandadvisor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

She text her sister saying its officially over, but your right doesnt mean it actually is. Damn, didn't think of that.

Plus, that doesn't mean that she'll be a good wife. She's open to fucking around on you-that means, that she'll find somebody else to fuck, and leave you for.

[–]nantucketghost18 points19 points  (5 children) | Copy

Get a divorce lawyer and take the kids. She cheated. For all you know, you probably got some VD going on down in your junk. Maybe she'll be preggo with the other guys kid. Who knows??

What are you going to do? Stay with her and wonder if next time you go down on her you're going to lap up some other guys spunk?

Time for a dose of reality.

Actually the fact you suspected, checked, found out and didn't say anything means you've checked out also. There is no saving it.

Talk to the three best lawyers in the area - consultations are free. Pick the one you like best. Have them draw it up. Take the kids.

Fuck man, she was willing to not only fuck up her family and kids for another guy, but willing to screw over his family too. He broke it off, not her.

[–]SuperCrazy074 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can’t believe I had to scroll this far down to see a comment about her getting pregnant with someone else’s kid.

That was my first thought when you said you were hanging around for the kids...what stops her from popping out a couple of Chads kids and restarting the 18 year clock on you?

For that reason alone you need to get a lawyer and get out.

[–]fruitylad[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Actually the fact you suspected, checked, found out and didn't say anything means you've checked out also. There is no saving it.

True, i have been mentally check out for a while to an extent. I dont want to save it though, just make it last long enough to still be the major parent in raising them on a day to day basis until their older.

Fuck man, she was willing to not only fuck up her family and kids for another guy, but willing to screw over his family too. He broke it off, not her.

Yeah, thats the worst bit about all this for me, she didnt end it, he did.

[–]friendandadvisor6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, thats the worst bit about all this for me, she didnt end it, he did.

Which means, that she'll do it again, with somebody else. She may just go out to fuck some complete stranger-not to teach you a lesson, but, to teach her bf a lesson!

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Maybe she'll be preggo with the other guys kid. Who knows??

What are you going to do? Stay with her and wonder if next time you go down on her you're going to lap up some other guys spunk?

Well said. Actually, she could have multiple kids from multiple men. And, multiple diseases, from multiple men.

That is just one of the flaws with his 'stay till later' plan.

[–]FFDGTDS2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Actually, she could have multiple kids from multiple men.

She may already have multiple kids from multiple men.

Have your kids been genetically tested to ensure that they are in fact your kids?

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret18 points19 points  (1 child) | Copy

You need to first SHUT THE FUCK UP.

You then need to chill out. Never make life changing decisions from a point of anger. Go to the gym. Rage against the machine. Get some bros to go out and get drunk (but not too drunk). Process it however you need to. Get a therapist. Phone a friend. Sure you will be angry, pissed, etc. But you need to process that before making life changing decisions.

Only you can decide what you can live with. Personally, and this is just me, I would not be able to respect the man in the mirror every morning if I found out my wife, who swore a sacred oath to be faithful and to have and to hold, broke her word and slept with someone else, and I didn't do anything about it. Even giving WNS's favorite post. I also wouldn't want to give my children the example that it would be ok to stay with a cheater, even given the benefits of a nuclear family. Keep in mind this is just my opinion. No judgement on those who decide to stay for the kids, or who become fit as fuck and their wives turn a 180.

And you need to not do anything stupid before, during, and after whatever your decision is. Don't be a dumbass. Don't be stupid. Don't go Rambo. Make a plan.

Don't do anything stupid.

[–]SeamusAwl3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Make a plan.

When it is said that around 20% of husbands in 1st world countries believe that the children are theirs (and are not) then this should always be part of a married man's MAP (I believe I read a report that Australia has the highest amount of unwitting cucks with 22%). It should be consistently updated and left fluid.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

“My wife gave me a version of the i love you but im not in love with you speech 5 month ago, up until then relationship have been ok but not great.”

Read that again.

It wasn’t “ok” up until then. She lost attraction to you long before that my friend. Who knows how long she’s been fucking this guy. You’re right, by the time she tells you ILYBINILWY it means she’s already fucking him.

It’s the largest red flag there is. Mmslp has an entire section on this. It’s code for saying “I’m fucking someone else, are you going to fight for me?” and it’s also a delaying tactic.. so she can prolong her affair. She wanted to leave you 5 months ago. She might have been fucking him for years. That’s why it was “ok for you, but not great”...

Once a new man enters the picture and gives her the feelz (dopamine), she falls in love. It’s over.

Chalk it up to being a pussy. She was miserable as fuck because she was with a fucking submissive beta (you) and bored out of her mind. You weren’t giving her any Feelz.
She was longing for a strong assertive alpha male and she found one.

Lessons learned. Tell your kids that mommy is a whore.

[–]KoolAidMan798018 points19 points  (5 children) | Copy

So youre gonna stay with your cheating wife so your kids can grow up seeing you miserable? Do you feel like you have any value at all? Stick around longer so you can be stuck with a larger alimony payment for a longer period of time? I would pass on that dawg. Time to speak to a lawyer and find out exactly what post divorce life will look like. 3-4 days with your kids and being happy sure sounds better than 7 days of being cucked.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Go back and read though the first post you made, and especially the advice you got in response. u/hack3ge hit it right on the nose in this comment, but the whole thread will show you how things got to the point that they did. This marriage is dead, so I'd suggest being brutally honest with yourself while conducting the autopsy so that your next LTR doesn't end up going the same way. If you ever catch yourself saying this again

I desperately dont want to lose her

then you'll know you're headed for disaster.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best comment.

[–]ParaXilo6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Haven't gone through this myself but here my my two cents. Most importantly is to STFU. Study the laws in your state. Consult an attorney. If this is something you can live with that's your choice. However, keep in mind she only ended it because her paramour was not willing to break up his family and allow her to branch swing.

I would search through the two subs there was a recent FR about how they killed the puppy. It was well thoughtout and tactful. The minute you start acting with emotions is when you have lost.

I get it. Our kids become part of our world and we want to be there as much as possible. Divorce throws a bug wrench in that. However, it's not the end of the world. For now take some time to think on things.

[–]Tbonesupreme7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Do what's right for your children.

They can have a dad full-time 7 days a week who is an absolute bitch.

Or, they can have a MAN for a father for 3.5 days a week.

If you truly feel the NEED to be with your children every day, then you're a needy person. You can definitely have a great relationship with them in a 50/50 scenario. You'll have time to work on yourself when they aren't there, and be able to focus on your relationship with them when they are.

Oh, and 2 weeks? Dude, it's not over.

[–]framelessglasses1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In the event of a mid-marriage emergency, put the oxygen mask on yourself first.....

[–]Frosteecat5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I honestly feel sorry for you man. It's painfully obvious you care about her and are rationalizing how to keep the marriage.

MRP is about caring about yourself first and foremost--then ALLOWING a worthy woman to share your life with you.

Current marriages are often salvageable but not primary to this endeavor.

If I found this out right now I would get all my shit dialed and then pull the pin. If she truly wanted to stay and reform (as we are all doing as well, right?), that bridge would then be examined and crossed or not.

To stay now, silently, suffering with the knowledge of your cuckery and still trying to "keep things cool" with her will not profit you one bit in any way. How can you become the "best you" in that scenario? At the very least you need to expose her shit--but only in a tactical, self serving way at this point.

It's like I used to say pre marriage to girls who cheated or dumped me out of left field (cause I was a clingy fag and they already had someone else I now know) but still wanted to "just be friends".

"Fuck that...my friends don't treat me like this".

Be your own fucking friend right now, pal.

[–]JudgeDoom695 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

“Let your plans be dark and impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a fucking thunderbolt.”

― Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Another man has had his penis in your wife's vagina, repeatedly. Your marriage is already over. STFU, get a lawyer, get your ducks in a row and serve her the divorce petition.

You and your kids are better off being together half of the time in a stable, happy home than living in the shitshow that your marriage has become.

Quit being such a fucking cuck pussy. NEXT that vile whore. You could be with someone so much better right now.

[–]awyden22 points23 points  (3 children) | Copy

hire a lawyer, Divorce now. Your kids deserve a happy, masculine man and not a cuck who would stay with his whore wife.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret19 points20 points  (2 children) | Copy

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This needs more upvotes. Good one.

[–]framelessglasses1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ouch....Then he shoots his off.

[–]mrpthrowa2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

As someone who had the kids question before hard nexting and dwelt on this question for months...

HARD NEXT

Make your plan and execute. Get half custody of your kids.

Your kids don’t need you full time.

Your kids need a man to look up to and a father figure. They will adapt and they’ll be fine.

[–]alecesne4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Obviously you have to find the other guy’s wife and sleep with her. I think there was a movie about this no?

[–]Wizardglick2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you stay the resentment will build and it’ll fast become an unhappy home for everyone. Staying isn’t the way to make sure your kids are happy. Having happy parents is what keeps kids happy. You’re leaving their mother, not them. Seek advice on what needs to be done with an attorney. She’s shown you she’d rather be with someone else. Why bother putting in the effort to stay?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Trouble is my kids are everything to me and i cant stand the though of not liking under the same roof as them 7 days a week.

she probably would have left me if the other guy would have left his wife

in a few years confront her and end it when the kids are a little older

Keep in mind she can leave at any time (and probably will when she finds a willing branch to swing to). Then you're in the same position with the kids. Do not sacrifice your happiness for this woman who values you so little to fuck another guy. Go talk to a lawyer, start building evidence to support your case, tape her if she's acting irrational - especially to the kids, and don't say anything to her at all until you have the papers there for her to sign.

You have to worry about YOUR life first before you can help anyone else (such as your kids).

[–]fruitylad[S] -2 points-1 points  (4 children) | Copy

Thats the main danger in trying to keep it going, she just keep cheating until she branch swings when she decides. That does buy me some more time though and i might be able to stop her doing that if i keep getting buff and improving.

[–]Cam_Winston218 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

That does buy me some more time though and i might be able to stop her doing that if i keep getting buff and improving.

Not trying to be hurtful but it almost causes me physical pain to see someone here actually post that they hope they can bench press their way into impressing a cheating whore.

[–]fruitylad[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Surely its possible to regain her attraction to you, after shes cheated, after this she will be very much in my frame. I imagine its possible but completely and utterly not worth the effort.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why in the fuck would you want to be someone’s second choice? Fuck that - you may not know but to turn things around your SMV has to be way higher than hers and why in the fuck would you waste that on a cheating whore.

That being said take some time and get that red pill down and I think you will find the answer is clear. You can DM if you want as my situation was similar - I turned it around and the wife is a little slut for me and I have still pretty much concluded that I’m going to stay and spin plates openly.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That does buy me some more time though and i might be able to stop her doing that if i keep getting buff and improving.

If you let her get away with it, your chances of being able to stop her doing it are practically nil. You are a meal ticket to her, that subsidizes her hunt for a new husband.

Further, do you actually want a woman that played the whore, and was actually planning on breaking up your family?

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You sure the kids are yours?

[–]fruitylad[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Luckily im 99% sure they are as im very short and both the kids have had growth difficulties and have been monitored as i was as a child

[–]TurdDoctor2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

First thing I would do- go for the anal she threw out recently. Pull her hair, slap her ass and treat her like the whore she is. Give her a hate fuck.

It looks like you have been following your MAP in hopes of saving the marriage- that's not how it works, you do it to save yourself. Work on saving yourself and stop caring about what she thinks.

Confront your wife on YOUR terms with YOUR plan/goals in mind. Don't let her pull you into talking about it until you want to. If she tries to talk about it, say whatever it takes to shut her down, try, "I don't want to talk about that right now, come over here so I can put my dick your mouth" Whatever, don't engage.

Think of what she has done to you and the kids. Stand up for yourself and them by being smart. Don't get emotional, get even by talking to a lawyer and executing the plan.

[–]0io-Tsundere2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I were in your situation... I would not confront her now. You know what's up, and you need to get your SMV up as fast as you can. She's already checked out and cheated on you, so you're free to fuck any girls you want as far as I am concerned. Use this time to get control over all the assets as best as you can. Protect yourself! Draw down joint accounts, start hoarding cash where only you have access to it, don't let her run up credit cards, etc. She could try to financially stab you in the back at any moment and it's quite likely that within a year or two you will be starting all over as a single guy. Now, that having been said, if you do all the stuff you're supposed to be doing, your wife is probably going to be a lot more interested in you and in having sex with you. You're not needy, you never put up with any of her shit, you fuck her like you think she's a cheap whore, etc. She's already shown she doesn't think you're worth anything right now by cheating on you. Here's your chance to get control over everything and dramatically increase your value so that you can attract someone much better than her, or attract her if you still feel like keeping her around. Better act fast though. Start everything today. Not a moment to lose!

[–]framelessglasses5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

its 6 month affair, not just a drunken mistake, she probably would have left me if the other guy would have left his wife.

Quit thinking about her, what does the above quote say about you?

Anybody can fuck around on anybody else. What can you learn about yourself here and stop focusing on her.

If you spend your life reacting to the actions of others, then you have no agency and you might deserve to be cheated on.

Change your focus from outer (her) to inner (you) then your path might become clear to you. Then you can ignore some of the retard rambos here.

[–]framelessglasses1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'ma disappointed. Is that all the downvotes you Rambo retards have?

[–]SeeThomasReddit4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why is the only real RP advice getting downvoted?

[–]wkndatbernardus1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Definitely get your ducks in a row now while you have the element of surprise on your side but know that the endgame is now divorce since the trust has been decisively broken.

Here are some key questions I would ask right now in preparation for the legal split:

What's her working situation like? This impacts CS and alimony. If she doesn't work, encourage her to get and hold onto a job like you're a professional male cheerleader.

How involved are you in the kids' day to day lives? This will go a long way in securing at least 50/50 custody and control over big decisions like where they go to school/doctor, etc.

What do your marital assets (house, cars, retirement/savings accounts, businesses) look like and are you in a community property state? These will all probably be split in half but, not always.

How long have you been married? This impacts any alimony that may be ordered.

Get these questions answered with a pro to guide you and you will be ready to take the step towards kicking this ho to the curb.

As far as worrying about losing time with your kids, this is a normal reaction from an involved father so, good job being there for your kids so far. This may sound counterintuitive but, in my experience, divorce set up a situation where my relationship with my daughter actually got stronger, even though we don't see each other as much as if I were still married to her mom. YMMV.

PM if you want to chat with someone who's been in your shoes.

[–]fruitylad[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

PM if you want to chat with someone who's been in your shoes

Thanks man, my head literally hurts, been married 9 years now, together 12.

How involved are you in the kids' day to day lives?

Im hugely involved in the kids lives every day, i do much more that she does, much more. I do just worry though about the huge one sidedness of the divorce courts.

but know that the endgame is now divorce since the trust has been decisively broken.

Absolutely, i will never try to repair things and stay long term, just want to get the best for myself out of the situation before divorce.

[–]mrp_awakening1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You deserve better. Call up an attorney, figure out divorce/separation. Serve her the papers when least expecting it.

[–]FoxShitNasty831 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The silver lining in all this is that at this crossroad you can make a decision to better your life. Ask yourself what you want and do it.

In the mean time whist you decide and plan STFU and LIFT

Stay strong

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Figure out what to do so that any decision you make is top down.

Then go ahead and do what ever you want

[–]hystericalbonding0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Figure out what to do so that any decision you make is top down.

Agree. Work out specifics of divorce with lawyer so he has a better understanding of his options. Get STI and paternity tests. Don't get her pregnant. Start from high level goals and strategies rather than knee-jerk idiocy.

Then go ahead and do what ever you want

Frame should be easy at this point. She lost all her privileges. The fact that she even told her sister about it is fucked up.

OP needs to be doing lots of fogging until he calms down and takes stock.

Anyone know theultmatecad's latest alt? It's like the beginning of his story, except for the proof of cheating.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Top down means “from a place of power”. Op isn’t there yet

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Trouble is my kids are everything to me and i cant stand the though of not liking under the same roof as them 7 days a week. If I hard next it would be 3.5 days at best, with her potentially making thing difficult in future.

There are multiple problems that you face.

  1. The whore's boyfriend is in control of your relationship with your children. Had he chosen to leave his wife for your wife, your time with your children would have been cut automatically, since she would have taken them with her, and you would be in the 3.5 days situation any way. So, your not doing anything would have been in vain.

  2. If she just decides to leave, tomorrow, and live on her own so she can play the whore with multiple men, the courts will be in control of your relationship with your children. Again, at best, you will have a 3.5 day arrangement.

  3. Currently, the whore that is your wife is exposing you to STIs, from the one bf she has, and whomever else she is/was fucking.

  4. You are actively paying for a whore that isn't fucking you, yet she is fucking somebody else. Paying her to fuck Chad. And, you don't get any of the pussy. You are paying to NOT get laid.

Friend, read the rest of the posts about what you should do, but, you need to know that whatever happens, your love for your children is a weapon being used against you, not a tool that you can use. Your wife is already making plans that will take them away from you, and, there is nothing that you can do to stop it. Your plan to 'be fully part of their lives and live with them when they're young..." is about one affair away from being totally lost.

You need to dump her. For the logistics, check out the rest of the posts.

[–]tspitsatgp1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shit bro. If you can STFU while you get your ducks in a row then do that. If you can behave like nothing has happened for an extended period of time... well that indicates something.

Make sure you do not lose your temper. It won’t help and may hurt.

If you are going for 50/50 custody make sure you are the primary carer and that it is known.

Start building your case.

Do not leave the family home. When you confront her about the affair you can ask her to leave the family home to give you space, you keep the kids in the family home, she will probably comply out of guilt. She can stay with her cunty sister.

[–]JameisBong1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh i forgot to mention, during the divorce ask if she can get a psych evaluation, it will be a great help during custody hearings. Cheaters always have some underlying psychological issues that make them very bad at parenting and or relationships.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

She would have left and she harbors deep fears that you know.

She wants to leave but not to be alone. Get your finances in order and lawyer up.

Even if she never cheats again you will always wonder. There are so many women out there that will treat you better.

Get to it. The sooner the better. I'd take a week off of work to 'unwind' then cut all ties with her and pack all her shit.

There are no excuses. The talk was the signal, a signal you will never forget or forgive.

The only other option is to open the marriage and start swinging.

Hard unless you have a few solid women on your dick tomorrow, otherwise you feel seriously cucked till you do.

That depends on your SMV and exposure to the swing and link markets. I assume you have fucking 0 but it is an option.

I'd start spinning plates. Recently separated and divorced men are pretty valuable on the open market.

[–]fruitylad[S] -2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

The only other option is to open the marriage and start swinging.

That was my other thought, i could confront her and say for me to stay things need to be open, and get her to help bring me pussy via the swinging scene. Hard though as the kids are young and going out together during evenings isnt easy to arrange. Also she would probably get a load of cock very quick and i would find getting pussy much harder, which hurts her desire to stay with me any more, so i would be better off just leaving.

Thats why seeing girls without her knowing seems like an option as i get the chance to stay with the kids 7 days a week but also get some action from other girls whilst she technically doesnt get to sleep around. Her helping me get pussy might work out though, not sure on the likelyhood of her agreeing and that working out though.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, just no. No open marriage. Things will be hard enough on you to drag you through that mess. An open marriage is normally for folks that ALWAYS wanted one. It's not for you. If you had the choice would you be in an open relationship or not? My guess is not. You know what you need. As for the children, they will know you aren't happy. I'm certain they know now. Pick up a book or two on raising children in a split household. Keeping in mind while you read it that you are going to have to talk to them sooner or later. The sooner the better, with the both of you if possible. But please, for your own sanity, no open relationship. Don't even talk about it. Depending on what state you live in, this can be cause for alot of fucked up shit to happen in the child support and custody area. So please, don't do it. I wish you the best. We are all pulling for you. It's a hard road man. Keep your chin up and never ever let her see you sweat.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Her desire is already low for you. If you look at it as a ship that's going to sink and just improve your own position that is the smartest thing to do.

Either she values you or she doesnt. It looks like shes just a coward that wants to leave but she is too weak.

You gotta do it for her.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

whilst she technically doesnt get to sleep around.

But, she DOES get to sleep around. That is what brought you here. Further, she WILL and with a surprising number of new dicks.

Her helping me get pussy might work out though, not sure on the likelyhood of her agreeing and that working out though.

Believe me, she will NOT help you to get new pussy. "Deals" like this do not work this way, with people like you that are in your situation. She'll say "Great! I have just the girl for you!" And, you'll never see her. After it becomes painfully obvious that your wife isn't helping you get chicks, you'll complain, and she'll say "It's not MY responsibility for you to get laid! blah, blah... By the way, I need $4000 for a boob job." No, you were on her phone, and she treated you like a half a fag...and, you think that she'll actually help another woman fuck and suck you??? Keep dreaming!

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What should i do?

That is completely the wrong question. Try this one instead:

What do I want to do?

Discuss.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

"Whilst doing this i can see other women without her knowing and keep improving and hopefully find a nice girl to hop to once i end it in a few years time."

I dont think you get it, bro. There are no unicorns. You have to make it explicitly clear that they need you a helluva lot more than you need them or they will run roughshod over you, WHILE being on the take, for your entire life.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Haha it’s worse than even you think - there is no guarantee against hypergamy. The way you mitigate that is don’t get married and live your life as a self-actualized masculine man.

The best part of the red pill is that you realize you don’t need anyone in your life other than yourself. Once you are there you can appreciate women for what they are - the cherry on top of a fucking amazing pie.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agree with others here who have said to keep your mouth shut. Talk to a lawyer asap so that you KNOW exactly what divorce will look like. I'm sure this all hurts you tremendously on an emotional level, but it's time to lose the emotion and make rational decisions that best suit you and your children. How you choose to treat your wife after this is personal preference - I'd probably use her as a fuck toy, take out some of your aggression on her various holes, but you may be disgusted by her. Either way, the stay plan = the go plan...Improve yourself, seek enlightenment and make the decisions you want to make because they're best for YOU (there is no US any longer).

[–]JameisBong0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have been there TWICE, plan your exit and STFU. No kids in my case. Also have a plan on how you want to proceed with custody. Be nice to this whore, she is after all the mother of your children. Hit the gym, STFU and plan everything down to the last detail.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

There is an old post by u/88Will88 that I can't find (did he delete) about how you don't want a divorce, but a legal separation. It also goes into detail about keeping it as friendly as possible until the separation is complete (and probably even after that if you have kids). He was a divorce lawyer and explained how it's his job to take as much of your money as he can. Remember this.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He did delete. I'll PM the link.

[–]GroundbreakingDevil0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Was in a similar situation myself. I'm now divorced. I wrung my hands over "can I forgive her?" and "things have been ok for a few weeks" for more than a year of misery before I finally stopped being a faggot, nutted up and divorced her; don't do that, toxic relationships don't get better with age.

 

Step 1 - Fly casual, keep things business as usual to the greatest extent possible; don't finding her, and avoid rocking the boat until you have a plan.

Step 2 - Consult at least one attorney as soon as possible; today or at least this week. Find one who specializes is representing men in family court; it's worth it. Knowing what to expect and what you're up against is much less scary than the scenarios you'll imagine when you don't really know and your hamster is running on overdrive. You've got kids, so this is likely to get ugly on some level; listen to his advice and follow it.

Step 3 - Ask your lawyer about consent to be recorded in your state, and start carrying a voice recorder with you 24/7. Save every minute until this is over. You're establishing your alibi for if (when) she throws a false DV accusation at you.

Most importantly, you need to wrap your brain around the fact that there's no saving this marriage; if you don't end it on your terms, she will end it on hers.

Guess which one hurts more?



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