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Wife lied again. Plan to kick her out, but want to make sure I’m doing the right thing. Help?!

by JCX_Pulse | January 20, 2019 | askMRP

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Caught wife in a lie this morning. She visited some guy at a mall with her friend who’s in from out of town visiting. From my post history you will know my wife has been lying to be for awhile.

After finding out I told her I was going to go out for some time by myself but didn’t tell her where, when she asked why I said I just needed to get some fresh air.

Her friend leaves in 5 hours or so to go to the airport, I planned on going back after 5 hours and telling wife to pack a bag and GTFO.

My question is, should I do this or is it emotional, passive aggressive behavior? Last week I told her if she lied to me again there would be consequences and I’m afraid if I don’t stand my ground and make good on my word I won’t ever be able to take myself seriously. But I’m emotional and don’t want to make some stupid proclamation I think will help but is actually a Beta move.

Thanks in advance.

Edit: wife called and accused me of being with my female co-worker and demanded I delete her from my life and don’t talk to her again. I could give a fuck about this girl she’s talking about, but she’s trying gain leverage over me by saying I’m digging through her life because I’m ashamed of my own. Wtf? I’m too new to know what the proper way to handle all of this is.


Post Information
Title Wife lied again. Plan to kick her out, but want to make sure I’m doing the right thing. Help?!
Author JCX_Pulse
Upvotes 18
Comments 55
Date 20 January 2019 08:23 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203659
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ai1vyw/wife_lied_again_plan_to_kick_her_out_but_want_to/
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Comments

[–]Maximus_Valerius22 points23 points  (0 children) | Copy

Last week I told her

This was a mistake. You verba'd when you should have acta'd.

I won’t ever be able to take myself seriously

You made a mistake by issuing an ultimatum and she called your bluff. So what? Learn from it.

But I’m emotional

You know you are emotional, so give yourself a time out (go to the gym) and get back to logical thinking. If you still want her out after you've calmed down, then develop a sound plan (including consulting a lawyer) and execute it on your terms.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret19 points20 points  (7 children) | Copy

Brother, slow the fuck down.

You are a few weeks into your journey, you have spiraled out of control and are reacting 100% on your emotions right now.

​

For a start, calm down. You have been at it for only a few weeks. There is a lot of damage to be undone and rebuilding to take place.

The fact that you are on here asking already means you are totally unsure as what to do.

Don't do anything right now. You don't have the frame to issue ultimatums, carry out threats etc etc. I strongly doubt you would be able to kick her out as you claimed you are going to do.

Stop reacting on your emotions, they are not to be trusted.

Work according to your MAP. You have at least seven months to work on unfucking yourself.

​

Why your wife lies.

From your OYS it sounds like you are really trying to micro manage her and you have a need to know every little detail of her life. Stop doing it. She wants space, she wants to live her own life. In her shoes, I would also lie to you about where/what/with who I was. You are overcrowding her with your insecurity.

The dude at the mall, context? It is a red flag, or at the least something to monitor, especially as she is accusing you of spending time with your co worker. My first instinct is that she is projecting her infidelities onto you. Happens a lot.

Now going forward, stop being so butthurt the whole time. This passive aggressive 'I will show her' is not going to help.

Get some distance between you so that you can gain some better perspective and operate in your MAP and not your emotions. You really need to reset every fucking day. No exceptions

And for the love of all that is holy, don't get her pregnant. No kids allowed into this drama.

​

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your post really touched off everything I had assumed, but was unable to see. It’s like watching someone squat, I immediately know who has low ankle mobility and who has poor hip mobility, but I can’t see myself losing my chest going ass to grass.

That’s why I posted. I haven’t been honest with myself on here and I needed to make sure I didn’t victim puke to her, I had to go to the place where I’m going to get my ass beat if I’m headed down the wrong path.

I finished NMMNG last night after about 3 days. The hardest part is impatiently wanting to change decades of bad habits in a few weeks.

I am overcrowding. Micromanaging. Pushing. Not living my own life. Not setting boundaries. All things that are easier to see once I have distance, like the user below mentioned with the gym.

I’ve made it a priority to start understanding and managing my emotions in a healthy manner during my journey here.

Thank you for reaching out.

[–]rocknrollchuck2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

For now, just STFU and carry on with your improvements. Go to the gym and make some gains.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Having something to focus on other than your wife during your transformation is of key importance. It starts with lifting. Your mind will become occupied with stuff relating to lifting. It is the start. Later you will find other missions to occupy your time and mental energy instead of what your wife is doing at that very moment. MRP is counter intuitive, give less attention to your wife and receive more attention from your wife, on your terms.

NMMNG in three days is commendable, but it takes a lot longer to internalize and let it soak in. Take your time.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the correct answer. Especially the "don't get her pregnant" part.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Get some distance between you so that you can gain some better perspective and operate in your MAP and not your emotions. You really need to reset every fucking day. No exceptions

OP, you'll be amazed at how much more clearly you'll assess this situation while you sit in the locker room drinking a protein shake after killing it at the gym for a couple hours.

[–]Kpwn880 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

gym for a couple hours

If you can spend more than 60 minutes working out, you aren't pushing yourself hard enough.

[–]drty_prRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

In a perfect world I'd go 5x a week and it would only ever be an hour. Unfortunately, my schedule only allows 3x, so it is what it is.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

What's the nature of her relationship worth the guy she met at the mall? Presumably, if she's lying about it, it's not ok...but then again, I just read an OYS of yours where she lied about googling pizza, and you turning down her attempt to fuck you as an apology after you acted butthurt about her googling pizza. Stay plan = go plan, bit you've fucked up by making an ultimatum you're unwilling to enforce.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Eh I don’t think she tried to fuck me after the pizza thing. She kissed me at 4am but didn’t go any further than that.

Claim was he was a friend from HS and he just got a dog so she wanted to see the dog. She and her friend, not him, took the dog to the mall and got shit then went back to his house.

She claims she didn’t tell me to avoid me freaking out. I get why because I classically have reacted poorly to info like this, but haven’t since I joined RP and have tried to get my mate guarding in check.

[–]Kpwn880 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She, she, she, she...

[–]BarracudaRP10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Pump the brakes, shut the fuck up. Take a deep breath. Stop.

You're 3 weeks into MRP. You need to stop making vague threats about "consequences", because you clearly didn't have a plan and you still don't have one now. Yout wife met up with another guy and you have some evidence? That sucks, but do you understand that Step 1 is Contact Divorce Attorney, Step 2 is STFU and go to the gym, and Step 3 is Make a Plan So You Don't Get Fucked. Notice how none of those steps are "Confront Her About Her Lies". You can do that once you've executed your plan, on your own timeline. You would know this if you searched the forums for help before you started typing up this Victim Puke.

This post and your others show that you are operating very heavily in your wife's frame. This is common, but you shouldn't be making decisions or trying power plays from here brother. You are showing your hand by threatening to kick her out, even if you do go through with it, and even if it's the right thing to do: BECAUSE YOU ARE DOING IT IN REACTION TO HER. You're so deep in her frame, you're talking about her cheating, and you're so rocked by her accusations about a female co-worker that you're actually responding to your wife's accusations against you? She's testing you, and you're losing by responding or acknowledging it at all.

So what do you do now OP? For one, stop replying to that cheating cunt's questions about this female coworker. In fact, stop replying to your wife at all. While you're out of the house, hit the gym and then the bar. That coworker, the one your wife is angry about - tonight's the night to fuck her. Sleep at a buddy's house or hotel, tell your wife none of this (ever) - because you've been talking to her too much, and now it's time to STFU. You don't have a good direction or plan, so why are you going to force your wife into having a confrontation with you?

Or instead of STFU, tell her you know everything and play all your cards and kick her out. Something tells me she'll have no problem finding a place to stay tonight, and now she'll be extra careful to not get caught next time.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have no MAP (haven’t gotten to the book yet) and also realize how heavily I’m in her frame. I barely have a frame of my own. NMMNG kind of shocked me into seeing some unhealthy truths about myself, and everything you’re saying is true/accurate.

[–]witnessthenomorebp16 points17 points  (0 children) | Copy

You know the proper way to handle it, you are just too scared to handle it. Put on your big boy pants and deal with it as if you actually give a fuck about yourself and believe you have any value. Or don't.

[–]ChokingDownRPRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

My previous post basically called you a frameless bitch who was over reacting. After re-reading your post, though, it sure sounds like she's projecting - saying you're in the wrong spending time with your co-worker, when she's the one fucking around. That's her hamster trying to justify what she's doing by convincing herself you're likely doing it too.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

From your previous ows :

I found MRP too late to save the marriage, but I found it at the perfect time to save myself.

Continue with this plan. This plan should now have 0 investment in her anymore, so why even bother with any of this type of dynamic (confronting, ultimatums, etc...thrashing about).

Yes, you're responsible for getting it here...but it's here already. There's no need to throw good effort after bad. Sometimes part of the process is realizing things could have been different had you been a different man from the start. But you can't rewrite history.

She's actively investing in branch swinging. No kids? Only been married a year and a half? She could be a plate at best going forward. And that's if she does a 180 after you improve.

There should be no shit tests or comfort tests at this point. You don't have time for this shit anymore. Work on you.

FYI: Way long ago in a marriage far far away in a time before red pill. I dated a girl for 7 years. Married her for about 2. Then we divorced with no ties. No lawyers. Depends on the state. But if no contest, just do your own paperwork. Actually had it notorized at a Kroger. Too funny.

Come at it from the "I want you to be happy" and free her up angle. Then don't fuck up with new girls and set a better foundation. AFTER you've monk mode-d it long enough to be unshakable in new situations.

I just don't see the attachment need for no-kid marriages. If you have one, you're failing at oneitis.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a great story.

I will continue with this plan. Having a balsa wood frame makes it easy to forget myself. Thank you for reminding me of my priorities.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Only you know your situation. But if she is sneaking around that is certainly grounds for divorce. BUT you may want to talk to a lawyer, now may or may not be the optimal time. You may need to lay the groundwork to make the process come out more in your favor. Go talk to a lawyer.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

We need more context on the actual situation. Who is the guy? How did you find out? How did she react? Etc

I will say that’s a huge red flag that she tried to turn it on you, but you are new to this so you need to calm the fuck down until you understand TRP better.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She said best friend from high school. I went on her computer and saw she has been selectively posting stories in Instagram without me in them. First story was her with a dog tagging the dude in the photo. She was later at the mall with the dog. Both events took place with a female friend who was staying with us from out of town this weekend.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah some huge red flags for sure. Is she using a 2nd instagram account that you didn’t know about? If not, couldn’t you just follow her on Instagram and see all of this?

In any case, remain calm- that is key.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No it’s her main account. You can post stories to your page that only include certain people. I wasn’t on that list of people.

[–]rocknrollchuck-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

calm the duck down

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Always

[–]Redpillbrigade172 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have you met with a lawyer yet? Are you prepared to file in case you choose to, and are you prepared in case she files?

If not you’re a pilot flying blind, no instruments for things like altitude and speed.

Good luck.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I agree it is time for you to split from this woman.

[–]SailorAground3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop giving a fuck about your wife's lies!

You're about to blow up your marriage and play right into her hands. This is like showing your hand at a poker game. You need to contact an attorney (better yet, contact five and poison the field for her) because dollars to donuts she already has and is already thinking about branch swinging away.

If you are really going to torpedo your marriage, you need to have a solid plan that involves a good attorney otherwise you're going to lose and it's going to ruin your life. Take a deep breath and from here on out, act like everything is peachy keen until it's time to set your trap.

[–]mrp_awakening2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Caught wife in a lie this morning. She visited some guy at a mall with her friend who’s in from out of town visiting. From my post history you will know my wife has been lying to be for awhile.

Yeah, lying sucks but you're not in a position to be able to do anything about it. You're probably a 5, she's probably a 7. If you stay, she'll keep being shady and lie. If you divorce, she'll divorce rape you and you probably won't be able to get any strange for months to a year anyways. You need her more than she needs you, and neediness isn't attractive. Congratulations and welcome to MRP. Good news is that it seems it's just hanging out... the mall's a pretty public place, and she's likely not gonna do anything stupid in front of her friend. Unless her friend thinks you're a chump too.

After finding out I told her I was going to go out for some time by myself but didn’t tell her where, when she asked why I said I just needed to get some fresh air.

So you're actions just told her you're emotional, and you're feelz got butthurt. Great... this won't go over like a lead balloon.

Her friend leaves in 5 hours or so to go to the airport, I planned on going back after 5 hours and telling wife to pack a bag and GTFO.

Still operating in her frame... waiting for a convenient timeframe for your wife.

My question is, should I do this or is it emotional, passive aggressive behavior? Last week I told her if she lied to me again there would be consequences and I’m afraid if I don’t stand my ground and make good on my word I won’t ever be able to take myself seriously. But I’m emotional and don’t want to make some stupid proclamation I think will help but is actually a Beta move.

At this stage, I wouldn't do it. It is passive aggressive, but also your threats don't have much teeth, and there's no planning in sight. You tell her to GTFO, now she spends the night with mall guy, consummates it, and you're left at home, butthurt, and without anything going for you. You're choices are to let her in after basically telling her to consummate her emotional affair physically, or get divorce raped. Bad plan. How about you stick to the sidebar... STFU. Not because "you're angry and gonna show her" but because you legitimately have better things to do with your time. Go lift. Do a hobby. Take a walk. Shop for better clothes. If something needs to get done in the house... do it. Start owning things. Quit getting emotional... realize you have a choice to be happy and in a good mood, and exercise that choice constantly. Start implementing dread, and work on identifying shit tests. Take the lead by improving yourself... and by the time she realizes what's happened you will now have the power to make the choice you want. If you want to split then, you'll be in a better place, and she'll be fighting to keep you.

Edit: wife called and accused me of being with my female co-worker and demanded I delete her from my life and don’t talk to her again. I could give a fuck about this girl she’s talking about, but she’s trying gain leverage over me by saying I’m digging through her life because I’m ashamed of my own. Wtf? I’m too new to know what the proper way to handle all of this is.

Classic projection. She's emotionally (and potentially physically) cheating and expects everyone else to be acting as she is. She's taken it a step further and is claiming you're projecting too... the hamster is exceptionally strong with this one. Seeing as she called, did you kick her out? She's probably seeing him right now, looking for a reason not to feel guilty if things escalate. It's a shit test... and if you give any air of fighting or being butthurt, or if she ends up thinking you're hiding something, she won't feel guilty. You probably don't have enough alpha frame to pull off AA or AM... and stakes are high if you fail. Best option might be to ignore it, and find something better to do with my time than argue. Preferably something where you have an excuse not to have your phone on you.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know you’re right. Maybe a 5.5 though. Just not in attitude.

My feeling was she was projecting also. The accusation totally caught me off guard. I thought she found out I found out she lied. Nope.

[–]08Winchester0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

This is the best advice right here OP.

What’s happening here is your wife managed to set off your internal flags. The suspicion is there, your questions are most likely valid, but you’re probably facing an awful lot of gaslighting and the problem here is you’re entertaining it, thus now you’re trapped in the mental mindfuck of that and thoughts of your wife giggling as some dude is motor boating her. Any reaction you give allows her to feed of your insecurities, and the fact is the moment she knows you have any kind of insecurity she has you by the balls.

Just STFU for now. Do nothing but that. Total wall of silence. It’ll give your wife time to think and decide for herself if your wall is worth breaking down to reconnect and come to her senses.

Your only job here is to increase your value and move forward of your own volition should she not.

Stop acting like a five and starting working towards being a 10.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Love this. You’re right. Acting/looking like 5.

I wanted to delete this post because I was ashamed of how it made me look. But I knew I had to keep it up because I was afraid. The truth hurts when swallowing the pill.

[–]Maximus_Valerius4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I wanted to delete this post because I was ashamed of how it made me look. But I knew I had to keep it up because I was afraid.

That was your inner Nice Guy talking . . . good on you for not backing down.

[–]08Winchester2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

We all have that knee-jerk reaction. I sure have. Best advice: leave this here, follow the advice, and stare at it next year as a 6 or 7 with pride.

Stick with merit. Grow your body the right way. Ignore other men’s women. You’ll feel like gold when that single hot chick zeroes in on you just for being you.

You’re a fucking train. Be a fucking train.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Choo choo mother fucker !

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

5 hours!?

First thing I would want to know is if he has TSA PreCheck.

If so that give him at least 3 hours and 45 min to fuck her brains out before his commute to the airport.

Sounds like a good time and plenty of time to fill her pussy up with some Alpha come. I know, done it many times. Sent them home full of my hot man juices.

Second thing is that you cant kick your wife out of shit. Cops will not make her leave a marital home and it takes months and months to get temp exclusive use of a property sans a violent episode and TRO.

Do not know you, your history and I really dont care.

These are marriage ending events in my book. Plain and simple.

I can tell you to stop being a faggot, but you would be at a lawyers office and not on reddit if you had any balls.

Kinda like me.

Not a single fuck on here knew I served my wife until long after it happened. I didnt need any anon cheerleaders making life decisions for me.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for your responses

[–]JameisBong1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Have a plan, hit the gym and end that relationShit especially if children aren't involved.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Frameless.

Missionless.

Do you even fucking lift ?

You give too many fucks about a cunt that wants to blow her and your shit up over you not creating enough tingles.

Guess what ? It’s your fault

[–]Tiway222 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Bro if she’s lying about meeting up with a guy you have to dump her.

Ex-wife needs to happen asap.

[–]HERE2SHILL2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP you sound like a psycho

[–]Namel9090 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good luck

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Fucking rambo

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yup. I’m ill equipped to deal with the subtleties that make you vets good successful men. Right now I’m just chiseling marble with TNT.

[–]Frosteecat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re trying to assimilate a lot of new information you’re learning about yourself (namely your impotent insecurity) and your wife (dishonesty and gaslighting/projecting).

What’s important is that you now realize that this can’t continue the way that it was.

I was you—caught in a pathetic death spiral of fear and self-loathing and anger at my partner’s natural response to my unattractiveness.

This was before I found this sub. I vowed to draw an indelible line between the past and the NOW. There was no way I could move forward myself let alone with my spouse if I held onto all that fear, insecurity and anger. I channeled it into diet, lifting, regaining control over my Captaincy, etc.

The simple logic was that I had to let go to move forward. Once I began to become the best version of myself that I could (a process that never ends) I realized I would get a positive outcome. If she responded well it wasn’t too late and she was high quality. If she didn’t it was too late or she wasn’t good enough to appreciate the effort.

Either way I needed to become the prize I deserved for myself. If that meant that I’d be single in a year despite hard work, at least I’d be way ahead of where I was.

You use your knowledge of your weak past to drive your present WORK. If she comes along and that’s what you want, GREAT. If not, move on more.

You cannot dwell in fear and go forward. Let it all go and start over. The clarity this will give you will help you determine what to do about her, ultimately.

STFU, lift, stop complaining, do the WORK and grab life by the balls.

Good luck.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Wife, wife, she, she, her, her.

You do any shit for yourself today? Ever?

Fucking Rambo.

STFU and get on with YOUR life.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yup, addressed this in my OYS this week

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

One cookie.

We've all been through the shit.

Men swapping notes in class, as Stoney used to put it.

Keep piloting your ship, man, regardless of what the towrope's pulling.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That’s why I find the input so valuable here.

No matter how unique I think a situation is, some guy here has been through it and wants to help guide another guy from running into the rocks while the lighthouse is out.

This place is helping be my lighthouse as I gain the confidence in myself and knowledge of how to handle life as an improved person.

[–]FereallyRedHard Core Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Been here >4 years.

It helped me, so I keep typing bullshit.

Choo choo.

[–]Bedtimeshine0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You need to do all things the commenters say about improving yourself. But you also need to get out of this marriage.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

This is your answer. Don't go Rambo.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Freakin YouTube blocked the video!

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I see it. Just need to shorten the intro due to Zeps copyright. In other videos they have let me give them any advertising revenue generated but I don't see that option this time.

Edit: Fixed and re-uploaded.

[–]JCX_Pulse[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Alright, let me know when you’ve uploaded it again.



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