707,472 posts

DAE not have much trouble in their marriage?

Reddit View
January 18, 2019
9 upvotes

This may seem like a brag/troll post but it is not my intent. I'm truly wondering how many other married RPers here have happy, successful marriages? I have always had the frame that I would "do whatever the fuck I want whenever I want" within reason of course, but it has remained that way my entire 12 year total relationship, 8 years married. I still party very hard and travel a lot solo while having a 3 year old. The only thing I cannot do right now is fuck other women, but I am working on that and have even got her out to a swingers club.

My life's passion is personal development so I'm sure that accounts for most of the reason of my success. I have read hundreds of PD books and am always striving to be the best version of myself possible. I'm not filthy stinking rich, but I technically don't have to work and we are quite comfortable with us both only working part-time, which also probably helps a lot in having a successful relationship.

I have also only somewhat recently got into lifting (2 years in) and am the biggest and most in shape of my life. I'm a bit confused as to why the focus is always lift when I feel you need to get your inner/mental game on point before any and all else.

I know supposedly AWALT, but I feel I might have found one that isn't. Extremely low drama, low maintenance and an amazing woman. If we ever divorce I'll report back how I was wrong, but I found TRP only a few years back so i was already legally married and all that. Any and all comments welcome! Flame on :)


Post Information
Title DAE not have much trouble in their marriage?
Author theycallmenubs
Upvotes 9
Comments 64
Date 18 January 2019 12:14 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203665
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ah4gta/dae_not_have_much_trouble_in_their_marriage/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
AWALTframedramaliftgamethe red pill
Comments

[–]Commander_Nomad14 points15 points  (7 children) | Copy

Some of us are here because there isn't a good subreddit for discussing evo-bio/ evo-psych. This is the best of what's left because it's at least a steady stream of case studies.

Some of us have "happy, successful marriages". And we mostly do whatever the fuck we want. We have both the burden of performance and the benefit of performance. But that doesn't go over well here.

After getting drowned out by the lifetime betas who want a cheat code to unlock their epiphany phase unicorn's magic box, it becomes a lot less hassle to just lurk, snicker at the lolz, and contribute once in a blue moon.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

That unicorn just ends up pegging them with that horn anyway.

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's quite an accusation coming from you, "peggedbyowlette".

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ya I own that, fuck. And all the faggot behavior attached to that account

I had to be that guy to be this guy.

Good times.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

pik-a-dildo, is that you?

But that doesn't go over well here.

not sure about this. successful well written FR are normally well received, although it's the norm of the male social male matrix to always prod for weakness and hierarchy (IRL, too ...)

[–]Commander_Nomad1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Not pika, but I miss him.

And j10, and the brown Canadian when he was still a tilist, and Rollo before he went off the deep end. And rzd before his exodus and subsequent return-ish?

There was a high water mark, and I'm afraid we're past it. Alpha-as-wolf or whatever he was with the wood carved red pill was the beginning of the end. Makes me think of Bad Santa and the bloody pickle.

[–]BarracudaRP1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

And j10, and the brown Canadian when he was still a tilist, and Rollo before he went off the deep end

Yes, exactly. And before the influx of newfags from TRP made it even worse.

[–]Commander_Nomad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't want to seem a Luddite, but yes. We can do better than the current crop

[–]tspitsatgp10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy

Haha, yeah mate. Good one. You found the “one”. There’s a reason my wife cheating on me and her willingness to throw our marriage away absolutely crushed me. We never argued, she never complained about my long working hours, she never complained about my weight gain, she gave me the porn star sex I wanted, she was/is hot, she had our kids, was a good mother, and then got a good paying full-time job. We were the perfect little family to the outside world.

Except. I thought we were in it together, on the same page, so what if we had become a little distant we have our whole lives together to find our groove again, I didn’t pay attention to her feelz, I didn’t notice she was unhappy, I didn’t realize how unattractive I had become.

And then. Boom.

YMMV and maybe you have found “the one”. Every story is different. Heh. Being MRP aware at some level just means you see a deeper truth and as such you act accordingly.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Right, I fully realize the amount of power I gave up by getting legally married and what could happen with complacency or even things out of my control like postpartum etc.

While I HOPE we never get divorced I am considering having to give up half my shit and how I would restructure my life worst case. I am very fortunate I found RP stuff at all which is now why I am focusing on my physical body among other things.

I am very fortunate to have my financial game on point so I am able to spend more time with my family. I am always striving to be the best version of myself possible, and while i dont really do the whole dread thing, she knows how lucky she is to be married to a high value male.

I realize some things are out of my control, but by controlling the things I can and having my shit together, I'm not worried right now and am enjoying every minute and being grateful to be able to see my situation from all sides.

[–]tspitsatgp2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That’s great. I don’t mean to come across jaded because I am not. I look forward to doing it all again but this time with my eyes open. You sound proactive, that’s good. If I had a time machine the things I would change are not becoming co-dependent (kids kicked this into overdrive), not losing a zest for life, and pushing my way through life on a mission rather than being pulled by different currents (I.e. don’t drift) with no real destination in mind.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Better late than never! Glad to hear you know what you want this time around and I wish you the best in getting it!

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm truly wondering how many other married RPers here have happy, successful marriages?

Yes, so far; 30+ years.

I have always had the frame that I would "do whatever the fuck I want whenever I want" within reason of course, but it has remained that way my entire 12 year total relationship, 8 years married

Frame is key.

I know supposedly AWALT, but I feel I might have found one that isn't. Extremely low drama, low maintenance and an amazing woman.

Living in your frame, you likely vetted well, clearsightedly, and from abundance not desperation for yourself.

Once married, you consistently maintained your boundaries and expectations, and continued to OYS, keeping her both on point and satisfied. This, too, is AWALT with a quality man; don't assume she'd remain "low drama, low maintenance and an amazing woman" if you went to shit.


I'm a bit confused as to why the focus is always lift when I feel you need to get your inner/mental game on point before any and all else.

Lifting is the one thing here that is entirely within ones own control and is certain to deliver consistent, measurable, and almost immediate personal improvement in those dark, frustrating early days when one struggles with and often fails with the much more difficult and subtle mental and behavioral changes. Yes, the mental is ultimately more important, but the clear and early physical progress and the confidence that brings is priceless.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nice going on over 3 decades! You are correct in if I didn't have my shit together, it would fall apart rather quickly, which is why I browse RP stuff to help remind me to stay on my game.

[–]IRunYourRiver6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

I could have written this post two years ago. Now my posts are a lot different.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Did your happy marriage end in "tragic" divorce?

[–]IRunYourRiver5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Remains to be seen. But I was completely flabbergasted when I realized the relationship that I was in and how different it was from what I believed. AWALT.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I appreciate this comment because it reminds me to never get too comfortable and be keenly aware of the actual state of the marriage vs what I want to believe. Need to be objective in it all, so thanks

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine10 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy

“confused as to why the focus is always lift when I feel”

Lots of us came from deadbedrooms... meaning we were beta chumps. When you see the light through the red pill lens, the anger phase is brutal.

Most productive way to deal with the anger is in the iron temple. Plus all the other benefits of lifting.

“This may seem like a brag/troll post but it is not my intent. ”

Only gay thing you said.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Haha thanks for that. I guess it's hard for me to relate from my ivory tower, and i forget what others go through. I believe all relationship problems are very easily solvable and that pretty much everyone around me has dysfunctional relationships and it is honestly quite confusing to me sometimes.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine4 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

You are using all the correct lingo: frame, lifting, always, inner game, best version of myself...

You obviously were aware of red pill before you got married,, right? How else would you find this place ? If you were so happy?

Just curious how you ended up taking the pill from high up on your ivory tower.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm not even sure how I came across it tbh. Once I did though, RP always intrigued me because it does talk a lot about personal development, just in a different way I suppose. I have been wanting to open my marriage for quite sometime and that is the only thing "missing" from my life right now, variety. I get plenty of sex whenever I want from a very loving wife so I'm not at the point of making it come to an ultimatum. I know she would love me less if I did it this way so for now I'm just enjoying the ride, bring it up from time to time but dont push it. We'll see if I can make it happen though!

[–]simbarlionRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Equilibrium in nature is rare, so if you're happy chances are she is less happy than you think. And that's when she starts to seek change.

May not apply to you but is common. There is definitely a trend here of 40 - 45 year old stuck in grind/ going beta with kids growing/ bored wife so keep yourself on track

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, even though it's lasted awhile I know I must always stay on top of my game. Time will tell for sure!

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret9 points10 points  (14 children) | Copy

I know supposedly AWALT, but I feel I might have found one that isn't

Jesus man. Comon.

Successful marriage means different things to each of us.

2 years lifting? Show me your abbs!

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 1 point2 points  (13 children) | Copy

That's the whole point, I have never focused on my looks and have been able to be insanely confident and have a very happy life. Now I am bigger and noticing people checking me out and it's like big deal? To me our minds and our consciousness is way more important than physical body as long as you aren't morbidly obese.

That first injury where you lose your gains where does your confidence go? I feel inner game is way more important but that does not seem to be the consensus around here.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret6 points7 points  (12 children) | Copy

Found the fat man!

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 2 points3 points  (11 children) | Copy

I have never been fat, more like skinny fat. 5' 7" 135 lbs 2 years ago now around 160

[–]Cam_Winston212 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

The reason for the emphasis on lifting is that it pretty makes any man more attractive. You apparently have a woman who is attracted to a guy on the smaller side. Nothing wrong with that, good for you. Most women go for muscular guys, so natch the mantra...

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

This man is 5'7 190 and pisses clean

What do you look like?

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

isn't that the reigning cross-fit champion?

man absolutely puts in MAX work; but he's also genetic beast mode to be winning at that level

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yes hes the current champ and representative of what MAX 100% effort looks like. So one of us (OP) could put in 70% effort and get a 70% result.

70% of that is still amazing.

A lot of people think hes clean to. Hes definitely tested aswell.

And I mean have their genetics expressed to the potential. You cant make yourself into matt fraiser.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

70% of that

would put you in the top 95% of western males.

it's really amazing to watch how strong he is compared to much larger men

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Dont be ignorant.

Pissing clean is easy. Sans Jon Jones apparently.

Zero athletes at that level are not on gear.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hahah ya you and I both know this. If you even mention matt fraiser is on drugs the crossfit balloon bragiand will descend on us and fran all over the place. I was keeping this thread clean.

Thoes people are weird. I have a bunch of crossfit friends. No machines in a crossfit gym!

I absolutely LOVE womans crossfit though. They are limited for PED use before they start to virilize. Its a much cleaner competition.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] -3 points-2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I can tell you have inadequacies/ insecurities in this area as it means nothing to me to compare myself against another. You will never be truly happy if you are constantly comparing yourself to others. Simply become the best version of yourself possible. I have pretty much mastered inner game and am now working on physical. Good luck man

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I have pretty much mastered inner game

You won gold in the hamster Olympics. That's your inner game.

You got Korea a 2019 gold medal!

[–]Cam_Winston210 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You won gold in the hamster Olympics.

Last time he competed he tried to avoid squats.

Dude doesn't even have the intestinal fortitude to push himself up to lift, so he comes here & tries to pass himself off as someone who has his mental game together so much that he doesn't really need to push iron.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I actually got platinum man, you are a very funny guy.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Define "Happy." If it is a wife who "let's me do whatever I want" then I am guessing about 20% of MRP guys are "happy" and 5% of married guys not in MRP.

Do you not see the incongruence in your post?

My life's passion is personal development so I'm sure that accounts for most of the reason of my success...I technically don't have to work and we are quite comfortable with us both only working part-time, which also probably helps a lot in having a successful relationship.

I know supposedly AWALT, but I feel I might have found one that isn't

The variable in this sordid tale is not the woman. It is YOU! Go ahead and get sick, lose your "comfortable income" or get laid off from your job or just let it slip a tiny bit because your Father died.

When you have gone through a life crisis that makes you lose it, report back to us on your NAWALT unicorn.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know if I didnt have my shit together she would lose interest and possibly leave. That's why I have setup my life the way it is and will keep controlling the aspects of my life I have control over. Could I become broke? Highly unlikely but possible and I would bounce back. Get cancer? Have some sort of mental breakdown? All possible but highly unlikely and I would deal with it if it came up. If it does I will report back how it was I who fucked things up and take full responsibility. It would be on me not her like it always is. It's always on man and I do know this.

[–]Kpwn881 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm a bit confused as to why the focus is always lift

Because hormones, motherfucker.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'm truly wondering how many other married RPers here have happy, successful marriages?

married over 25 years, together almost 30. the first 10 years was great; but i got soft and then it wasn't great. back on the horse now. marriage very happy and successful now, best it's ever been in fact.

I would "do whatever the fuck I want whenever I want"

me too, always have been through both good and bad times.

Extremely low drama, low maintenance and an amazing woman.

me too, i would say she only has one major fault that is not something i "helped" develop in her. i vetted and picked very well from a strong position of abundance.

based on your post and responses, i would guess you have two Achilles heel's

hubris. you have a strong frame and mental point of origin which is a great advantage and as you point out the most important masculine trait. it can be a double-edged sword though if it blinds you to actions, and meaning therein, of those around you. in other words, your frame is so strong that you convince yourself your winning when your actually losing. as simbarlion correctly points out, nature abhors equilibrium; and in the immortal words of Ricky Bobby if you ain't first you're last. if a woman is not striving to add value to your life; she slowly checking out.

presence and feelz to a woman, a strong masculine presence and feelz from said man is critical to meeting her "emotional needs". i could be wrong on this one, but you might be so self centered that over time you neglect her in this way. this is how "emotional affairs" are born.

but I technically don't have to work and we are quite comfortable

you make this money yourself or you a trust fund kid?

DAE

wtf does this mean?

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You make a lot of good points and at one time, I would say I actually was neglecting her needs to an extent. I am better now at recognizing her states and the state of our marriage, but have come a long way in improving myself in all areas and it shows. I live in a low cost of living area and have managed to create our "comfortable" life though rental real estate slowly and steadily. She is a teacher so we have had to grind our way here. I do all the work myself and have one worker I pay and it has been purely "sweat equity". It is not the most efficient but it works for me for now and I can work whenever I want. DAE is "does anyone else"

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's how life for an alpha is. Our point is not that girls are always shitty company, but that they treat alphas well.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

Why are you so averse to putting in the work? 5'7" 135 lbs is beanpole scrawny. At 165 without lifting to ensure that is muscle mass youre prolly skinny fat as fuck with awkwardly saggy man breasts and a developed gut.

Get jacked, and observe the world of difference in how people respond to you. Why do you expect anyone to respect you when you dont respect yourself?

[–]theycallmenubs[S] -3 points-2 points  (10 children) | Copy

I'm not averse to it, which is why I am now, but just am somewhat confused as to why it is such a high priority around here if you are not morbidly obese. Getting your mindset together is vastly more important. Like 100 times more. I have always commanded respect in my life and love myself more than anything in the world, no matter the physical shape I am. People respect you when you have your shit together and dont really care what others think of you, because they have zero impact on your life. That kind of attitude does not come from lifting, it comes from consciousness.

I understand why people place so much importance here, but in reality it doesn't matter how jacked you are if your mindset is fucked.

Edit: I am referring to an overall, consistent long-term happiness here, not just banging random chicks because you're jacked but dont have your shit together.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

You have frame. 80% of what a woman needs is a man with strong frame. The fact is that most don’t have it. They look in the mirror and see a balding fat piece of shit that never accomplished anything. Lifting is a good repair for this. You get jacked, women notice you, you get confidence, you realize that your wife needs you more then you need her so you take her off the pedestal, you start doing what you think is best, she follows your leadership and now you’re where you should have been. You can have frame and skip all that, but being fit and strong makes it naturally fall into place for most. It did for me, a year in the iron church was a game changer. Looking back I could have had the same personality, drive and frame without the gym, but I would never have had the validation that kick started it.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This makes a lot of sense and explains well why RP recommends lifting, even though you dont technically need it if you aren't completely out of shape. I guess I feel most guys could benefit more by reading and applying self-help books for an hour a day vs lifting an hour a day, but that is completely personal opinion.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

There is a zero percent chance you are genuinely the way you are presenting yourself in this thread with a hamster like that.

You can hamster your way around anything cant you.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol I am in the best shape of my life and I do notice women checking me out and friends that haven't seen me in awhile always comment on my physique.

Like I mentioned before, I've never been a fat slob, but I've also never been ripped either and it hasn't affected me in terms of creating an amazing life with abundance in all areas.

I truly believe if you aren't extremely out of shape or feeling like shit, fitness shouldn't be your main focus. Getting your mental shit together should be or even finances if you are very poor, but like I said that seems to be unpopular opinion around here.

[–]CaliEd2563 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Beta guy’s typically have fucked up mindsets, you are correct. Lifting helps them get in the right mind set. It’s the most direct way to get them in that headspace.

Given that you’re short and semi-fat, you’re an anomaly. Are you Spanish/Latino/etc? Most white guys are socially feminized, whereas other cultures still have strong male values.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Not that it really matters but I am Korean and my wife is white. I grew up in the US so have had to read a fuckton of books to get my mindset straight from societally-conditioned bs

[–]CaliEd256-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cultural influences matter. Afghanistan and Russian cultures are allowed to beat their women if they get out of line (must be nice).

Great job on getting your head right early.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lifting is great for cultivating discipline. It's pretty easy to get into, addictive, and adds a ton to your confidence and follow through over time.

Lifting really does help in just about every possible way. No it doesn't SOLVE any of the other problems but it lays a foundation for the other goals that may have been elusive for a young man early on the path.

Just my opinion. I just started lifting a month ago with a home gym setup but I've been 'bulking' up from from 140 when I arrived to 170 that I am at now doing just body work for about a year.

Today I am sore. Tomorrow I lift again.

[–]JoeMarron0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It’s much easier to get your mindset right when you’re bigger and leaner than most men. Plus there’s health benefits, more testosterone etc.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Its the first step, because we will never command the respect we think we deserve (some even parlay the concept of "deserving" into a feeling of entitlement) until we first learn how to command respect from our self. From there, you build a foundation of strength that allows you to kill the ego (which everyone knows is what stands in the way of actualizing the self)

Healthy mind Healthy body Healthy spirit

You need the whole triumvirate.

[–]weakandsensitive0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Look up Anna Karenina Principle.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I like this, and RP did make me realize I should get my physical game on point, which I am. I am working to eliminate any "critical failures" and remaining vigilant in my assessment of our marriage.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Did YOU find the ONE or are YOU strong enough to hold ONE that aligns well with you?

There are many like her but that one is yours.

My relationship is pretty solid. Happy for you. Hopefully we both continue getting what we want without swapping out women.

Never had shit tests with this one, not since we were in highschool, and then very few. We just agree on most things and she's grateful to have a good man in her life. I dated some bland mentally slow type women before her, she's super sharp witted and works like a fucking animal at everything she puts her mind to.

Fucks like an animal all the time, submissive etc etc etc. I'll have to read down below see how the rest of our people around here are doing.

[–]theycallmenubs[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I believe I found one that is very compatible and I also am able to hold on as well. I know I am compatible with many women so I have to focus on what I control, which is myself and my actions. Glad to hear it's going well for you and hopefully many more can get to a good state as well!

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Glad they are around. The ones in between were fucking dull man, I mean they really really loved me, but I just couldn't commit. I couldn't invest or see a future with them.

Usually they couldn't give me everything I needed, they seemed so broken and underdeveloped. It's like they watched the same 5 tv shows every day after work for a decade or something and just had these huge empty spaces inside them of bland crap.

I need a savage. I think if this relationship ends I'm looking into crossfit or MMA women LOL. Something crazy intense.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter