707,481 posts

[FR] Recently Married, Emotional Cheating, & Dread Game

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January 17, 2019
14 upvotes

My Basics

  • 5' 6", 175 lbs, 22% BF.

  • BP 135, Squat 185, DL 225.

  • Weight training x3 a week, Cardio session x3 a week (total of 6 workouts a week); workouts typically around one hour each

  • Married less than half a year, no kids or pets

Why am I here?

Before continuing, I subscribe to the "hindsight's 20-20" and "you should've never married her" responses. This post is me recognizing my mistakes and correcting myself for the future, with or without her. Now to my background:

Several months before our wedding, my wife had started an emotional affair with an old friend halfway across the world. This included flirting, secret/deleted messages, sexting, etc. Confronted a few times, naturally did not get anywhere and she just became more careful of hiding her tracks. I then went online to search for help and came across products that, while marketed like any other "save your marriage" products ("discover the best way to attract women you desire," "become a better man", "build these X things to have a successful marriage", etc.), all boiled down to one central mantra:

  • I am responsible for what I deserve and get in life.

This brought me to change my approach from "I need to save this marriage" to "I need to fix myself" since, whether or not my marriage survives, if I have not owned up to my mistakes and beta behavior in the past, I will experience the same thing again and again, whether it is with my wife or with a new partner.

In pursuit of fixing myself, I had discovered first TheRedPill subreddit, from which I found AskMRP and MarriedRedPill and all the gems their sidebars had to offer.

Where am I now?

To date, I've read NMMNG, a summary of MMSLP, The Book of Pook, and am about to start WISNIFG. I am currently employing Passive Dread in my marriage. I am currently in the 1-2 phase and will be moving onto 3 early next month. I plan on escalating a level each month until July/August (which would be 8 or 9, respectively). At this point, given the emotional cheating on my wife's end and the blue pill behavior I had embodied well before our marriage on my end, I intend to either stay (if the marriage has truly improved) or next my wife (if the emotional cheating still continues, which make my decision a no-brainer).

Why do I not next my wife now?

Again, hindsight is 20-20 and I own up to the mistake of digging myself into a hole. There are two reasons I chose to tough it out for a little more than half a year before filing papers:

  • I am in a financial situation where leaving now guarantees homelessness and bankruptcy due to existing debts (2/3 of these were from before our marriage). I have begun making adjustments to our finances and my career to be able to financially support myself post-divorce. And no, I do not have family I can rely on to help me get back on my feet.

  • Home is currently a safe place for me to improve myself and avoid falling into the same issues again in the future, whether or not my wife ultimately remains a part of it or not.

What challenges do I face right now?

  • Career/Finances - While I am in a decent job currently, it does not generate enough income as is required to live upon and keep ahead of my existing debt. I am working with recruiters to transition into a much higher paying job (20-30% increase in pay) and will likely get it within a month or two given relatively low unemployment and the marketability of my skillset.

I recognize some people delay their plans to separate because of financial burden; are there any pointers I could keep in mind to help overcome that burden sooner than later?

  • Comfort/Shit Tests - Originally, I thought I may have been in a Main Event situation, but given how early I am in my process, I doubt it. Currently, my wife expresses intentions to visit her home country, which is where the man involved in the emotional affair lives. After our last confrontation on her emotional cheating (which involved the expected crying, "I'm sorry/embarrassed," "I can't seem to stop," etc.), she asked if she could still go a few days afterwards. I gave her a flat, direct "No, that is the last thing that should happen now."

Naturally, she became upset and started acting colder and less like a loving wife (though there was no hostility or yelling like some previous confrontations had). At first, I considered whether or not this was "standing up for myself and my boundaries" or "mate guarding" and did think about going back on my "no." However, over the next few days, the following things happened as I stood my ground on the "no":

  • She resumed being "caring" to me, offering me ice cream bars, cooking solid meals for our dinners, expressing concern with a sprain I recently got while exercising, etc. Standard wife behavior.
  • She began to say she still "cares/loves/respects/misses" me, but is still upset. (I took this with a grain of salt.)
  • When I pull her in to hold her, kiss, spoon her, etc, she initially says "I'm still upset," but does no longer consistently resists/objects and sometimes reciprocates.

Is this an early sign of dread working? If so, given this is just 1-2, I'd be excited to see what higher levels accomplish. And, am I recognizing this properly as a test and handling it accordingly? Or, am I missing the point and need to adjust myself?

  • Excuses - Am I making excuses for not pulling out papers now? As I type my reasons for not ending the marriage now, they seem to be legitimate points. However, I may very well be just making excuses and would love advice on to overcome what I'm treating as obstacles.

Thanks for taking the time to read. Kick my ass as much as needed to get me on the right track if I'm missing the point, or kick my ass for questioning the power of MRP and Dread.


Post Information
Title [FR] Recently Married, Emotional Cheating, & Dread Game
Author mlsndr
Upvotes 14
Comments 31
Date 17 January 2019 11:04 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203666
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ah3s3w/fr_recently_married_emotional_cheating_dread_game/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
WISNIFGmate guardingbetadread gamecheatingshit testgamethe red pillthe blue pillNMMNG
Comments

[–]WesternhagenWinner35 points36 points  (5 children) | Copy

Married <6 months, no kids. So how are you going to be homeless and bankrupt if you divorce? No spousal support, no child support. You move to a smaller place, you pay off your debts. It will be MUCH more expensive to stay married - both financially and in the toll it will take on you to have willingly shackled yourself to a cheating whore. Whatever it costs to not get cucked is well worth it.

[–]markpf7324 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

I suspect it’s the OP’s ego and pride that prevent him from publicly showing his family and friends he made a poor choice by getting a divorce so soon after the wedding...

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

This. Lol. Dude you dont have any kids and youve only been married 6 months. They don't award alimony for 5 years and with how short the marraige was she would be hardpressed to argue for "marital assets"

Get the fuck out. Youre never going to forgive her and even if you did manage to find a way to, shes not going to stop. They never do once they cross that boundary.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

If he's going to be bankrupt without her, it's likely he's close to it with her.

[–]Tbonesupreme7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Unless he owes the fucking mob, then I would go ahead and file bankruptcy. He can repair his credit in like 2 years. I think it's an excuse to stay.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's absolutely an excuse. If I was going to be poor and bankrupt, I'd much rather be single than have to worry about other people while I dug myself out.

[–]tspitsatgp17 points18 points  (2 children) | Copy

Brother. I feelz for you. But if you don’t have kids then get the fuck out. DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH THIS WOMEN. Seriously examine your financial situation to see if you really would be homeless. Don’t hamster up excuses. If she’s showing you this much disrespect so early in your marriage it’s hopeless. Sorry bro.

Plus, do you actually want to be with someone who does this shit to you? She doesn’t love you like you love her. Sounds like you might be quite co-dependent. Work on that.

Did I say don’t have kids with this women? DO NOT HAVE KIDS WITH THIS WOMEN.

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Being homeless aint that bad. Substiantially easier if you have a van or a camper shelled truck.

I zeroed out completely to get away from a NPD cheater whore, with 2 children on the line, and slept in a tent with a storage unit for my clothes while showering at the gym as i worked full time in a small town in nowhere, OR before saving up enough buy a car and rebuilt my life from absofuckinglutely nothing.

3 years later, im chilling in a suit in a board room meeting and none of my coworkers would have the slightest clue where i was 3 years ago.

Know what i learned? I learned that im a fucking champion and if it aint my way ill burn the whole shithouse to the ground and walk.

Its been a game changer in this 2 year relationship and in my professional life.

On the personal front, she knows the whole story and she knows i mean it when i tell her ill burn it all down if it aint working for me.

And marraige aint happenin ever again with anyone. I dont carr if she shits rainbows and farts glitter.

On the professional front, i have no qualms with demanding what i feel is prudent because i know i could easily make it doing just about anything at just about any income and that i choose to do what im doing.

As a note aside, the ex still thinks, to this day, that i owe her eveything under the sun and that i had a lot of nerve "abandoning" her, despite the fact that she leeches 33% of my net. Thats the kind of entitled cunt youre workin with here. You need to fucking get out bro, quit fucking making excuses for her shitty behavior.

[–]SrsWHATISWRONGWITHU0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wahmen* wahmen* wahmen* fucking SHIT damn how hard is it, people?

[–]JudgeDoom6910 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re off to a good start but still deep in your wife’s frame.

Make this about you, not her.

[–]bob13bob9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Comfort/Shit Tests - Originally, I thought I may have been in a Main Event situation, but given how early I am in my process, I doubt it. Currently, my wife expresses intentions to visit her home country, which is where the man involved in the emotional affair lives. After our last confrontation on her emotional cheating (which involved the expected crying, "I'm sorry/embarrassed," "I can't seem to stop," etc.), she asked if she could still go a few days afterwards. I gave her a flat, direct "No, that is the last thing that should happen now."

is this a green card marriage. divorce... before you waste more of your life.

[–]Tiway2220 points21 points  (4 children) | Copy

Jesus christ man! She said “I can’t seem to stop” when talking about her “emotional” affair partner?

You should look inside your wife’s purse and get your balls back.

That one comment from her is divorce worthy. If she gave two shits about you she would never say something like that.

Get your shit in order: - Better job. Make your career your top priority. - Pump up those lifts. Those are rookie numbers! - Drop the wife. She’s dead weight. You can do much better and you need to fix yourself before any woman can respect you.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret15 points16 points  (2 children) | Copy

The guy is benching a single plate. At least hit 2 plates before divorce. Make an attempt at least.

If you can bench 2 you can spin 2.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

“If you can bench 2 you can spin 2.”

Stealing that.

[–]Tbonesupreme1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's some straight up Yoda shit, right there.

[–]BusterVadge2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

And this:

When I pull her in to hold her, kiss, spoon her, etc, she initially says "I'm still upset," but does no longer consistently resists/objects and sometimes reciprocates.

How the fuck does she have the right to be "upset"? She's the cheating whore, not OP.

OP, If this isn't a cuckold fanfic post, if you're serious, you need counseling for co-dependency STAT.

[–]gvntr6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

You could look at this at a heaven sent gift. In the first place, you have been called to MRP and gotten the message. That is a great stroke of fortune. Lucky bastard.

In the second place you are getting the character building experience of divorce early and essentially hands-clean. Sure it will be painful, but that pain will a good thing, you may learn something about how to vet a woman.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Great second link. Surprised I didn't find that one when looking.

[–]CaliEd2564 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get married. Get divorced. Doesn’t matter.

Fix your finances and keep hitting the gym.

You get those two, and life gets a lot fucking better, no matter if you’re married or not.

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

the following things happened as I stood my ground on the "no":

I don't think your list has ever been contradicted by any poster ever. The boys claim "no" is the sexiest thing you can say to a woman judging by their (eventual) reaction to a man setting clear boundaries.

[–]mrpthrowa4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Staying with her is like attaching a 100 kg ball with a chain whilst trying to escape a volcano. Sure you can be strong to move fast, but you’ll never as fast when you just break off the chain.

[–]Tbonesupreme2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get divorced and stop paying your debts. File for bankruptcy. You'll be further ahead in 5 years going that route, than trying to work through your current situation.

You will be shocked how much better your career will improve when you get rid of the dead weight. Statistics show that a man's income increases 30% on average, post divorce.

Stop doing cardio, unless it's HITT to lose weight. Take your cardio hours and spend them lifting, if you're doing HITT, it should be a supplement to lifting, not its equal. Running on the treadmill is for fat girls to give them excuse to eat ice cream.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

“Confronted a few times, naturally did not get anywhere”

And you thought it was still appropriate to sign a contract with the state?

Faggot.

[–]CaliEd2568 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

He owns it in subsequent paragraphs.

[–]Intellectualbeing931 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude the solution is simple and you know it. Your wife is obviously a slut and deserves to be pushed to the winds.

Solution: Play your cards right.

Step 1. Act like everything is perfect. FOCUS ON YOU. This is the simplest yet hardest thing to do. You will get depressed and angry after this sudden change. Keep pushing. Keep going to the gym and eat right (most important). Go out, socialize, make positive influential friends, and lay some tail (don’t based your failed lays on skanks) there are plenty of them out there.

Step 2. Determine if your ready for divorce. If your not financially ready don’t do it yet, wait.

Fuck the living brakes off of your whore of a wife and show her what she’s going be missing once you leave her ass blindsided. Only show attention for that. She’s going catch on to the new change of “attitude” when shes does she will shit test you hardcore.

Act like you have nothing to lose, shit you already did lose (really it’s a win) she doesn’t know it. Don’t listen to her complaints, arguments, or any other bullshit out her mouth. Laugh and shrug everything off. You don’t have to explain yourself to her. You do whatever the fuck you want. Act like a fucking man.

DO NOT GET EMOTIONAL! Don’t bring anything up with your relationship. Even if she’s talk to that guy affront of you. Don’t let it phase you. This is most important if you want to leave her feeling stupid. Trust me.

Step 3. Execution is everything ! Once you have your plan in place and your safe to divorce and spill the beans. Don’t tell her nothing until you serve her ass. Set something up special that she likes and straight fool her. Collect everything that make your case for divorce in your favor (good luck the outdated court system is fucking biased in this case) but it’s there just look. Enjoy your life and get back out there and don’t make the same dumb ass mistakes. Good luck

[–]WorkingHardAtIt1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Brother I'm sorry to hear of this situation, but it looks like you've got some healthy momentum going.

Dread is a potent drug, you are beginning to see it in action. I remember when I first started using similar principles, the results were crazy; I thought "surely it can't be THAT easy??' It was.

Good marriages are formed in the crucible of situations like this. The age old wisdom is true: good relationships are earned, not found. If you've been camping out in your wife's frame for an age, no wonder she is looking elsewhere! If you get it together and start living a life you respect it looks like you can salvage your marriage. There is nothing here to make me think it's a write-off.

There are going to be other dudes who disagree, and I trust you to sort through all the advice, but in my opinion, establishing a strong frame and getting swole is like chucking a huge keel down the centre of the boat, it keeps you stable and upright.

All the best.

[–]pridebrah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Interesting — a very different type of reply here.

[–]Kpwn880 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Get out now, while you still can.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

With or without her (brave words) then "I can't leave because I'll be broke".

There's a reason why the redpill consensus about plating women (and especially marrying) those who are alpha widows is a giant no. In this case he's actively still spinning your wife as a potential plate while you sit here worrying how to keep her because somehow divorcing a women under 6 months and having no kids will bankrupt you.

So fast forward 4 years. Where you improve then slide when a kid is born and SHE eat pray-loves into a trip to the forbidden man.

Ever hear about throwing good money after bad?

Keep improving. But realize what you think might be hard now will be 1000% times harder later. Whether that's simultaneously NGAF and keeping them apart or nexting her with more strings.

As for the other guy the ONLY answer to an active alpha situation is to OUT ALPHA him, but by then you won't care. You've got the shit stacked against you.

She was ATTRACTED to you for your betaness (in that she wanted support, with someone who'd be fine with being cucked).

I want to tell you are seeing improvements...but it's just too damn soon to not be her trying a different approach so be wary while still working on your map.

And god man, some hard truths I want to hit on here. 22% bf my ass.

... with those numbers you are currently a fat weak fuck.

I hope you're taking suppliments, I'd shift your workout program to maximize gains (for real, and being younger I'd maybe cut some of that cardio for more lifts), and on keto, I.F. or any other style diet.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

bro, run



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