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Do you call her out on manipulation or rewriting history?

by HornsOfApathy | January 09, 2019 | askMRP

15 upvotes

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I have an interesting situation that I've come across, and it's the first time that I'm RP aware of this type of behavior. This was 3 days ago.

Most recently I went out to spend some quality time with my buddies, nothing too long or over the top. I don't regularly do this, but was invited. I made it clear that I would potentially be going to do this earlier in the evening with no resistance. At the time of leaving, a shit test occurred and I basically STFU. She actually overtly communicated she was jealous I got to spend time with friends. The shit test continued with her bawling and crying. It was a mixture of comfort/shit test that I chose not to diffuse since I had given plenty of comfort for several days. I left, letting her know where the captain would be and about how long I'd be gone.

After leaving and joining my buds, I got a text from a different friend that said "Hey, saw your wife's fb post.... everything ok?"

Wife's fb post was: "Hey guys, I have a quick question I wanted answered... anyone know a family law attorney? Thanks!" Few comments on there, one which she said thanks I'll screenshot this for later use, but it was timed about 30 min after I left the house.

I know this was a large shit test and recognized it right away. She was heavy hamstering at home and I knew it. I chose to finish at halftime with my boys and head home. She had crossed a boundary and I was going to let it be known.

Got home. Didn't say anything about it. She was hamstering, I let her get out her feelz for about an hour. STFU mostly. She finished with her feelz and I said, "I got a text from a friend about your facebook post. Please take it down."

She hamstered again for a bit, I stuck with broken record "Please take it down." She did after I hit the broken record twice more.

I believe I made it clear with my actions that she had crossed a boundary. Since then she's been very pleasant and nice, and I got an enthusiastic BJ during shark week yesterday.

Last night I let her know a friend from out out town is coming in this week and I'm going to hang with him one day. She says, unprovoked, "You know, that post the other day... it wasn't about us. I hate when people are nosy (blah blah). It was about <insert actual legitimate issue her family is having>. I didn't word it in a way that it was about us, since it wasn't about us. I just hate nosy people!"

She either:

1) Put that post up to manipulate me to begin with, realized she crossed a big boundary and it was wrong... and is now trying to apologize for her actions in some way by rewriting history, and not taking ownership (AWALT) of her actions to make herself feel better (hamster time...), or

2) Concealing her true intentions.

Based on all her actions and not words, I'm confident it is #1. #2 is very unlikely given how many great feelz she's been getting lately and her unprovoked revisit of the boundary crossing. My question is: Would you call her out on her manipulative behavior or just let the hamster do the heavy lifting and forget it? What would you do? So far, I've just STFU and haven't mentioned it since the day of the incident.


Post Information
Title Do you call her out on manipulation or rewriting history?
Author HornsOfApathy
Upvotes 15
Comments 93
Date 09 January 2019 05:54 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203685
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ae9cxp/do_you_call_her_out_on_manipulation_or_rewriting/
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Comments

[–]InChargeManRed Beret25 points26 points  (7 children) | Copy

This is major red flag territory. Please tell me no kids...

  1. You are so deep in her frame. The fact that you worry so much about explaining WHY you need to see friends, tell her far in advance (i.e. get permission), and waste any time listening to her "finish with her feelz" makes this very clear. You have obvious oneitis and all of your thoughts are about her instead of you.

  2. You know the women who are in abusive relationships then make every excuse under the sun about how he doesn't really mean it, it was an accident, etc etc etc. This is you.

"You know, that post the other day... it wasn't about us.

A. This "excuse" came much later apparently, not immediately when you mentioned it. This was definitely manipulative behavior.

B. The previous point doesn't fucking matter anyway, she shouldn't be making public posts like that with the obvious optics.

C. The previous two points don't matter. Either it was manipulative or she is a retard, both are hard red flags.

Stop worrying about what she thinks, start worrying about yourself, hit the sidebar, and if I were you think VERY hard about the value you gain from this relationship.

I'm not saying it would be NEXT for me based on this one thing, but it would be danger close.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Thanks. Yes, kids. For some added context leading up to this (if it even matters) is that I've recently stopped all validation seeking behavior, had a main event 2 weeks ago, and she's been fucking pleasant as shit to me for weeks. I have been paying her alot of attention by rewarding her good behavior and on this day in particular, I did spend all day away from the family doing my own shit - the first in a while. Catching up with buddies at 9pm put her hamster in overdrive.

Earlier in my MRP journey I ramped up dread WAY too quickly. Retarded levels of secrecy. This is likely the result of her hamster going apeshit after I dropped to DL3 for weeks and started rewarding her good behavior with deep emotional connection.

This was entirely out of character for her to get upset about a football game - but we know it wasn't about the football game. It was about her holding onto billy beta's balls.

For clarification, I did tell her earlier that I might go for a 1/2, maybe longer, I truly wasn't sure. I've stopped drinking recently and it was at a bar - I saw this as DLV behavior. I heard from u/rocknrollchuck that a good captain keeps his FO informed, something that I didn't do before as I ramped up the dread levels too quickly. Do I tell her everywhere/anytime/everything about what I do? Hell no, but she has a general idea.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

  1. You know the women who are in abusive relationships then make every excuse under the sun about how he doesn't really mean it, it was an accident, etc etc etc. This is you.

Then you say:

I have been paying her alot of attention by rewarding her good behavior and on this day in particular, I did spend all day away from the family doing my own shit - the first in a while. Catching up with buddies at 9pm put her hamster in overdrive.

i.e. making excuses for her. The WHY she does something has no relevance to you. You should focus on the WHATs. What she did is unacceptable, end of discussion.

[–]weakandsensitive4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

You should focus on the WHATs. What she did is unacceptable, end of discussion

The question here is - is it really unacceptable, or is it a case of a weak man mistaking want for need?

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

is it really unacceptable, or is it a case of a weak man mistaking want for need?

Yep, only OP can answer this.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you for the clarity. Focusing on WHAT helps, regardless of WHY

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, your job is to control how you behave and teach others around you how to behave. Those who you allow into your inner circle must comply with your requirements. How/why they decide to comply or not comply is not your concern.

For example, you could make the statement "My wife doesn't make provocative posts on social media." The statement isn't "YOU SHOULDN'T", she can do whatever the fuck she wants, she is an adult. The statement is making it clear how a woman who gets to call herself your wife behaves. If she can't/won't comply, so be it.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t know how I missed this one.

I've recently stopped all validation seeking behavior, had a main event

You are BS’ing yourself. You DEERed going out with your buddies on here, so I can only imagine the DEERing going on with her. DEERing is a form of validation seeking.

That was a way over the boundary post by her... putting that shit out to the public for interpretation is a huge red flag. You need to re-evaluate your frame and realize you are deep in her frame and she knows it.

[–]gameoflibidos13 points14 points  (6 children) | Copy

A) You married crazy. That's your fault. Losing her shit about you going to a game with your buddies and going as far into a meltdown as to post a pseudo divorce post on facebook is bat shit crazy. Again though, that's your fault, you had to have known on some level she was fucking nuts when you married her.

B) Do not engage crazy... do not call out crazy,... the only proper choice is to completely ignore crazy. If she's acting rationally, you can have a discussion about normal life things.. but if she's going off the deep end, treat it like a toddler having a tantrum cause they couldn't have a second doughnut. Because it's irrational, crazy and ridiculous. Completely ignore the crazy.

C) ABOVE ALL ELSE.. do not give in to crazy. Which you did by coming home early because of her post. You just re-enforced her psyche that crazy works so she should do it more when shes upset with you. that's a big fail, don't do that.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] -2 points-1 points  (5 children) | Copy

She's crazy, yes. At one point a year ago she was believed to be bipolar. She probably is, but it's still my godamn fault. I know this because of the change in her actions recently post main event.

This is not a good example of that. Which is why I think she's recognizing crazy and apologizing in some fucked up way.

I don't plan to engage her on that further.

[–]SailorAground8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dude, you need to cut the shit. You're literally sitting on a ticking time bomb here. It's not a matter of if but when her crazy finally gets to her why she actually follows through on her threats and embroils you in a legal nightmare that you are ill prepared for.

Here's a little thought experiment: What happens if a friend or two sent her divorce attorney recommendations prior to her pulling the post down? What if next time she loses her shit, a divorced friend of hers (you know, the strong, independent, "I don't need no man" type) comes over or call her and starts putting all sorts of bullshit ideas into her head? Are you ready? Are you aware enough to spot the signs that she's getting ready to leave? What are you going to do if she does? Do you REALLY believe in NAWALT?

Story Time: My wife brought up divorce ONCE, during a marriage counseling session. She then spent about six months setting up everything she needed to leave, return back home with her parents, and then try and come after me through the military. She even went on a long romantic vacation with me - just the two of us - a few weeks prior to pulling the pin on her divorce plans. I was COMPLETELY blindsided and only figured everything out as I began the process of getting her off of all of my accounts.

You need to be ready for her to go through with her threats. She WILL eventually make an attempt and you're going to get fucked.

TLDR: If you have no kids, get this crazy bitch out of your life.

[–]DancesWithPugs2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Wow that really sucks and wasn't fair to you.

[–]SailorAground1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

All women are capable of that. AWALT.

[–]DancesWithPugs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lots of people have mental illness. It's a bitch. But if there is no treatment plan, no self-care plan, then there are no free passes and no excuses for drama tsunamis.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You thought it best to not put this in your OP because...?

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret13 points14 points  (3 children) | Copy

You left YOUR plan at half time because you give way to many fucks.

Your plan and mission is all that matters.

You said a lot of the right words in this post but your actions are shit.

You are the prize, she a woman that can be replaced.

Your post tells me it's you that scared of being replaced, that Facebook update worked.

[–]Tbonesupreme8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

It reminded me of when a 23 year old puts a resume together for a job that he isn't qualified for, so he just peppers the shit out of it with buzzwords.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol I see it like that now aswell.

[–]360_no_scope_upvote1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

He fuckd up so hilariously bad and this post is just a sympathy check when it should have been a reality check

[–]mrpthrowa13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

Got home. Didn't say anything about it. She was hamstering, I let her get out her feelz for about an hour. STFU mostly. She finished with her feelz and I said, "I got a text from a friend about your facebook post. Please take it down."

Why do you knuckleheads always go "I did not say anything!" then proceed to tell us how you lied to us (and to yourself!) right there and then?

You're rewriting your own damn history.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine10 points11 points  (3 children) | Copy

“Got home. Didn't say anything about it. She was hamstering, “

Looks like you are hamstering. Give less fucks. Show her the fucking door.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] -4 points-3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I was hamstering. Trying to defeat my own hamster at the time by STFU. My only goal in this encounter was to remain stoic, let her get her feelz out, and then make it clear (i did it badly here) she crossed a boundary.

Since I did this shit badly, I was seeking advice on whether or not it's even worth laying it down if it comes up again.

[–]DancesWithPugs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Is it worth being with someone that acts like they don't love or respect you?

[–]MarriedWRP9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Should have liked her post and STFU

[–]redditguy610 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Like.

[–]Tiway226 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Where the fuck are your balls mate? You left your boys at half time because of her facebook post?

My GOD you have a long way to go. I really really hope you don’t have kids with her.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.012 points13 points  (6 children) | Copy

This has more red flags then a communist parade!!

Seriously if you are with a woman whose first response to you going out with your friends is to imply on FB that she wants a divorce then you need to give her what she wants with a quickness.

If nothing else, I wouldnt have said shit in person and just responded to the post with, "Jacoby, Jacoby and Jones are good. Thats who I use." and leave it at that. May be a little passive aggressive but it gets the point across in an AM way.

[–]DancesWithPugs2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Darkly hilarious

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Meh. Being passive-agressive is not the man that I want to be.

[–]RPWolfAlpha_as_Wolf_2.02 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well from what I am reading you are shooting for a unic.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I would have quadrupled down with that comment!

Respond with, "Hmm, I am not sure if there are any divorce lawyers in our city I have not already consulted with. Better try the next city ove."

[–]Morpheus_TNTB0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

However, you absolutely nailed the Kaitlyn Jenner man!

[–]SailorAground0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is a terrible idea. You don't telegraph your moves in shit like this.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy

Do you call her out on manipulation or rewriting history?

no, arguing with hamsters just leads to more hamsters.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Like tribbles.

[–]rocknrollchuck7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

The Hassle With Hamsters.

[–]DancesWithPugs1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh that's great

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hamster eat logic and shit out new hamsters.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks, that is what I was planning to do. Sucks that I had to come here for... sigh.... validation.

[–]1puck5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

There's a difference between knowing something is good and wanting others to agree so you feel good VS being unsure on your decisions and asking for a second opinion. Good captains probably learn new sailing tips from a port or two.

[–]weakandsensitive6 points7 points  (1 child) | Copy

She actually overtly communicated she was jealous I got to spend time with friends.

"Do you need my help managing your time better?"

What's the problem here? That you're easily manipulated? Not other people's fault you're easy to manipulate. You probably don't want to blame others for your shit.

[–]hystericalbonding0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Should be top comment. /thread.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret15 points16 points  (0 children) | Copy

She either:

1) Put that post up to manipulate me to begin with, realized she crossed a big boundary and it was wrong... and is now trying to apologize for her actions in some way by rewriting history, and not taking ownership (AWALT) of her actions to make herself feel better (hamster time...), or

2) Concealing her true intentions.

Why do you care?

The stay plan is the go plan, Right?

I chose to finish at halftime with my boys and head home.

you didn't choose shit. You told her what time you would be home and arrived home early within an hour said "I got a text from a friend about your facebook post. Please take it down." Huge fail, and upon opening the door to your house early, you stepped right into her frame.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

The way you handle manipulation is refuse to be manipulated. Don't give her what she wants. She wanted you home, so she pulled this stunt and it worked. Bad behavior rewarded. All the talking is filler, and the BJ was a bowl of kibbles to reinforce the Pavlovian response.

[–]NaAF12247 points8 points  (11 children) | Copy

...who cares. Personally if my wife made a fucking Facebook post directly implying we were getting a divorce I’d make her wishes come true with the quickness. Obviously you don’t feel the same way, so why do you care? If she did it to try and manipulate you it’s obviously working since you’re so worried about it, she’ll probably mark it down as a win and use it again. If she actually wants to divorce you over going to hang out with your friends, well I’d be pretty stoked to get out of that relationship before she ties you up and imprisons you in her closet or some shit.

[–]DancesWithPugs-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Ok most of us say head for the hills with a quickness, but please don't act like a divorce is an easy decision, especially with dependant children. Divorces are messy, painful, and expensive. You still have to deal with the babymama ex. Not exactly something to be stoked about, even if it is the right decision.

[–]vileoat2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Prepared Divorce is not as bad as having to miserably live with crazy ignorant woman, who in return can SUDDENLY (at least for OP) divorce rape you

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] -1 points0 points  (8 children) | Copy

I'm don't think I'm worried about it. I know it was hamster, I just don't like the fucking public blast aspect of it.

I am seeking advice on whether it would even benefit laying down the law again now that it's passed and she brought it up again.

[–]GroundbreakingDevil3 points4 points  (7 children) | Copy

When training a dog, or your kids for that matter, of it's misbehaving you are supposed to correct the behavior and administer any necessary punishment immediately upon discovering the transgression.

The same principal applies with your bitch, or really any subordinate; if you don't act to address issues as immediately as possible the impact of your correction is greatly diminished.

You've already missed the window of opportunity for establishing or enforcing a boundary here; if you revisit the issue now you'll just be overtly communicating to her just how far you have your head up her ass.

[–]1puck0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

if you don't act to address issues as immediately as possible the impact of your correction is greatly diminished

This is something I have problems with. I still resort to STFU a lot with bigger shit tests. Sometimes im quick, sometimes I get caught off guard (I should aim to never be off guard, but it happens) and know that whatever I decide to do will be tainted with butthurt/validation seeking/Deering ect. so STFU yields the best possible outcome for me when that happens. I think I know why it's happening though.

A big part of having a rock solid frame is to know your boundaries, and since I've started correcting my bluepill ways and setting some the idea of ME deciding where my own boundaries lie feels quite foreign and takes me some time to ponder. How fucked is that? I suppose it's just a matter of breaking it back down to the mission. Will this behaviour negatively effect my mission if it is to repeat/continue? Seems like the easiest way to stop my own hamster from having an opinion on it.

[–]GroundbreakingDevil1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Literal STFU is good for absolute beginners; even though you may come off as autistic, it does prevent you from digging a bigger hole.

Nuanced application, as well as addition of other coping strategies like AA, AM, fogging, add so forth, will come with time, and more importantly practice.

You have to figure out who you are, as well as who you want to be, and start to internalize that idealization of your future self before your responses your wife's shit - or anyone, really - becomes fluid and natural enough to just flow off the cuff.

First say to yourself what you would be, and then do what you have to do. - Epictetus, discourses

This short, simple quote is to me the most direct, succinct definition of Frame that I've yet to come across.

[–]vileoat0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

STFU does not mean to remain silent as a trump.

STFU means to not DEER, not seek validation, not tell your plans and not say anything unattractive including (all) your feelz.

In case of shit test ALWAYS use AA or AM.

In case of disrespect - punish.

Though you have to learn to pick your battles. Far not all shit tests needs answers.

[–]GroundbreakingDevil2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly right.

There's a saying in the recreational off-roading world: "As slow as possible, but as fast as necessary."

Meaning to drive as slow as you can, because it allows you to retain control of the situation, gives you time to think about your next move, and reduces the likelihood of breaking shit. However, sometimes speed and momentum is needed to clear an obstacle, so the idea is to use only the speed you need, without going overboard and getting out of control.

I like to think of STFU in the same terms. Speak as much as you need to in order to convey your intent, and learn to stop at that point to disengage in one way or another.

Remember, verbal intercourse is optional, dangerous, and should be used with restraint and caution; particularly in the case of MRP novices who lack the skills (WISNIFG, NMMNG) and frame to hold their own in a verbal exchange with a woman.

[–]DancesWithPugs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I read some "criminal justice" study overviews and they support your point. Quick consequences matter more than severe punishments in reducing criminal behavior.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

There are no bad dogs.

[–]GroundbreakingDevil0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Only bad owners.

[–]Frosteecat3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Jesus wept. If that’s what your pre-shark week shit is like I’m going to have to be more thankful that mine is just some tears, chocolate and minor shit/comfort testing. What an infant.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yep, I have notes from previous pre-shark week shit but it's usually something like this. Big shit tests that just turn into tantrum filled shit fits.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why do you tolerate it? Leave the house. Go do something fun and awesome. Go to a buds house. At least leave the room. Ignore bad behavior. Why do you give her the power to hurt you?

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I dont know why someone hasnt already said this.

You should have responded to her FB post with the names of 3 attorneys in the area.

Faggot.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Social media in general is harmful to everyone. Especially women - it's an echo chamber. I was lucky that my wife quit everything except instagram (this was me leading by quitting everything first) and that's more to share kids pictures with the family than any 'social media' aspects. Without this outlet, she's made some deeper connections with a few close friends. And stop being logical with your wife - it doesn't work. It's really clear to me now that every time I go logical she just finds some insecurity that I have and pokes it; this works for her still 20% of the time because I lose frame - oh well there's next time to do better. Women have selective memory based on EMOTION. If she hated you WHEN SHE POSTED it was about you. Later when SHE DIDN'T HATE YOU it wasn't. In her mind this is perfectly reasonable.

You've been handling this poorly for years which results in her not caring wtf she does and she has 0 fear of losing you. Dread and boundaries are important here - but you need to decide how much you really care about a temper tantrum she threw online. I don't think she actually is crazy - you're just so low value in her mind she doesn't care. She knows that she can manipulate you through this method. You have to reset the relationship and take away her power over you ("Whoever cares the least, has the power in the relationship"). The RED FLAG for you here is that she doesn't care - not the content of the post.

You're reinforcing bad behavior by letting her KNOW you care. It's all a bluff and manipulation by her BECAUSE SHE KNOWS IT WORKS. My wife use to take her ring off if she was angry or she would threaten divorce. Guess what happened when I stopped caring? She doesn't do that shit now because she knows that she's not going to 'win'.

You need to decide if this is truly a boundary for you. And even more importantly WHY YOU CARE. I know personally I would think it's funny and just ignore it. Or if she mentions it / it comes up AA that shit. One that I used one of the last times she threatened divorce was "Great, I'll make my dating profile". Sounds like you read too much into things. I do (my OYS this week was a victim puke out of my WIFE'S behavior). It's validation seeking and stupid as hell and /u/weakandsensitve helped me get real clarity on this.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He does that for the guys with the gift of insight. The others get banned.

[–]Redpillbrigade171 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yikes. This is the kind of drama some guys put up and tolerate.

[–]Grimsterr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It'd be funny, except it simply ain't.

[–]CaliEd2561 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

80% of divorces are initiated by women. And women plan that shit WAY in advance. Women are social creatures, and she just announced to her entire world her intentions. Your marriage is over.

You can do it on your terms, or wait for her to fuck Chad for a couple months and shit test you to death so she can absolve herself of the guilt, aka “We just fought all the time.”

Pay attention to what they do, not what they say.

In this case, she did BOTH. Marriage is over brother.

[–]dubsandrings2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy

Maybe best possible reaction would have been to go home (at the end of the game) and provide a list of possible attorneys for her choosing.

How's that for a flip the script / shit test? I think of it like playing chicken, go ahead bitch, DO IT! Just be ready to react.

Extreme, but will either distinguish or incite.... or combination of both?

But hey, I don't know your situation. We are all at a different place in out marriage and only we can decide what is the best response to handle the situation.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck that, you would be giver her attention for her bad behavior. Also, he/you would be bluffing. i.e. you don't expect her to actually do it, so you act like a tough guy "playing chicken", until she does go ahead, then you are standing there with your dick in your hand begging her to try to work it out.

Honestly, it turns out that most of the "difficult child" parenting books could be republished with "wife" replacing "child".

What would you do if your kid posted "Anyone know the number for abused children to call?" online?

[–]rpjacobius2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

I like this answer. A&A. Even though you know it is a huge boundary stomping shit test, treat it as though it isn't. Although it's too late now, the correct answer should have been giving her a list of a few attorney's with a smile on your face like you had assumed it was only for the other family issue. Then play your next move based on her reaction to that.

Stay Plan is the Go Plan.

[–]weakandsensitive5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

I like this answer. A&A.

This is a baby having a temper tantrum and assuming intent.

You ever see a man baby overreacting? It's gross.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can confirm. See it all the time in public, afterwards wife often thanks me for not being like that...

[–]rpjacobius0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

She is shit testing him. Does RP not call for a response, be that AA, AM, Flip the script?

I can see how this response can come acoss as weak and butthurt if not executed properly. Is the best answer just to ignore it and keep moving forward in a stoic manner as possible?

If he gives her a list of attorneys without being butthurt, he is saying two things. I know what your up to, and I'll blow this all up if you keep playing these shitty games. Thoughts?

[–]weakandsensitive5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

You're assuming intent. Weak men with no frame shouldn't assume anything.

If she doesn't respect you enough to bring it up in private, what exactly do you think trying to play "Aha! I'm so smart! I got you!" games is going to do for you?

Does RP not call for a response

Where did you get this from? TRP proper? Literally everything at MRP is about being unreactive, unprovokable, and deciding your own actions based on your personal set of boundaries and values. There is nothing at MRP about flailing around with weak bullshit like a petulant man child.

She is shit testing him

Also - not a shit test. It's simple manipulation of weak men. Not her fault he runs back immediately like pavlov's dog. Women using emotional fragility as manipulation is such a basic trope that many TV shows use it as a plot point.

[–]BostonBrakeJob1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Like Stoney used to say, let her punch herself out.

[–]rpjacobius0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well, I'll have to agree with you. I think I was coming at this with the wrong reference point. Have an upvote.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

No, this is playing games. Children play games.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Maybe best possible reaction

Let me stop you right there with that dick in your mouth faggot.

React? To her?

Right inside the frame you are pal.

If you are reacting to her you are a dancing monkey.

[–]dubsandrings-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

You're making assumptions and lacking creativity. If you give her the reaction she wants, then you are right about losing frame, I get it. You can react in a way that gives you an upper hand and maintain frame. It is possible.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can react in a way that gives you an upper hand and maintain frame

Ya and that's you being yourself. You being you. That's frame. Its not a reaction, its genuine you.

[–]TheThirdT0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What was it about your wife's comment that bothered you?

Your wife probably knows she behaved badly and wants to change the narrative to save face. I wonder if you are engaging in something similar after changing your plans and rewarding your wife for her bad behavior.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Nothing about her posting that actually bothered me about her. What I didn't care for was the fact she put this out there publicly and fucking people I care about read it and reached out to me over some damn stupid shit.

[–]TheThirdT1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I can see this is serious for you and I would begin to think less of my wife if this happened with any frequency.

It seems like you think that the people you care about will think less of you if they see the stupid shit your wife posts on facebook?

I wonder if you did not take this so seriously if there would be easy ways to diffuse this with those that reached out to you. Remember, there is no such thing as bad publicity (LAW 6).

You are the only judge you must answer to. If you judge the behavior unacceptable so be it, but what are you going to do about it?

[–]civilizedfrog0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ditcher, Quick & Hyde.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why not just post a link to a family law attorney and wish her good luck.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your answer is to post on Facebook, that “I know one ! And, I can share my notes later from my consultation when I get home”

What’s to learn here ?

Too many fucks given.

She’s not crazy, it multiple boundary and shit tests. Once you start passing, the shit tests will be geared toward your attention instead of “wake the fuck up” which in your case, fogging and boundary tests, are testing your frame.

[–]DancesWithPugs0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow this is fucked. If it was really about other family members that would have been made clear immediately. So she warns / jokes / or rage posts about divorcing you in public, not so subtlely, then lies about it. Dude I'm sorry to say that looks really bad from my angle.

Ask her if she can have an honest conversation without yelling or making excuses. Chances are she won't be willing or able to resolve this. I have posted things impulsively online but this is so far beyond respectful it's sad.

You just got told by your wife she wants a divorce but she is to cowardly to speak plainly and lacks the character and maturity to be discreet. Your crime? Spending time with friends.

Good luck.

[–]JameisBong0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hahaha I'm still blue pill ( albeit divorced finally) and i can tell you are full of shit. I wouldn't have mentioned anything, it's worrisome, but if she was serious about it she wouldn't post that on Facebook. Anything any woman does publicly is about attention. Ignore her but always have a stay and go plan.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm still blue pill

The stages of knowledge acquisition are:

  1. You don't know what you don't know.

  2. You know what you don't know.

  3. You don't know what you know.

  4. You know what you know.

Welcome to level 2. Not exactly fantastic progress but going in a fantastic direction.

[–]FoxShitNasty830 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Under no circumstances is she to be allowed to run her own country she'd be chucking nukes left right and centre.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Your wife is lying hamstering herself into an entirely new reality. If it was for a friend, she would have used that defense immediately. It took her time to think of her lies and even longer to hamster herself into believing them.

You already called her out. What do you hope to accomplish by revisiting it? You drew your boundary, now enforce it- but I wouldn't go look for trouble.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks bpf. I've just left it alone. She did in fact use that defense within 5 minutes of me drawing the boundary.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think that your first move should have been to go to her FB page and post " John Smith, Esq., 412-613-blah, blah..."

[–]redwall92-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

If I ever get a text from a "friend" about somebody's facebook status, that "friend" goes down a few notches and doesn't get his texts read while I'm out with the guys.



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