If any of you guys encounter this, how do you play it? My old lady is always giving me "permission" to do things I am going to do anyway or giving me "orders" to do things I'm going to do anyway.
For example, in my household, I'm the one that rolls out the trash late Sunday night for garbage day on Monday. But at times she'll give me a command to do it when it's about time that I'm going to do it anyway. Most recently, I didn't even look up from what I was doing and in a tone like I was only half paying attention said "Yeah, I am going to do that but not right now."
We went to a school event and there was a table of refreshments that included cookies. Apropos of nothing, she says to me "It's ok. You can have a cookie." I didn't react and acted like I didn't even hear her but I was thinking "Are you fucking kidding me? You're giving me permission to have a cookie." I didn't have any cookies.
I realize these are pretty innocuous examples, but they are more easily explained than some more significant examples, but she does this all the time. If it was something important, then I would do it anyway, regardless of what she says, and I would make clear to her, if needed, that I don't take orders from her or need her permission. But it is less clear how to respond to the day in and day out mundane shit where this happens. Often, the thing itself is not so important as setting the right tone. But as far as being in my frame instead of her, it gets to be a chicken or the egg thing where she gives me permission to do something that I am about to do on my own.
If I say "fuck no" to something I was about to do anyway, am I in her frame or mine? "Fuck you bitch, I'LL decide if I have a cookie" doesn't really feel like maintaining frame. On the other hand, having a cookie or rolling out the garbage without a word after one of these instances doesn't seem to set the right tone either. I understand the overall concepts of frame, but what suggestions do you have about applying them tactically?