Meeting with divorce lawyer tomorrow

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January 2, 2019

Age 51. married 26 years. 4 kids, two in house. youngest turns 18 later this year.

5'10" 177lbs. BF 15-18%

lifts static, but feeling/looking really good, putting in the time/effort at gym/diet solid with some cheats over the holidays.

Sidebar reading continues (slowly).

Found MRP in Oct '17. started gagging down pill about a year ago.

I'm meeting with a divorce lawyer tomorrow. I've put together my balance sheet (debts/assets and current titling) with some general questions and figuring I need to mentally prep myself for a 3 year exit plan if I am to maximize my positioning for separation. I also have the household budget, but haven't printed that off for the meeting.

My prepped questions for the lawyer:

-how to best prepare for divorce?

-feedback on titling of assets.

-how SAHM spouse's lack of income effects situation?

-what happens with debt through a divorce? (and related questions like 'is it better to squirrel away over paying down debt ahead of time?')

-I have a family member who has worked in my company for years. There is a verbal agreement to vest them in the business; how will that effect the situation (will transferring some ownership be seen as an attempt to 'hide' assets?)

-how will current tax rules and non-deduction of alimony effect cash flow?

-should I consult with other good divorce lawyers in the area to narrow her choices of attorneys? (rural America, not many good choices).

-I'm in a cyclical business. The last few years have been solid. If profit (income) goes down significantly post divorce how will that effect me?

MRP gurus:

What are the obvious and oblique questions I'm missing?

Many thanks.

Post Information
Title Meeting with divorce lawyer tomorrow
Author Whatev22
Upvotes 14
Comments 26
Date 02 January 2019 09:27 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Original Link
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[–]Greyhawke696924 points25 points  (1 child) | Copy

I have been a practicing attorney for 25+ years (though do NOT consider myself an expert on family law matters). I would STRONGLY encourage you to look at the website for the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers. They can be found at The lawyers who are members of the AAML are the best in the field. The website has a "find a lawyer" mechanism for locating a member - in whatever state you find yourself.

With a 25+ year marriage and a stay at home spouse, you might be looking a permanent spousal support payments plus child support until your youngest reaches maturity.

It sounds like you may be a business owner. Ownership of your business could also be "up for grabs" in the divorce settlement.

The questions you have outlined are good ones, but they are not exhaustive. Regardless of where you live you should meet with at least 2-3 well-qualified attorneys (preferably AAML members). Would you want heart or brain surgery performed by the a good physician from your local area, or would you travel to a bigger city with better-qualified surgeons? This divorce may be the biggest financial event of your life. Choose the person handling your case VERY wisely. Make sure you are comfortable with him/her and that you have confidence in the attorney's expertise, sensitivity to your objectives, etc.

Good luck!

[–]Whatev22[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ll check it out. Thanks!

[–]wkndatbernardus11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get that trick a job, stat. Pray to God that she likes it and is successful so you aren't strapped with the yoke of lifetime alimony. You have about 4-5 years until the youngest is on his own so use this time to "support" her in her career aspirations. If she doesn't have any (probably the case ), sell the business, invest the proceeds, and call yourself retired. You'll have to give her half your shit but, at least you won't get saddled with alimony since you don't have any income.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good luck man. Let us know how it pans out. Break a plate for me!

[–]Whatev22[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ll post on OYS next week. Thanks

[–]CaliEd2564 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nice job looking years out. Most of us didn’t think that far ahead, to our dismay and financial pain.

What are reasons for divorce planning?

I don’t have a source, but the value of a wife nosedives once kids are grown up. 👍🏻

[–]helaughsinhidden3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get her to go to work somewhere first bro.

[–]JudgeDoom692 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I found it helpful to email my list of questions to my lawyer in advance. In this way, if there was more data needed, I had the opportunity to gather what was required in advance.

If you end up going through with the divorce, try to keep things as friendly as humanly possible until it is finalized. If you can work together on the division of assets, it's in your best interests.

Then as soon as the divorce decree is issued, go no-contact.

Good luck.

[–]Whatev22[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Duh, of course... I missed the obvious again. This meeting information gathering and to build my go plan as I continue my map.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Everything you think matters in divorce, actually doesn’t.

All the mud slinging you think hurts, doesn’t.

All the lies and allegations you think matter, dont.

Judges dont make decisions. You and your EX do.

Kids over 18?

Little income, assets, and debt?

Not much drama unless one of you or your lawyers start to manufacture it.

Status Quo is the greatest bias of the court.

Kids access to both parents if said parents want it. Not an issue for 18+.

50/50 assets and debts.

Depending on state possibly alimony.

Do not ever move out of the marital home before ordered by a judge.

Secure your finances.

She will drain your bank account same day she is served if she can.

I guarantee it.

Everything else is “find and replace” on existing Word documents by your lawyers.

[–]Tbonesupreme2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, she will definitely drain your accounts, and max out credit cards.

One of the biggest mistakes men make is thinking "she wouldn't do that" based on past experience with her. The woman you divorce will look nothing like the woman you're married to. She will grow horns, and become the most selfish twat on the planet.

[–]DancesWithPugs1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is pretty damn accurate

[–]SeamusAwl[🍰] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Have you read Red-Curious' posts on divorce? I believe there is a guide he wrote that is linked in the sidebar of the main r/marriedredpill forum

[–]Whatev22[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I read them a year or so ago. Forgot about that resource. I’d probably get a lot more out of it now. Thanks

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Pretty good questions, but anything you can do without an attorney, you might want to consider. Try to keep it amicable with your STBX, as that can make the process much smoother. Have you talked to her yet?

[–]Whatev22[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Wife has no idea. This is prepping the battlefield if/when the time comes.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s great that you are getting prepared, but you should also prepare a way to do it as amicably as possible. She may or may not go along- but, you should make the effort since an amicable divorce is much easier and better for you

Just speaking from experience, it’s generally best to try to sit her down before you do it rather than blindsiding her... I’m speaking in general terms since I don’t know your intentions on the actual roll-out

[–]DancesWithPugs-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I don't know how anyone can sit down and prepare to live a lie for 3 years, but here we are. Are you sure it's worth it? What will you tell your kids, that you were plotting this ambush of their mother in secret for their benefit?

[–]icemanthrowaway1230 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Get her a fuckton of certifications, maybe a degree, and hopefully a career.

Dodging lifetime alimony needs to be your number one concern

[–]Whatev22[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. That was the big takeaway. The consultation consisted of an hour of the lawyer data gathering and then telling me that they would have to get back to me about my questions; that they would need $10-20k retainer to start.... but I am most likely facing a lifetime of alimony payments.

[–]jakethesnake50000 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good luck man, I’m 2 months away from the big day in court and the papers are now finalized. I really need to update MRP on my story. Shit got crazy, so expect the worse and prepare for it. You think she’s a heartless bitch now? Just wait another 6 months

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

So have you even embraced the “stay plan is the same as the go plan” ?

How about - MRP. 1 month per each year of LTR ?

Have you actually worked mrp - the evtire sidebar ?

[–]Whatev22[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is the stay/go plan. No immediate plans to give wife papers, just want to know what D would look like, and how to insulate myself with a 1-3 year exit plan if she decides my mission isn’t for her.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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