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New to MRP. Already getting enough sex--not sure where to focus to help other issues

Reddit View
December 19, 2018
7 upvotes

Me: Age 57. married 33 years. Classic Nice Guy. 5'8", 150lbs, 19% BF, six pack and good muscle definition. Strangers guess my age at 42. Low T (but have prostate cancer so T injections are a no go). work from home, but have hobbies that get me out of the house (car clubs, shooting, pool).

(TL;DR: Good sex, but major religious differences.)

Just discovered RP and MRP after reading NMMNG and The Way of the Superior Man. The main focus of the recommendations in MRP seem to be focused on getting more sex. My wife already has a stronger sex drive than me, never says no when I initiate, and is up for most things (except threesomes, but that's another story). 2-3 times a week with oral, toys, and occasional role-play.

My main personal issue is recovering from Nice Guy Syndrome and Blue Pill conditioning. Joining a Nice Guy recovery group in a couple of weeks. The main relationship issue is that we have major religious differences--she's a conservative Christian and I'm agnostic. I played along for years and finally told the truth about my [non]beliefs and differing world view about a year ago. This led to her disrespecting me, mistrusting me (since I obviously must not believe that marriage is sacred), and explaining my thoughts and behaviors as the active work of Satan.

If have been attending philosophy meetups, yoga classes, a secular Buddhist group, and began a personal meditation practice--which all align better with my world view. The meetups in particular have been a great outlet for deep conversations with others about life and the universe that I simply cannot have with my wife anymore (without them turning into a debate about The Bible). I've also received a lot of affirmation from females in these groups (a Nice Guy weakness) and have begun to fantasize about a new life with more compatible companions. After my wife has attended a few events with me and observed my interactions, I can sense her dread. However, it just seems to drive her to more Bible reading and Christian relationship books.

The sex is still good and frequent enough, but it feels shallow because we don't have the personal closeness that we used to have. I used to think that I could influence her to soften her religious views, but I now doubt this possibility. I don't look forward to 30 more years of this.

Can MRP help me?


Post Information
Title New to MRP. Already getting enough sex--not sure where to focus to help other issues
Author virtualfan
Upvotes 7
Comments 36
Date 19 December 2018 02:29 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203733
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/a7i48m/new_to_mrp_already_getting_enough_sexnot_sure/
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Comments

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

I went through something similar 8 or 9 years ago with my wife. Things were a bit rocky for a while but good now. A couple of thoughts...

first don’t try to change her mind. To rephrase one of the common MRP ideas, judge her by her actions not her beliefs.

Stay away from anti-religious books, blogs, people. IE the Richard Dawkins, Sam Harris types. Sure religious thinking has same bad drawbacks, but focus on the positives. Especially the positives in your wife. I’m guessing she’s pretty submissive, it gives her hope and purpose. Let her have those things.

After a while talking about and thinking about your unbelief will become uninteresting. Just another thing you aren’t into, like country music, Dungeons and Dragons, and soccer (or whatever hobbies you don’t have). At that point it becomes much easier.

There’s a saying I can’t find the direct quote, “I may not look forward to an afterlife, but I do look forward to a pleasant lunch”. Don’t look toward changing your wife’s mind, just enjoy your marriage.

[–]Frosteecat1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Similar late life/marriage epiphanies here, but not around religion. More intellectual boredom/differences and a strange reversal of communication styles. Mine just simply doesn’t talk and cannot seem to express the most basic emotions without anxiety.

Some would say my situation is ideal but inward focus has revealed there is an upper limit to any real connection long term.

Short/mid term I’m just “doing me” and putting irreversible decisions on the back burner. I’m determined not to nuke the relationship until I have a firmer grasp on fitness and long range goals for myself. I am close to the empty nest and am willing to ride out a year or two for household stability. Seems like you have some good things going for yourself, but I don’t see her changing such a core value set, regardless of your path.

If you get to a space where you can see being happy in a new reality, and you’ve done the WORK to get there, transition to an utterly different life may not just be possible, but necessary. I sense a major schism of some kind lurking on your horizon. You ready?

[–]IRunYourRiver4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

I'd say the first piece of wisdom I picked up from Red Pill is that you are essentially alone. The connection to your wife is contractual and sexual, not emotional and spiritual. To the extent you develop the latter bonds, they are with other men, but they aren't absolutely essential. I know this sounds dark, but it strikes me as being correct.

So. What's the worry? You don't need to have a perfectly aligned philosophy to have a successful marriage. She's a strange and delightful creature to have in your life. You derive amused wonder and sexual satisfaction from her. The rest is about you.

[–]Frosteecat3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. Anyone who thinks two people are going to be trapped in amber for 20+ years is a fool and didn’t fully grasp a lifetime commitment. Is it ideal? No. Do I prefer her over some THOT? Hell yes. My marriage wasn’t as fucked as I was/am. I have a lot to do before I even contemplate jettisoning the person who’s hung in there for all my bullshit. Quid pro quo.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

More intellectual boredom/differences and a strange reversal of communication styles. Mine just simply doesn’t talk and cannot seem to express the most basic emotions without anxiety.

i find this very interesting. have you ever posted on it in OYS?

[–]Frosteecat0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not yet. Only been here for a couple months and didn’t think I’d earned the right to drop that colossal load of shit on everyone. Was also struggling with OPSEC concerns but think I’m just going to own it all regardless of who sees/knows. I plan on a long night of editing my first OYS and rye drinking. Brace yourselves. I’m due. It’s ugly.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

i thought you had some solid comments, so should be good

yeah, if anxiety is one of your issues. OPSEC should be a major concern. what kinda device(s) are you using?

[–]Frosteecat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

More concerned about doxing myself than device security. It’s all good. Nothing I haven’t/wouldn’t say to someone’s face.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What is your question?

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Probably not....

Only way to find out is to lift, sidebar and STFU - you are not special.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Joe Rogan is 51 years old and about 185lbs. He's a fucking gorilla.

If you want to get your T up, you need get your muscle mass up. Strangers don't guess your age at 42, they're just being nice.

You're a skinny fuck. Hit the gym.

[–]virtualfan[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Strangers don't guess your age at 42

This is me and wife at a family reunion next to my 58 year-old cousin (in green). Age and appearance is relative depending on who you're comparing with, I suppose. You be the judge.

https://i.imgur.com/827B05z.jpg

[–]Redpillbrigade171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Strongly suggest you take this pic offline. Your lady looks beautiful by the way, for 57.

[–]Frosteecat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hang in there bro. Looking solid for a similarly old dude 🙌🏼 Take that shit down so you don’t dox yourself though—if that’s a concern. You ain’t gotta prove or justify shit to anyone anyhow—RP 101!

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Joe is rocking trt and is not against drug use. OP has prostate cancer.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Still, OP can aim to be even close to Joe. My point stands, he's skinny.

[–]virtualfan[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

What is this forums policy on photos?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're a chick and show us your tits we'll let you post and give advice. Other than that I don't care.

[–]itiswr1ttenRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Use imgbb and change the setting to auto self destruct. Learn what exif data is. You're welcome

Otherwise post away

[–]Redpillbrigade171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop trying to change her. If you want some deeper connection with her you may find it by embracing some of her conservative religious tenets. Not as your beliefs of course but as knowledge and practice. Read to her emphatically some paragraph from the Bible. Be a wolf in sheep clothes. And hey you may even learn something. Get a nugget of wisdom here and there. Lots of priests and preachers are atheists or agnostic. But the drug of leading the flock on this earth is oh oh so wonderful -and irresistible. She needs you to be a cult leader. The cult of the two of you/ the marriage and union that you have.

Don’t be an open book. Be practical and pragmatic. No one cares what you believe. She doesn’t ultimately. She cares about social proof, hypergamy, tingles, reality etc. and being with a high value man.

You want to be some meditating spiritual yogi and she wants to be fucked hard by a dominating man. A crusader, not a Buddhist monk. You must reconcile these visions.

Good luck.

[–]captainbourbon501 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Another older guy (55) checking in. Though fairly new to RP I discovered for similar reasons: sex was not an issue but my wifes moods and emotions were all over the place and we had a few main event issues including mistrust and disrespect. Of course I now recognized that I was a drunk captain and have started working on myself. If you focus on that, i.e. becoming a better man, a better leader and not on her it will help. At our age old habits are hard to break and I have had a few slipbacks. But I have seen results that make it worthwhile. I have been through one divorce rape and not doing that again. One other thing, I am your size as well, good muscle definition. A lot of guys on here will call you puny but I get a shit ton of attention from women a lot younger. There's always room for better fitness and more muscle, but almost all the men I know my age are fat and dress like old men. Pay a little attention to fashion and grooming and you get a shit ton of attention and be way ahead. Once you focus more on yourself it sounds like you need to make a decision whether you stay or go. The mantra here is that the stay plan is the same as the go plan. IM me if you want to chat more, am still learning and owning my shit.

[–]virtualfan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A lot of guys on here will call you puny but I get a shit ton of attention from women a lot younger.

This.

I was 170 lbs 18 months ago and considered myself slim. After loosing fat and gaining muscle, I've been getting much more attention and unsolicited compliments from women (especially at pool parties this Summer). Always room for improvement, but moving in the right direction.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You've gotten some great advice on your situation here. It's obvious to me that your wife's faith is a significant factor here.

It might be helpful to at least examine the religion/faith/Bible thing from an objective point of view by getting feedback from a Christian perspective - it might give you some additional insight. If you feel it would, consider posting this over at r/RPChristians.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Holy shit! You fooled your wife into thinking that you were a conservative Christian for 33 years, then one day say "Oh, btw, I was lying about my eternal soul all of our years together. Can you stop being such a bitch?"

[–]virtualfan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I didn't fool her for 33 years. When we meet, she was rebelling against her Christian upbringing and started to move back to it after we were married for a while, especially after kids. I was open to learning about Christianity, but never embraced the supernatural aspects. We attended church as a family, but just never discussed beliefs in any depth. She knew I was skeptical, but assumed that I was moving in her direction because I didn't protest.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You might be better by staying plugged in.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don't even bother to try to change her religious views or even worry about her views. BP thinking to believe everybody has to be he same in thoughts about religion to be happy.

[–]virtualfan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Wow. Excellent feedback and recommendations. My key takeaways are to keep working on myself, lift, read more books, and not worry as much about what she thinks. No drastic moves in the relationship would happen for another couple of years anyway (we're working on a house remodel and I've got to get through this cancer thing).

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

FYI she knows "religion" is BS too, to some degree nearly all reasonably intelligent religious people know it deep down. But, due to all the social conditioning, pressures, etc they try to keep others in the same boat to feel better about it (since people hate to be wrong). This is a shit test, treat it that way, own it. If she can believe in fairy tales you sure as shit have a right to not believe in it.

That doesn't mean you need to change her, it doesn't hurt for her to believe in sky Daddy, as long as she behaves the way you need down here.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red-2 points-1 points  (3 children) | Copy

You have possible prostate cancer and you are worried about sex?

Fuck man, get your priorities straight.

[–]virtualfan[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm not worried about sex. Prostate cancer just limits any medical therapies to boost T. I was actually on a medical protocol that boosted my T from 275 to 1200 when my cancer was diagnosed (via biopsy). It dropped back to 300, but went up to 600 with a combination of exercise and a natural supplement. Now my doctor asked me to stop the supplement. I'm not sure where I am now, but I can feel the difference.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What is this natural supplement?

[–]virtualfan[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It's called MHP T-Bomb 3Xtreme



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