38yo. Together 15 years, married 5. No kids. Started MRP around feb. Dread level 4/5.
6’-2” 204lbs 15-16% BF
Primary lifts: 4x6 Squats 135 ATG, Flat bench 4x12 bells 75lbs, 4x12 DL 235, 4x11 shoulder press 55 with bells.
Have read: NMMNG, MAP, MMSLP, RM, WISNIFG, WOTSM, pimp.
I started down the RP rabbit hole about 9-10 months ago with MNMNG. It’s been a crazy year since. I lost a bunch of weight, lift 4x a week, read a lot and practiced a lot. Started learning to dance etc. So it’s been almost a year of solid growth with a lifetime yet to go.
Soon after starting down this path I realized what a fool I’d been for so long and hit the anger phase pretty hard. For me the anger phase has been about 6-7months. I’ve struggled to move past it for a while now and I’m pretty well over it now. I have been mentally teetering on the fence with divorce since starting MRP. We are on two different paths (years of lack of leadership on my part) and have been for a few years. She had a career and strength that she walked away from to teach yoga and embrace love a few years ago on my financial support. The details don’t matter what’s important is that I made this monster. I set boundaries and let them go. I encouraged foolish ideas and goals based around her frame etc. It was bad. Meanwhile I hit my goals and she spends her time bouncing around flirting with hers.
Since starting my RP journey I’ve disconnected from her frame and started to build my own. It’s been hard work but worth it. I’ve a tendency to Rambo in all areas of my life. It’s how I get shit done and not doing it in my marriage has been a constant struggle. I’m learning to round off the edges... slowly. One thing has been a constant, I came to MRP late and I’ve been on the knife edge of divorce for a long time. I don’t see the signs that she wants it, but I’ve toyed with the idea for a long time now. In our situation I would likely have to give her a few grand, one property and I can easily move on keeping my shit and the house we currently live in. For her divorce would be financial ruin.
I hope that and my OYS to date are enough preamble. Here is my quandary...
Three months ago I told her I am willing to continue with her as a financial burden for another three months. I didn’t give any definite repercussions at the time but I laid out a boundary. At the time it was all I could do not to pull pin there and then, my anger, resentment and frustration was at a tipping point. I also knew I needed time to better get my own shit together.
Here I am now. My anger and resentment have largely faded, I accept my role in how I got here and have plans for the future based around my own mental point of origin. For her part she has made some token efforts to find a better source of income and be more responsible, some improvement but nothing earth shattering.
I’ve really tried hard to narrow down my understanding of the issue between us and it’s this. I don’t trust her and obviously can’t because we are on two totally different paths with different goals and different set of values. I don’t hold this as “her fault”, it just is. I encouraged this state over many years and now I have to deal with it.
So three months ago in a somewhat Rambo state of mind I threw down a three month window that is now closed. At the time is was all I could do not to kill the baby. Now I need to follow this up with some actions and although I hate to do it, I need to talk to her about it. I know that stay plan is go plan and the plan is to continue working on me. My question is how should I address this? Do I end this marriage when I still have so much I could do better? Ignoring it would only be me reenacting old behaviours that got me to this point. Do I recognize her efforts so far and add another block of time with more clear expectations? Do I say nothing and go see a lawyer?