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Ex-Wife/ kids cellphone

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November 27, 2018
12 upvotes

My ex-wife and her boyfriend (it's been like 4 years) gave my son a cell phone that can't make phone calls. (For playing games) I told her I don't want it at my house, and she kept bugging me about it saying our son wanted to bring it.

Now she wants me to connect it to my wifi, she says she wants to chat with my son while he's over here. But I also keep in mind her boyfriend is apparently tech savvy.

Really don't want to connect it to my wifi, even if it's just for harmless chatting as she suggests. Aren't there apps that let you take control of the camera or microphone over wifi?


Post Information
Title Ex-Wife/ kids cellphone
Author unclearimage
Upvotes 12
Comments 45
Date 27 November 2018 06:43 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203773
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/a0xovm/exwife_kids_cellphone/
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Comments

[–]InChargeManRed Beret27 points28 points  (22 children) | Copy

Regardless of possible hacking/spying/whatever, it's your house, your rules. If you want to limit screen time, that is your prerogative. When in your house YOU are the parent, why the fuck do you care what your ex has to say about what goes on at your house?

she kept bugging me about it

Jesus Christ, married women shouldn't "bug" you if you are doing this right. An ex wife sure as fuck should have no ability to nag you about things.

she says she wants to chat with my son while he's over here

How is this not crazy obvious to you that she is trying to encroach on your autonomy? Now she is making demands about how YOUR kids spends their time at YOUR house. She can chat on her own damn time.

The word NO, use it.

[–]unclearimage[S] 1 point2 points  (21 children) | Copy

I say no a lot, and shut her down completely 99% of the time. But I don't like to get into an argument without having a lot of ammo on standby.

That way if I have to 'circle the wagons' I want to make sure she's completely outgunned. It's worked well so far, and everything/ anything she's tried to take to court/ lawyers has led to her being blown completely out of the water.

The issue is, in situations like this I want to be absolutely sure I have a good argument (whether it's my real reasons or not) and my argument is 100% full proof.

Like I said, every time she's taken me in front of a judge I've made her look like an idiot, because I have REALLY good reasons for doing anything. In this case I simply don't have enough information to decide, or a good argument if this goes back to court one day.

[–]WesternhagenWinner10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

There is no "argument". You say no. That's it. The end.

Cringing in fear that your ex is going to take you to court over this bullshit is a level of faggotry I didn't even think was possible.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Disagreed based off limited information OP has provided.

He could have sole custody of the child and that device be the only way mom can contact him. They may be on a 50-50 custody one week on one week off that device being the only way mom can contact him.

Need more information before we jump down his throat.

OP respond to my other comment with the specifics of your custody agreement.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He could have sole custody of the child and that device be the only way mom can contact him. They may be on a 50-50 custody one week on one week off that device being the only way mom can contact him.

I know people that have strange powers, that can contact a child through his father. Mystical, to be sure, but...

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (10 children) | Copy

What is the custody agreement you have in place between your ex-wife and your child?

I am happy to give you more specific advice once I know the custody agreement in place.

[–]unclearimage[S] 1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

We have 50/50 custody unfortunately, she has him for a week and I have him for a week.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red9 points10 points  (8 children) | Copy

I thought so.

Hook the device up to your Wi-Fi. It’s not about hacking it’s about her being able to chat with her son during the week since she doesn’t get to see him for seven days straight.

Or do like I did. I am responsible for both of my kids cell phones. They are on my Family iCloud. I control their screen time text messages etc.

There is nothing wrong with mom contacting him every other day for 15 or 20 minutes and chatting with him at night.

Don’t be stingy with your parenting time unless she’s being unreasonable and contacting him every night for 20 minutes before bed.

[–]unclearimage[S] 2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

Alright, I honestly am not a cellphone guru. I needed some more information before doing anything. Steelsharpenssteel suggested setting up a guest wifi account and connecting him to that.

Both seem like a great idea, thanks for the advice.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

I mean I have to ask. How do you contact him during the seven days he’s not with you?

I own my shit with my kids. I control their cell phones etc. so I have a reliable way to contact them when they are with their mom on her parenting time why have you not taken measures to do the same?

Anyway that is my gripe. You complain about 50-50 custody. If you knew how much money I have spent in the past six months fighting for custody of my kids yet you say unfortunately. Kind of grinds my gears but whatever.

Mom and dead beat boyfriend make sure the kid has a cell phone. Why has dad not done the same? Or better yet beaten them to the punch?

Anyway. Whatevs.

[–]unclearimage[S] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

Well I had full custody, which I fought for. Like I said, every time we go to court my arguments are full proof.

To this day I keep and use a daily planner where I write in the times I left my house and the times I dropped off/ picked up from school. I keep track of all parties, events, medical appointments, etc. I have 5-6 of those (yearly planners) already filled out lying around.

So I went from having full custody to 50/50. I didn't really think about how other people would kill to have that, and I guess I didn't really appreciate it.

I contact him by calling his mother and asking to talk to him, she generally does the same. I haven't bought him a cellphone because... well I guess I grew up before kids had cellphones. The idea is still weird to me, also living on my GI bill means I have a crappy month by month gophone myself.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Fair enough.

Hook the device up to your Wi-Fi. It’s not a big deal. I’m sure she just wants to FaceTime or Skype the child during the week when she doesn’t get to see him.

The REAL thing you need to make sure you get ahead of is setting a boundary on how often she face times the child. Every other day is acceptable 10 to 15 minutes. That’s the agreement I have in place with my ex.

I would also go ahead and mention that since he now has this device you will contact the child directly on it moving forward as well. Tit-for-tat.

[–]unclearimage[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thank you, I'm sorry you're having a shit time with the courts. I really hope things work out and your kids can get to enjoy having their Father.

[–]maxofreddit1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If the phone is a huge deal, here's what I'm planning...

This will be the first phone my kids get... the classic "https://www.nokia.com/phones/en_int/nokia-3310" it's $60, and I ca add it to my plan for $10/month.

If they need to call or text, they can, but they're not going to rot their brains spending hours on the damn thing and snap-gramming or whatever it's going to be 3 weeks/months/years from now. I see it as a great compromise. Of course, my kids won't see it that way (at first), but that's how it's gonna go down. I realize that in the future they may need something more "current," but there will be major considerations before an of that happens. I don't want any of them going down the social media rabbit hole.

I'm not saying you have to go the same route, but it's an option.

just my $0.02

[–]unclearimage[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That's a good idea, thanks

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

In other words, you compulsively DEER, and you want our help to DEER better.

GTFO, faggot. Stop DEERing.

[–]unclearimage[S] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

DEERing as you put it is an important interpersonal skill, and a foundation for leadership.

You can't go through like saying "because I said so" You will fail every time. Everyone from George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Patton, etc. Could articulate and defend their decisions and conclusions. To put it bluntly the greatest men that ever lived were masters of DEERing.

Dismissing this important skill as 'unmanly' is lunacy. Exercising this skill against someone already emotionally opposed to you (an ex) is a great opportunity to improve it.

Not to mention whether you win a court case for custody, or other things is 100% dependent on your ability to explain your actions, and articulate why.

To put it bluntly every question in a divorce court with children is the same question in a different way. "Why did you do__? Was doing ___ in the best interest of the child? If not, why did you do it?" You'll get asked that same question, tons of times, in as many different ways as possible.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Talk about missing the fucking point... wow...

Get through your faggot head that talking or arguing with a woman isn't a debate club, a political speech or a court testimony. It's you asserting yourself and giving her the choice to go along with it or not, because you have other options lined up besides her.

You sound like you haven't read anything on the sidebar (since you don't even know what DEERing is) and yet you come here and expect us to give you a magic solution to this pathetic problem of yours. Find your balls, and make a goddamned decision like a grown man.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Narrative is an important interpersonal skill; DEERing is the opposite.

I doubt that you recognize or understand the crucial difference, and I'm reading more DEERing than narrative in your post and comments.

[–]unclearimage[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What is DEERing?

[–]ahackercalled4chan2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

[redacted]

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The issue is, in situations like this I want to be absolutely sure I have a good argument (whether it's my real reasons or not) and my argument is 100% full proof.

Faggotry to a new level. There’s this beginning book called “”when I say no I feel guilty.” You should check that out

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Speaking from a purely legal perspective you are under no obligation to do anything she requests of you during your parenting time with your kid.

Refer to your divorce degree but unless they’re preapproved times where she is allowed to contact the child you are under no obligation to keep that phone on.

I would have the child bring it then just simply shut it off when it gets there.

Source: I fucking said so.

Edit: comment is not relevant since OP has since revealed he is on a 50-50 custody plan. But I don’t delete shit like faggots. And the advice is still sound.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Meh. Unless your ex-wife's boyfriend has installed Kali Linux on your son's phone after rooting it, you should be fine.

The easy answer is to set up a separate guest network just for stuff like this and only let these types of devices connect. Most wireless routers allow for this nowadays. Have a strong admin password and you're fine. Yes, the wireless password potentially could be ferreted out of the phone, but it's your guest network.

But if you don't want it to connect to your wifi, don't. And don't feel guilty about it either.

[–]unclearimage[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Oh yeah, that's a really good idea. Thanks.

[–]bcomcapt1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

With a guest WiFi you can also just switch that off without closing down your other devices of communication. Full control. With something like openwrt you can establish firewall rules regarding incoming and outgoing traffic, port blocks (like 80, 443 for web is ok every other port is closed) etc. Many of the simple spying software uses an own port and by blocking them it can not communicate. You could sniff traffic etc.. But I guess if you would find out that they are spying on you then it would be party time for your lawyer.

[–]FlyingSexistPig2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"Your chatting with him when he's at my house interferes with my parenting and causes him cognitive dissonance"

This is what your ammo should be. If you try to make it a technical argument, you've already fallen into her frame, and you will lose.

It's your house, your environment, your priorities, your rules. No phone for your kid.

I have a daughter. It's the same thing for me: my house, my rules. You have to take this bull by the horns and don't back down.

[–]Kellermann1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Factory reset that shit and you're good to go

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]testy681 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am trying to be rude with this comment but does anyone find this discussion to be ironic on askmrp? I think the r/relationship group or r/bluepill is a more appropriate location for this discussion.

Now, if you want to ask "what the hell is my problem letting my EX-WIFE DICTATE what occurs in MY HOUSE during MY TIME with MY SON", then maybe we can help you out.

[–]Musicgoon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

YOUR time not HERS

[–]One_time_back_when2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My kids have a wifi only phone at their mother's for the exact same purpose. If you're concerned about spying just turn the power off while it's at your home and don't allow it access to your network. You could always propose that she be allowed to contact your child on your phone at any time.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

This is some stupid fucking shit. Are you that wigged out you think they want to hack you via cell phone? Talk about deep in her frame. Here's the deal. No. One. Gives. A. Fuck. Don't you think she'd just ask your kid?

WiFi is simple to manage. I have a whole home mesh wifi network and it has an app. I can monitor every single app and shut each device off just like that.

My kids FaceTime friends all the time from ipads and ipods. Welcome to the brave new world.

[–]effyouasshole0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

This is some stupid fucking shit.

You talk about frame, yet you have a meltdown on some internet stranger.

Interesting.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Relevant username

[–]effyouasshole0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

How is it relevant?

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Don't worry about it. You should be proud!

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

How is this a test of my frame? Why don't you see the forrest for the trees?

[–]effyouasshole0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

What internet randos do or say shouldn't evoke an emotional response from you.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I can see you see this as an emotional response and a frame break. So let me ask a question, do you think that sometimes there's irrational response with emotion, and sometime there's calling someone out on their faggotry?

Deeper question is, do you know that you can be emotional and still in your own frame?

[–]effyouasshole0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So let me ask a question, do you think that sometimes there's irrational response with emotion, and sometime there's calling someone out on their faggotry?

Yes. And sometimes there's irrational emotional response while calling out OP. Your question below confirms you were emotional, and there's no rational reason that an internet stranger (or anyone in your life) should evoke this response.

This shows broken frame.

Deeper question is, do you know that you can be emotional and still in your own frame?

No, because this idea is incorrect. If you had proper inner confidence, self-control, and mindfulness, you would not have 1.) experienced any internal response, nor 2.) allowed it to control your behavior (i.e.: having a meltdown on OP).

You got more work to do to fix your frame. You're welcome.

[–]effyouasshole0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Since nobody else is reading this post, is it safe to assume that you downvoted my last response?

If so, that's another instance of broken frame. An internet stranger's words (mine, this time) triggered your emotions. Why is that? Is your ego fragile? Are you dependent on validation from others in this forum? (After all, you have that fancy flair to live up to, right?)

You don't realize it yet, but I'm helping you.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This is some stupid fucking shit. Are you that wigged out you think they want to hack you via cell phone? Talk about deep in her frame. Here's the deal. No. One. Gives. A. Fuck. Don't you think she'd just ask your kid?

Problem is the new bf, being tech savvy. How tf did this even come up? New bf could be a real cunt, and trying to fuck over OP. Not as unrealistic as it sounds.

[–]solemn111 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Without knowing what's on the phone it could certainly be a risk to your network and devices. Not only is that a threat vector for hacking cameras and gaining access to files but it could also contain ransomware. If it has an Android OS then I would consider it a greater risk.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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