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What do you guys do when your wife comes home from work frustrated?

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November 24, 2018
11 upvotes

For those of you who still enjoy your wife And have a great relationship and don’t feel the need to respond with “DGAF” or “you’re a fag because You care about your wife’s feelings.”

When your wife comes home from work and had a rough day or comes to you about something. What do you guys do?

I feel like I suck at this in general because people don’t come to me with issues. I guess I suck at listening. Or talk too much when they do because I always look for a solution.

Me and my wife have a great relationship. Straight across the board. But like today she texted me asking about my day. I didn’t get to see her yesterday. I told her and asked her about hers and she said “👎🏼annoyed.”

She manages a restaurant so I know something happened. I’m seeing her tonight so I’ll just wait to talk to her. But I’m just wondering IN GENERAL what’s the best way to handle these situations. With anyone.

Shut up and listen? Ask her questions. Get her to vent. Sympathize? Tease her and change her mood?


Post Information
Title What do you guys do when your wife comes home from work frustrated?
Author Bulk_king11
Upvotes 11
Comments 34
Date 24 November 2018 01:33 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203783
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9zu74x/what_do_you_guys_do_when_your_wife_comes_home/
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Comments

[–]creating_my_life21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

What do you guys do?

She wants to talk, share, unload, gripe, vent...you know, like a person.

She wants you to listen, take her side, validate her feelings...BUT NOT SOLVE HER PROBLEM.

Rub her feet or shoulders while you're listening.

LEAD.

[–]SepeanRed Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

For those of you who still enjoy your wife And have a great relationship and don’t feel the need to respond with “DGAF” or “you’re a fag because You care about your wife’s feelings.”

Look, you misunderstood something. Context, bro.

The vets here enjoy their wifes (at least mostly). They’re sweet, submissive and fun in bed. It’s the guys learning RP that have bitchy, frigid wives, and obviously there’s not much to like about that, but it improves.

A lot of the time, your wife is normal human being, you can talk to her and plan stuff and she’ll be reasonable. When it comes to YOU, that’s when she is close to 100% shit testing and you shouldn’t listen or give a fuck. There is some middle ground where she’s talking about something else but really trying to get you into her frame or shit test you, and watch out for that, but most of the time, if she’s talking about work, just talk to her. Listen if she needs to vent, support her if she’s feeling insecure or down, give her advice if she needs your insight. All this RP stuff is sexual strategy, it has very little to do with her issues at work.

[–]Bulk_king111 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Awesome way to put it. Thanks

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

you’re a fag because You care about your wife’s feelings.”

Pretty sure you misinterpreted and took this out of context if anyone of value said something similar to this on here

Shut up and listen? Ask her questions. Get her to vent. Sympathize? Tease her and change her mood?

Yes to all, depending on the situation

[–]Bulk_king113 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy

There’s been times where I read about someone trying to help their wife and being called a fag for caring. Or told “oh you’re her bestie now” or some similar stuff.

What about something that happens at work or with her friend

[–]BostonBrakeJob4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Those replies are usually little tests of frame to see how much work has been done. If an internet stranger can make you DEER or lose your shit...then there's a really good chance that person is even worst with his wife.

Anyway, take a breath and relax. Her bad day is not your problem to solve. Listen, actively, and validate those feelz. Then do something fun/relaxing with her. There's no perfect string of words you need to memorize and recite here.

[–]HerukaArisen0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The thing is, "the right thing to do" and also advice given here are always contextual. They also depend a lot on the state of your frame and what you are aiming to accomplish with your wife.

As an example, my wife likes to start talking about her "issues" (mostly her work and our teenage daughter) when we go to bed. I don't like this, because I think our bed is for sleeping and fucking. I may respond a bit but then I shut up and make it clear I'm not interested any more.

It's not like I don't care. It's more like I don't think what she does is good for where I want to go with her. Also, in the end, I don't really care that much.

[–]HERE2SHILL0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Gimme a break I'm sure that most Mrp posters would reply similarly without that prompting

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you're trying to solve her problems, what she sees is you making her frustrations all about you. Same if you try to change her mood or start joking before she's had a chance to process her own emotions.

It's really the easiest thing, just listen. Empathize when you can but don't go overboard with it. Think of her talking as being equivalent to your lifting in terms of working out frustration. Let her get though her workout (within reason, you're not obligated to sit through hours of this), and once you feel her mood start to lighten a bit, then you can throw a joke or two in there.

My wife is a restaurant manager as well, we're probably heard all the same complaints.

[–]Wasted-Genius3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

There is a term in computer programming, "rubber duck debugging". Essentially, if you are stuck on a coding problem it's best to describe the problem to another programmer - not because the other person will fix your problem, but by describing the problem out loud your brain will most likely come to a solution. It's known as rubber duck debugging because you can actually just describe the problem to a rubber duck and get the same effect.

When a woman is talking about her problems she just wants you to be her rubber duck. She may not know this consciously, but that's precisely what she wants. By telling you her problems she is getting validation and the opportunity to spell everything out in a tangible narrative, which will help her come to a conclusion as to how to deal with it. The worst thing you can do is try to fix her problems, because it'll break that narrative train of thought she needs. Just listen, smile, and nod, and she'll see you as the captain she needs.

Be her rubber duck.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine10 points11 points  (1 child) | Copy

Boo her villains and cheer her friends. Listen for a minute and then say “you’re so sexy when you’re grumpy”. Ass slap and walk away.

Her mood is her problem, not yours. Don’t try to solve it either.

Also, faggot.

[–]framelessglasses2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Oak.

[–]Bulk_king111 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. That’s the goal. Just getting there is the problem

[–]ParaXilo1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Everyone has supplied with adequate info.

The thing you don't want to do is become her emotional tampon. You are not her girlfriend but you are also not there to not give her some attention.

Let her vent. Actively listen but don't offer advice or solutions. Just be present.

[–]470_2_700_nm1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Once you know how there won’t be any bullets to dodge.

[–]z2a1-91 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just listen and let her vent. Then fuck her good, its the greatest stress relief!

[–]Goodthinker0 points1 point  (9 children) | Copy

You answered your own question. Listen.

[–]Bulk_king111 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

But my response is always a solution. From what I read here. It’s not always the best response

[–]unplug_and_be_free2 points3 points  (7 children) | Copy

DO NOT SOLVE HER PROBLEMS UNLESS SHE SPECIFICALLY ASKS YOU TO.

[–]Bulk_king110 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

So then I run into This. I’m sitting listening saying “oh yea” “that’s frustrating” etc. and people will be like. “You don’t wanna listen to my problem” or they can feel they’re just venting and think I find it annoying when I don’t

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She operates on feelz. She needs to vent and you need to validate her feelz for her to feel better.

Try asking a few leading questions like 'Where was the waiter when the customer called you over'. She gets to vent and you show that you actually did listen. And fucking look at her when she is talking. Looking around the room or your phone won't work.

[–]unplug_and_be_free0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Research active listening. Women don't always want you to solve problems. Sometimes they really just want you to listen and sympathize with them. That's why I say if she don't ask then don't solve. You know your girl better than any of us so you are in the best position to know what she needs... imo.

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just let her talk. She needs to vent. You stfu and listen. No problem solving, no white knighting, just let her vent, say “yeah that sucks” give her a massage while she’s venting and a good fucking once she’s done.

[–]innominating0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just listen and say, “that sucks.”

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Shut up and listen? Ask her questions. Get her to vent. Sympathize? Tease her and change her mood?

Yes. You got it!'

I guess I suck at listening

Because you are determined to interject your own thoughts. Clear your mind and absorb what the other person is saying. Don't try to "fix it" by offering suggestions. Listen and absorb the emotional maelstrom and carefully read The 16 Commandments of Poon.

Especially Numbers 9 & 15:

XV. Maintain your state control

You are an oak tree. You will not be manipulated by crying, yelling, lying, head games, sexual withdrawal, jealousy ploys, pity plays, shit tests, hot/cold/hot/cold, disappearing acts, or guilt trips. She will rain and thunder all around you and you will shelter her until her storm passes. She will not drag you into her chaos or uproot you. When you have mastery over yourself, you will have mastery over her.

IX. Connect with her emotions

Set yourself apart from other men and connect with a woman’s emotional landscape. Her mind is an alien world that requires deft navigation to reach your rendevous. Frolic in the surf of emotions rather than the arid desert of logic. Be playful. Employ all your senses. Describe in lush detail scenarios to set her heart afire. Give your feelings freedom to roam. ROAM. Yes, that is a good word. You’re not on a linear path with her. You are ROAMING all over, taking her on an adventure. In this world, there is no need to finish thoughts or draw conclusions. There is only need to EXPERIENCE. You’re grabbing her hand and running with her down an infinite, labyrinthine alleyway with no end, laughing and letting your fingers glide on the cobblestone walls along the way.

You BEST response when she obviously has had a bad day? Greet her at the door with a warm hug and reassurance that it is good to see her and the day is looking up now. Don't expect her to reciprocate. Just provide the reassuring presence. If she pulls away leave her alone with a smile.

The BEST response (for you and her) is for you to be in tune to her enough to know what she needs, whether it is a hug, reassurance, or to quietly sit as her girlfriend/sounding board. We recommend you do NOT entertain the latter if the wife in question is playing the hide-the-vagina game. If she sees you as her reliable Alpha and is not playing sexual games you can afford to be more "Beta." If she doesn't, and is, then your path is clear.

[–][deleted] -5 points-4 points  (1 child) | Copy

My wife is sahm. When she has a long day with the kids i tell her to stfu and get out of my face while I'm trying to take a shit or eating. Otherwise I listen for a few minutes and then tell her to gtfo my face if she keeps going on.

[–]Bulk_king115 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m sure you’re doing a Great job



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