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How do you manage income, savings, and spending in your relationship?

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November 14, 2018
11 upvotes

Do you share how much you earn? Do you tally all of your expenses? Do you disclose how much much you have stashed away?

How do you keep her accountable to long term money goals?


Post Information
Title How do you manage income, savings, and spending in your relationship?
Author hbPUA
Upvotes 11
Comments 34
Date 14 November 2018 12:57 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203790
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9wzv2c/how_do_you_manage_income_savings_and_spending_in/
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Comments

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yes, yes, yes, implement financial plan and lead and execute.

We combined finances when we got married. I didn't marry a spender.

[–]hbPUA[S] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I've only briefly talked finance earlier since we never lived together. Except for, I have no debt. Do you have debt? -"No." I invest some money, and it's important for us to have a f-you stash. To be able to walk away if we want to.

Now I've started tracking my last three months income/savings/expenses. And want to bring her on board to track her own. Doing this once a month to keep us on track for a great financial security.

What is one thing you wish you would have done earlier?

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

See, this is part of the vetting process. You talk about stuff like "how much do you make", "what is your debt", "what is your plan to get rid of debt", etc etc.

I don't think I would have played anything differently, actually. My wife was a responsible normal adult when we got married - she had lived on her own, had a car, managed her expenses, and even had a credit score 3 points higher than me (that stuck in my craw, let me tell you). She also had been investing for a long time, and did all the right money moves - IRAs, retirement, 3-6 month emergency fund, etc. Same as me. We both stuck to budgets, and it was second nature to get everything working together.

I call it part of being a normal adult. Some people are good with money, others are bad. Avoid the bad - you won't be able to accumulate wealth if one of you is a spender.

[–]hbPUA[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Great! Yeah we are both conservative with our money and live below our means.

And want to improve our financial future by being more open with what we actually earn and spend.

[–]_TheNarcissist_7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Fake numbers, but method still the same: My income = $120k = 10k/month Her income = $24k = 2k/month

Shareable expense include: mortgage + insurance, health insurance, groceries, utilities, kids expenses

Individual expenses: cars, auto insurance, phones, fun money

Monthly Shareable expenses = $4k We each put 33% of our monthly pay (10k x .33 = $3,333; 2k x .33 = $667) to cover the $4k shared expenses.

Whatever we each have left over is what we can spend on whatever we want. She wants new clothes? To take a trip? A new gadget? Its up to her and I don't bug her about how she spends her money. Same goes for my money.

On retirement, she contributes very little (<$100/month), while I max out my 401k + Roth IRA every year. She's doing her part by contributing and I can't expect her to do more than $100/month. I figure she's doing most of the heavy lifting with the kids, let me take the burden of retirement on.

When we retire, we'll split the money 50/50 down the middle.

It works for us, some people think its strange. But it keeps fights from occurring over her buying new clothes and me taking expensive trips with friends.

[–]Evomon2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I do the exact same thing with my partner. We use to do 50/50 on shared expenses but being a male I earned more, she earned way less and was left with very little money. So like you, we worked out shared expenses total and what percentage of our total combined income it took up and then pay our share.

The only way I don't see this working is if we want to buy a million dollar house and she can't afford her share but I can afford both of ours.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill4 points5 points  (7 children) | Copy

My wife is back in school, so no income from her. I gave her an account with no overdraft protection. "This is for the bills, so if you run out of money, whelp you're SOL"

Previously we've used envelopes and the like. The key is sit her down, tell her what your plan is, and hold her accountable. You should be prepared to have many discussions early on about how you are or aren't meeting goals. Talk is talk, so be prepared to enforce boundaries.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Yeah I sometimes forget to tell people I don't care how she feels. So take it with a grain of salt.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Pass the salt

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]The_LitzRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

SOL ? Shit Outa Luck?

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

yes

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

A spreadsheet, a budget, a plan.

If you have to hide anything you're not really in control of your finances or leading your wife are you?

I manage the long term. She has a set amount to account for/budget on the 1st and 15th.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

My wife doesn't want the burden of knowledge when it comes to money. She knows what our income is, but she'd rather be ignorant of the details of what we owe, current balances, etc. So I handle all finances. Every dime we both make goes into the same pot that I have to manage. With that responsibility comes the power to say "no" to spending. It's not that I prefer it this way, or that it's better/worse than other models. It just is what it is.

[–]hbPUA[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for sharing!

[–]VancerX3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

This most certainly all depends on who you marry. Seems like common sense, but then again we all thought we knew it all before red pill. If she's a spender now, what will she be like when you're making the big bucks? I'm self-employed with two businesses and she's a stay at home Mom home schooling our Son (along with me, every moment of every day is learning in our house). I do absolutely NO chores other than things like taking out the trash if i'm on my way there. My time is simply too valuable, and she knows our roles so this is never an issue. She has a blank checkbook, but only because I know she'll use it responsibly and would never make any irrational purchase. I met my Wife with $38 in my bank account while working on my commercial pilot's license. I told her in one of my first emails "I'm a broke student pilot" specifically to see how she would respond. She never batted an eye and to this day she still asks me if it's okay to buy some shoes. I should note, my Wife was brought up in Latin culture, NOT the all American bitch beauty queen.

She knows exactly how much I earn, expenses are all on auto bill, and knows how much is getting stored up as well. This works to my advantage because she also realizes how hard I have worked and still do to keep us in an incredible position of freedom and leverage. Because we were broke for so many years, and she's ridden the high/low train of self-employment while having a small child, she never wants to ever go there again. This fear alone keeps us both accountable to our money goals. That's why pity the self-aborbed, entitled Millenials or adults who had everything handed to them. They missed out on the greatest lessons in life. What's it like to be in a deep dark hole because you ran out of safety nets, and the only way out is up to YOU. If you're with a girl who grew up with everything, she'll most likely keep expecting that even if you don't have the means to pay for it. Remember, Women don't go backwards.

I look at my Brother in law and his Wife, where he has the steady state job and she's the hardcore feminist higher earner. She's always bragging how they split the chores and got him to do the dishes all the time. He took the low risk route, and is clearly getting low reward. Have the balls, intelligence, and above all discipline to build up your own empire and you can be holding all the cards at the King's table. Which of course, you own.

[–]substancehub0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What do you mean by your brother in-law taking the low risk route?

[–]VancerX0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He works for the state and complains frequently that he doesn't get paid enough. Low risk job = low compensation. He does just enough to not get fired and therefore never will. As Brian Tracy says..."Civil service is an oxymoron. Its neither civil, or service."

[–]RemyBucksington3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

Dave Ramsey.

[–]hbPUA[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks for the suggestion. What is your biggest takeaway away from his advice?

[–]RemyBucksington6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Really that there are no shortcuts, dude. None.

Live well below your means, even if it means moving to a lower cost of living area.

Do Financial Peace University.

[–]Peter_B_Long1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

In an LTR here and we’re expecting a baby. Before the pregnancy we agreed to 50/50. When we go out she’ll pay or vice versa. Even know with her pregnant the rules still apply and we don’t directly discuss income. We just agree that we are going to split everything 50/50 which works for me.

[–]NoAARPforMe1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife makes more than me and has more stress in her job, plus an hour commute each way. This is the second marriage for both of us, both are financially savvy, accountable and conservative.

We have always kept separate accounts. We split the bills and expenses. Savings, investments and retirement are shared goals that we monitor together. We talk about big purchases, but don't worry about the smaller stuff each of us buys. We live a lifestyle well below our income.

This won't work for everyone, but it can be a successful way to manage if you both have good income and are financially capable.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, everything is out in the open as far as what we earn (which is approx equal depending on upon how her bonuses and my commission end up).

The way I handle it is that 80% of her paycheck is deposited into my account. The other 20% is hers spend however she wants, but it also has to cover her daily expenses. Her 401K is maxed out, and insurance also comes from her employer.

I handle everything else in terms of finances. The best way to manage short and long term money goals is quite frankly to keep her as far away from them as possible.

[–]Skiffbug0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have a common account for the day to day expenses. Once I get my salary, 15% goes to another joint savings account and we use no more that what is in the day account. When the amount in the savings account hits a certain threshold, I calculate a distribution based on how much each contributed since the last distribution, and that goes to our own accounts/share portfolio.

[–]Missedthestart0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

We share everything. Joint accounts. We are both good with money. I earn a lot more than my wife, but my money is her money we save a certain amount a month. We discuss large purchases. We both have access to all the accounts. I manage investments, wife does the books. Most bills are autopay. I was fortunate enough to marry someone who is frugal and understands a budget.

[–]nantucketghost0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You both need to be on the same page with that shit.

How we do it:

First both of us contribute to our 401ks. Next the money goes into our checking account. From there a portion for college savings, a portion for the big bills (taxes and shit) and then the rest goes to expenses. After that the extra goes into the savings account for misc unknown expenses and extra savings.

I have a side gig on the internet that makes me money and that's my play buy whatever I want money. The wife just pulls from the standard account. I don't care, she doesn't overspend.

You need goals. Do you want to retire or stop work early? Well, what's the number you need?

Spend less than you make, invest the rest, be smart with your money and only buy what you need.

Money is not a subject that should be secretive. You'll never make any type of combined goal if you're not both in it together.

[–]Fritz_Frauenraub0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I avoid the problem of keeping my wife accountable for long-term money goals by handling all the finances myself, having everything in my name only, making all the Investments and paying all the bills. She's a SAHM on a cash allowance.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She knows how much I earn, but probably only because she wants a high value husband. She's a SAHM. I earn more than we need ever, and even if she did go back to work it wouldn't even put an extra zero in the account on payday. So, she'll probably never work in the sense of being a contributing income earner.

I married a frugal woman knowing that brought value to a relationship.

Even so, spending was out of control for a few years - best of everything for her - as she realized how much we actually had at one point. She never knew what she spent, but I didn't care.

I reigned that shit in, and we're clear about spending. I have the full authority to stop or curtail spending at any time, and I have before. She happily agrees. If she didn't, I'd tell her to get a fucking job and shut that shit down.

[–]amalgamator0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Take this class and then make a plan and execute it

https://whitecoatinvestor.teachable.com/p/fire-your-financial-advisor

[–]wkndatbernardus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Jlcollinsnh.com has an awesome financial primer called the stock series. Read this and you will crush most people (including your wife/ltr) in terms of financial literacy.

https://jlcollinsnh.com/stock-series/

Once you have the knowledge, your power will be such that you can easily take the financial reins in this or any relationship. From there, just act like Congress; no money moves in or out of your accounts without your approval. Prioritize getting to the FU position and, then, you will be the master of your own fate. Wife wants to go to landscaping war with the neighbors? She better give a spellbinding speech about why this extra expense is necessary to your family's short and long-term advantage (hint: it isn't. Females don't know shit about strategic planning).

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pay yourself first. Determine how much money/paycheck you are willing to invest in your future. Download Robinhood trading app. Stay away from Tech stocks while the market is in a downturn, and always deposit your predetermined long-term investment value on payday before you pay anything, bills included.

Don't disclose any of this to your SO, she will just see it as a secondary spending account once she depletes the liquidity in your line-of-credit (Credit Card) and bank account. You don't keep her accountable to long-term money goals, because women are impulsive children that are incapable of telling themselves not to eat ice cream for breakfast if they know there's ice cream in the freezer.

Occasionally, when you get enough value in the stock market, sell the stocks that no longer meet your investment thesis and parlay them into bonds since the minimum investment on bonds is much more sizable than the point of entry for buying stocks. (you should be keeping notes on why you choose to buy the stocks you do and if that reason no longer rings true, its time to let them go for investments that do meet your new investment theses)



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