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Moving In To An Apartment With Pregnant LTR. What's The Best Approach?

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November 13, 2018
11 upvotes

LTR (21F) is 9 weeks pregnant. She rents a room with a couple. I (24M) also rent a room with a couple who are also my best friends.

We're both on the same page. We both want to stay together (we're very happy together so far), and after much thought, we've both decided to get our own place together. It'd be a 2 bedroom, and one of the bedrooms would be a guest room / office for my freelance work. She'll be bringing her German Shepherd.

Our price range is the same as what we are paying now (combined) and we would split everything 50/50 (I think she makes slightly more than me but I choose to avoid discussing incomes).

Now, I've made these decisions already and I've only mentioned the above to give context on my situation.

My main concern now is the whole co-signing a lease and stuff. Besides sharing a baby (She's agreed that I will get a paternity test before I sign a birth certificate), I want to avoid as much legal obligation with her as possible. No marriage, etc.

We will begin searching and moving in around the beginning of the year so we're saving up now for the deposits and stuff.

Now, am I ok co-signing a lease with her? Should I get it all on my name? or hers? I'm clueless on how these things work, please inform me.

Like I said, me and baby mamma are very happy right now. Since the beginning of the pregnancy we've not had any arguments. Any shits tests or comfort tests thrown my way I, IMO, pass flawlessly. BUT, I do want to be as fucking prepared as I can if shit does go south. Worst case scenario we split and I fight the uphill battle for custody, but the chances of that right now seem low, but always possible.

TLDR; Questions are above in BOLD.


Post Information
Title Moving In To An Apartment With Pregnant LTR. What's The Best Approach?
Author Peter_B_Long
Upvotes 11
Comments 51
Date 13 November 2018 06:51 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203792
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9wrva7/moving_in_to_an_apartment_with_pregnant_ltr_whats/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationshipcomfort test
Comments

[–]FixYourselfFirst29 points30 points  (4 children) | Copy

Try 'r/legaladvice'. You haven't been following TRP advice, no need to start now.

Seriously, you are now on the hook for child support for 18 years. You want to "avoid as much legal obligation with her as possible", yet you want to cohabitate with her? You need to make sure you understand your rights and duties. Laws vary from state to state.

Posted by Peter_B_Long
5 months ago
Would You Go Raw With A Plate Who's Going To Be On Birth Control?

Top comment was: " Let us know if it’s a boy or a girl. "

[–]redwall9213 points14 points  (1 child) | Copy

Holy shit OP. This is spot on historical analysis man!

You up and decided you're ready for kids now, ey??

Went bare-back on that plate while she was on the pill? How'd that work out for you? Or did she just talk you into it?

Is she bringing her German shepherd with her when she moves in? Sounds like it'll be giving her more fun than you a couple years down the road.

[–]Kpwn888 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Went bare-back on that plate while she was on the pill? How'd that work out for you? Or did she just talk you into it?

You know what's worse than MGTOWs & blue pill betas?

Guys who take this beautiful, crimson gold mine of information for granted.

There's a storm coming over them there hills.

[–]helaughsinhidden8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Posted by Peter_B_Long
5 months ago
Would You Go Raw With A Plate Who's Going To Be On Birth Control?

Top comment was: " Let us know if it’s a boy or a girl. "

BWAHHAHHAHHHAAHHAH!

[–]SepeanRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hahaha that’s too fucking funny, great catch.

[–]dandar460010 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

It'd be a 2 bedroom, and one of the bedrooms would be a guest room

Are a you troll or just a young, dumb and stupid?

Whatever you do, the 2nd bedroom has to be the nursery. If you need an office get a 3 bedroom place or one with a basement you could use. You're a father now and I know you don't believe it's real yet, but once that baby comes, EVERYTHING will change.

The dog will make finding rent harder. Especially a German Shepherd. If you were looking to rent from me that would automatically disqualify you. Though truthfully you're a huge risk anyhow. Why? Relationship less than a year, never lived together, she comes with a big dog and a baby on the way. If you survive the next two-three years together then give yourself a pat on the back cause it won't be easy.

Do you have daycare set up for the baby or is she quitting to become a SAHM? If she's not quitting then find out how much it's gonna cost cause it will be very expensive and will screw up your budget. Diapers, baby food, baby clothes, doctors' visits etc all cost a small fortune.

It's OK to rent in a worse neighborhood now. In five years when the kid will go to school you can start looking for a location with a better school district. For now just look for a place where it will be possible for you to have a dog and live within your budget.

Besides that, read some parenting books...or not and read the sidebar. Keeping the spark will be very difficult over then next months and not everything will be a shit test.

[–]Peter_B_Long1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Solid advice. Thank You

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are a you troll or just a young, dumb and stupid?

I'm thinking troll. The OP has more abominations than an Aleister Crowley ritual.

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

She's agreed that I will get a paternity test before I sign a birth certificate

Im not saying don't, but if there is any realistic chance this kid is not yours why would you live together let alone sign a lease with her? just food for thought.

How long have you been dating? What are your plans for the future?

It'd be a 2 bedroom, and one of the bedrooms would be a guest room / office for my freelance work The Kid's room

don't be that dude. You need to revisit your priorities and MAP now that you have found out you are going to be a parent.

Edit: Just gave a quick view to post history. what have you done for yourself in 2 years? obviously you didn't read TRM or pretty much any of the sidebar.

[–]Peter_B_Long-3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy

There's no real chance, but it is something that we agreed to before she got pregnant. She knows it's just a precaution and that I am not directly accusing her of cheating. I've told her that I know people who've been screwed and that I'd rather be 100% sure.

Been dating for a year.

You need to revisit your priorities and MAP now that you have found out you are going to be a parent.

what do you mean? And what do you suggest?

[–]mindfulbutgutlessRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

your statement of the second room being anything other than the kid's room says that you need to prioritize your life.

what do you mean? And what do you suggest?

I mean, you don't seem too prepared, and my suggestion would sidebar NOW ---->

[–]Kpwn885 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

I mean, you don't seem too prepared, and my suggestion would sidebar NOW ---->

Reality is about to hit this dude like a ton of bricks lol

[–]The_LitzRed Beret7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You don't need legal advise from this sub, but the thing that is glaringly obvious is your fear of the unknown step you are taking.

Right now you are trying every trick in the book to keep a back door open for yourself for in case things don't work out.

Suck it up man, you are playing with the big kids on the playground now. Getting in or out of a lease are small scratches.

For you to make a success of this, you have to be 100% in it. Right now you are not. Be a man and commit 100%, give it all. Stop doubting yourself every step of the way. Trust yourself. If you keep on second guessing yourself like you are at the moment you will not enjoy what is a great life event, because you keep on checking the lifeboats.

Are you ready for this? Is this what you want? You will never know 100%. Being a man is dealing with the uncertainty of not EVER knowing 100%.

Bite down hard brother.

[–]AtlasCuckd6 points7 points  (7 children) | Copy

I will leave the advice for those with better input.

21F and pregnant. Only an LTR? Damn...Godspeed my friend. Please continue to use MRP and TRP to keep this ship on course

[–]Peter_B_Long4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

I definitely am. Now more than ever. My greatest fear now is losing custody and having to pay child support so you bet your ass my frame is chiseled like the body I'm building in the gym. Maximizing my income, putting more of my free time into my side hussle, etc.

[–]redwall927 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

My greatest fear now is losing custody and having to pay child support

Your greatest fear should be that you stop living your one and only life for what you can get out of it.

Your greatest fear should be that you instead start living your one and only life in such a way that you just don't lose what you have.

Big difference in focus...

[–]Peter_B_Long0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, I'm working daily towards that.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

AND, his greatest fear should be that the child that he is already so desperately fighting, and willing to expend his assets for, ISN'T his.

[–]redwall920 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Meh ... that's a simple test to get that knowledge. Do the test. No fear involved.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I definitely am. Now more than ever

This is a joke, right??

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

“Godspeed my friend”.

Yep. I feelz for him.

Her German Shepherd will be getting more play than him the next 18 years.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Find some proper legal advice on this. I’m thinking it might be better to not be on the lease so you can just leave and don’t hold any obligation, but I don’t know your jurisdiction.

Also not that some places, cohabitation makes you de facto married and liable for spousal support and asset splitting, in which case you’re better off married with a prenup.

And all this is just risk mitigation. It’s only a way to cover your ass if you go beta and she loses interest, or you lose interest in her. If you want her and the family life, the way you keep that is by staying alpha.

[–]jakethesnake50002 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Do not marry her. I repeat, do not jump the gun and marry her just because she is pregnant.

I agree with the other posts that the kid should have the second room.

Beat approach imo is to be the man of the house, oys meaning take care of your body, mind, social life, and home responsibilities no matter what. Definitely get hopping on reading that sidebar.

[–]Peter_B_Long1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

She's aware that marriage is not an option for me. This was discussed before we became official.

I didn't think about it but yea, now I'm considering a 3 bedroom.

I agree and that's exactly what I'm doing. Hitting the gym even harder now, meditating every day, journaling, avoiding any distractions or shit that wastes time like Netflix binging. I'm prepared to learn any skills necessary like general handy man stuff. Right now (during the pregnancy) I'm focusing on building my body, mind, and funds, and overall just being a rock for her because I know that she needs me to be strong for both of us.

[–]jakethesnake50002 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good stuff. Good luck my friend, keep us updated

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hitting the gym even harder now

A lot of shit is happening for you all at once. Aim for consistency in the gym. Hitting it to hard can result in injury. Stay healthy man.

[–]Peter_B_Long0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nah I get you. I'm only working out 1 body part a day. And when I say that I'm hitting it harder, I just mean that I'm taking it more serious.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

From your post 40 days ago; “It’s unfortunate too because I’d taken all the precautions given by this sub.” No, you didn’t. You are delusional. You are the poster boy for why the MAN is supposed to be ABCBC~ALWAYS BE in CHARGE of the BIRTH CONTROL. For review and the benefit of any others reading this in your situation, ABCBC means a vasectomy or a condom. Period. And YOU were not an exception.

“We’re both on the same page. We both want to stay together (we’re very happy together), and after much thought, we’ve both decided to get our own place together.” And yet, you’re not willing to commit 100% and want to leave a back door open for a quick escape. There’s nothing wrong with that, except your words and your behavior are juxtaposed. And what do we say here about words and behavior? Success at being a man includes matching your words and behavior. You do you, but you doing more than one you won’t be successful, for you, or anyone else.

“Like I said, me and baby mamma are very happy right now.... BUT, I do want to be as fucking prepared as I can if shit does go south.” You do realize, as an RP man, that if shit goes south, it’s YOUR fault.

“It seems like a needle in a haystack trying to find a healthy RP relationship on these subs.” Think about that... do people who are healthy and well, go sit in an emergency room waiting room? These subs exist for broken men and their resultant broken relationships.

“I want a healthy RP lifestyle with my family. I want to be so good at this shit that I teach other expecting fathers.” And yet, you won’t commit 100%. It will be interesting to see how that works out for you.

So this sub is for fixing broken men.

You’re fucked up, but not necessarily broken, if that makes any sense.

You came to askMRP for advice on a lease?

Whatever..

This is what I have to offer;

You are happy in a relationship that currently works. The day you move in together becomes the baseline for your relationship. The stress of pregnancy and a newborn are going to drag you below that line. Your ability to be the rock, the oak, and the fucking mountain will keep your relationship from becoming a relationshit.

You need a titanium frame. Start building it now with;

The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida.

The Rational Male by Rollo Tomassi.

Preventative Medicine by Rollo Tomassi.

Raising Men by Eric Davis. I know you don’t know if it’s a boy or girl, but this book talks about raising daughters from a father’s perspective.

You have a limited amount of time and energy to expend. Stop planning for the worst. Start working towards success.

You CAN have an RP marriage.

The only question is whether you WILL, or WON’T.

The day you stop lifting, reading, and growing as a person in your life, for yourself, is the day your marriage starts to die.

The day you start lifting again and bettering yourself, for yourself, is the day your relationship will get better again.

Ask me how I know.

You started 10-15 years early.

You’ve mostly owned it.

Commit fully.

Or GTFO.

Stop fucking around.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm just impressed that you would have a killer dog in the same house with a newborn baby! Enjoy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Have you discussed abortion with her? Baby mamma lassoed her beta now.

[–]Frosteecat0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Hmmm....I could write a huge post about being in a similar situation many moons ago. But I'm going to be nice and spare you the fucking nightmare I lived and tell you about the "happy" ending.

I married that girl (after vetting her for a year and suffering the scorn of both of our families for doing it), conceived my 2nd child on our wedding night.

We now own our home outright, both have decent jobs and two HS boys who are the best thing that ever happened to me.

My advice:

get your shit together financially, physically, spiritually etc. If this DOES turn into a marriage (and really, if she is solid, why not...eventually, cause to string her out AND cohabitate is super lame) do what a MAN should do. Own it all, lead, and above all else, don't fall into the lame ass Beta patterns of a domesticated male. Game her daily, date her, tingle the shit out of her. Marshal your family resources to get time together, away from the kid, at least monthly. A date a week is my minimum recommendation, with a weekend away or longer as much as possible financially.

Volunteer to coach and be prepared to have it be one of the hardest unpaid jobs you've ever had. Probably saved my relationship as well as she saw the colossal amount of BS an involved father puts up with, especially from other Beta, helicopter dads.

Be a man to raise one.

This is no joke. Go hard, buddy. Keep clear, leveled goals. Be the damn king of your new, tiny jungle. You are a team now...make that very clear to yourself and to her. Good luck.

[–]Peter_B_Long2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks my man. It seems like a needle in a haystack trying to find a healthy RP relationship on these subs. I get a lot of "LOL you're fucked for life".

I want a healthy RP lifestyle with my family. I want to be so good at this shit that I teach other expecting fathers. Kind of like Family Alpha.

I'm in the bed I made and I'm going to make the best of it.

[–]Frosteecat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

That’s all you can do. Do it.

[–]wkndatbernardus-1 points0 points  (4 children) | Copy

I would not move in with her, especially since, right now, she is making more than you. Once you start to cohabitate, she may decide she wants to take some time off from work, be with the baby, etc. Then, she might get used to being a sahm and, since you two will probably conflict over that, she'll get pissed one day, find a lawyer, and get a CS order against yo ass so she can become another domestic welfare ho. It is key to strike, legally speaking, while she makes more cheddar.

TLDR - Moving in together will make beta bux provisioning more likely put you on a slow boat to CS-ville.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Dude, stop thinking like a beta. If you’re keeping your woman around with a paycheck, you’re playing the game wrong. You keep her yours with alpha, income is irrelevant.

[–]wkndatbernardus-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm not talking about keeping her around. I'm talking about protecting his assets against CS rape.

[–]SepeanRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

That’s not what you wrote, though.

This guy wants to start a family. You go about that by living together. What’s your advice? Why do you think she’ll lawyer up over a discussion about money?

[–]wkndatbernardus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My advice is detailed in my reply. Also, I doubt he wants to start a family. Sounds like an accident to me.

[–]MrPurplePoison-4 points-3 points  (12 children) | Copy

That is a fine field of landmines you have put yourself into. A lease is a financial responsibility and agreement that you are entering into but honestly that is the least of your worries. Just figure out the terms and plan for the worst case (you responsible for it all even if you are living in your car) and figure out if you can swallow that.

If you want to play house make sure you don't plan on things lasting more than 3 years.

[–]Peter_B_Long1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

Thanks, I'll inform myself of all these details and just prepare as best as I can.

[–]MrPurplePoison-2 points-1 points  (10 children) | Copy

Do you want to be a father at 25? Your life as you know it will be over.

[–]Peter_B_Long2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

wtf? She's already pregnant. I'm already on this road.

[–]helaughsinhidden3 points4 points  (3 children) | Copy

Not at all over, but shit's gonna change quick. One the MAIN differences between TRP and MRP is you can keep restarting if you are just spinning plates. Fail some shit tests? Ghost her before, now you need to be prepared to fix it, eat crow, reset, improve, and deal with fallouts. I think it's totally worth it and being a father is great, especially one that my kids see handles his shit and leads his wife, but you are on HARD MODE now.

[–]MrPurplePoison1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hell, ignore the mother for right now. This kid is going from a 24 year old worried about plates who promise they are on the pill (haha...) to being a full time father for for the next 20 or so years. He needs to be honest with himself.

[–]Peter_B_Long0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah, understood. I'm preparing myself for the worst.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Everything that you've written shows that you aren't prepared for the worst at all.

You seem to be in a fool's paradise, while saying "I'm totally RP'ed dudes; thanks for making me the Alpha that I am! BTW, I'm lifting, so, that shows that I'm not going to be a cuck!"

[–]MrPurplePoison-3 points-2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Not at all, you are a few weeks. You may be financially responsible for the kid but that is very different than being a father.

[–]Peter_B_Long4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I'm choosing to be a father.

[–]friendandadvisor1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm betting a jillion dollars that you never get a DNA test done.

[–]MrPurplePoison0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good for you. Don't mix her and your finances. Put the kid above all else. Get a lawyer. And read the sidebar 100 times over.

[–]weakandsensitive5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wrong.



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