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FR: Filed this week; Lawyer "How did you get so mentally prepared for this?" ; Her "Ok...this is how it is"

by broneilbro | November 10, 2018 | askMRP

54 upvotes

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It has been a long time coming. Filed a couple days ago. I was sitting in with the Paralegal going over the process and finances. I pretty much explained how multiple assets were covered by pre-existing trusts and other smart moves that I did while I was young.

I explained to the PL that I wanted to wait after the holidays but then I realized what's the point. Take action and move on. Don't drag out or talk about it without action.

The lawyer came in halfway through and was starting to talk about division of assets and such which I handed our pre-nup that after reading it said it was one of the most tightly written pre-nups he had seen in a while and was impressed by it.

As we were sitting there I just realized that throughout the meeting I was catching myself thinking of her and what she would think about me filing and how it would affect her. I caught myself and realized that it is me first and daughter second...everything else is trivial.

I asked her to lunch which she later told me she knew it was coming. When I told her I filed she took it as a relief as she stated she was going to within a couple of weeks. She went on how we were in different places and this and that. She started going down the rabbit hole of shit tests saying "You weren't this...and that". I fogged, AA and minimized DEERing. I felt more prepared for by the RP then anybody else.

One thing she mentioned to me when I had laid out the 3 basic rules of the separation 1. Kid comes first. 2. Trust 3. Don't bring anybody around the kid during the process, she felt that it was directed and she didn't have any say with it.

I saw the shit test coming and I told her lack of planning would not fall on me and I was leading the process to move into the new relationship we will have. She separated and I was once again seeing it to completion.

She was hung up on the last rule because her paramour she denied. I told her I knew about him a long time ago and honestly it didn't matter until she brought him around my kid. I chuckled when I said "Do you think your the first military wife to have an affair and leave her husband while deployed?"

She tried to play the "He's a good guy and you don't have to worry about him around your daughter", which I responded with "A good guy wouldn't camp out in the backyard of a married woman's house and make smores with a married woman's daughter". Blank stare from her.

She realized that, but boy was the narcissism sooo thick. She honestly didn't see the issue with it and I realized I was dealing with a child. I simply asked "If the roles were flipped, how would you see it?" She then saw it but boy was it amusing seeing this.

As we kept discussing she would throw some shit tests my way that in the past I would defend myself and be a bitch, but I was seeing them coming and I just accepted responsibility for it and moving on. She was again perplexed by the guy that was sitting in front of her.

Moving forward, I realize I have to be the adult in this new relationship as she is not driving the pathway. She stated she will get an attorney and will work on it going forward. I told her that she will be served and that I will have the kid when it happens.

I can't scorch earth this because a kid is involved and I told her straight up that if our kid wasn't in the picture she would have the papers a week after she told me. She was so surprised by that she didn't know what to say.

As we left she reality must have struck her because she just broke down. I helped mend the feels but I told her while we are no longer partners we are still coparents and if she needs anything let me know. She just stood there as I walked away but boy that was a 130lb gorilla off my back.

Overall I know it might not be the awesome action story but I want to say that while it is the first step in the process, the MRP family provided the skill set that helped maintain my frame to a degree (yes I'm not that cold blooded or petty but this sets the theme moving forward).


Post Information
Title FR: Filed this week; Lawyer "How did you get so mentally prepared for this?" ; Her "Ok...this is how it is"
Author broneilbro
Upvotes 54
Comments 50
Date 10 November 2018 03:59 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203800
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9vvd6e/fr_filed_this_week_lawyer_how_did_you_get_so/
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Comments

[–]RedPillCoach9 points10 points  (16 children) | Copy

As we left she reality must have struck her because she just broke down. I helped mend the feels

Why? I don't think this person is your responsibility any longer. This is a selfish woman who wants to maintain her protection while getting rid of the protector. She deserves respect as the mother of your child but does she deserve your energy or even your support? Save that for somebody who gives a crap.

[–]broneilbro[S] 6 points7 points  (14 children) | Copy

The feels fix was behind that. She’s the mother of my child and that would bleed into my child if I went calloused asshole.

I agree she is not my responsibility and I made that clear. My daughter and myself are. I understand she doesn’t give a shit and really didn’t take responsibility for it.

[–]FFDGTDS0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She deserves respect as the mother of your child

She deserves civility as the mother of your child. Respect is earned.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (2 children) | Copy

Your concern for your child that you shared with your STBX is admirable, and, will be used against you sooner rather than later. You will learn that she is no longer your concern and quit explaining and showing so much concern. It is a process of learning to manage your STBX.

Sadly, almost your entire post is about your STBX's thoughts and feelings. You need to disconnect, disengage, and distance yourself from a woman that has proven to care little about you when you were married and will care even less about you through the divorce.

Just recognize that you still have a lot to learn.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good comment, FT.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks, I just can't help sharing my own experiences, cause I'm such a giver and all.

[–]JudgeDoom6910 points11 points  (5 children) | Copy

Don't bring anybody around the kid during the process

Unfortunately you don't really have any choice in this situation. You can make all the rules you want, but she has no obligation to follow them.

[–]broneilbro[S] 7 points8 points  (3 children) | Copy

I agree with you. She had agreed but know she has no obligation. That was when we first discussed the separation and more of guidelines vs rules.

When my child called him pretend daddy recently I was amused but really realized it needed to be addressed. She tried to block it and say I was blowing it out of proportion. I told her I could careless if she was fucking him but bringing that confusion to my kid I won’t accept at all.

[–]Tebulus5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Why do you feel this rule setting and talking with her is necessary and why are you not letting your lawyer do it? Seems like a huge risk and all it gets you is words out of her mouth that do not matter anyway to the end result. And do you honestly believe anybody in their right mind would stop a single mother from dating? Really? Especially when you know its already been happening for a year at least.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The rule setting was months ago and she brought it up which I rebuked with Chad spending the night at the house.

As for dating that is fine she can do that and she already has brought him around but as before it is from months ago so that is where I was to focus on my daughter vice her.

The lawyers will work it out for the custody and timesharing but didn’t want to go scorched earth prior so the sucubus was tamed.

[–]lololasaurus1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I get what you're saying, but any judge will have a "hmm" moment if she's bringing Chad around the kids without a stable relationship. If she does it (and I would be surprised if she didn't since he said not to), this could possibly play well for him in court.

I am not a lawyer, but I've done the family law circus, sadly.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

but she has no intention to follow them.

FTFY

[–]eddielovett3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

You sound like a great dad and you’re right you took several W’s on this one. Go reward yourself. I suggest getting your dick wet and not giving this mess with you ex-wife too much of your attention.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

You've come a long way. Being prepped is key.

She is still your kid's mother, helping her a little with her feelz helps your child, you have the correct mindset about it and she can't manipulate you with it.

But... Don't be surprised if she turns out nasty at number 99. The further the proceedings go the more the varnish comes off. You pre empted it by filing sooner rather than later, preventing a draw out drama.

[–]broneilbro[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. I have seen some stories here and giving the fact we both wanted it will make it easy. She is a daughter of divorce and so I took that into consideration as an unhappy mother will be a burden on my daughter.

She was surprised I knew but the fact was watching her justify how she seemed it was ok was enlightening.

[–]redpillninja2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I have followed your story for a while bro. You finally pulled the trigger, good for you. Everything was prepped and planned, and it sounds like you handled it like a boss. Work on you, enjoy life with your daughter, and go slay some pussy dude! Also happy Veterans Day, thanks for your service!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Be prepared for your military service to be used against you in family court if it gets ugly. Scorched earth advice is only for the butt-hurt and vengeful; Best to game her and keep her on your side.

http://www.fox9.com/news/the-war-at-home-iraq-veteran-says-family-court-using-ptsd-treatment-against-him?fbclid=IwAR1ZjI4N5MA3mWFTzf3Q3fbF9OAAU_N98Ao40SSJZfwUu1hQs8qk2G117wA

[–]broneilbro[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm standing by for heavy rolls...

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

> A good guy wouldn't camp out in the backyard of a married woman's house and make smores with a married woman's daughter". Blank stare from her.

Thats DEERing. Thats bad.

> If the roles were flipped, how would you see it?" She then saw it but boy was it amusing seeing this.

DEERing again. You are still wanting "to make her see things the way you see". That wont work, she gives zero fucks, if it FELT right it was right.

> She was again perplexed by the guy that was sitting in front of her.

You still care about what she thinks of you. You still want to "show her" whatever. Why? Give less fucks. Stop explaining yourself, be more witty, tease her when you talk to her again if she throws this kind of shit on you. She is not your problem anymore, let her be that other guy´s problem.

About the other guy being around your daughter, be aware that she will fuck with your mind about that, because you care too much. You cant control what she does when you are not around. When you are with your daughter, talk to her and figure out if the guy is being bad to her, and THEN you do something about it, not by talking to your ex, but to your lawyer.

Good that you finally pulled the trigger. You are free now, enjoy.

[–]adeptintact1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You should try mediation if you are on the same page. Since you have a prenup, she might agree and you avoid the mess of a courtroom with lawyers. My divorce was quick, cheap, and sweet doing it that way.

As far as not having your child around people she dates, I get why you want that, but it's not something you can control. In my situation, my son met my current gf fairly early and my ex-wife's current bf when it was still in the process. As long as you're the best father when you have your child, that's all that matters.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

The single biggest faggot move in divorce is to try and say no dating etc.

Fuck that. Who cares. No one is telling me how to live my life, let alone some cunt that doesn’t want to be part of it any longer.

You are a fag. Your butthurt shows.

You should be happy she found someone else to distract her.

Co-habitation clauses are for faggots and cunts.

And don’t tell me its about the kids. Its not. Its about the mental image of her sucking his dick and him fucking her ass on your old bed that makes you cry.

Not your kids safety. If it was LEO would be involved, and they are not.

And a fun note: they are unconstitutional and nearly impossible to enforce.

[–]broneilbro[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah...you also know what are for faggots and betas? Usernames that have RP in them to make it seem like your dick shoots out red pills.

But yes seem like you are butt hurt with all that passive anger behind the post. Very constructive and I award zero points...

Just kidding I read through all the stupid childish talk.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

This whole post is laced by instances showing that you are still deep in her frame. You still want mommy’s approval, and you setting rules is weak.

There’s honestly too many for me to list them all. So, I challenge you OP, to reread your post and actively look for what I wrote. Also, question yourself as to what your true intentions were to call this meeting.

[–]broneilbro[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If that is your perspective that is fine. The rule setting was right after she told me from months ago. As it has gone along there hasn't been any rules. I stated those were more guidelines not rules in the sense that if later it comes out that we were both bringing SOs around the daughter during the process it would look bad on both.

I'll admit I still have a foot or toe within her frame as I know she is emotionally unstable in the sense and that will bleed into my kid from what I previously stated.

The reason to call the meeting was to give her a heads up and not to be petty like she was. I could have gone all crazy and shit like I read on here but I'm driving the relationship and setting the tone moving forward.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just go back to back with a single life post.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (7 children) | Copy

gonna cut to the chase. are you implying you think STBX new guy is a molestation risk for your daughter?

[–]broneilbro[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

No. What I brought to her attention was that my kid called him "pretend daddy" while we were talking about our family. I informed her that is inappropriate for our kid to believe that. She went on to state that her female friends are called "pretend mommy" etc. I couldn't believe how she was trying to justify it and saying I was blowing it out proportion and it wasn't anything, "There is nothing to worry about, he's a good guy."

Her tone changed when I asked if in her mind if it was normal for a male friend to spend the night alone with the mother and daughter. She was surprised by that question because she knew exactly what I was talking about.

I informed her that it would probably be best to tell her paramour to minimize posting on the instagram. She knew she couldn't justify it anymore. I moved on from that because I told her regardless of what seems "ok" to her, our kid can have a different perspective, and that would be the end of that as I addressed it.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Her tone changed

you reading into her thoughts (a bad covert contract btw) that she's seeing your POV; and taking this as anything but you being a cunt is beyond deluded.

listen Stevebroneilbro; you're conflating two things and making a mess of it.

one the one hand, it was good for you to give her a heads up and even provide some emotional absorption because the ideal X relationship with kids is the two of you are adult co-parents that TRUST each other to look out for the child's interest primarily and to a lesser degree the X by proxy.

on the other hand, you have no say in your STBX life or relationships. the only leading you should be doing is leading by example. you are solidly in the frame of STBX and even more in the frame of your daughter's "pretend family".

my kid called him "pretend daddy"

if you did not have your head up your ass and ego, you would see this is the best possible outcome. your STBX is going to have a man (let's hope as opposed to a train of men) in her life. hopefully, he is a man that will treat your STBX and daughter well.

posting on the instagram

you've already been called a faggot several times on this post; but ffs stop focusing on your STBX and her pretend family and start focusing on building a life for yourself and your daughter.

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Agree to disagree. The reading into the emotions is not for a contract because the contract is over with. If I was reading into manipulate or throw a contract that hopefully has my dick getting wet from her would be true but it's more of me seeing what Rollo mentioned about the emotions and how they can spin like a tornado.

I agree with the "No Say" and I was attempting to set those boundaries for my daughter and who she brings around but that was blasted through with the family dates she had with him and my daughter.

I don't know the guy and I could give two shits if he is a solid person. It's questionable that a guy would see it okay to play daddy with a married wife but I guess coming from the military side of things those guys (Chads) can get fucked. As I told my wife I could careless about you dating the guy but when she brought him around my daughter that is a line that is not meant to cross. She trying to justify it before I told her I knew he spent the night was amusing as fuck in a weird way.

Yeah people can call me what they want to feel better about themselves through self elevation but yes. Again she could fuck the guy in my old bed (probably did) but integrating my child in it really did it if you know what I mean. Looking after my child as my wife is only looking after her vagina.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

ok Steve

keep abusing yourself. don't listen to the people that have lived your future life from the POV of the child; or the countless men on here that have seen their friends and brothers run every possible play book.

let your feelz guide you.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

deleted What is this?

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

[–]broneilbro[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

/sarcasm was rampant. I’ll be the first to admit and thank MRP for the knowledge and getting g me straight. Sometimes the childish insults make me laugh. It gets old honestly and takes away from the context of the message.

Definitely appreciate the support and I’m focusing on the POV of my kid who has taken this well for now.

[–]eddielovett-3 points-2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I would ask my kid to choose a parent, is that not an option?

[–]broneilbro[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

My kid is 4 years old and I would not ask them of that. I live 10 minutes away from her now (I don’t think she’ll ever leave the city but who knows). We have decided that since she bought a house in a decent but bad school part of town the kid will go to school at the well regarded one right across the street from me next year.

There are a bunch of wins under my list and honestly I think the MRP really helped out. I’ll admit I’m not as dark as some of the content here due to my engrained traits but yes it helped out a lot.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

it varies from state to state, but generally around 14-16, the law requires THE JUDGE to ask the child what his living arrangement preference is. in some states, it's the child's opinion alone that decides assuming mom/dad is not a crack head.

YOU asking your kid to make this decision is terrible idea though



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