It has been a long time coming. Filed a couple days ago. I was sitting in with the Paralegal going over the process and finances. I pretty much explained how multiple assets were covered by pre-existing trusts and other smart moves that I did while I was young.
I explained to the PL that I wanted to wait after the holidays but then I realized what's the point. Take action and move on. Don't drag out or talk about it without action.
The lawyer came in halfway through and was starting to talk about division of assets and such which I handed our pre-nup that after reading it said it was one of the most tightly written pre-nups he had seen in a while and was impressed by it.
As we were sitting there I just realized that throughout the meeting I was catching myself thinking of her and what she would think about me filing and how it would affect her. I caught myself and realized that it is me first and daughter second...everything else is trivial.
I asked her to lunch which she later told me she knew it was coming. When I told her I filed she took it as a relief as she stated she was going to within a couple of weeks. She went on how we were in different places and this and that. She started going down the rabbit hole of shit tests saying "You weren't this...and that". I fogged, AA and minimized DEERing. I felt more prepared for by the RP then anybody else.
One thing she mentioned to me when I had laid out the 3 basic rules of the separation 1. Kid comes first. 2. Trust 3. Don't bring anybody around the kid during the process, she felt that it was directed and she didn't have any say with it.
I saw the shit test coming and I told her lack of planning would not fall on me and I was leading the process to move into the new relationship we will have. She separated and I was once again seeing it to completion.
She was hung up on the last rule because her paramour she denied. I told her I knew about him a long time ago and honestly it didn't matter until she brought him around my kid. I chuckled when I said "Do you think your the first military wife to have an affair and leave her husband while deployed?"
She tried to play the "He's a good guy and you don't have to worry about him around your daughter", which I responded with "A good guy wouldn't camp out in the backyard of a married woman's house and make smores with a married woman's daughter". Blank stare from her.
She realized that, but boy was the narcissism sooo thick. She honestly didn't see the issue with it and I realized I was dealing with a child. I simply asked "If the roles were flipped, how would you see it?" She then saw it but boy was it amusing seeing this.
As we kept discussing she would throw some shit tests my way that in the past I would defend myself and be a bitch, but I was seeing them coming and I just accepted responsibility for it and moving on. She was again perplexed by the guy that was sitting in front of her.
Moving forward, I realize I have to be the adult in this new relationship as she is not driving the pathway. She stated she will get an attorney and will work on it going forward. I told her that she will be served and that I will have the kid when it happens.
I can't scorch earth this because a kid is involved and I told her straight up that if our kid wasn't in the picture she would have the papers a week after she told me. She was so surprised by that she didn't know what to say.
As we left she reality must have struck her because she just broke down. I helped mend the feels but I told her while we are no longer partners we are still coparents and if she needs anything let me know. She just stood there as I walked away but boy that was a 130lb gorilla off my back.
Overall I know it might not be the awesome action story but I want to say that while it is the first step in the process, the MRP family provided the skill set that helped maintain my frame to a degree (yes I'm not that cold blooded or petty but this sets the theme moving forward).