Since my last post was uninformed I will try to start this one more appropriate.
Been married to my second wife for almost two years.
We have a one month old child. Both of us have children from previous marriages.
I have lifted in some manner since I was 9 years old. I guess you could say I am one of those guys that won the genetic lottery. The first time I remember maxing on bench I lifted 210lbs. I don’t recall my age but I weighed around 125 or 130 because I remember being the only kid that could lift over my weight when we maxed. In middle school I dunked a basketball for the first time and realized I had a talent for jumping. I wound up earning a college scholarship for track and field and competed for two years and just missed qualifying for NCAA nationals my freshman year. I quit college after two years and got into powerlifting. I competed one time for the USAPL and unofficially qualified for nationals for the raw division. I say unofficially because it was in an equipped division so they wouldn’t accept my lifts. I still managed to earn a bronze medal in the Southern regional championships being the only unequipped lifter in the building. My best lifts (primarily all gym lifts) BP 455, SQ 605, DL 550. Currently I am training for a fight (explain under hobbies), so my lifting varies depending on my body weight. I am cutting some weight for my fight. However, strength, muscle mass and testosterone have never been a deficit for me. A year ago, on a bet with a chump, I went and maxed on bench. Had not touch a weight in at least three years and I told the guy I could bench over 300. I got 365. I weighed about 215 at that time. In my early 20’s I had a hormone profile done because I had trouble sleeping and the doctor thought my symptoms were that of Low T. Plus I drank a lot everyday and my diet was a typical powerlifting diet. When the bloodwork came back he asked me if I took steroids. My free testosterone level was just under 800. Right now I’m 34 years old and about 205lbs under 10% body fat and should hit around 6 to 7% on weigh in day. Now post-RP I guess you could say I’m the most genetically gifted recovering beta chump I could be. I was raised by a single slut to be a feminine emotional stuffed animal. I think I am coming out of the rage stage because I am finally starting to be entertained and slightly inspired by my use of game. Up until about 2 to 3 weeks ago I was almost ready to go straight up MGTOW. I think seeing some dread results has boosted my confidence.
My main hobby is competitive kickboxing. In 2017 I won the International Kickboxing Federation amateur heavyweight title. It’s a small niche but a pretty serious accomplishment for it. I haven’t competed this year accept for the upcoming bout. I plan on getting into amateur boxing this year to hopefully pursue a title in that.
I am just now familiarized with dread and it seems like I am going from level three to four. From my best judgment, I was inadvertently causing dread pre-RP but succumbing to the shit tests(high achiever in career and hobbies). I think that is probably why my first wife left and my wife now has been giving me so much grief and throwing all kinds of shit tests at me. I am now actively applying dread and seeing some real progress the last month. Which is probably why I am getting out of the rage stage.
My last post gave me some great insight on my progress and regress. With these new insights I hope to break past some sticking points and move forward.
On to my question. I have seen some recent positive results from shit test avoidance. My wife was raised in a home with an alcoholic parent and has a history of abuse. Despite my femininistic upbringing, I didn’t experience the same kind of trauma. I imagine I activate a few of her “triggers” while she cries wolf 100% of the time. Now that I recognize 99% (most likely 100%) of them are shit tests, her frame is losing stability. Last night I stood my ground till the bitter end. Even left the house because she threw a dirty diaper at me. During her attempt to argue she threw every comment possible at me to incite rage and disgust. I didn’t even raise an eyebrow. Then she said, “I don’t know what game you’re playing or what the rules are, but I am going to find out and we’ll see how that goes”. I just want to know if any of you have been in a similar boat as me and how you’re progress has went to get some idea how this will look as I proceed. I know everyone’s different but I would still like to have an idea.
A word before you answer*
I am a Christian and I will not consider divorce until certain lines have been crossed. You can think I’m stupid but that’s just me. When those lines are crossed, it will come without hesitation. If she leaves and files for divorce, I will not prevent it. I will sign and walk. Until then I am committed to every practical means necessary to make my marriage work. So a hard next is not my first option. Also considering the trauma my wife experienced as a kid, mental illness is a predictable certainty. There is no formal diagnosis but she is in therapy but takes minimal active responsibility for her condition(always a victim). I have little to no hope for her therapy because it is a female therapist but better than nothing I suppose. I think any progress that has come has been more from my newfound RP increase in stability in our home environment rather than therapy. My marriage may be on its way out and I am prepared for that in some ways and preparing in all the other areas I can manage. I sold my house paid off all my frivolous debts and all but one we shared which I should be able to pay off soon. I drive an old truck and work for cash. I’m ready for anything but will try to work it out. Either way, for once in my life, I’m good. Just want to hear from the guys that have traveled this same road. Thanks and God bless!