On the topic of being butthurt and BJ's

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October 26, 2018

I see this topic come up over and over. I think I might have even posted on it in the past. I get it, we initiate, if we get shut down, we find a way to go do something else. This is tricky, like a tightrope act trying to not take your toy and go home without looking like a pouty 4 year old.

However, I think I have this part down, and to be honest it's not that hard for me, since I don't deal with a lot of rejection. Pretty much whenever I want she will "allow me to have sex with her body" aka starfish.

My problem with being butthurt is this:

I love oral, she know this. No BJ's for the first 17 years (might be off by a year or two) this was pre-rp, and I one time I got ballsy enough to just ask her/tell her what I wanted. She agreed and did it, at the time saying "this is out of my comfort zone" I complimented her on how good it felt, etc, etc. This was about 6 years or so ago. I thought "great!, now this is on the menu, if I get one a week, or every other week, I'll be stoked"

Yeah well.. we all know how that story ended. It was a couple times a month at first, then about every three months. Then regressed to "special occasions" maybe Valentine's day or my birthday. So, again.. couple years ago had "the talk" (blue pill stupidity) and in the middle of the discussion she blurts out "I know what you want, but I think oral is disgusting and I'm not doing it" then later kinds of backs off that and says.. "well, I mean it doesn't mean I'm NEVER doing it again"

All that backstory to ask this question. I initiate, I game her, kino.. cocky fun. All that. She's is always buying lingerie, and is pretty good about using it. However, no BJ's for probably over a year now. She KNOWS I want it, and in arguments in the heat of the moment she has said things like "I know I'm not good enough in bed" etc, etc. But unwilling to change it apparently. ( at least for me)

The issue is, after we have sex, which is ok (ish) 5 out of 10 for enthusiastic participation most times, and 0 out of 10 for oral. It just grinds on me that she knows I want it and won't do it. So the mental tug of war that I have is, she is kind of watching me to see if I'm happy or not afterwards or the next day. I feel like if I act like everything's great, I'm not being honest with what I want from her, and she's think " Ok, cool.. he's good with everything, no BJ required.. maybe he's forgotten about it and totally satisfied now" but if I act butthurt or sulk (which isn't common, but I'll be damned if it still doesn't happen from time to time). She kind of gets the message and the next day "what are you mad about? Is it something I did? Or didn't do??"

Early on in my journey, I doubted that I could pass her SMV, but I think I've done it. By about a point. WAY more IOI's when I'm out, in the best shape of my life. To be honest, if I push hard over the next couple years, I could maybe pull another point (or half a point) but I'm kinda maxed now. So trying hard to be attractive not be unattractive.

I have to fight my blue pill instinct and "talk" to her again about it. 'Cause we all know that isn't going to work. I guess some of us might have a particular sex act that we want, and it might be a hard no from our S/0, so I guess you just suck it up, and deal with the fact that it's off the menu?

Not sure I'm willing to do that. Regardless of everything else that she does, I just can't let this go, and frankly I don't want to let it go. I guess I have to make the decision whether or not to spin plates, or some other drastic measure. I highly doubt that after 20+ years that she's going to find some appeal to it.

Post Information
Title On the topic of being butthurt and BJ's
Author MRPN00b
Upvotes 14
Comments 58
Date 26 October 2018 09:37 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203851
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9rovso/on_the_topic_of_being_butthurt_and_bjs/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
butthurtkinoplatesexual market valuegamethe blue pill

[–]IAmEnlightened23 points24 points  (14 children) | Copy

Dread. If she thinks you can get what you want elsewhere and doesn’t want to risk that she has no choice. Next time you go for dinner flirt with the waitress.

[–]ThorBy347 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

I don't feel like the waitress was flirty the last time my wife and I went out to eat. But the next day, my wife styled her hair exactly the same as the waitress did. Maybe she's seeing stuff that I'm not seeing.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

She's seeing that you prefer inserting your penis in either (1) a plate of braised leeks with mozzarella and fried eggs, or (2) other mens' anuses.

She's a bright girl.

[–]MRPN00b[S] 4 points5 points  (11 children) | Copy

Right, I understand that for a lot of women it's a mate guarding technique. I will need to up my game here.

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"4 points5 points  (10 children) | Copy

"this is out of my comfort zone"


[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"18 points19 points  (9 children) | Copy

You know, I read that quote and ha-ha'd, but then I re-read the rest of your post and understand. You've upped your SMV. You're not the piece of shit loser I thought at first.

So what then?

Well... potentially get used to it. Or get used to throwing your weight around.

Let me explain.

My (current) wife is not an oral kind of girl. In retrospect, I realize she wasn't on day one. Or day 500. Or day 5,000.

My SMV is through the roof - though perhaps her body innately knows my DNA is weak (really weak) - and maybe she's just rejecting me - genetically. Maybe. But probably not.

All signs point to not loving oral. Or body secretions. Or whatever. Like an apparently large portion of the female population.

Okay, I get it.

But I like oral. A lot. so how to solve?

Well, getting in sick shape helped. But not that much. After all, when we met I was already in sick shape and looked very good. Then, though, I suppose I didn't realize it would bother me later that it's not such a priority for her... either way, incidentally, giving or receiving... she's more of an intercourse kind of girl.

But damn, after many, many years, it started to irritate me. What the fuck did I get myself into? Why did I put up with that.


Being pushy, forceful, and demanding helped solve my problem. To some degree. I simply didn't and don't give her another choice. And I can be animated enough to push through starfish - and to be honest haven't experienced starfish in ages - but goddamn I wanted - and continue to want - oral.

The woman hates the taste of her own secretions on my mouth. She's disgusted by the thought of "microbes" in our food supply. She wouldn't swallow if you (or at least me) severed her head first, though she regularly tries. Jesus, either my semen tastes like hell - possible considering what it's been subjected to - or she's just not that into it.

... SACRILEGE. Don't I know that she'd be blowing Brad Pittt and eating his cum and maybe even his brains because he's so hawwwt and I'm so pathetic!?!

Well, that sounds good and all but in practice it isn't necessarily the answer.

Just understand that some girls dig it and some don't and you can influence the outcome by (1) upping your hawtness and (2) being a demanding mother-fucker.

But if your'e looking for a cock-hungry whore who wants to bow down before your hawtness and let you spray your manly manliess around her, above her, and in her, you may have to look further. Apparently not all women are wired-for-morphing-into-nightly-cum-eating-hotness-and-whoreness-porn-star-material. Bummer. Fuck it. You could be eaten alive by a ravenous wolf, which would be worse, so quit complaining and put things in perspective. Homo.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (4 children) | Copy

I guilt tripped my wife into oral over my bp years. She did it so i don't go bipolar when she rejects me. Said she'd rather do it than put up with me being mad at her for days. Now that I've adopted rp to an extent and gained some muscle she flat out rejects me again since i stopped being butthurt when she did. Rp has failed me on this one it seems.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Ramp her up with foreplay, fingering and clit work, mouth doesn’t find the love pole after getting it close to her mouth, stand up and walk.

[–]MRPN00b[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Great plan.. except when I try to finger her she squirms and closes her legs and tells me “it feels like I’m at the dr” I’ve gotten up and walked after that but it didn’t matter. I should mention there are some religious conservative issues at play here.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I assume you have read this

Can I ask how many times you think the the doctor ramps up your wife playing with her clit ?

The statement tells me your placement is wrong. You aren’t fucking exploring

If done right, the euphoric state overwhelms the “no bj” wall.

Have you watched Nina Hartley on how to eat pussy ?

What do you think Jim Baker said to his religious secretary he was banging ?

Sidebar. Book of Pook.

Lift. For god sakes lift.


Dread. Dread. Dread.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Time to get a different woman

[–]lololasaurus4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Lol. That last comment is straight Aurelius with attitude.

[–]DeepReindeer2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Especially the homo part.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Tl;dr some girls don’t suck dick. If you want a girl to suck your dick, date a girl who sucks dick.

[–]gameoflibidos1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

this. there are women who will do everything in the world and love it... but won't/dont like sucking dick. Just what it is.

If that's way up your list.. then date one who does like it. No ones fault but your own if you married one who doesn't.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine19 points20 points  (1 child) | Copy

She’s all in your head.

TELL her what you want her to do during the act. If she doesn’t do it, your SMV & dread aren’t high enough.

Become a man who gets BJs. If you two broke up, she’ll be giving Chad a BJ soon enough and wouldn’t find it “gross”.

She finds it “gross” because she still sees you as a Beta male and she isn’t afraid of losing you.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret14 points15 points  (0 children) | Copy

Up the fucking dread

"she’ll be giving Chad a BJ soon enough and wouldn’t find it “gross”.

This ain't no shit

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret38 points39 points  (8 children) | Copy

You know whats better than a bj from your wife. A bj from a chick that actually wants to do that shit.

17 fucking years man, 17 years...

[–]hack3geRed Beret5 points6 points  (6 children) | Copy

Not gonna lie I’m almost there myself....

Wife will do it occasionally as foreplay now but never to completion or on shark week.

That being said when we were first dating I eventually got her to swallow regularly so I know she’s capable just not sure I’m there yet or if the return on investment is worth it given I could just call the 18 year old who offered to blow me a few weeks ago.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Why not both? The only investment you should be making is in yourself.

SMV creates opportunity but frame puts it into action. I’m going to get my dick sucked and I’m going to get her to suck my dick sound similar but they’re worlds apart.

[–]drty_prRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m going to get my dick sucked and I’m going to get her to suck my dick sound similar but they’re worlds apart.

Some of that RP zen right there

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine16 points17 points  (2 children) | Copy

“first dating I eventually got her to swallow..”

Because she was on her best behavior and auditioning for the role of wife.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill12 points13 points  (1 child) | Copy

These guys need to learn to get them back to auditioning.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

These guys need to learn to get them back to auditioning.


It’s not just for breakfast anymore

[–]johneyapocalypseThe one that says "Bad Motherfucker"3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

That being said when we were first dating I eventually got her to swallow regularly

That, then, is a good sign that you've morphed into either (1) a homosexual, (2) a soy-eating asshole or (3) a CHUD (cannibalistic humanoid underground dweller - you had to be alive in the 90's to understand).

If she did that once she'll do that again.... but... don't be (1) fat, (2) skinny, (3) weak, (4) sick, (5) pathetic, or (6) gay.

But you already know that.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Amen to that.

[–]justpickanyusernameRed Beret14 points15 points  (4 children) | Copy

Short Answer? You're not attractive enough and/or she is too comfy in the relationship.

Raise your SMV. Lift, clean yourself up, become more social, the list goes on and on and the sidebar is full of what to do. Also, you need to be somewhere on the DREAD ladder to give her the motivation to suck your dick before someone else does. There should always be an undercurrent of DREAD even in a healthy relationship. It keeps everyone on their best behavior.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

“undercurrent of DREAD even in a healthy relationship.”

Damn right. Newbies reread this ^

[–]MRPN00b[S] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Duly noted. I think I have provided a little TOO much comfort in the past.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You worry about her too much. I look my wife in the eyes and tell her "it ain't gonna suck itself"

If she won't someone else will.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yep. Never a better words spoken

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

How in the fuck did you let 17 years go by without getting your dick sucked faggot?

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can’t make this stuff up

[–]simbarlionRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

I love oral, she know this. No BJ's for the first 17 years

You are trying to cross her long-standing boundary. You have. But she is trying to maintain it.

Dread will help, but the truth here is your trying to make a leopard change it's spots. It will be a constant battle. One you already lost 16 years ago

[–]MRPN00b[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Maybe. But there has been progress in other areas. No lingerie at first at all. Now she has a drawer full and wears it often. So I know she can change, for me? Not sure about that

[–]JudgeDoom699 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

Stop trying to negotiate with her. You’re not a five year old asking for mommy’s permission.

STFU and stick your dick in her mouth and see what happens.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Up the fucking dread

[–]SuperCrazy073 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

WAY more IOI's when I'm out, in the best shape of my life.

This is a start, but what are your stats? What do you lift?

When you are out, has a girl ever bought you a drink in front of the wife? Touched your arms and complimented your muscles?

It's pretty rare for a girl to hate BJs so much she won't do them. I've never met a girl who flat out refuses.

So, my guess is either your SMV is not as high as you think or the wife doesn't think you're going anywhere (or, most likely, both).

PS - I can't figure out what is more baffling...that you went 17 years with no BJs or that you married a girl who had never given you one.

[–]MRPN00b[S] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

6'5 220 BP 265 OHP 165 DL 300 visible abs, would not have a problem taking my shirt off and having a conversation with a beautiful woman. (that's always been my benchmark)

We don't drink.. so no. Never had one bought for me. Had a couple of notes left on the car when she was around, etc.

I never said she didn't give me one before we were married.

But, you might be right. There is always room for SMV improvement, and yes.. she probably knows I'm not going anywhere, but I think she is less sure about that now than she was..

[–]hack3geRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

This might be the answer tbh - when my wife found the email I sent to my lawyer asking how quickly she could draw papers (yes I know my lawyer is a women but she is ruthless) the next week I got blown regularly and that’s when foreplay BJs came back on the menu.

Not sure I recommend accidentally having your wife find your communications with your lawyer as I wasn’t sure when it happen if my SMV was high enough to handle that.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Raise the dread and the bj bedroom will no longer be dead.

[–]Nec_sorte_Nec_fato2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

A couple of things you said resonated perfectly with me, ie "she has said things like "I know I'm not good enough in bed" etc, etc. But unwilling to change it apparently. ( at least for me)" and "It just grinds on me that she knows I want it and won't do it.".

I don't have the answer for you, but can say with certainty that some women do not respond to dread in the MRP predicted fashion. My wife KNOWS I could walk out the door and get laid but it does.not.motivate.her to give me blowjobs. Instead of rising to the occasion like a champ, she takes on the "poor me" victim mentality and tries to convince me that she's just not that sexual of a person.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret9 points10 points  (4 children) | Copy

MRP isn’t about making her do anything. It’s about giving you the tools to be able to get that BJ. No one promised you it would be with her.

Once you get to that point it’s up to you to decide how you proceed. The stay plan will always be the same as the go plan.

What is it called again when you go into something with the expectation that if you do “A” for someone that they will then reciprocate with “B”?

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Pick me pick me I know this one!

[–]MRPN00b[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You in the back with the mullet..go

[–]MRPN00b[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I get the covert contract. But honestly, I’ve killed that. Where in my post do you see “I’ve done xyz for her and she won’t xz for me”?

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You entire post is basically “I’ve done MRP SO THAT I could get BJ’s from my wife....yet she still won’t suck my dick”.

The part you got right is the end, you need to decide what measures to take that are within your control.

Make a decision and decide how far up the dread ladder you want to go to get your dick sucked. It’s all 100% within your control.

[–]BostonBrakeJob2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you haven't read Practical Female Psychology yet, you should. Sounds like you, too, have a low self esteem good girl on your hands.

IME, it can change. Heavy dread will get her there, but once she starts getting out of her comfort zone the dread can start to be counterproductive. Leadership trumps dread at that point. It's up to you to decide if the juice is worth the squeeze though, and YMMV.

[–]MRPN00b[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You hit this on the head. Dread works almost in reverse with her.. she just starts feeling sorry for herself, even though I have given her the path, I have to be careful with dread here

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

can say with certainty that some women do not respond to dread in the MRP predicted fashion.

Yes. So true. My conclusion is they don't see the link aka hamster lost in maze. But even overt statements don't seem to clear it up. Just shouting ' more dread' is not going to help this one.

And welcome back nec.

[–]Whiteliesmatter11 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Look normally negotiated sex doesn’t work and is gross and pathetic. Negotiated sex acts are not. Your wife is already enthusiastic about having sex with you, so upping “dread” (stupid word) probably won’t work or isn’t the right solution. In any relationship, almost certainly, one partner will want something sexually the other partner isn’t thrilled with. Even if they are attracted to each other. No one says each and every sex act must be mutually enjoyable. The sex life on a whole needs to be mutually enjoyable. But it isn’t necessary for her to enjoy giving blowjobs to give you them. Let her know this. You can do this without it being gross negotiated sex because she is already enthusiastic about sex with you. If she wasn’t it would be another story. Also, don’t settle for shitty sex. I would rather have no sex than duty sex. Learn to say no when the sex isn’t up to your reasonable standards. Have some self respect that way. It is like if you went to a restaurant and the chef served food that was cold. Would you eat whatever you are given or would you let them know it wasn’t good enough and send it back?

[–]MRPN00b[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Great feedback. And I agree, she knows I won’t do starfish, I have pulled out and left over that before.

The point to this question is not how can I get her to suck my dick, but how can get control of my butthurt and anger over not getting it? And if I DO control it and reset, how does she get the message that it wasn’t acceptable?

I’m at the point in this journey, that if I had to choose between pity BJ’s (negotiated etc) and keeping my self respect and staying in my frame.. I’ll choose the latter.

In a perfect world, I would be getting enthusiastic participation and we both have a great time. But I’m more interested in controlling my anger and resentment over it.

[–]Whiteliesmatter13 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Oh yes I struggled with that as well. The adage is to withdraw affection and DGaF, but really hard to do that without seeming butthurt I agree. And that is not sexy.

I struggled with this as well for a while but what I found was that fostering a general playful attitude about sex in general helps. Be rediculous with it. Don’t take it too seriously. Ask for rediculous shit that is WAY out of her comfort zone that you don’t even like. When she turns you down you won’t care because you won’t want it anyways. Laugh it off and say “up to you!” Like you invited her to a super fun party and she would rather stay home and be boring than join you in the fun. Using something rediculous you know she will say no to and that you don’t really care about anyways helps you get practice for how light being denied something sexual should really feel and practice the reaction. Now internalize that attitude and outcome indifference in everything to do with sex.

Now that you know how to take rejection lightly. Be very vocal about what you want sexually all the time while you are having sex. If she straight up refuses even though you are being light and assertive about it. Then you need to give her playful swats on the but for her being a naughty girl. Ask again. If she refuses to play along then stop the play and tell her she is no fun. Important: you must be having fun with this. But if you are playing and she refuses to engage in your game, then you end the game. Same as any other game. No hard feelings, but she doesn’t get to have sex if she isn’t willing to contribute to the fun. That should go without saying.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Is this your hill to die on or not ?

Is head from her worth it ?

It is really about head ?

Willing to bet that until she is enthusiastic for sex with you all the time you won’t get anywhere.

And since she isn’t enthused .... what makes you think you got what it takes to get head ?

[–]IRunYourRiver0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What Dread level are you? The ones that stick around on MRP say 3 or 4 is when sexual enthusiasm and frequency picked up. BPP says 5 is the target.

[–]chadinthemaking0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Divorced my cheating wife who wouldn’t do Amal and withheld sex. GF available night and day and asks where I want to take her. YMMV.

[–]Tiway220 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Would she suck brad pitts dick? Yes, she would.

Hence, you are a complete pushover and beta. Up the dread big time. Spend time with other females and make her wonder.

17 years man... I’m so sorry. That is no way for any man to live. A sad existence when the rest of us are getting blown anytime we want.

[–]MRPN00b[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It IS sad. But on the positive side, it brought me here, and I’ve grown because of it and other areas of my life are MUCH improved post pill

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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