The stay plan. The go plan. Killing puppies.

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October 23, 2018

Without loading a bunch of puke into your day, last night I realized how important the phrase, “the stay plan is the same as the go plan” is.

This process has no mantras. No 12 steps (though OYS seems a little that way) to drive you through it. I realized I am the steps.

The reactions of your spouse don’t change the plan. Neither do their emotions or their attempts to manipulate. You own the steps.

Your obligation is to grow and learn how to assert your needs as the best choice for you and your spouse and your family. If those choices are challenged by factors or action of others- then your stay plan is not the same as your go plan and you don’t own your process because as evidenced by how easily it is derailed.

I did not get what I wanted by way of reaction or physical intimacy last night. So what? Boohoo. Plan remains the same.

So the question I have for y’all is this: MAP in hand, it is time to kill the puppy. Move fast or move slow? Anyone with experience? Fast seems best to get on with my own life. Slow seems best for all the others involved. I’m gonna get divorce drilled in this as I am in the very worst tactical position - SAHM, I make 6 figure, few kids in tow...

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Title The stay plan. The go plan. Killing puppies.
Author ieatclicks
Upvotes 10
Comments 39
Date 23 October 2018 02:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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[–]hack3geRed Beret12 points13 points  (18 children) | Copy

Have you even met with a lawyer? Not sure you can make any decisions or have a plan without knowing your exposure. You seem very ill prepared - I have a lawyer on retainer, full financials worked out including a budget + 20 year financial plan, a fuck you fund of 5 figures, a custody plan, all my key documents stored electronically, a mortgage broker on call, etc.

I know I didn't initially realize why the "Stay / Go Plan" concept was so powerful - sure it means that if things end you would be in a better place. But there real power is if you honestly can walk away at any point then you are free to make the decisions for your life/family without reservation or consideration for anything other than your own best interests.

As for you speed question, you have no post history so odds are you are a fat fuck captain who isn't owning his shit - unless there's more to the story like cheating / BPD / piss poor vetting then you wanting to kill the puppy is the anger stage which you shouldn't make any decisions in. Let it pass by STFU, lifting and sidebar and once you are six months in then re-evaluate. That anger is a real bitch to get over but you have to realize really you are just pissed at yourself not her because its all your fault.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

You seem very ill prepared - I have a lawyer on retainer, full financials worked out including a budget + 20 year financial plan, a fuck you fund of 5 figures, a custody plan, all my key documents stored electronically, a mortgage broker on call, etc

So? Have you served your wife?

The fuck good is all your planning and keeping a lawyer on retainer for if you have not filed? You sound stupid.

And your plan means shit. It is nothing but your initial offer in the process anyway.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I’m not getting divorced that’s my point. I’m more prepared than OP is for divorce yet he wants to kill the puppy.

I’m aware it’s a negotiation but OP doesn’t even have a baseline.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Well I am. Either you are lying, or you are an idiot.

No one plops down a retainer on a lawyer unless they are going to serve, or be served papers.

20 year financial plan? Give me a break. 5 years is great. 20 years is bullshit.

Custody plan? Also bullshit. More like custody wishes.

If you are going to give tactical advice, make it truthful.

And dont try to flex when you have no pump.

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

We were going to divorce in May - I had a lawyer on retainer at that point and now its just a contingency plan. It was only 1000$ so no skin off my back as it was going to be an amicable divorce.

I have a plan for 20 years because that’s when my kids get out of college, when I want to retire and have my house paid off.

True on the custody plan - it’s just what I want but it’s reasonable and I have some evidence I can use as leverage to get what I want per my lawyer.

My plan as good as it can get before negotiations start and is based on actual legal advice from multiple meetings.

Feel free to augment as you obviously are deeper in than I am.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

As /u/hack3ge implied-Cart before the horse

[–]Redpillbrigade175 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

There’s no replacement to being prepared. Have you met with a family lawyer yet? Need to have a 6-12 month outlook. Not saying take any action now but you should know dos and dont’s now over the next year or so in case you get there.

Also see if you can get her to go back to work, even if part time. It will help you if you do end up in divorce proceedings. SAHM and no/ little earning potential and recent record means you’ll pay out of your ass in both child support and at equitable distribution& alimony.

Good luck.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

No 12 steps (though OYS seems a little that way) to drive you through it.

your lack of sidebar is showing

without a history and context (post in OYS faggot) your question is ridiculous. there are no mind readers on this board. that fact that you can't grasp this basic fact of life tells me you need to read NMMNG several times.


[–]jakethesnake50004 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you are asking if you should rush/go fast through a divorce or slow, tells me you haven’t thought this all the way through. Take your time if this is the case, divorce lawyers aren’t going anywhere

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

If you were divorced by tomorrow, what could you do then that you couldn't do right now? Unless you have a compelling reason to rush, wait until you're in a more favorable position*. You're thinking emotionally when you need to be thinking strategically.

*And "I wanna fuck bitches" doesn't count. Get something on the side. If you're truly ready for divorce right now then you have nothing to lose.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

So you want a bunch of guys who don’t know you to give permission to do one or the other ?

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

Right? Should he go or should he stay? Flip you for it!

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

How you gonna flip 150 lbs?

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

From her back to her belly, of course.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I was talking about my own weight bruh.

If I gotta flip 150# in bed she better be 6 ft

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

She's totally an HB8 though, 9 with makeup!

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hmmm. You do you I guess huh ?


[–]IRunYourRiver1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you are really reading and internalizing MAP, you know that the phases last a while. You may be looking at a year or more of work to turn things around. Assuming that's what you want.

[–]Chump_No_More1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Woah! Hold on there hoss!

You're getting an understanding which will serve you now, but you still don't have the full nuance.

While your path to self improvement and enlightenment is your own, going Monk Mode in your marriage or divorcing due to a false sense of urgency misses a key methodology to 'The stay plan is the same as the go plan'... using your possibly STBX as the stone to hone your Frame and MPoO.

Unless your marriage is an absolute shit show, using your wife's shit testing and your response to them is a crucial metric for determining your progress. In this sense your wife does continue to add value to your life... and, believe me, you will know when her usefulness has passed.

Take your time, be deliberate, get ALL your shit squared away and THEN eject when the time is right for YOU.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (6 children) | Copy

Just a technicality, but killing the puppy refers to you pulling the trigger when she loaded the gun. Ie, she wants it to end, but can't do it herself.

You sound angry and sound like that guy Rambo.

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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