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I just started lurking on this sub, but is it for me?

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October 22, 2018
10 upvotes

I see a lot of people complaining about their marriage. I’m actually rather happy with mine. I’ve got someone who is beautiful and treats me like a king and I love her very much. The problem, you see, is that I am not worthy of the praise and love that I receive. I have let myself go, I don’t take proper advantage of my opportunities at work, I’m lazy, I don’t work out, the list goes on. I’m looking to better MYSELF, and in turn, keep the marriage strong. Am I in the right place? I have read the sidebar and I’m interested in any opinions regarding which of the various pieces of literature might be best for me to start with. Thank you for any advice.


Post Information
Title I just started lurking on this sub, but is it for me?
Author WhyAmIMisterPinkk
Upvotes 10
Comments 61
Date 22 October 2018 08:44 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203868
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9qhtcr/i_just_started_lurking_on_this_sub_but_is_it_for/
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Comments

[–]FixYourselfFirst21 points22 points  (3 children) | Copy

I’m looking to better MYSELF

Perfect.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yes that’s something that stood out to me that leads me to believe that this is a good place for me. That being said, if you were me, a man who is simply looking to stop being such a lazy sack of shit and grind in the gym and the office and at home, where would you start? What should I read?

[–]FixYourselfFirst9 points10 points  (1 child) | Copy

Start with the sidebar in MarriedRedPill. You have to use old reddit to see it.

The starting books are:

  • No More Mr Nice Guy, Robert Glover
  • Married Man Sex Life Primer, Athol Kay
  • When I Say No, I Feel Guilty, M. Smith
  • The Rational Male, Rollo Tomassi
  • The Mindful Attraction Plan, Athol Ka

[–]hystericalbonding6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP: I'm lazy

FixYourselfFirst: I'll spoon-feed you what to do next

Codependent enabler.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret13 points14 points  (5 children) | Copy

You're not special; you've just woken up halfway down the pit rather than already at the bottom impaled on the spikes. The programme for pulling yourself out is the same, but the climb is shorter.

  • Step 0: kill your ego and let go of the notion that you or your wife are special, and that you're better or different from the other men here. Real progress won't begin until you do so.

  • Step 1: follow the standard reading list and programme.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Ok, noted. Good explanation. What I’m really after are what pieces on the reading list are most suited for me? Given the fact that I need to improve myself personally as it pertains to my relationship moreso than the relationship itself.

[–]PhysicalPotential4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Looking for a short cut? Are you lazy? As in just read books 2 and 5 and then you will be done?

It's not a particularly long list of books and material.

Start lifting and ready each and every book in turn. You need them all. Don't skip on anything.

There are no shortcuts.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you

[–]FoxShitNasty832 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Reading books won't make you a better man but reading book and doing the work will. This path can be a long one and expect to be called a faggot... A lot.

Get to work with the reading and start owning your shit on the weekly thread... Faggot

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

They are listed in the order they are for good reason; follow that order.

Given the fact that I need to improve myself personally as it pertains to my relationship moreso than the relationship itself.

This is true for everyone here, regardless of the state of the relationship ... as you would know if had done any reading here before posting.

  • "MRP fixes the man, not the relationship."

  • "The stay plan is the same as the go plan."

[–]bling3656 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

I'm in the same place. Everything great with the wife. She's very good to me (2nd marriage for me). There could be some useful information here. Main goal is to be the best version of yourself.

[–]Brickles094 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

you probably have been married for just a couple years, right? Prepare for a rough ride after year 5 my friend...

[–]bling3654 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Can't predict the future. Learned alot from 1st marriage of 16 years. I just know if things ever go south, I always have other options.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good mindset. Don’t forget it.

[–]Reach180Red Beret7 points8 points  (7 children) | Copy

but is it for me?

We're not here to sell you. We don't get a commission. Do it or don't. We'll be fine either way.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

I hear you, completely understood. What I meant is, can this sub and its ideals help a man who is happy with his wife but unhappy with himself? And if so, what are the reading pieces that are more directed toward my situation? Thank you in advance

[–]Reach180Red Beret1 point2 points  (5 children) | Copy

This sub can help anyone, because we aren't about fixing relationships.

I suspect you're in for an awakening about your wife...it sounds like the part of you that feels unworthy is doing this to be worthy for your wife.

Most guys come here thinking their wife is their problem, and through changing their own assumptions and behavior, realize that's not really the case.

But either way, it doesn't matter why you start.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Thanks for the reply. Im trying to decipher exactly what you mean. Are you saying I should be motivated by the betterment of myself rather than becoming worthy of my wife? In that regard, I think I’m on the right track. I didn’t understand what you meant by the “awakening.”

[–]gameoflibidos1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Most men find their way here because their LTR/Wife basically stopped wanting to touch them because they lost all attraction for them. The reason this happens is because the man becomes lazy, stops trying to impress his wife, gets fat, stops dressing nice, basically just sinks into that lazy chair in the living room. The wife loses respect, resents and as a result loses attraction to her fat, lazy, boring husband.

Thus the prescription to fix this situation, is to fix the man. The man must take his life back over and become the best possible version of himself to get what he wants out of life and his relationships.

MRP is all about fixing the man. All that comes with fixing yourself is bonus gifts.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you, that makes sense. This point specifically is one that I haven’t reached yet and am trying to avoid. That’s how I found myself posting here.

[–]Reach180Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

What I'm saying is that you seem to think you need marriedredpill to become worthy of your perfect princess of a wife.

And if that's the case, this is the first thing you will need to wake up from.

It's not about "being motivated to better myself." It's about making yourself your mental point of origin

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ok, I read it. I’m still a little confused. Today is the day I start reading and lifting heavy things, so hopefully this message will make more sense to me with time. Thanks for the reply.

[–]hystericalbonding7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

Read the stickied "cut the shit post". Use it to build your first post in the weekly Own Your Shit thread in /r/marriedredpill. Next weekly thread is tomorrow. Get to work.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you!

[–]DeplorableRay3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

We all start from a different place, but the goal is to be better. For some that’s unfucking your entire life, and for others it’s just getting that twinkle back in your wife’s eyes.

Find your faults and fix them. If you need our opinions, ask us.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

A chick wrote this.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

What the fuck is with you fuckers asking us if this sub is for you. Do you want me to tell you if you should drive a toyota or a ford? You say you have been lurking yet you have not worked out that you should read the library of books before starting with such retarded questions.

You lurk yet you don't lift and haven't read the books = GTFO

[–]Middle_Aged_Child1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Isn’t this exactly what this sub is for? It’s in the title.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

The sub is for questions related to MRP.

Asking if this sub is for him is the same as going into a bicycle shop and asking if they think he should get a bike.

Now, if he goes into the shop and explains his issues and needs, I am sure the store people will help him choose a bike to suit.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sorry, I thought I explained what my problems were. So, in this case, I’m doing exactly what you ask, I’m going into the bike shop, detailing my current needs, and asking what type of bike I should purchase

[–]BarracudaRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, you're DEERing

U/Simbarlion is annoyed at all the newfags for asking if this sub is "right for them". To quote your literal fucking title:

but is it for me?

This sub is for questions from men who are already riding the bike. Get off the track if you're here to kick the tires.

Edit: I see that you addressed this, OP. Good on you for taking advice, you're on the right track.

To any lurkers wondering if this sub is "right for you": the only prerequisite is balls. Just start, today. This is a tool shed, it works the same for anyone who puts in the work.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 1 point2 points  (4 children) | Copy

I am but a man searching for a way to improve his life. Forgive my ignorance. I want to start lifting and reading the books, and I want to start now. I really was trying to get an idea of what pieces of the reading list are more pertinent to my particular situation. If you have any insight, thank you in advance

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I want to start lifting and reading the books, and I want to start now.

Excellent! - 'Models' by mark manson is a very easy start to understand relationship dynamics. It explains basic traits of 'being attractive' in the context of being a man at large, not being a man in a damaged relationship.. It is only mildly 'red pill' though.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you. As this is the first specific recommendation I have received from the reading list, I will start here. One day I may look upon you as the man who helped me change my life.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Read the books in order. Thousands of men contributed to the sidebar and the 3 top books remain the 3 top books. The order of the rest of the books and posts can change a bit depending on where you are and who you are especially on the Alpha/Beta/Simp scale but again, it is best to read them in order.

Do you think it was a good business decision to put Saving A Low Sex Marriage so far down on the sidebar? Nope! A pretty terrible one actually from a business sense but the decision was made because you SHOULD read the Rational Male and all the other books BEFORE you read my book. When you do that, and then read my book most readers agree it consolidates everything.

TLDR: The books and readings on the sidebar have been carefully curated and put in order over many years.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That clears it up. Thanks again for the help.

[–]TheThirdT1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you are lurking, its for you.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

We have a stay married plan and a don't stay married plan. We call it the "stay plan" and the "go plan." You could try the stay plan for your situation.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Ok great advice. Thank you.

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Keep reading and let me know when you get the joke. I mean it is serious and solid advice but it is also a tiny bit of an inside joke. Once you understand it better you will understand it better.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

I’ll guess that the joke is that the two plans are the same which, if true, is good to hear. The reason I was questioning anything in the first place is because I see a lot of posts of guys complaining about their wives being bitches and not getting sex. I don’t really have those problems now, but I want to be proactive and avoid them in the future.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It is a lot easier when you wake up while married before it all goes to Hell. Yes, the aphorism we always use is that "the stay plan is the same as the go plan."

MRP is about you, not your wife. Lots of guys complain bitterly about their wives and we usually let them because that is part of the process of grieving the blue pill idea of unconditional love.

However, bitching about your wife is certainly not the purpose of MRP! We leave that to /r/deadbedrooms. Once you work out the anger- and well before that even- it is time to STFU and get to work.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks. I appreciate it.

[–]Fritz_Frauenraub1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

MRP is not for you.

The hope of ending DBR is the motivating factor here.

But stay on your present trajectory and you'll be there soon enough.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (12 children) | Copy

You either married a unicorn, she’s in love with your inheritance $, or you’re a faggot troll.

No way she’s being loyal to a fat lazy fuck.

You sure she isn’t fucking a side piece?

Do you even fuck her?

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 5 points6 points  (11 children) | Copy

I can understand your skepticism. My friends are just as confused. I’m really lucky, I think she probably just doesn’t realize she could do better. No inheritance $ coming, and I’m genuinely searching for help, not trolling. Regarding your other questions: I guess I’m as sure as I can be that she’s not fucking someone else, I would be very surprised. Regarding our sex life, she would probably want to have sex more, but the whole lazy out of shape thing sometimes has me declining the offer. I’m especially ashamed of that last part, I feel like such a bitch

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

Just curious how long have you been married?

I used to think the same, that I had a unicorn, that it didn’t matter that I had let myself go. I even used to joke that I was sorry she didn’t have something better to look at. I look back and realize she was keeping the lights off because she didn’t want to look at ME.

Let me tell you what you can expect....Slowly the sex life turns into a dead bedroom, barely a drip feed to keep you around. .She’ll say she just doesn’t have much sex drive anymore. One day if you’re lucky you’ll find her messages on her phone or computer.....if you’re unlucky you’ll find some dude balls deep inside her....

Is there value in following MRP for you? Depends....what future do you want for yourself?

Hypergamy is a bitch. Many of us had to learn first hand. You get the benefit of being able to unfuck yourself before it rears it’s ugly head for you.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

As I read the responses, I realize I probably worded the title incorrectly. I figure that this sub is for me. What I really want to know is: given my circumstances that I detailed in the body of my post, where should I start? Maybe any specific reading pieces? Your situation doesn’t really sound exactly like mine. I still get sex when I want it, the problem is sometimes I don’t want to put in the effort. However, pertaining to your original question, I’ve been married only 1.5 years, so I understand that things have the potential to change drastically. This is why I’m seeking help. I want to fix myself now so that I don’t have to be the guy that hates his marriage because I’ve become a piece of shit and everything is my own fault. Thanks in advance for any advice.

[–]gettingmymojobackRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Where to start? Lift. Starting yesterday. Then sidebar. All of it.

You may think your situation isn’t similar but that’s only because you’re just getting started. Some of us have the benefit of a couple more decades experience. She may overlook your fat lard ass faults now, but how about after another 5 years, 10 years down the road?

We know how things go because we’ve lived it. Now get to work.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well said. Thank you

[–]SrsWHATISWRONGWITHU1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Regarding our sex life, she would probably want to have sex more, but the whole lazy out of shape thing sometimes has me declining the offer.

You find a double cheeseburger at McDonald's more attractive than your wife? Yeah, she notices that and it will catch up to you.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I know, that’s why I’m trying to fix myself.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Feelings mean nothing except what you do with them. They just are and what matters is action. What actions are you going to take about being a lazy, out of shape bitch?

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Well I’m gathering that it starts with “stfu and lift.” I’m doing that now so I assume the next step is to continue lifting and start doing the reading.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

“My friends are just as fucking her confused and laughing”

“she probably just doesn’t realize she could do better”

Bullshit mother fucker.

“sometimes has me declining the offer”

Faggot.

Get the fuck out -fat lazy piece of shit.

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Are fat lazy pieces of shit not the type of people that MRP tries to help? That’s why I’m here. I’m 5’8” 213 lbs. Useless human being at the moment. Trying to seek advice from the initiated on how to better my life. I understand your disdain for my life choices, but I only desire a better life for myself.

[–]runnowxxx0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

This place is not for you. That’s bcoz u’re too weak. You need a strong stomach for insults if u want to stay here.

But why the fuck do you want to be insulted day-in-day out in the first place? Why would anyone happy want to join fight club?

So just GTFO or STFU and lift.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

> a strong stomach for insults

and an equally strong stomach for egregious disrespect to basic spelling, evidently

[–]WhyAmIMisterPinkk[S] 1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Ok I’ll stfu and lift. Any particular pieces of reading you would start with if you were me?

[–]runnowxxx2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

did someone not say 'sidebar' already? anyway NMMNG has a free online ebook.

[–]BarracudaRP2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly. Fuck this place has gotten soft. Not too long ago "STFU and LIFT" would have been top comment.

I guess some guys still think you can come to fight club and just watch



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