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Maintaining frame after serious injury

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October 15, 2018
14 upvotes

Apparently, I am a "value leech," but did not see this addressed before.

To cut to the chase, I seriously injured my back. Can't lift shit, can't bend, can't pickup kids or groceries, can't do home maintenance. How the hell do you maintain frame under such circumstances. Can't do all the shit that makes me a man and captain of the ship.

I can tell wife is already losing respect for me. I'm doing all the shit the doc says to do and am trying to stay as active as possible, but, the fact remains, I can't do most of the shit I used to. And, to be honest, I feel useless.

So, the question posed is how to apply MRP principles in such circumstances?


Post Information
Title Maintaining frame after serious injury
Author Disgruntledfamilyguy
Upvotes 14
Comments 36
Date 15 October 2018 09:19 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203896
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9ogya7/maintaining_frame_after_serious_injury/
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Comments

[–]Two_kids_in_a_coat11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Take the reigns and steer her. She needs leadership, not a personal servant. Tell her what to do, put her ass to work. Give her a chance to show her worth. If you truly were a captain then she will jump at the chance to prove she’s worthy of you. If she gives you shit because she has to chip in then you were simply her BB and you just never noticed.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

“can tell wife is already losing respect for me”

She stopped sucking your dick?

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Among other things.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What she needs is to know that you´ll handle shit. You have to pass the message that "everything is going to be alright honey, i got this". Stay always in control. Never get desperate. Do what you have to do to heal the faster you can. You can still lead her.

What you cant do is act like a child and her as your momma. Then things go to shit.

[–]Tebulus8 points9 points  (3 children) | Copy

Stay busy and productive as much as possible within the constraints of your primary goal being "heal my back as quickly and efficiently as possible". You cant fight her unconscious perception so if you are a temporary invalid rest assured she is silently judging you in your weakest most painful moments. Protip: that is okay.

So four things: 1. Be attractive and don't be unattractive. 2. Prioritize healing. 3. Try to internalize that physical ability is a single puzzle piece on a very large puzzle and that you can still make a woman attracted to you and lead her while disabled/invalid. 4. Delegate.

Also, a question: How would you behave if this was your life from now on? Are you fucked? Or can you make it work? Do that.

Also I have heard people with chronic back pain say this is the shit and it cures you permanently: https://www.amazon.com/Healing-Back-Pain-Mind-Body-Connection/dp/0446557684

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

That book was instrumental in saving my life. And I’m not exaggerating one bit. When I was in my 20s I had debilitating chronic back pain, knee pain and wrist pain for years. I was depressed and had dropped out of school. The book explains how a lot of pain ( I would argue MOST chronic pain ) is psychosomatic meaning there is no physical cause for the pain but rather the pain signal is caused your brain. The why is complicated but stress, anxiety, repressed psychological trauma, unhappy marriage etc can all have a role to play.Ive since made a complete recovery using the tools in the book but it was no easy road. Dr Sarno is a genius and I’ve championed him to many people over the years, though most don’t listen and rather pity themselves than to do anything about it.

[–]40mullet3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This shit is very hard to believe, but when you finally do, you will be pain free. His book helped me 100% after shitload of money to chiropractors, physical therapy, massages, swimming, pillows, matresses, sitting on the fitness ball...painkillers, fuck them all. Useless shit.

Last time I had suddenly terrible lower back pain, I could not move at all. Laying down in agony. Took me half an hour to get up, another half an hour to move 10 feet and so on. Later in the evening I was 80% ok, couple days later 100%. Same situation took me 6 months to cure 5 years earlier using mainstream methods.

My trigger is money problems. Not lack of money, but some weird subconscious fair of useless moneyless future or something.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the book recommendation

[–]twiskirano2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Story of my life the past several+ months.

Mine started losing respect after the injury and it only got worse when I lost my job, that's how I found myself here.

Things took a turn for the better with lots of sidebar, STFU, focusing on healing, and even though I couldn't and still can't lift shit I began working on my diet and found that walking a fuck ton helps a lot with the back - took my 9 month old son on many walks to escape the harpy.

Totally going to read and watch the back stuff on here because I do want to lift again.

Cliffs: Sidebar, STFU, and work on bettering yourself

[–]coconutscentedcat1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

I also lost my job recently and feel that she lost respect for me. Feel like I have less value to offer, which changes the power dynamic. All of a sudden I became worried that she may cheat because the loss of respect - did you fear the same thing? It's hard to maintain value and frame when you're a man who lost his job, because much of our pride and confidence comes from working.

[–]twiskirano1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Kinda, but not so much because of getting hurt (there will be others), but because of the hell I'm most likely to encounter with regard to starting over and being able to care for my son without her and/or her family having the courts ram it up my ass.

Get another job and quit dwelling on it. I did.

[–]redwall921 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Aurelius speaks to this in his Meditations. Can't find specific examples at the moment, but to loosely paraphrase...

If life gives you something you cannot handle, then will stressing/whining/complaining/worrying/etc/etc make it better? No. Accept and acknowledge the things you can't handle.

The things you can handle? Handle them.

Another poster said

Stop whining about it, to yourself and to your wife.

Spot on with that comment. Whining to yourself is the indicator you don't have frame here.

If you whine to your wife because that's what you want to do (or should do). Then do it. Just know that in this RP world and with relational dynamics the way they are she'll loose attraction for you. You'd be a man showcasing his weakness and asking a woman to bear your burden. Just know that will happen. And be OK with it. She's not your frame, and her reactions aren't your frame.

Posting here to get ideas of how to maintain frame? Meh ...

Posting here to get ideas of how to captain a shim? YES. Swap notes with guys that have been there/done that.

Don't whine to yourself about the shit life has thrown at you. Be a man that doesn't let the shit stick until you're dead in the grave and your body is turning into fertilizer for some squirrel family acorns for a few winters.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

If your wife is treating you like shit after an injury you fucked up because you chose an inconsiderate bitch. Any time I have ever been hurt I’ve been taken care of. I have to tell my wife to leave me alone because she is eager to satisfy me. If you got money call people to do the home maintenance. If the kids or groceries need to be picked up too damn bad. You need to rest and get your strength back. Your wife, just like an employer, will let you work your ass off if you’re injured because they can always get a new spouse or employee. They don’t care about your health and they’re not looking out for you.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Your experience is not rare but it is also not common.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

How do you think Christopher Reeve handled getting paralyzed?

How about Brian Kolfage, a triple amputee? (http://briankolfage.com)

I think the first two things would be:

  1. Realize that your value doesn't come strictly from lifting, bending, picking up your kids and groceries, and doing home maintenance.
  2. Stop whining about it, to yourself and to your wife.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (3 children) | Copy

Stop whining about it, to yourself and to your wife.

Thats the thing. I know better than to "whine about it" to my wife. I do as much as I can (usually overdo things), and then do my icing/stretches, etc. I don't do any "oh, honey, my back hurts, please get me a X." In fact, she usually gets pissed at me for re-injuring myself....but, again, shit needs getting done. If I don't do certain things, they don't get done.

[–]helaughsinhidden2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

"oh, honey, my back hurts, please get me a X."

You say this as if the only way you could ask her to put her hands on you is if you are being a whiny beta. Oh, and you are putting it out there as a request too.

I overdo it at times and I am honest and tell her "I over did it today, grab a towel and the massage oil on the way to bed, I need you to heal me with your feminine powers". I am not asking, not whining, not begging, not saying please, but instead I am getting her to respond to leadership. She is usually wearing a short silky chemise to bed, if I feel the underwear I will tell her those need to come off and to use her whole body. Hell, I tell her to do this even when I am not sore.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You missed the "to yourself" part. Your post sounds like you've internalized the notion that "I can't do physical things and my back hurts so I'm a failure as a man." That's become your frame. Stop that.

usually overdo things

Stop that too. Don't be stupid. Get better.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (9 children) | Copy

What did you do ?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

Got 2 herniated disks/pinched nerves. Back randomly goes into spasms if I turn the wrong way, resulting in me lying on the floor for hours with ice. Been to PT, massage therapist, chiro, doctor, back specialist, and now getting injections. Doc orders say no lifting over 10 pounds; no twisting; no prolonged bending. Trying to stave off surgery. Some of it is degenerative/previous injury--fucked it up pretty good carrying my daughter on my shoulders and lunging when she tried to jump off.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Trying to stave off surgery.

If the surgery would help, why not do it?

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

because the prospect of someone opening up my stomach, moving my organs around, cutting out a disc, and then inserting a silicon replacement inside me with the hope that it stays in place and nothing else gets fucked up doesn't appeal to me.

Also, I used to be a civil defense attorney. I can't tell you the number of cases I had where someone got hurt, had back surgery, and it just got worse and worse--usually just transferred the load to the next disc up, which would be fucked in 2-3 years.

I'm not letting a doc cut into me and start messing with my spinal cord unless I am pissing myself and can't walk.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good answer.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go over to Marc's Daily Apple and see your life change

The body is pretty fucking amazing and some doctors are not

It comes as no surprise to many with all the fucking problems in today's world with herniated discs, fucked up ligaments, etc with no relief in sight, and yet god forbid you eat one ounce of fucking fat the body needs for repair and lube.

I cannot afford to doxx myself with my story, but I fell from a very high position and should have been a bag of bones when found by the medics, I literally got up and walked away, but the back pain for years was fucking out of control

I saw a lot of natural healers In a fluke circumstance, an Indian medicine man wanted to watch me eat. "It's no wonder you, "One with mixed blood" have troubles healing yourself." "Your Caucasian influence of only eating the best part of the rabbit reduces your life to that of protein poisoning, and yet the whole animal and the nourishment is discarded. The eyeball is the most important part of the rabbit and yet your people let it rot, or teach you not to eat it because it is "not a good cut" many of your people destroy the real food and eat it not. Your body suffers and yet you are richer than your ancestors and not seeing your resources at hand"

I eat grilled fat, walnuts, fish, avacodos, like a mother fucking maniac I even do butter in the coffee once a week

Frame, self respect and doing due diligence to repair yourself is all going to go hand in hand. But it's not going to happen on its own

In reality, the less fucks you give to her tone, stance, looks, ear piercing cuntiness, the easier it will become to just be. And, in reality, healing will be that much faster.

I walk with a slight limp, but I can lift, run, jump and keep up with the 14 year old @ home

God speed. OYS- you're the only one that can do this

[–]Redpillbrigade170 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Make a list of 100 things you CAN do. Read it daily. Do at least 10 of them every day. You must begin to celebrate the things you can do. And do them. Your lack mentality is the problem. Gain a different perspective. Find good role models. How about the dude (forget his name, he was on a Jocko podcast) who lost all four of his limbs in a war, while in the military. Has a big smile on his face, prosthetic everything, is an awesome dad, makes shit happen, his wife probably bangs him all the time. Btw do you have your tongue? Can you go down on your woman?

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Injuries happen, shit happens, financial messes happen.

I maintain frame by coming up with a plan and a path to get to the best possible outcome by myself. When she says all scared and worried “what are we going to do?” You need to be able to say no worries I got this...delegate what you need to, but they need to know what and when the light at the end of the tunnel is.

At no point should this involve your wife seeing you vulnerable, uncertain, or acting like a pussy. Because you know what pussy gets...fucked.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I can tell wife is already losing respect for me.

I have $10,000 on this guy leaving a big clue for the actual cause of this problem- probably in the same paragraph.

I feel useless.

Yep.

The problem is not that your wife is losing respect. That is an effect, not a cause. The cause is you losing respect for yourself.

Frame is all.

[–]Peter_B_Long0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Just do what you can do. Just "handle your shit" as best as possible. You still have your mind and your frame.

Learn to accept your situation. It is what it is and from the sounds of it, you're doing everything possible to get yourself back on track.

At time point it's just damage control so try to avoid damaging your frame any more. Focus more on your diet and nutrition. Focus now on learning and studying new skills.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Delegate- how old are the kids? Delegate to her also... be a leader

[–]Brickles09-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’ve been there, wife lost respect too... Not much you can do, basically STFU and stay away from her. Wife would eventually come to me and say: “You are getting really fat! Look at that belly!” The fact that she weighs more than me in spite of being shorter and being a fucking female seemed irrelevant to her, be careful about entering anger phase again.



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