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Anything to watch out for?

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LongRoad_518
October 13, 2018
17 upvotes
askMRP

First time in a really long time I stood up to my wife. Yeah I fucked up a real long time.

She was being nasty this morning and I simply told her that she cannot talk to me that way. She screamed “I can talk to you however I want”... I walked away. Now she’s mad (silent treatment). The sad part (for her I guess) is that I just find it funny. Like a 14 year old who doesn’t get their way.

Any tips here on what to do further or things to watch out for? I got a ton planned today I can do myself do not a real issue to spend time alone.


Post Information
Title Anything to watch out for?
Author LongRoad_518
Upvotes 17
Comments 43
Date 13 October 2018 01:34 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203900
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9nts7y/anything_to_watch_out_for/
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Comments

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret26 points27 points  (6 children) | Copy

Remove time and attention until she apologizes.

Reset every morning. Be a rock, not a oak.

Go do some fun and/or productive things. Get stuff done.

And get your ass to the gym.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (5 children) | Copy

I’m clearing out my garage since I got weights to put in there. On the morning reset do I just not bring it up and treat her as normal until she does something bitchy again?

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret11 points12 points  (1 child) | Copy

You STFU. You don’t treat her as normal. You don’t treat her badly. You remove time and attention proportional to the offense.

Meanwhile, go become high value.

[–]CasperTFG_80810 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

I had a heard time figuring this out until I looked at it this way. Sitting there thinking how do I act so that she reacts x way was me being in her frame. Get out of her frame and into your own.

  1. You got shit to do, go do it and get excited about clearing up it clutter to build your “body shop” in your garage. Pun intended.

  2. Wife comes along, so what. There is that juvenile girl who was acting all hissy the other day I got shit to do I don’t engage or she will waste my time.

  3. She is being nice again maybe I will giver her some time. To reply but she better act real sweet to make up for being a bitch and no I will not ask for an apology iDGAF she needs to GAF.

[–]RedPillCoach2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes, you throw an olive branch the next day as if nothing has happened because guess what? Nothing DID happen. A woman got emotional and bitchy. A little brat got mouthy and loud. Nothing happened. If you wouldn't punish your 12 year old for what she said the day before you shouldn't punish your wife. The idea is to lead her to a better place. Sometimes you have to take her by the hand and actually lead.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Also, I forgot to add this:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2ovx1e/wives_that_never_apologize/

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2oymeb/why_you_shouldnt_care_if_you_wife_doesnt_apologize/

Especially the second link. You shouldn't care if your wife apologizes or not, as a FYI.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Second link was very helpful. As everyone says here... judge actions not words. Her actions Sunday and today have been remarkably 180 degree turn starting with Sun morning sex. Then Sun night sex. Then Monday morning sex. Could be her trying to pull me back into compliance but I’m taking the sex right now while just having fun with life. I know I’m on an epic long journey here and will improve myself to be significantly better man than I am now. But little wins (in terms of my mindset not hers) are better than no wins!

[–]SepeanRed Beret7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is barely a soft pass. She can talk to you however she wants, if you don’t have any means to control her then don’t make impotent claims.

Make fun of her instead, or agree and amplify.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Fair enough.

[–]TaipanshimshonRed Beret10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s your wife. You know what gets to her.

“I can talk to you how ever I want “

Would have laughed and not come back until early morning. Smelling of other women.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Jesus, some of the answers.

Do not react. Do state- “do not talk to me that way” or elevate your voice to get her attention then state your boundary.

As shit progresses from bad to “cunty” then you remove your time and attention. Regardless of how the day or night plays plays out, you hit a reset.

You drop it. It is not mentioned.

The new day is a new day. The behavior does not effect your frame.

When it happens again, it’s rinse and repeat. Eventually, she will get the message.

In my case, I let cunty slide for a few weeks and literally pulled the car over and asked her if we needed to go home, then again on the interstate in 5 minutes I repeated myself, point was then taken, and the teenaged wife literally asked if we could “start over” knowing in fact I operate only in my frame

I was not but hurt back to her in reaction. I was talking to her like nothing had happened.

It’s about your frame and controlling your reaction to the imposition to your frame and her trying to draw you in to hers with cuntiness

Don’t fall for it. Don’t fall into it.

Remove your time and attention, but reset every day.

Don’t mention her bad behavior.

Reset.

It never happened.

Kind of like when she gas lights you and rewrites history.

[–]drty_prRed Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

I periodically have to drop the "Don't fuckin talk to me like that!". She always goes silent. Then 5 minutes later, she is acting as if it never happened and the day carries on. Sometimes you need to put a bitch in her place.

A few weeks back we are drinking some beer at a party. I'm chilling on a chair and chatting with a female friend of mine. My brother GF comes steaming over and goes "Drty! Can you fuckin believe your brother just...". I cut her off mid sentence as I stand up face to face with her and say "Don't fuckin talk to me like that! I don't let my wife talk to me like that, so I sure as fuck am not about to let you". Hold a stare for 2 seconds, then sit down and continue my conversation. She gets a stupid look on her face and walks away.

Never tolerate disrespect.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

The stupid look is the best part

[–]screechhaterRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Gives me great joy

Then I find an easy pump and dump

[–]i_stuckmydickincrazy0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Don’t mention her bad behavior.

What do you do if she's the one who brings it up again, later on or the next day? Like, "can we talk about this, I'm sorry for what I did, but I'm having so many feelz I need to talk it through with you" which inevitably leads in to "but you were in the wrong too, so you need to say sorry too" etc etc, all the guilt trips come out.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Ok. Here is your bonus. Tell her, hey hold on a minute. Get her and you a glass of wine, sit down and actually listen.

Don’t go opening your fucking mouth, just listen and sip your wine. Nod, say you see her point.

Hopefully this goes on for a while and since you have the sidebar well summed up by now, you are listening but refusing to fix her feelz problems, so it becomes a new shift your sudden ability to really hear her.

Mark my words, either your cock gets wrapped by her mouth or she gets sloshed enough to ask if “this is when we have sex ?”

[–]Redpillbrigade170 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I’m on board with this. The only change/ suggestion is that best boundaries are “I “ statements. If you say “do not talk to me that way” that is a very direct order, and a challenge. It’s aggressive and it ultimately is a means of asserting control over someone else. Not cool and not attractive. I’d favor “I do not like it when you talk to me that way.” Or “ I do not enjoy being talked to like that, so I am going to walk away. When you’re ready to be nice and respectful, I am ready to talk to you etc. “ or if you’re really into lots of words “I see you’re angry babe, and I want you to know I do not enjoy seeing / hearing you talk to me like that. I recognize what you’re going through but that’s not how I expect to be treated etc .”

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine8 points9 points  (16 children) | Copy

“Any tips here on what to do further or things to watch out for? ”

Living in reactionary mode. Give less fucks. Be the cause, not the affect.

She talks to you like that because she doesn’t feelz attraction to you and resents you. She’s mad, not because she is “like a 14 year old”, but because she knows she’s with a loser.

Removing time and attention does nothing because you’re not high value. What are you removing? She could care less.

She sees you as a faggot ass Beta - since she can talk to you like that.

Chad doesn’t get spoken to like that.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (15 children) | Copy

I agree with you 100%. That’s why I’m going to turn this shit around.

[–]Chump_No_More1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Removing time and attention does nothing because you’re not high value. What are you removing? She could care less.

I agree with u/MrChad_Thunderock, but there is some context to removing attention.

There is shit testing and there is contempt. What you're getting right now is pure contempt. Your wife's hypergamic doubt has been satisfied and you're not worthy. You're not even worthy of shit testing. That's the hole you've dug yourself into. She may be fucking you, but, as Chad said, she's pissed about it.

Until you get back to being worthy of shit testing, removing attention has zero effect on her. She doesn't care.

So? You do it for you.You remove time and attention because your time is your most valuable resource. She does not value it, but you must, and why would you give it to someone who doesn't?

This is the core of "the Stay Plan is the same as the Go Plan". The only person that you are guaranteed to affect a change is you. She will either follow, or she won't.

When you become worthy, THEN she will care about your removal of attention.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine0 points1 point  (13 children) | Copy

Get to work. Have you read mmslp yet?

How’s your SMV?

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (12 children) | Copy

I’ve read NMMNG, MMSLP, WISNIFG, MAP, Rational Male, I’ve put together the start of my plan and am executing on it. First get my home gym built (that’s this weekend). Then lift (StrongLifts 5x5). The physical part is straightforward. Frame and OI is going to be my bigger challenge. I’ve been in her frame so long it’s taken me a nervous fucking breakdown (ok it was one day) to realize what I really want and if I’m not getting it from her then I need to really shape up and fix shit I let go on way too long. But also needed to realize I don’t need her. She’s a great mom and great woman in terms of skills (SAHM, decorating, chores, cooking, baking, sewing, etc etc) but I’ve left this ship without a captain for far too long and it will take a long time to turn it around. She may never come around, but I’m just starting this journey and know I probably have a good 12-18 months I need to give the process.

For my entire life (35 years old) I’ve had this anxiety over what others think. That’s going away pretty quickly. I know I need to get to work and I know my body sucks (it sucked more a year ago but still sucks). When I got married I was in much worse shape though and things were fine with her and I. So yes i know I need to improve fitness but my attitude towards life and her is what’s gotten me into this mess.

As I understand from MMSLP I need to improve everything simultaneously. I could have handled this situation better but my God anything other than “I’m sorry” when I did nothing wrong and she is just testy is an improvement.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine3 points4 points  (10 children) | Copy

“when I did nothing wrong”

It’s never what she is bitching at, always something deeper. The dirty shoes on the floor just set her off.

“She may never come around”

Yes, a possibilty. But you will be in an awesome position to get someone who you like and wants to please you. You will be so fucking alpha and own mental point of origin, you won’t give a Fuck about her.

“MMSLP I need to improve everything simultaneously.“

Hold on captain Rambo.

Lift and fitness- increase your SMV slowly. Start passing routine shit test everyday. Use AA. Her mood doesn’t affect you- a red pill man is happy.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Not thinking Rambo. Not going to run to get and demand a BJ. The shit tests will be tough. I will fail a lot of them, get mostly base hits for the ones I pass and rarely if ever hit one out of the park. AA is good but I need to get wittier.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

All you need is base hits. It’s your mindset that’s important , not about coming up with the best one liner.

Shit tests are like radar pinging off her environment - she’s hunting to see if you’re in charge.. the more you fail, the more she’ll be pissy. Start passing them and I think you’ll start seeing some quick improvements. Definition of passing is just not taking them seriously.

[–]BostonBrakeJob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Coming from Red Pill Rambo, that's exactly what it means...trying to improve everything at once. Too many irons in the fire will get you there eventually, but you'll make it even harder on yourself and it still takes just as much time as if you were to move 1 step at a time. Enjoy the process, instead.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

By everything I mean fitness, frame, STFU, OI.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

So I’ve been STFU up all day but she comes out and vents that I’m not the person she married (beta fag). My response was the it’s because I’m super awesome now. Then she said I’m going to end up single and I should look into how to start that.

I swear I haven’t done anything except: 1) order weights, power rack and bench which came and she asked what was up 2) dropped 40 lbs since May (cardio my BF and lifts I’m sure suck). Will find out exactly how bad when I get everything setup tomorrow 3) the episode this morning.

Is this normal reaction from her?

I’ve just been happy all day. Playing with the kids, the dog, cleaning out the garage, etc. I think what she meant is I’m not crying / apologizing / sucking up.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

“Is this normal reaction from her?”

Yes... completely normal. She’ll attempt to derail and sabotage your gains every step along the way.. but only at first.

Maybe too early but perhaps she senses the dynamics are changing and is confused. This will definitely come later and will be met with a huge comfort test.. but you’re not there yet. Don’t mistake it for a shit test. Classic mistake.

She likes her little beta provider the way he is because he puts her on a pedestal and provides resources to her and her offspring ($) - she can say jump and you were trained to automatically say how high? And she doesn’t even have to put out. She gets to go on fancy vacations too. She gets all her validation she needs from fuckbook.

She’ll work hard to keep you from becoming attractive... why would she want competition aniexty? Even though it gets them wet. She likes her beta husband the way he is for the provider traits. Can’t risk losing him to some young hotter woman.

Right now, she knows you couldn’t go out and fuck some strange if you wanted to.

She’s bluffing you right now because she wants to keep the status quo.

Keep acting the same. Slow and steady. If she demands a reason for your new personality, just say that you got into self improvement. Don’t DEER.

You’re doing this for you. Not her. She’s along for the ride. You are the Prize.

[–]Kingofdeadbedroom0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

My wife told me she didn't like muscular guys (easy not to take that seriously, since she wasn't acting like someone that liked me before).

She tried to shame and judge me out of lifting:. "Ugh, you're sweaty, disgusting", tried guilt tripping me for spending on weights and membership, and loads more.

Keep going, she is afraid of losing control of her bitch

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

“My wife told me she didn't like muscular guys (easy not to take that seriously, since she wasn't acting like someone that liked me before).”

Lol mine two. This is common. The rope went taught finally though.

[–]Kingofdeadbedroom0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah, and also days later she remarked that she found the boyfriend of an acquaintance 'NICE'. He was, of course, more muscular than me, visiting the gym 5 days per week for years. AWALT.

Do not take her seriously.

[–]Redpillbrigade170 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Somewhat similar situation (ex wife a SAHM, I was in mid / law thirties when took pill) so I will keep an eye on you brother. My marriage eventually collapsed about 1 year after I started waking up. If you haven’t already strongly suggest you meet a lawyer so you’re prepared in case she files.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

i know I need to improve fitness but my attitude towards life and her is what’s gotten me into this mess.

Exactly. Physical attractiveness is important, but frame and game trump everything else.

anything other than “I’m sorry” when I did nothing wrong and she is just testy is an improvement.

All those apologies become a negative feedback loop. You apologize, she loses respect and gets even shittier, which prompts even more apologies. It's the most damaging way to fail a shit test.

If you're legitimately in the wrong then it's ok to apologize once. Do it sincerely, but once it's done then it's over as far as you're concerned. If she chooses to dwell then that's her problem.

For my entire life (35 years old) I’ve had this anxiety over what others think

I pretty much naturally DNGAF until I hit 30. Then out of nowhere I started to get that same sort of anxiety. I eventually got it under control by just doing things that scared me. It helped confirm for me that most people around you are too wrapped up in their own minds to notice you, and most of the rest aren't invested enough to care what you're doing.

[–]mtwinemn2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Go do the stuff you got planned. Ride out the storm. You didn’t do anything wrong. Her silent treatment is her problem. The sun will still come up if you stand your ground and let her play the silent game.

[–]PersaeusRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Enjoy that sweet sweet silence . Reset tomorrow morning or after she blows you like nothing ever happened....because nothing important did happen

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You faggots give far to many fucks.

This is an open invite to make out with her right then and there.

Or slap her ass and tell her she can talk like that but there will be consequences. As you spank her.

Fuck you are boring.

[–]Red-Nerd134 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Many guys aren't quite there yet. Executing that is these situations takes a certain confidence & attitude. I was decent as a leader and had many alpha traits when my wife & I started dating, but slipped into beta mode subconsciously almost the second we got married.

I feel I was able to bring myself back a little faster than most, but not everyone has that ability for a while. I had some alpha traits prior to marriage and have only been married for five years. So switching back wasn't to difficult.

It must be harder for those who have been in beta mode for a long time. The social conditioning can be hard to break. I agree with your advice 100%, it just can't be executed half-heartedly, or without an already strong frame imo.

That's my 2¢ anyway.

[–]hack3geRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I would never have believed this in the past but I started doing this and you are right it’s an open invitation for him to grab his balls, be a man and show her what a man does to his woman.

Good to have you back man.

[–]Redpillbrigade170 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not a lot of background so hard to give advice on what seems like a very tactical situation... at this point in your journey I’d say not fucking things up &making shit worse is your greatest challenge. That may come when she’ll test you and play you like she’s used to, and your frame and newfound confidence will collapse under pressure. And you may find yourself saying things that can’t be unsaid (or worse: doing things, like getting angry and acting out etc). So my advice to you is (1) always remember that the best way to change direction on a fast moving horse is slooooowly. Otherwise the horse throws you off. And (2) until you get to fully internalizing and applying key concepts in your married life like 16 commandments of poon for example, channel your inner charming James Bond, smile , say less than necessary and keep on improving. If it’s hard close your eyes and think back to who you were when you weee dating her, fell in love etc. It’s that strong suave man that has best chance of success here. Good luck.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"As a person, yes, you can talk to me however you want. As my wife, no."

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I notice she screamed and then shut the hell up. Nice work. Reset every day and hold frame on bad behavior and keep that attitude about the 14 year old. They are hillarious to watch once you know what to look for. So what to look for? Look for the stuff that makes you laugh and have a ball.

[–]470_2_700_nm-2 points-1 points  (1 child) | Copy

I bet you don’t have another woman you could go hang with right now.

Lifts? Body fat?



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