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Want a LTR, plates too distracting

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October 8, 2018
10 upvotes

I recently have gotten out of a 10 year marriage (15 years together) . For the past 6 months, I basically spent most of my free time (when not looking after my kid or working) spinning plates, most of which i dedicated a significant amount of time to (probably more FWB than plates, to be honest). I have however been lifting heavy 2-3 times a week, and do MMA training 1-2 times a week, so have been using some of my time wisely.

What I have realized is that this took way too much time away from my mission. It also felt like I wasn't congruent. For this (and many other reasons), I've decided I would prefer a LTR one on one relationship. One of the people I was seeing is in my opinion LTR material, and I am planning on taking a redpill approach to the relationship. The things I am worried about right now are getting Oneitis, and making the same mistakes as in my previous relationship. Also, I am still concerned with Rollo's idea of a LTR not being an end goal....which means perhaps I am doing this too quickly.

My questions are:

1) Are there any other people that started a new relationship after being married/together for a long time, that had similar realizations?

2) What are some of the things that I should be thinking about when starting a new relationship (maybe stuff not specifically in the side bar)?

3) Is this too soon to start a LTR?

Thanks


Post Information
Title Want a LTR, plates too distracting
Author Marriedman85
Upvotes 10
Comments 13
Date 08 October 2018 08:50 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/203924
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/9md6yt/want_a_ltr_plates_too_distracting/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
RolloFWBlong term relationshipplateliftthe red pill
Comments

[–]GroundbreakingDevil3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

How long is "recently" out of your marriage?

What are your stats? How far along the path are you? Where are you in the sidebar? Look up "cut the shit" and update this post with the details.

[–]Marriedman85[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I tried editing but it didn't work...

Stats for those interested

Stats 6ft/182pounts/+-11% bf/AB spilt 2-3 times a week, MMA training 1-2 times a week, cycling 5 days a week

Books: NMMNG, Rational Male 1, Sex God Method, Saving A low Sex Marriage, MAP, Married Man Sex Life Primer, Ironwood Collection, The Subtle are of not giving a fuck, Rational Male 2(working on), Sperm Wars (working on)

I have been lurking/working here for the past 2 years at least, wife cheated and left 6 months ago. Saw marked improvements, but was way to late to do anything about marriage. TBH, I don't give a fuck, bitch gave me a major opportunity by doing what I was too big a pussy to do.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So you are divorced for 6 months and already wanna entangle yourself up again?

Too soon.

Also, you have to decide If you still want to have more kids. If you dont, dont even consider living together with a woman.

[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's too soon. You should be spending a month of unfucking yourself for every month you were married. That's the least of it.

Here's a lesson in goal management for you. Get a piece of paper and right at the top: A fucking awesome woman! Then underneath write all the shit down that would fill out this list. Then flip the page back and write down, "Shit I wont tolerate"

Now, you should have a pretty good 'filter'. See, LTR's have to meet certain criteria. Let's back test your algorithm now. Put all your plates, your ex-wife, and any past girlfriends in this algo. How many of them spit out to the top? Hint... none.

Your focus in life should be to learn how to better filter women. In fact, you should have a filter for all women. There should be one for plate, FWB, main FWB, LTR, exlclusive LTR.

Each step is a filtering process for the one before it.

Also, I am still concerned with Rollo's idea of a LTR not being an end goal

So if you have a good filter in place, you will learn how to invest your time properly. How to reward those who deserve it, and most importantly how not to get blinded by pussy, aka the pedestal of vagina.

Don't be afraid to make the filter super strict. That's the point. You don't want to repeat the failures of your ex-wife. You're a 1% man, and you want 1% women.

Once you've written all of it down, you let me know, are you ready for an LTR?

[–]SepeanRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

probably more FWB than plates, to be honest

What does this mean? Are you saying you're being too friendly with them? Too equal?

It also felt like I wasn't congruent.

What isn't congruent? You fucking different girls isn't congruent how? Are you making these FWB's think they're exclusive? Do you feel bad about that?

I am planning on taking a redpill approach to the relationship. The things I am worried about right now are getting Oneitis, and making the same mistakes as in my previous relationship.

Why are you worried about this? I get the feeling that you're on the sexual marketplace armed with a PUA playbook and that's working for you, but in an LTR you're not sure you actually have the frame for it. Did you really swallow the red pill? Are you really alpha, with a rockhard frame and unwavering abundance mentality?

Also, I am still concerned with Rollo's idea of a LTR not being an end goal....which means perhaps I am doing this too quickly.

​Wtf does "too quickly" mean and what does this have to do with it being an end goal? Earlier you said you wanted to do this to free up time, that sounds like you're making pussy less of a goal, not more. Or was that bullshit?

Are you afraid to get into an LTR "too quickly" because your frame isn't strong enough yet? Is your frame getting stronger with what you're doing now?

What are some of the things that I should be thinking about when starting a new relationship (maybe stuff not specifically in the side bar)?

Check your actual options so you don't settle, check her for red flags, disengage if there are red flags, don't commit to something that's hard to get out of like moving in together.

But my hunch is that your frame isn't solid, so that's your major concern right now.

[–]RedPillCoach1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you're on the sexual marketplace armed with a PUA playbook and that's working for you, but in an LTR you're not sure you actually have the frame for it. Did you really swallow the red pill? Are you really alpha, with a rockhard frame and unwavering abundance mentality?

I thought this needed highlighting. This is the ultimate question on PUA's and MRP. They can't seem to make it work long term. We can. They work on putting up a front to pull hotties. We work on building a frame to maintain what we have.

[–]Marriedman85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What isn't congruent? You fucking different girls isn't congruent how? Are you making these FWB's think they're exclusive? Do you feel bad about that?

No, they all knew they were non exclusive. I mean, trying to have connections to multiple people feels off to me. I am also friendly with these people.

Why are you worried about this? I get the feeling that you're on the sexual marketplace armed with a PUA playbook and that's working for you, but in an LTR you're not sure you actually have the frame for it. Did you really swallow the red pill? Are you really alpha, with a rockhard frame and unwavering abundance mentality?

This is a spot on comment, thanks. My frame isn't rock hard, but I am actively working on it. Trying to internalize the things I have learned, which is a process (not looking to Rambo changes). My frame is getting stronger, and I think will improve even more by spending less time on plates/pussy. Abundance mentality is no problem, I have seen/done enough in the past 6 months to know this will never be a problem

But my hunch is that your frame isn't solid, so that's your major concern right now.

Thanks, I will keep this in mind. I agree.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

So it’s been only 6 months since you broke up your marriage?

You are writing like a chick and assuming we are in your head seeing things from your perspective. That’s called solipsism.

My gut feeling is you’re a chick trolling for information - your writing gives you away

[–]Marriedman85[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The post was meant to get other peoples perspectives, not even necessarily show my own.

In addition, not a chick or troll

[–]PhysicalPotential1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Similar situation married 9 years, together 14 but your ahead by 5 months.

No one here is going to tell you what to do. If you want an LTR have one. Surely you would be starting one in your frame and without any beta baggage? So it will be on your terms from the start.

As with any form of relationship LTR, FWB, Plate you still need to watch what your doing and tweak accordingly. An LTR doesn't mean you don't flirt with other women

Women shouldn't be your mission so if a plate or LTR is stopping that get a new one.

Not sure a LTR really makes life that more simple over plates or FWBs.

[–]Redpillbrigade171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Ha! Similar story here.

1) yes, got divorced /separated ~2 yrs ago. Been playing the field since. In a serious relationship now, BUT:

2) set frame and expectation from the very beginning that I would never be monogamous ever again. So even though now she and I are now very serious , blend families etc, I have a FB or two on the side. And trust me she’s tried and she keeps trying to get me to become exclusive. Not gonna happen. Or even if it sort of does , I will never allow those to be the terms and that to be expected. I think in the beginning she saw it as cool, different and a challenge. Over time we fell in love with each other but I have kept this non negotiable rule for me. And she’s always free to walk or do it too if she wants.

3) only you can decide that. I would not hurry .. as I think you’ve learned it’s much harder to undo something like that than it is to move slowly.

[–]RedPillCoach0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

1) Are there any other people that started a new relationship after being married/together for a long time, that had similar realizations?

Yes, this is a common realization. Girls are expensive and time consuming. They suck up our energy like a well paid prostitute sucks up what she sucks up. Many guys find the answer is MGTOW. Not many come to the realization that a steady bang is easier and cheaper so i doubt it is true- but some guys swear by it.

What are some of the things that I should be thinking about when starting a new relationship

Begin with the end in mind. Don't reveal all on the first date but by your frame and demeanor and attitude you should be conveying from day 1 your expectations. Obviously a good Captain considers the wishes and needs of his crew but at the days end, she will meet your minimum expectations or she won't- and it is a lot better to find out sooner rather than later.

too soon

There is only one person who can answer that question. It is typically "too soon" if you have a hole or a void that you are trying to fill or if you are still pining for and/or carrying a torch for, your ex-sex partner vagina person.

[–]Marriedman85[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the insight. I can honestly say I am not pining/carrying torch for my ex. Not sure if I am trying to fill a hole, but don't think so. I have been actively showing what I expect from the onset, so a much different approach than my previous relationship.



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